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It is normal to not want to "go out" at night?

post #1 of 10
Thread Starter 

I think I'm just more introverted. I don't like crowds. I can't relax in a lot of social situations (though people tell me I seem very relaxed, inside I'm not). But I feel like there's something wrong with me that the idea of "going out" and socializing with friends amongst hundreds of strangers does not appeal to me. It makes me feel like a loser and I don't know if this is something that is bad and that is getting worse because I have been single for so many years or if this is just my personality that I can't change since even as I teen I always would've rather hung out with a few friends in their homes rather than "go out." 

post #2 of 10

it's not that you're more introverted, it's that you ARE introverted. Introverts get drained around other people, extroverts get drained being alone.

 

I recommend doing more research into who you are and what makes you happiest so you can get more of that into your life and judge yourself against what works for others. It can be hard being a rare personality type in the world but it's less hard when you understand it and can attract others into your life who are like you =)

 

Oh, and yeah, it's totally normal for a lot of people to not want to go out. You're one of those people =)

post #3 of 10
Thread Starter 

Thank you. You're very sweet. Yes, it takes all the energy I have to be in social situations. I need lots of alone time and time with just people I'm very comfortable with. I do feel our culture (in the U.S. at least) is 100% geared toward extroverted personalities and it can make it really hard on people who have to pretend to be those during the day (at jobs, etc.).  

post #4 of 10
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mama Soltera View Post

Thank you. You're very sweet. Yes, it takes all the energy I have to be in social situations. I need lots of alone time and time with just people I'm very comfortable with. I do feel our culture (in the U.S. at least) is 100% geared toward extroverted personalities and it can make it really hard on people who have to pretend to be those during the day (at jobs, etc.).  


yup - I totally get it  - forgot to mention above that I am also one of those people ;-)

 

I've been grateful to find some wonderful introvert friends in recent years who totally get it. We can be out together and nobody believes that we're introverts because we're all comfortable together (and keep our group small).

 

Try some Googling of introvert info - it might be a huge relief to you. Also, if you do a Meyers-Briggs personality test (where you'll be an I-something), you can find online forums and meet-up groups for other people who share your personality type, which might be helpful. I found a lovely community on PersonalityCafe.com and it was really great for me at a time when I really needed it.

post #5 of 10

I feel better is small groups and hate the large crowd scene - I feel so out of place with all of those strangers. It seems to take so much work to have a conversation with someone you don't know and I hate doing it. Sometimes I think I am anti-social, but, I do have friends I feel completely comfortable with.  Funny because I spend alot of time with my sister's family who is just the opposite - she is an extrovert and has such an easy time of it - wish I had more of that in me!

post #6 of 10
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mama Soltera View Post

Thank you. You're very sweet. Yes, it takes all the energy I have to be in social situations. I need lots of alone time and time with just people I'm very comfortable with. I do feel our culture (in the U.S. at least) is 100% geared toward extroverted personalities and it can make it really hard on people who have to pretend to be those during the day (at jobs, etc.).  

 

I always felt like being introverted was more advantageous (also more common, or at least equally frequent), but I know a lot of introverts who feel this way. Did you have extroverted parents? Or even one of each? It seems like an extroverted parent can really wear down an introverted child.

post #7 of 10

Do all of us introverts hang out on the computer?   lol

 

I require an enormous amount of alone time which I thankfully get due to my odd work schedule.   I usually will enjoy going out once or twice a month but that's only if I am not super stressed out and my thru the week schedule has been normal.   Currently, I am "alone" from 8-3:15 during the week--at least 3 if not 5 days which is a lot of alone time.  If I changed to a standard mon-fri job then I don't know that I would go out much at all.   

 

And when I do go out, it's usually with a small group of friends that I have known for a really long time not to large crowded events.   Events where I have to meet and interact with a lot of new people are very stressful and exhausting to me.

 

Maybe you should try like a book club or something?   I'm in a card club where once a month we meet at someone's house on a Friday from 7-11 and have snacks, drinks and play cards.    It's a great outing for me and I really look forward to it.   It's mostly old friends, my sister and a few cousins.  

post #8 of 10
Thread Starter 

I guess the really pressing issue for me is how to meet single men if I'm not going out? And online dating is not the answer for me. I have gone out of my comfort zone to go out at night too but never met anyone. I guess I wouldn't really want a man who wants to go out at night all the time anyway.

post #9 of 10

I met my current boyfriend very unexpectantly at a small party at a close friend's house.   Maybe 30 people there?   Maybe you just need to find outings where you are comfortable?   Because I sure wouldn't want to try and date someone whose ideal night was a hugely crowded bar.   

post #10 of 10
Thread Starter 
It just completely erased my whole post. Frustration! Well, I took one of the tests. It put me at INTJ but said the T was only 1% more than the F. As far as relationships and meeting men goes, I think this is very true for me: "Personal relationships, particularly romantic ones, can be the INTJ's Achilles heel. While they are capable of caring deeply for others (usually a select few), and are willing to spend a great deal of time and effort on a relationship, the knowledge and self-confidence that make them so successful in other areas can suddenly abandon or mislead them in interpersonal situations. This happens in part because many INTJs do not readily grasp the social rituals; for instance, they tend to have little patience and less understanding of such things as small talk and flirtation (which most types consider half the fun of a relationship). To complicate matters, INTJs are usually extremely private people, and can often be naturally impassive as well, which makes them easy to misread and misunderstand."
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