My daughter will not sing.

[amberskyfire]

I know it sounds weird, so here's the background. My daughter will be 5 in March and has never sung a note in her life. Not even one. She refuses. I have always sung since she was a baby. My mother sang to me. I thought it was something all children do, but she will not. She didn't even when she was a toddler. I have never pushed the issue with her at all, but any time I have ever asked her to sing with me, she clams up and gets upset and quiet and will not do it, so I don't pressure her. I just say "that's okay. You don't have to sing if you don't want to."

I have asked her before why she won't sing and she will say "I can't sing as well as you, Mama," (I am NOT a good singer) or "I can't sing." She has even said her voice isn't pretty, but I have no idea where she got this idea from. No one has ever said it to her and I have always told her that her voice was the most beautiful sound to my ears. No dice.

I don't care if she wants to sing or not. I'm not interested in making her do something because *I* want her to, it's just that I'm worried about her. It seems odd. Don't all children sing? At least sometimes?

She isn't on the spectrum and is very intelligent and very verbal. She started talking at 6 months and has hardly stopped to take a breath since. She started reading at 3 years old and is pretty fluent at reading now, so it's not that she's not verbal enough or not interested in reading/speech. She is also super outgoing.

Would you be worried? What would you do? Do you think asking her if she wants to go to singing classes for kids would be pushing her? I wonder if singing with a group of other kids would help her open up, but I'm scared that she will just refuse to sing with everybody else.

[pbjmama]

What I would do - not mention it again, def don't do a class or anything like that. I would wait, hold these thoughts in my heart, be observant, expose her to various music but not talk about it at all. If she comes to you and brings up the subject ask her questions and listen. It sounds like she enjoys it when you sing to her, no reason to stop that.

[nextcommercial]

I would drop it completely.  It's not a big deal at all.  Mentioning it and worrying about it will only make her self conscious.  It might mean she can't hear the notes.  It might mean she feels funny..or she doesn't like it.  Maybe she doesn't like hearing you sing.  Maybe you do sing bad (I sing very off key) and she doesn't like to hear it.

You know how kids go through a "don't sing happy birthday to me!" stage?  Maybe she's perpetually in a "don't sing to me ever" stage.  

My Dad danced.  Once.  I was mortified, and I was only five years old.  I think my first thoughts were "OMG, what if that's genetic?"   (OK, I didn't even know the word genetic, but along those lines) 

[amberskyfire]

Originally Posted by nextcommercial 

I would drop it completely.  It's not a big deal at all.  Mentioning it and worrying about it will only make her self conscious.  It might mean she can't hear the notes.  It might mean she feels funny..or she doesn't like it.  Maybe she doesn't like hearing you sing.  Maybe you do sing bad (I sing very off key) and she doesn't like to hear it.

You know how kids go through a "don't sing happy birthday to me!" stage?  Maybe she's perpetually in a "don't sing to me ever" stage.  

My Dad danced.  Once.  I was mortified, and I was only five years old.  I think my first thoughts were "OMG, what if that's genetic?"   (OK, I didn't even know the word genetic, but along those lines) 

Oh, she LOVES to hear me sing. She asks me to sing all the time. She just wont sing, herself.

I haven't really brought it up except a couple of times in her life, but I'll not make a big deal out of it. I'm just being a worry wart, I guess. :)

LOL about your dad!

[gabklein]

This is not advice per se, but it makes me think of that lovely saying I've seen on Pinterest: "The woods would be very silent  indeed if no birds sang except those that sang best."

[amberskyfire]

That's beautiful!

[crunchy_mommy]

This is interesting. My DS will sing but he refuses to dance. I thought all kids danced. I don't know that it's exactly a worry for me, although he generally dislikes moving so that causes me some concern, among other issues. I don't think I'd be worried about her simply not singing, if there are no other/related issues. She can talk well etc... how about things like blowing out candles or blowing up balloons? If she can do those things and otherwise seems totally on track then I don't really think the singing is a concern. I wouldn't sign her up for singing classes, that sounds like it would be an incredibly uncomfortable situation for her. Just keep singing to her, maybe one day she'll join it, maybe not. It might be interesting to play an echo game with her... start with words/sounds, varying the volume, and then maybe vary your pitch a bit & see if she copies? Just for curiousity's sake & to reassure you, I guess, and only if it's fun for her...

[amberskyfire]

I've tried games and echoing (though I never knew what it was called). Nothing will get her to open up. I'll just give up on it and maybe one day she'll change her mind. :)

[Kaydove]

I never remember singing with my mom and I'm very conscientious of singing in front of people but I do sing to my DD all the time everyday. I don't even like singing with DH. I come from a long line of bad awful singers. My mom sounds like a cat trying to get out of a bag, and she told me once that I sounded flat! I'm more than slightly tone deaf though so she was right. Still though best to leave the house when she watches her yearly The Sound of Music.


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[EarthRootsStarSoul]

Just a little jumping-off point to consider: Something that happens with really gifted kids is that they are taking in so much information, they can recognize when something just isn't right in their own performance.  She can probably identify many different types of sound, and realize that she can't produce the same thing.  To an adult, that's silly, you expect her to just sing like a child, but to herself she is too mature to just sing like a four year old.  Maybe she feels her voice is too personal to use for music.  Maybe she would want to learn another musical instrument. 

But I wouldn't push it.  She probably has other talents like visual arts or dancing or writing. 
 

[meemee]

mama you need to research this a bit. 

i remember reading about this a LONG time ago. there is a medical condition which i cant remember. its doesnt affect the health so its not a bad thing. its a neurological condition. 

http://bodyodd.nbcnews.com/_news/2012/06/19/12286165-cant-carry-a-tune-to-save-your-life-you-may-be-amusic?lite

not saying that's what your dd has, but it could be. 

[mommy68]

I'm 44 and don't like to sing in front of others (just my children and boyfriend ) :o)  So I definitely wouldn't worry about a 5 y o not singing yet. Give her time. She has only been in the world for 5 years. My son was painfully shy up until 5th grade. Peer pressure works in all ways, my kids always did what others did once they started school (talking more, eating better, etc). Just enjoy the things she does do in the meantime!