Anyone regret cosleeping?

[tm0sweet]

I'm expecting baby #3 any day now. Due to circumstances (2 bed room apartment) we have chosen to side car a crib to our bed and baby will sleep with us for at least 6 months until we move. I've noticed that the main theme of all these threads is cosleeping problems and it makes me a little nervous! DS1 and 2 slept in our room with us for the first few months but easily transferred to their own rooms fairly young. Cosleeping with an older baby is new turf for me and the logistics of when he becomes mobile, having problems getting him into his own bed eventually etc are freaking me out a bit.

Any of you mamas regret bed sharing? I know it all depends on the LO's personality, but will keeping him in bed with us until he's at least 6 months make transitioning into his own bed harder? And any tips for cosleeping after baby becomes more mobile would be appreciated share your experiences please and thank you!

[SweetSilver]

There are many mamas on MDC who have no regrets, sleep with their older kids and don't post about it necessarily.  I know this because two years in a row I started a older-kids bedsharing thread, and these mamas came out of the woodwork, so to speak.

I have no regrets, but not all is exactly as I would like it.

What I don't like: 

This has only a little to do with bedsharing, but my girls like me in bed with them, even while they are falling asleep.  Now they are older (6 and nearly 8) they need less sleep and take longer to settle down.  I need a lot of sleep, so most nights by the time they are asleep I am drowsy, and dh is drowsy too and I just go to sleep.

They don't sleep in as long in the mornings after I get up.  Still working on this.  We homeschool, so there is no pressure to get up.  They both sleep a bit more soundly in the morning, and my oldest doesn't mind if I get up without her.  

The bed is getting a bit squeezy, even though we've put two beds together.  If I get up to pee I have to bulldoze a space in the center.  I could climb in dh's bed alongside ours, but we are not very compatible sleepers.

What I love:  (a smaller list, seemingly, because I don't have to explain myself):

Warm bodies to cuddle with.  Talking with them in the dark before sleep.  I love that at the end of a stressful day we can cuddle all night.  I am convinced it eases our days.

No, I have no *regrets* whatsoever.  All of the stuff that I could change about our situation doesn't necessarily go hand-in-hand with bedsharing.  It has resulted only from my particular responses to problems that have arose.  I still have no regrets.

ETA:  we had no problems with mobility when they were little.  We had two beds crammed together, and they were always either between us, or by the wall.  The futon is a little lower than a standard mattress.  One dark morning, though, when dd2 was about 18 months, she just got up and walked off before I could wake up enough to say anything.  Pitch black, she walked right off the end of the bed.  Thud!  Then, out of the dark comes her little voice, "I plopped!"

[Chloe'sMama]

I also love co-sleeping.  DD1 and DD2 are both in bed with us still (4.5 and 2 years old).  This has been a purposeful decision made by DH and I.  

I have not tried to move either child out of our room or bed, so I can't speak to that.  I just wanted to give my thumbs up.

[katelove]

No regrets at all. We love co-sleeping.

We use bed rails from day one, put the mattress on the floor when our LO became more mobile and recently added a single mattress to our queen to give us more space.

Happy to give more info when I'm not trying to BF and type on my iPhone at the same time :-)

[tm0sweet]

SweetSilver that's too cute!

I'm really hoping cosleeping will mean more sleep for all of us. Is that naive of me? It was so easy to nurse all night those first few months.

Did anyone have to sell DH on cosleeping? I have a feeling as soon as we move DH is going to expect LO to go to his own crib which is why I ask about the difficulty of transitioning an "older" baby. I'm hoping I can convince him of the benefit of cosleeping at least until LO weans (BLW is another disagreement we need to sort), I missed my babies so much when they got their own rooms around 3 months!

I'm also very curious to know how you mamas work naptime -- do you have to stay with them in bed?

And does anyone start to get touched out? I love snuggling but I admit to needing my space every so often.

So many questions! I don't personally know anyone who cosleeps so i appreciate the input

[Nightwish]

No regrets whatsoever. I had a very easy time transitioning ds to his bed when he was 3.5 y/o, and I think it was thanks to co-sleeping. Ds was a very clingy, high-needs baby, he nursed around the clock until he was a preschooler. But I think co-sleeping helped him feel secure, developed a positive attitude toward bedtime and made him a great sleeper in the long run.

We started having the same experience with dd. She nursed through the night until recently. A couple of weeks ago I suggested she tried falling asleep by herself and she was very excited about the idea. When I told her I was coming back to check on her, she told me not to, and to close the door (ds was doing the same thing at 3).

I think me and dh we'll be the ones who are going to miss co-sleeping the most. On very rare occasions when ds has a nightmare or is sick and I ask him if he wants to come to our bed or have me sleep in his, he refuses.

In our family, we have two kids who sleep great. Obviously I don't post much here, I have no reason to :)

If you decide to co-sleep, just be prepared that your dk won't be ready to be transitioned in his or her toddler years; I think that's why co-sleeping has such a bad reputation of making kids clingy, because people try to put them in their own beds when they are 1 or 2, and most kids are not ready to be separated from their parents at that age.
 

[Laura87]

i regret it!

did not work at all for my first baby. moving him to his own room helped a little tiny bit. mostly it was two and a half years of tears and sleep deprivation induced illness:( i shudder when i think of those days.

this week we plan on moving our 6 month old second baby to her own room. i did co sleep out of desperation in the first months but it kills my back and sense of peace so i know i need my babies out ASAP, which is about 6 months old.

everyone is so different but i have been part of maaannnyyy co sleeping groups and also sleep coaching groups and i hear almost no complaints from the sleep trainers, sorry if thats disappointing. on the other hand while some co sleeping moms love it i have heard dozens tell how they never sleep for years and years and their marriages suffer. i too have seen my marriage suffer whenever we co sleep.

thats my story and its my truth but listen to your gut and do what is true for you!

[SweetSilver]

Originally Posted by tm0sweet 

SweetSilver that's too cute!
I'm really hoping cosleeping will mean more sleep for all of us. Is that naive of me? It was so easy to nurse all night those first few months.
Did anyone have to sell DH on cosleeping? I have a feeling as soon as we move DH is going to expect LO to go to his own crib which is why I ask about the difficulty of transitioning an "older" baby. I'm hoping I can convince him of the benefit of cosleeping at least until LO weans (BLW is another disagreement we need to sort), I missed my babies so much when they got their own rooms around 3 months!
I'm also very curious to know how you mamas work naptime -- do you have to stay with them in bed?
And does anyone start to get touched out? I love snuggling but I admit to needing my space every so often.
So many questions! I don't personally know anyone who cosleeps so i appreciate the input

My thoughts?  As long as I was nursing and changing diapers and comforting the kids I night--in other words, as long as I was the one doing the nighttime parenting, I got to say as to where the kids slept.  That said, DH was on board when he realized how much easier is really was for all of us if we kept this arrangement.  If we had one of those nights, he left for another bedroom--sometimes I practically kicked him out, especially if he happened to sigh impatiently.  I simply felt more relaxed if I wasn't also having to worry about keeping him awake on top of all else was dealing with.

This sounds harsh, but really dh was on board with this 98% .   We never had "easy" babies, and this way I actually managed to get some real sleep. I would never sleep well with the kids in another room (we tried with our oldest).  Night time parenting from the same bed is so much more peaceful for me.  I even set up a diaper change at the corner of the bed so that I didn't have to get out of bed just for wet diaper changes.

It just so happened that dh never brought out the argument "but if you taught them to sleep separately and that you wouldn't come at every whimper they would learn how to sleep better."  In our particular case, we both knew this would not have happened.  He took no convincing.

Naptimes for our oldest ended up being very simple affairs.  Somehow this difficult child would just nurse and crash.  Not so, though, until about 5 months.  Because how our bed was set up, with a cosleeper strapped to one side as a bumper and because our house at the time was tiny, I was never very far.  

Considering my oldest was a terrible sleeper and very rough, I did get "touched out" often.  I could not nurse and fall asleep unless I was deathly tired.  But all-in-all it was a better trade off for parenting no more than an arm's reach away.

[fruitfulmomma]

No, no regrets. Even though it is not always easy, it has been a lifesaver for me. My husband didn't want to initially, but I almost had a nervous breakdown after a 36-hour labor and going on my third practically sleepless night with a newborn, so into the bed he came. That baby is now 12 years old and #6 is 4 months old and all of them in between have slept in our bed for at least 2 years.

[pickle18]

No regrets here!   DS was a high needs baby and is a definitely spirited lil toddler.  It is hard enough to get him wound down and settled - he can be quite clingy - I can't imagine if we weren't all sleeping together, and he didn't have that security!  He still nurses multiple times a night (good nights twice, and then basically perma-suckle from dawn until wake-up - when teething, it's like a newborn - every hour on the hour).  

Like SweetSilver noted, it makes a tough situation much easier than it would be otherwise.  Plus, DS gets the added time snuggling with DH, who works outside the house all day, which both of them treasure.  I do feel like I get more sleep, not having to get out of bed and go console him (especially because by the time he would be upset enough to wake me, he would need EXTRA effort just to calm down).  Just wake, nurse, fall back asleep.

Co-sleeping was DH's idea from the get-go, but the baby class people scared him.  So when I ordered a bed rail and moved DS in with us at 2 months, he was nervous (he tends to be the hovering parent).  At first, I slept with DS on me, as it seemed to help him sleep better and solved his breathing/reflux issues (when he was in the bedside bassinet, he sounded like he was drowning all the time and never slept well - constant tossing and turning).  Then, put DS between me and the rail.  Since he wasn't in the middle until he was an older infant, DH felt safer, and wasn't as worried about squishing him.  

As time has gone on, DH has repeatedly said, "I can't imagine not sleeping with him!" (mind you, DS often sleeps horizontally in our queen and kicks DH in the face all night - he also likes to wake DH up just to say, "Hi Daddy!  Hi!  Night-night!  Bye-bye, Daddy!" )  Still, we wouldn't have it any other way.  Especially when DS was tiny, DH loved the security of being able to immediately check on him at any point in the night, watch him breathe, etc.  We both love to hear DS talk in his sleep all night.  DH will occasionally move to the couch, and we are about ready to get a twin to sidecar with our queen (DS is off the charts HUGE), but these are all problems easy to solve.

It's definitely worth a shot!   I would give it a couple months and see what you think.

[tanyato]

i'm 50/50. no, i don't have any regrets per se. but no, cosleeping didn't really work for us either. i am 100% positive that with my next child(ren) i will start out co-sleeping because, seriously, with a wee babe and breastfeeding, cosleeping is the only way to go IMO. but for us, it reached this point where we were all getting less sleep because baby was in our bed. like i'm talking severe sleep deprivation. so so so bad. DH and i were fighting all the time, i didn't want to to be married anymore, i resented my son, i felt anger towards him etc. of course, i'm not blaming co-sleeping for all these things, but i am blaming sleep deprivation. 

so, go for it. co-sleep. enjoy the cuddles! there's nothing like sleeping next to a sleeping baby. it is the world's most sweetest thing. BUT after 6 months or so, if it's not working for you anymore, do something about it and DON'T feel guilty for moving baby to his own bed if that's what you need to do. 

for my next child, yes, we'll start out co-sleeping. and if he/she is a great sleeper and i see no reason to stop co-sleeping then i won't! but if it's a similar situation to this time around, i plan to do something about it before it gets as bad as it did with my son. because guess what happened when we (gently) transitioned him to his own bed? he started sleeping 4/5/6 hour stints like a pro!

[contactmaya]

no regrets, we still co sleep, our ages are 45, 7, 4 and 9mths.

[~Nikki~]

No regrets, and I've co-slept with ALL of mine.

We decided to co-sleep with #3 because the older two are school aged, and I didn't want to disrupt them with crying baby sounds all night.  Having her in the bed means virtually no crying (and yes, there are exceptions, but so rare that it's not even a factor).  The baby is 18 months old, now, and we have no intentions on moving her to her bed anytime soon. We both love it!  She's cuddly and wonderful.  She doesn't wake up any earlier than the others.  I get up in the a.m. and hop in the shower.  DH stays in bed with the baby.  When I'm done I actually dress her, still fast asleep, and have to wake her up to start the morning routine.  She's mobile, but we have minimal issues.  We have a side-car and there's no way for her to roll out of bed.  On the super rare nights that she sproing out of sleep and wants to play, I DO get nervous, but am able to get her back to sleep before she starts climbing around.

No issues with the older two.  I co-slept for a year with my eldest, and two years with my youngest.  He lingered longer with the "climbing into mom's bed" phase, but he was a snugglier kid, all-around.  The eldest was always more into her own space, and transitioned to her own bed quite easily.  The second child would come into my bed until age 4 or 5 (but I was going through a divorce, so that's a contributing factor), and only sneaks in now if he has a nightmare (so 2-5 times a year??).

The only down side is that I'd LOVE to night wean, but it's darn near impossible while co-sleeping.  She just aggressivly helps herself, and throws a wild fit if I refuse. 

[contactmaya]

my first two slept through the night before 6mths old. They were breastfed on demand and we co slept. No 3 isnt such a great sleeper, she wakes 2-4 times a night, and cries more ( i think because  our schedule isnt centred on her, i wish it could be....she is more likely over tired, and over stimulated)  So co sleeping for me hasnt been the factor that affects nightsleep.

Funnily enough, the kids sleep right through any night waking/crying.  They just say they didnt hear a thing, and continue to be the good sleepers they were since birth.

ps. happy thanksgiving to those celebrating it!

[maptome]

I don't "regret" cosleeping, but when DP has to go out of town and I'm outnumbered, or our sleep routine gets changed up, I think to myself, "I wish my kids didn't need us so much at night."  When DD2 can't nap w/o me, or gets up early because I've tried to sneak out, I curse a little in my head. Even given those situations, I don't regret it.  Everything is a tradeoff, and I'm never trapped in my decisions.