What do you do if your child refuses to go to school

[Neera]

This morning is not the first time we have dealt with this. But, this morning dd had the sniffles. I checked her temperature. It showed 99 something. The other ear showed a normal temp. Since she was already cranky I asked dh to see the temp. again. He said it was showing normal. But she wouldn't get out of bed. We got her dressed in the bed but then she lay on the sofa refusing to move. Dh was telling her that he wasn't going to have a struggle about it. If she didn't want to go she could just continue lying there. It was pretty late. So I stepped in and told her that if she didn't go to school for no reason we would have to take her to her prinicipal to explain which made her agree to go. As she was brushing her teeth I asked if she felt sick (even though the temp. was showing normal.) She nodded saying 'no." So what should we do in such a case? When I told her we would have to talk to her teacher about it she was screaming saying she didn't want us to talk to her.

[SweetSilver]

How old is she?

[Neera]

She's under 6.

[Bokonon]

If my child isn't feeling well and says he doesn't want to go to school, then I would keep him home.  If he just randomly didn't feel like going to school, I would tell him that it wasn't an option.

It sounds like your daughter isn't feeling well and wants to stay home and rest.  I would respect that.

[pbjmama]

Sounds like it was alot of back and forth this morning. She could have been sick or maybe just didn't get a good nights rest. You know your child better than anyone so you have to make the call. There have been a few times where I have emailed the teacher to let her know it was iffy and that if my child showed signs of sickness to lmk and I would come pick up early. Given her reaction to the suggestion that you would speak with the principle/teacher I would also check in at school to see if there is something else going on there, perhaps between the kids, a behavior issue, something she is trying to avoid?

[SweetSilver]

Possibly.  A fever isn't the only sign of not feeling well.  I would give this one the benefit of the doubt.  She might really not be feeling well.  If this becomes a trend, then I would look into it more deeply.

[Neera]

Originally Posted by Bokonon 

If my child isn't feeling well and says he doesn't want to go to school, then I would keep him home.  If he just randomly didn't feel like going to school, I would tell him that it wasn't an option.

It sounds like your daughter isn't feeling well and wants to stay home and rest.  I would respect that.

Thanks.

[meemee]

for the first two years - dd was allowed 'happy days' from me. those are days that are so good that you dont want to waste at school. so we skip school those days. 

also another thing. i think some kids can intuitively guess staying home when they are not fully sick can help them recover without getting worse. 

i allow dd to stay home when she says she is sick (i believe her). i dont check temperature. idont check anything because i know she does not lie. her dad does not listen and sends her. she then falls sick either at school or the next day. 

[mommy68]

I agree with someone else. If she doesn't feel good then let her stay home. If it's a regular habit of her's then I would look in to it more.

[Neera]

Got a chance to ask the teacher. She said the same. It was better for the child to miss school that day. But she also said that the school prefers if they don't come late and rather miss the day.

[meemee]

Originally Posted by Neera 

But she also said that the school prefers if they don't come late and rather miss the day.

 well i guess if we arent getting paid for your child for that day, we shouldnt be teaching your child for free anyways, should we?!!!!

i bet ya your dd could miss school for a week, and not bat an eyelid when she went back. 

[Neera]

Originally Posted by meemee 

 well i guess if we arent getting paid for your child for that day, we shouldnt be teaching your child for free anyways, should we?!!!!

i bet ya your dd could miss school for a week, and not bat an eyelid when she went back. 

Well, was talking to a guardian who was suggesting if she felt a little off then send her in a bit late...like 1.5 hrs. So asked the teacher that specifcally and that was the answer. The teacher also said that dd would pick up quickly anything that was missed. i.e. she is bright.

Edited by Neera - 11/21/12 at 6:07am

[meemee]

Originally Posted by Neera 

Well, was talking to a guardian who was suggesting if she felt a little off then send her in a bit late...like 1.5 hrs. So asked the teacher that specifcally and that was the answer. The teacher also said that dd would pick up anything that was missed quickly. i.e. she is bright.

i am shocked at what the school allows the child to come in with. after dc/ps it was a huge shock. a fever of a 100 is not a reason to miss school. wow. 

in K and first dd has missed school for a week to ten days at a time. it was over lice issue and the no nit policy.  dd didnt have a tough time at all catching up. she had a ball on those days, but towards the end was missing her friends and recess. not anything else. 

ETA - for future reference the reason why i keep dd home on days she says she is sick, because if she does too much she gets one day fevers. so even if she is 'not' really sick she needs her rest. 'too much' is not about over scheduled. but going going going till she drops. 

[Neera]

On a similar note there are tantrums every single morning. She looks rested she behaves rested so I don't think it is sleep. Sometimes she is running around even. Not wanting to go to school is exclusive to when she feels sick. However, she doesn't move and do much on her own on other days. We do everything. Then there are days she won't let us do them either. Like this morning. I am putting on her tights and all she does is start moving back and won't let me put them on. She will not say why. No Communication Whatsoever. It doesn't mean that she doesn't want to go to school but there is so much uncooperation that we've nearly not made school - sometimes.

[meemee]

Originally Posted by Neera 

She will not say why. No Communication Whatsoever. It doesn't mean that she doesn't want to go to school but there is so much uncooperation that we've nearly not made school - sometimes.

could she be bored in school? thus needs more challenging work.

i think with many things its hard for them to explain why. they can feel the emotion, but they cant explain it. common and normal. 

so then it becomes important for you to figure out the why.

is she a high energy child? during K and first though school was 15mins away we left an hour early and dd skipped and hopped along and we stopped at the park or did stuff so she could concentrate in class. 

[Neera]

---

Ok. She said that she's tired sometimes.

Well, I had moved her sleep time and thought she is ok. There are times she is up by herself and times we have to wake her up so I wasn't able to tell if it was sleep. She is getting 10.5 hrs of sleep now. But, apparently it's not enough. I am really hoping more sleep will change the morning grumpiness and if not then I guess she's just not a morning person.

[phathui5]

What about homeschooling as an option?

[Neera]

Originally Posted by phathui5 

What about homeschooling as an option?

I wish I had the patience and a more cooperative child for that.

[mnj77]

My dd has gone through phases like this.  She's not exactly a morning person.  My strategy is to disengage.  I'll help her get dressed if she'll cooperate.  If she's going to fight me getting her dressed, then she can choose to go in her pajamas or get dressed herself.  I've never had to take her in pajamas, but some kids might push the envelope!  I dunno, it wouldn't embarrass me to walk her in in pajamas.  If she says she's not feeling well and I think she's fine, I say something like, "let's get up and see if you feel better once you get going.  If you're not feeling well at school, tell the teacher and they'll call me." 

DD has been going to school since she was three, now she's almost six, and it's been a long time since there was a full blown morning meltdown.  I think it gets better with age.  Now she wants to leave earlier so she has time to play with her friends before school starts.

[Neera]

Originally Posted by mnj77 

DD has been going to school since she was three, now she's almost six, and it's been a long time since there was a full blown morning meltdown.  I think it gets better with age.  Now she wants to leave earlier so she has time to play with her friends before school starts.

This is dd's first year of full time school. Last yr she went for about 2.5 hrs only. But we had tantrums then and we still have them. Unfortunately, I can't take her in pjs as they have uniform. Yesterday she refused to let me make her hair. She only let me when I told her she could go with uncombed hair but that I'd have to send her teacher a note explaining why.

Edited by Neera - 11/28/12 at 1:05pm