Weekly Chat Nov. 19-25 - Page 2 « Back to Group Discussions

[buko]

Hi, all!  I know I haven't been around much lately, but been thinking of you!  I am 26 weeks on Friday.

Just had another MWs appointment (HB MWs)-- our middle-of-pregnancy appointments are with all of the women due in the same month (March, obvs) and we discuss things in a group.  (Our other appointments are at our own homes-- but both my MWs live within 10 minutes of me, so no biggie.)  It's really nice to interact with the group (about 7 couples)-- almost all the husbands/partners come too.  

Sometimes I feel like I'd be bragging if I talked much about myself... and other times I doubt my own experience, like maybe I'm delusional, because, well...

-This pregnancy is going really smoothly, FTMP.  Yeah, I have a couple minor aches and pains (a hamstring tendon injury from running is acting up a little bit, probably b/c of the increased relaxin).  And okay, I am getting to the point that I have to pee pretty frequently.  But basically, it's been a pretty easy time.  I am just grateful every day to G-d that I have had another relatively easy day, so that if it becomes really hard at week 28 or week 32 or whatever, at least I have had all this time to really enjoy my pregnancy, which I know makes me super-lucky.

-My MWs are awesome and I LOVE going to appointments (as does DH).  I'm sure some of y'all feel the same, but I don't think it's typical for pregnant women to be like, "Can't wait until my next doctor's appointment!"  I mean, maybe-- especially to hear the baby's heartbeat or whatever.  But just overall, in general, to find the appointments to be among the most fun possible activities you could participate in. I love every second of my MWs appointments and wish I could have more, LOL!

-DH is so grounded and we talk so much about everything and feel (relatively) prepared (and we both have ADHD, so that's a big accomplishment!)... it's almost uncomfortable to discuss it, so we just keep quiet while other fathers talk about (perfectly natural) anxiety, loss of identity, etc., or other moms talk about how to involve their husbands more...    Like even now, I feel like I'm bragging, but then I remind myself that we've put 17 years of HARD work into this relationship and have gone through a lot of *expletive* to get where we are...  Not that others haven't, but just saying...  Not to mention, I know DH is and always has been more naturally "maternal" than most men.  And I know that quality is not even appealing to everyone, but...  I know I'm lucky-- he's perfect for ME, anyway.

Of course, OTOH, sometimes I wonder if it's just hormones making me feel this way about DH...    But, nah-- or at least that's only a small part of it.  Because I can see with my own eyes that he's pretty awesome, and even much more...  IDK, "connected," I guess... than a lot of even the fathers in our birthing yoga workshop for couples or whatever, which you'd think would be pretty self-selecting...  But, for example, in the men's changing room afterward, DH heard other dads-to-be going, "Wow, I never really thought about how long labor is, and how much she has to do and what goes on and stuff."  DH was nonplussed, like, duh, and I had to tell him, "See, this is what I mean-- we don't even think about it, but a lot of guys, even 'crunchy' guys, aren't near as involved in all this as you are."  So maybe now he knows why I am always telling him how great he is-- it's not just hormones!!!   

-Also, I have a significant, long-term history of mood disorders (anxiety, depression AND a touch of OCD), not to mention major body image issues-- I  am in recovery for an eating disorder-- and yet... if anything-- and to my complete shock!-- pregnancy has evened all that out.  Seriously, my mood is MORE stable than it's ever been.  Fingers crossed that continues PP!

...so it's like, yeah, things are going really awesome!  Which does make the neurotic Jewish side of me feel like everything is destined to come crashing down, LOL...  I feel guilty, even! 

But maybe I... deserve some happiness?  What an idea. 

[LightForest]

Originally Posted by maydaymom10 

Your IL's could be my parents! And that is just annoying whether you're pregnant or not. I hope it gets better for you. When my folks were here right after DS was born, they kept ringing the doorbell every time they got to the house. I finally just had to tell them to come in, make themselves at home, and that I would come down when I was good & ready.

Oh good grief that kind of stuff drives me crazy! It DOES annoy me no matter what - DH and I have been together for 11 years now and I'm STILL learning how to deal with their very sweet and inclusive and considerate family dynamic which just happens to drive me up the wall.

[Chapsie]

Buko!  I'm glad to catch you on here!  Do you read navelgazing midwife's blog?  I saw a comment by someone named "Buko" a little while ago and I thought maybe it was you!   Glad to hear from you again.  :)  Glad all is well with your pregnancy and your DH!  

[GranolaMama09]

In theory I have to get uat 8:00 am tomorrow in order to be ready and pick up DSS and DSD. Or call the police because she left the state with the kids. We'll just see how that goes. 90 minute drive to DP's parent's. Stay there until 5:00 and then leave DP and kids there while I make the 90 minute drive back in order to work 7:00 pm Thanksgiving until 7:00 am Black Friday with only one 30 minute break. Hopefully get home from there by 7:30 and be asleep by 8:00. Wake up at 1:00 and be out the door by 1:30. Work at job #2 until 8:00 and then 90 minute drive + extra 30 minutes coming from work back to DP and kids. I'm already exhausted!! Please be kind to all the people who are working if you go out shopping. We generally dint get a lot of preparation or information and are taking time away from our families. Just a little PSA.
My DD is at her bio's for this holiday. :/ I miss her like crazy but I have her for nearly all of December so I'm trying to look forward to that. Oliver is growing well and big, Lol! He's really starting to develop a little (feisty) personality in there!! DP and I got some fabulous news but were both worried something will go wrong with it so we're not sharing yet. He took me on a date day today and it was so mun fun! We went all kinds of places - we even went to Toys 'r's Us to compare infant car seats! He wants a Baby Trend and I want a Graco Snugride 30. Lol, and we both despise the other's choice in car seat so I really don't know how we're going to solve this one!!

[scruffy too]

Buko - good to hear that everything's so great!!!!  I'm really happy for you and your DP!

[cabbitdancer]

I want to see a picture of the dress, too, spughy! :)

My husband is a lot like yours, Buko, and I feel blessed every time I am reminded of how good I've got it.

GranolaMama, I'm sorry the holidays have you working. I think the Black Friday hoopla is ridiculous, and I wish that companies had more respect for their employees and their families than the mighty dollar.

AFM - Between 24 hours worth of travel between the past five days and eating out for every meal, I feel exhausted and gross. It is good to be back at the midpoint at my inlaws' house for a few days of R&R before we finally head home, but I will be extremely happy to be home again. I am grateful, today, for my daughter having a perfect playmate in her cousin, who has kept her distracted for the past five days, even if it means that she is tired and somewhat more fussy as a result.

Happy Thanksgiving, all!

[spughy]

Okay here's a pic of the dress:

I'm tired today.  There was a party in my uterus last night.  The wee critter is getting big enough to thump me pretty hard when it sets its mind to it, plus I was up late the night before... so I'm just kind of not chipper at all today. 

My sister is picking DD up from school to take her tea shopping so I think I will have a nap now.

[maydaymom10]

Buko - I'm happy that things are going so well for you and have my fingers crossed that they will stay that way :)

Spugy - the dress is adorable! Someday I hope to learn to use my sewing machine. There is a crafty side of me that is waiting to come out.

AFM - We ended up having a really good Thanksgiving with my FIL, despite a rough start to the day. DS woke up at about 3 am crying uncontrollably, which turned out to be due to stomach cramps and diarrhea :(  Poor guy. It was really the first time he was able to tell us what was wrong, but we were all about for about 3 hours trying to get him settled. I guess is was a quick bug because he was really fine the rest of the day. Bad diapers, but no more cramps. Also he wouldn't eat much today, but had no problems polishing off a bowl of ice cream. He is my son.    I managed not to binge too much, but am sufficiently full and happy. Might be an early bed time for me tonight in order to catch up on my lost sleep from yesterday and basically being on my feet all day today. DH saved the day by doing all of the dishes from dinner -- he even hand washed some. That is incredible for him! I'm feeling special enough to give him a little som'in-som'in before hitting the rack. 

Hope everyone else in the US had a wonderful day as well.

[GranolaMama09]

Super tired...lovely day with DP's family even though the twat of an ex wife still didn't let us take DSD.  :(  We may have found a car!  We're hoping to take a look at it Saturday morning.  Work was nice enough to provide us with pizza and COLD sodas in the break room for our lunches as well as unlimited water at our registers.  Honestly, most people were polite and it was not as awful as I expected.  We got really slow around 3:00 a.m. so they cut all the pregnant woman early.  :)  I'm happily sitting at my computer getting all caught up and watching Wednesday's Survivor fresh from the shower.  I'm going to get a couple hours of extra sleep (an entire night now instead of a few hours!) then power through my now shorter shift at job #2 and then hit the road for my 2 hours back to my DP's arms and family!!!  I hope everyone is having a lovely holiday!!!

[SlimP]

Spughy, wow! GranolaMama, woah! Where do you find the time and energy for projects and second jobs? Buko, I'm delighted you are revelling in a fun easy pregnancy

I have to admit I'm struggling a bit with this pregnancy although it was long-wanted and my first was a breeze. This time I was super anxious from the first trimester but that hasn't lessened as the pregnancy advanced. Lots of niggly 'problems' with little time to myself keep me on edge. I'm tired of looking after our small family and few pets and instead want to be 'minded' and mothered myself. I am happy deep inside but I'm in a kinda numb pregnancy bubble on the outside, like I've shifted out of gear. Of course, I feel really guilty about how my mood effects my DH, DS, baby and even the dog!
I'm making a concerted effort to stay upbeat but I just can't shake this gnawing anxiety, like something is wrong. Is it hormones or is it simply pregnancy? I hadn't heard of pre-natal depression before but I have a history of being 'down' a couple of times. What if my mood somehow imprints on the child in my womb......I'd never forgive myself. I just can't seem to snap out of it, maybe the birth will shift things about.

Anyway, it's a lovely distraction catching up with all your pregnancy and life stories. Even if I don't often share my glum posts, I would be lost without the focus this group brings.

[spughy]

I found time by neglecting housework.  My place is still a tip.  Does that help?

I did manage to clean my toilet this morning.  It's important to feel good about the little things.  ((hugs)) SlimP.  You'll get through it and your baby will be fine.

[scruffy too]

Originally Posted by SlimP 

 I'm tired of looking after our small family and few pets and instead want to be 'minded' and mothered myself. I am happy deep inside but I'm in a kinda numb pregnancy bubble on the outside, like I've shifted out of gear. Of course, I feel really guilty about how my mood effects my DH, DS, baby and even the dog!
I'm making a concerted effort to stay upbeat but I just can't shake this gnawing anxiety, like something is wrong. Is it hormones or is it simply pregnancy? I hadn't heard of pre-natal depression before but I have a history of being 'down' a couple of times. What if my mood somehow imprints on the child in my womb......I'd never forgive myself. I just can't seem to snap out of it, maybe the birth will shift things about.
Anyway, it's a lovely distraction catching up with all your pregnancy and life stories. Even if I don't often share my glum posts, I would be lost without the focus this group brings.

 This is exactly how I still feel.  Kinda waiting to "snap" out of it...  And I get "down" too, especially in the winter...  So I'm REALLY hoping it's just hormones and not something "bigger" that could be effecting the baby.  And this group is incredibly helpful!  Despite sometimes feeling like the group "downer", I love hearing everyone's journey.

Anyway, it seems my troubles with work *might* be fixed and I'm using that as the motivation I need to "snap" out of it and really work on enjoying this time with my baby.

Last night I felt the strongest kicks so far - it was crazy!!!  Sooooo cool!!  I felt very blessed.  I guess the baby likes nachos... .

[withlittlelungs]

SlimP- I have to make a serious effort to stay upbeat lately. Winter usually brings it on for me, plus just regular everyday stress. I went through a lot of crap when I was pregnant with DS and was way stressed out. He is the happiest kid on the planet, so try not to think that you are affecting the baby negatively. That is only going to upset you more. I like to think that my womb is a safe, happy place for the babes where bad energy can't get in. It might be lame, but it is comforting to think about.
 

Scruffy- The babes were going NUTS yesterday. Strongest kicks/most movement so far and it was awesome! This is my favorite part of pregnancy! Also, I totally feel like the group downer sometimes! Probably because I could never think that way about any of you!! 

AFM- My appointment with a potential OB earlier in the week was incredible stressful. I didn't get in to see the doctor for 3 f***ing ours. It was HORRIBLE. And of course there were a lot of things she said that I didn't like. I left in tears. Hopeless that I will ever find an OB that will work with us. I am trying to come to terms with the fact that I am going to have to give up some of my wishes. It is so hard going from the idea of being able to be in control (as much as it possible during labor/birth) to feeling like I am being stripped of my rights (i'm not trying to be dramatic). When I was writing out questions to ask the OB, I felt sick that I had to ask permission for MY BIRTH. It is really hard to find out what actual rights I have in the hospital. How many things can I actually control? Does anyone know anything about this? I was naive with DS and let the doctors and nurses take control. It ended in a horrible birth experience. 
I have another OB interview in a month and will hopefully be setting up 2 more next week. On Wednesday I have a scan with the perinatologist to make sure the babies are looking good before I fly to Chicago in 2 weeks. I'm excited to see the babies, but I really don't want another u/s. 
I hope everyone had a great holiday!

[scruffy too]

WLL - that was very touching what you wrote about the womb being a safe place.  I'll remember that the next time I'm having a "negative" moment and get even more upset because I'm worried I'm wrecking my baby.  I'm sorry you're having such a difficult time with your doctors.  I'm sorry that I can't help you, but I don't know anything about hospital rights (especially in the USofA).  I love my midwife SO much, I remind myself how lucky I am. 

My doctor and I just tolerate each other.  Today at my appointment, I told her what my blood pressure had been at work the last 3 days (150/100 average) and she said I should re-consider my home-birth plans due to my "blood pressure issues".  I told her I didn't have "bp issues" just "work issues" since my bp was just fine in her office.  I just rolled my eyes.  And then kicked myself for making the appointment with her - but I thought I'd need a doctor's note for work, but then I didn't and didn't want to cancel at the last minute.  And thankfully she has NO say over where I birth as her and my midwife are COMPLETELY separate (whew!!)

Happy Thanksgiving to all the American Mamas!!!!!!!!!

[cabbitdancer]

WLL--It could be worth it to get in contact with your local ICAN chapter. Even if you haven't had a c-section, they are very focused on educating women on their rights in childbirth, and helping them to find caring physicians who are willing to take "risks" that other doctors won't. That said, if you're continuing with an OB, expect to have many more u/s. As a "high risk" pregnancy, they'll get you in with the u/s tech as often as they can. You *can* say no. You can *always* say no, but that all depends on how much you want to fight. It sucks that you have to fight for the right to determine what is done with your body. I'm in the same position, but we're here for you!

[spughy]

I don't know anything about medical-related rights in the US either... sorry.  That sounds like a crappy situation.

My baby has been whacking me lots of the past few days, too.  I couldn't remember what things were like at this point with DD so I dug back into the MDC archives - I joined my Nov 2005 DDC at about this stage in my last pregnancy - and it seems so far, I'm having a bit of an easier time with stuff.  I was getting some bad pubic pain back then, but it seemed to be related to sitting in an office all day and, well, I haven't done that for many many years!  And while I remember my desk job with fondness, it seems that I was inactive most of the time then crammed a big workout into my lunch hour. Nowadays I'm sort of puttery all day and I think that's a lot better for me.  I don't make it to the gym as much as I'd like, but most days I do give the dog a good long walk, do SOME housework or something and am generally moving all day.

I'm mostly caught up on the housework now.  And it's a beautiful sunny day here.  Happy post-thanksgiving weekend everyone!

[GranolaMama09]

Originally Posted by SlimP 

Spughy, wow! GranolaMama, woah! Where do you find the time and energy for projects and second jobs? Buko, I'm delighted you are revelling in a fun easy pregnancy
I have to admit I'm struggling a bit with this pregnancy although it was long-wanted and my first was a breeze. This time I was super anxious from the first trimester but that hasn't lessened as the pregnancy advanced. Lots of niggly 'problems' with little time to myself keep me on edge. I'm tired of looking after our small family and few pets and instead want to be 'minded' and mothered myself. I am happy deep inside but I'm in a kinda numb pregnancy bubble on the outside, like I've shifted out of gear. Of course, I feel really guilty about how my mood effects my DH, DS, baby and even the dog!
I'm making a concerted effort to stay upbeat but I just can't shake this gnawing anxiety, like something is wrong. Is it hormones or is it simply pregnancy? I hadn't heard of pre-natal depression before but I have a history of being 'down' a couple of times. What if my mood somehow imprints on the child in my womb......I'd never forgive myself. I just can't seem to snap out of it, maybe the birth will shift things about.
Anyway, it's a lovely distraction catching up with all your pregnancy and life stories. Even if I don't often share my glum posts, I would be lost without the focus this group brings.

SlimP, I'm not!  Lol!  If I don't work both jobs my family doesn't have a roof over there heads because I won't be able to pay rent.  It's a great motivator.  :/  I miss being able to stay home with my babies!!!  And bigs hugs honey.  I'm right there with you a lot of the time.  We'll get through this!  :hugs:

[SlimP]

Aw shucks guys, you're all so sweet. (Sniff)
I've actually found it a relief to admit to my mixed emotions. Helps also to know others feel the same sometimes.......not that I'd wish it on anyone though!

Spughy, I am trying to slash my housekeeping standards but I find it difficult to relax in a cluttered space and boy, do my family make a mess. I don't think they'd notice, not to mind take up the slack, if I went on a cleaning strike

Scruffy, great that your work situation might be resolved. Confrontation on that scale would be enough to make me explode (not pretty). Sounds like you stayed on top of it. Well done. Onwards and upwards.

WithLittleLungs, thanks for the beautiful image of the safe womb I believe visualising something gives it power and I love to think my little babe is shielded from any negative influences.
Sounds like you had a lucky escape with that OB! No-one who makes you wait for 3 hours is going to be respectful of your wishes. Hopefully one of your other appointments will be positive. You'll be more comfortable with a compromised birth plan with a supportive birthing partner, be it OB, DH or doula. Or preferably all of them.

GranolaMama, it just sounds too much for a pregnant woman, though being at home with kids is not exactly a walk in the park either. Mind yourself missus. Hugs to you too and to all expectant Mums, we deserve, indeed need, lots of supportive cuddles.

[spughy]

Hope everyone survived the weekend! 

I came to a realization this weekend that I hope will help us start to deal more effectively with our household clutter.  It's that my husband, whom I love dearly and who has many, many wonderful qualities and a genius-level IQ, the ability for fix anything and the patience and aptitude to actually *play* for hours with children... has not the faintest idea how to be tidy.  Just no clue.  And the corollary to this realization is that "tidy" is both an aptitude and a skill set.  Some people are born with sufficient aptitude that they develop the skill set on their own as children, but others, who are not born with the aptitude (ie, me) have to work on the skill set.  Thanks to a stint in education and skills assessment consulting, I think rather than stew and fume about the vacuum being left out and tool boxes in front of bookshelves and piles of screws in inappropriate locations (like the bathroom counter), it would be FAR more productive for me to - with DH's buy-in - act as more of a corporate coach, providing scheduled time and checklists to go over until the skill set becomes more ingrained.  It's not DH's fault - his mother is an obsessive-compulsive tidier and I doubt she was ever able to let a toy or piece of clothing lie on the floor for long enough for DH to notice it.   His sister and brother both got the aptitude gene, but sadly he was passed over on that.  So, we'll need to work on it.  But I need to let go of my judgement and annoyance about it and approach it as a management problem, not a relationship issue.

Anyway, I came to this realization as we were cleaning up for DD's birthday party yesterday.  Stuff got tidy, but I did pretty much all of it after asking DH to do a few things and having them not exactly done in the way that a sane person would do them.  The party went well though and the kids had fun and I had enough "tea party" food left over to take to my book club last night.  Fortunately my child has more adult tastes in "tea party" snacks and whatnot so it wasn't cupcakes and whatnot in all colours of the rainbow - it was cucumber sandwiches, vegetable sticks, scones with jam and clotted cream, and pineapple-pear upside down cake (the requested birthday cake this year).  DD did not care in the slightest that none of her friends would actually eat her cake.   ("I think M. was disappointed the cake wasn't chocolate, Mummy.  But it was really good.") And my book club certainly appreciated the snacks.

The best part is, I worked my butt off yesterday and I'm NOT exhausted today.  In fact, I got all my errands done this morning and I'm just waiting for a friend to drop by for a chat and to lend her my breast pump until my critter appears (she's due in a couple weeks).  Then I can sit back and relax and read for a bit this afternoon.  Yay!

[scruffy too]

Spughy - some very deep thought and realizations coming from it. 

Housework has been an on-going issue in my house (in fact, I've been known to say "Couples can't actually break up over housework, can they?!?")  I've read some good stuff, like not making yourself the martyr and recognizing that YOU clean because YOU like it clean(er) than DP.  It works when I'm not taking it personally, but other times, I take it as a personal insult that I'm the only one cleaning.  And when I'm not, the standards seem VERY different - LOL!!! 

Anyway, no complaints right now as I dropped some serious hints about cleaning / purging DSS's room this weekend and it was done as a team!  Looks amazing and I KNOW DSS7 feels good about it.  There was just so much STUFF that he didn't even play with and it's not his fault (having recently divorced partners fighting for his love, yes, but not HIS fault he's drowning in stuff.)  I also cleaned out my closet and put aside 2 HUGE boxes for friends to go through and then onto the Free Store.  And hosted an amazing Grey Cup party.  Although unfortunately Calgary forgot to bring their A-game...