My formerly good-natured daughter turned into a monster at nine...is this normal? *Update* - Page 2

[rightkindofme]

Honestly I think children should be allowed to be occasionally greedy and selfish. I think that it is a normal part of being human and everyone should be allowed some of it. Adults certainly do it. Why do children have to be perfect? But I do draw the line at being rude. So for example for my children we use the phrase, "I'm feeling really attached to this and I don't want to share it." That works for mommy's wedding ring and it works for something that a kid has done alone. You can't do it all the time--we do stress that we are overall a sharing family but that starts way back in how I have treated them. I share almost everything--but my wedding rings.

My kids are only two and four and they have both already made food and been unwilling to share it. I didn't permit them to gorge--I doled it out and it wasn't that fun for them after a while. Usually they relent on their own. I don't feel like possessiveness about food is a good thing to fight them on. I want to save my fights for who they date. :)

[mtiger]

I know that you have been making an effort to spend one on one time with her. What about stepDad? It might help her if he also spent some time with just her. Doing a project together. Going out for ice cream. Going for a walk. Seems she could use a good male role model.

When my son was about this age, he also had a bit of a rough go. His Dad & I were also divorced. While he didn't have any losses, he did have to deal with the knowledge that his sister was Dad's favorite. Blatantly so. I went out and bought a karate training bag. (They both took karate for a few years.) And told im that I understood that he sometimes got angry or frustrated, but that was not an excuse to be mean to me or his sister. And when he felt the need to be mean, it would be better if he got it out in a productive way - by having it out with the training bag. Can't tell you how many times he'd head to the basement and pound the hell out of it. And he is NOT a physical kid.
 

As for counseling... Look in your yellow pages (yes, the actual book kind) under community services. They will likely be in their own section. A lot of places have county facilities that offer mental health services (i.e. counseling) on a sliding scale.

[~Nikki~]

Thanks!  Yellow Pages would NOT have occured to me, so I'll check that out.

Man, little girl is a whirling dervish of contradiction.  So after I posted about the selfish, greedy behavior, she DID start sharing with her siblings.  We had a good weekend together, and she went to bed Saturday night kind of late after being allowed to stay up to watch a Christmas movie.

When we woke up Sunday morning, there were all sorts of wrapped gifts under the tree?  She went on a crafting binge throughout the night (and slept in HARD on Sunday, lol).  She made gifts for us, her grandparents, etc.  And then went out on Sunday and insisted on spending her own money to buy her sister and brother a Christmas gift.

I can't keep up! 

I think she'll be ok, ultimately.  She's just trying to sort everything out in her head.  You're right, she does need to spend more time with step-dad.  But they're kind of at each other's throats lately.  He doesn't tolerate disrespect, and she doesn't respond well to his strict approach. He was raised in a very strict home, and I'm teaching him all about gentle discipline, but he's skeptical. ;)  He was also raised with all boys, so girls are a completely foreign thing to him, and he does NOT understand that this hormonal thing really is normal.  It helped to talk to friends this weekend, who have a niece the exact same age as DD, and they told him all about her and it matched PERFECTLY with how DD is acting.  So he's starting to come around, and believe me that she's not just a damaged nutbar, and that a lot of this IS normal girl stuff. =P

I warned him that it'll get worse before it gets better (I grew up with FOUR girls, and remember the process well).  He is frightened. =P

[meemee]

Originally Posted by ~Nikki~ 

He doesn't tolerate disrespect, and she doesn't respond well to his strict approach. He was raised in a very strict home, and I'm teaching him all about gentle discipline, but he's skeptical. ;)  He was also raised with all boys, so girls are a completely foreign thing to him, and he does NOT understand that this hormonal thing really is normal.  It helped to talk to friends this weekend, who have a niece the exact same age as DD, and they told him all about her and it matched PERFECTLY with how DD is acting.  So he's starting to come around, and believe me that she's not just a damaged nutbar, and that a lot of this IS normal girl stuff. =P

I warned him that it'll get worse before it gets better (I grew up with FOUR girls, and remember the process well).  He is frightened. =P

i am so glad along with your dd - this is working out too. that means less pressure on you. so glad he is coming around

and so glad that the other little girl is going through this too. makes others realise this is part of growing up.