Edited by shallow - 12/14/12 at 8:38pm
Well I definitely don't agree with the above poster. OP, it seems like you have made a decision but haven't yet decided to go through with it, if that makes sense. Everything you have written shows that you no longer want to be with your husband. I understand thinking that counseling might not be beneficial because you've already tried what would be suggested. But sometimes just having a professional to talk to is helpful.
Think about what you really want for your life. A relationship isn't everything in your life, but for most women it's a huge chunk. You sound deeply unhappy and sorry to say, those feelings will most likely continue or worsen if something doesn't change.
I agree that getting a divorce now would be better for your children than waiting a few years. Every kid will go through an adjustment phase, but in my experience, younger kids can bear it a lot easier than older kids. And who cares what people think. I know that's easy for me to say... but really think about what's more important-- keeping up appearances or being a fulfilled and happy person. Think of yourself as an 80 yr old woman who has no regrets. How has she lived her life?