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Will you find out the sex? - why or why not, and sex reveals for those who do! - Page 2

Poll Results: Will you find out the fetus's sex?

 
  • 41% (20)
    Definitely yes! I/we can't imagine waiting that long to know.
  • 12% (6)
    Leaning toward yes. It's fun to start imagining a son or daughter.
  • 10% (5)
    Leaning toward no. You don't get that many chances for such a big surprise!
  • 33% (16)
    Definitely no! Baby can show us itself when it arrives!
  • 2% (1)
    It's complicated! See my post below.
48 Total Votes  
post #21 of 158
Quote:
Originally Posted by sweetlowmom View Post

Ooh, I'm definitely finding out ... I found that with my first pregnancy, knowing that it was a boy and deciding on the name early really helped me "bond" with him, talk to him in the womb, etc. I am looking forward to finding out! 
 

 

 

Yep - this.  Originally, we said we didn't want to find out, and were even on the fence about having any ultrasounds at all.  Now we've decided on the one 20-week ultrasound.  My husband said he wanted to find out, but he would keep it a secret from me . . . no way that would work!!  I would weasel it out of him in hours.  BUT, I don't want to tell anyone else.  It will be our secret.  That way we avoid the clothing purchases, and I've found it keeps people from criticizing your name choices, since the natural line of questioning seemed to be:  What sex?  What name?  - at least in my first pregnancy.

 

I am having some trouble still believing this baby is real - despite being 17 weeks tomorrow and feeling movement, and an incredibly strong heartbeat at the midwife last week.  So, an ultrasound will really help me, I think, in connecting with the new baby.

post #22 of 158
Thread Starter 

I can't believe how evenly matched the poll is! And the comments are so interesting for me to read. As a first-timer, I admit I hadn't even thought about some of the practical aspects of finding out for a second (etc) baby, in terms of shopping, prepping the big sib, etc.

post #23 of 158
I don't want to find out, but I really do want to at the same time. We didn't find out with our first and it was an awesome thing to wait until she was born for it to be announced. We found out with the next two, and finding out before delivery was pretty great, too. So. I can't decide, I guess.
post #24 of 158

Not finding out. The less I know about the baby, for me, the better. I don't know if I'd call it "superstition" but it's my not wanting to count on something before it's happened. So we're also not buying things for the baby, calling the baby by a name, decorating a room, or even telling anyone a specific due date. I keep hearing of people I know, or friend's friends having miscarriages and fullterm stillborns so for me I feel like the more I know the more attached I might become and god forbid something happened to the baby I would have become attached in a way, to a baby that wasn't born yet. I find most people respect where I'm coming from but can't relate. I definitely get the most common response of "oh I HAD to know for my own sanity" or "i had to plan and nest", And I can see how most people would feel that way, seems only natural. And I can admit, waiting the whole pregnancy to find out is pretty tough!

 

The way I am is part just my own self (I'm not even telling everyone I know that I'm expecting) paired with my cultural upbringing in Judaism.

post #25 of 158

We just can't wait! I guess my guy and I would fail the marshmallow test. smile.gif

 

We have our 20-week u/s scheduled for Dec 20, which happens to be my partner's birthday. He's very excited for that special birthday present! We'll probably spend the rest of that day shopping for clothes. orngbiggrin.gif

 

4-year-old DD is also excited to find out - every time one of us refers to baby as "he" or "she", DD reminds us: "Well, we don't know what it is yet. It could be a boy, or it could be a girl. We just don't know!"

post #26 of 158
Quote:
Originally Posted by pastormama View Post

...

I am having some trouble still believing this baby is real - despite being 17 weeks tomorrow and feeling movement, and an incredibly strong heartbeat at the midwife last week.  So, an ultrasound will really help me, I think, in connecting with the new baby.

 

Feeling the same here, and hoping I'll feel differently after our anatomy scan, which is booked for January 9th (20w1d).

 

It's silly, but I know we'll also struggle to come up with a name we like, so we've agreed to not even discuss it seriously until one gender is already off the table.

post #27 of 158
Quote:
Originally Posted by snozzberry View Post

We just can't wait! I guess my guy and I would fail the marshmallow test. smile.gif

 

We have our 20-week u/s scheduled for Dec 20, which happens to be my partner's birthday. He's very excited for that special birthday present! We'll probably spend the rest of that day shopping for clothes. orngbiggrin.gif

 

4-year-old DD is also excited to find out - every time one of us refers to baby as "he" or "she", DD reminds us: "Well, we don't know what it is yet. It could be a boy, or it could be a girl. We just don't know!"

cute, my 4yo (in a couple months) DD clearly wants a sister. We're 70% sure it's a boy and she know that, but DD tells me I have to have a girl next :P

post #28 of 158
Quote:
Originally Posted by Loogiejane View Post

Not finding out. The less I know about the baby, for me, the better. I don't know if I'd call it "superstition" but it's my not wanting to count on something before it's happened. So we're also not buying things for the baby, calling the baby by a name, decorating a room, or even telling anyone a specific due date. I keep hearing of people I know, or friend's friends having miscarriages and fullterm stillborns so for me I feel like the more I know the more attached I might become and god forbid something happened to the baby I would have become attached in a way, to a baby that wasn't born yet. I find most people respect where I'm coming from but can't relate. I definitely get the most common response of "oh I HAD to know for my own sanity" or "i had to plan and nest", And I can see how most people would feel that way, seems only natural. And I can admit, waiting the whole pregnancy to find out is pretty tough!

 

The way I am is part just my own self (I'm not even telling everyone I know that I'm expecting) paired with my cultural upbringing in Judaism.

I understand your thinking and felt the same way. But I am so fearful with this pregnancy that I just had to know and I'm glad I did because if something does happen, at least I know and can remember the baby the way he is :)

post #29 of 158
Quote:
Originally Posted by Loogiejane View Post

Not finding out. The less I know about the baby, for me, the better. I don't know if I'd call it "superstition" but it's my not wanting to count on something before it's happened. So we're also not buying things for the baby, calling the baby by a name, decorating a room, or even telling anyone a specific due date. I keep hearing of people I know, or friend's friends having miscarriages and fullterm stillborns so for me I feel like the more I know the more attached I might become and god forbid something happened to the baby I would have become attached in a way, to a baby that wasn't born yet. I find most people respect where I'm coming from but can't relate. I definitely get the most common response of "oh I HAD to know for my own sanity" or "i had to plan and nest", And I can see how most people would feel that way, seems only natural. And I can admit, waiting the whole pregnancy to find out is pretty tough!

The way I am is part just my own self (I'm not even telling everyone I know that I'm expecting) paired with my cultural upbringing in Judaism.

I totally get that. Our 1st pregnancy ended in a miscarriage. We then got pregnant again just 6 weeks later. I was still processing our loss and had lots of conflicted emotions. When a surprise baby shower was sprung on me at 7 months I actually broke down crying. Nobody around me understood that I just wasn't comfortable with "counting my chickens before they hatched" so to speak. We did as little as possible to prepare ahead of time. For me it is partly cultural too. Back home in Scotland we don't bring any of the big purchases home until after the baby has arrived. It is still really common not to make the final payment on those items until after the birth and certainly not to arrange for delivery to the home until after the birth either.

The only thing we have to get this time, since we already have 2, is a bigger vehicle, and we're not planning on even looking until after the birth. I'm planning on staying home with the baby for 6 weeks, so we won't "need" the vehicle until I'm ready to go out. DH will go out to buy it a few weeks after the baby is born. (That also gives us an extra month or so to continue saving for it, as we plan to pay cash when the time comes.)
post #30 of 158

I also just want to make clear that it's not me being negative about the pregnancy or anything, it's really just like, a "you never know" mentality. But I think you guys got that :)

post #31 of 158
Quote:
Originally Posted by Loogiejane View Post

I also just want to make clear that it's not me being negative about the pregnancy or anything, it's really just like, a "you never know" mentality. But I think you guys got that :)

totally, I have that mentality about this pregnancy also. I just think it doesn't matter either way :)

post #32 of 158
With our first, I was leaning toward not finding out, but I didn't think about my DH who is the most impatient person on the planet (seriously, he had all the nursery furniture ordered the night the stick showed two lines eyesroll.gif and then was asking "Now what?") so since I didn't have strong feelings I had no problem. It worked out fine for us on not getting bombarded in pink (I like pink, but I don't want ALL pink) as our baby shower was before we found out the gender, so folks didn't buy us the girly stuff until after they had already bought something practical. We are finding out again this time, mostly for practical reasons as if we are having two boys, I want to get the girly clothes out of the bins and probably shipped off to my parent's house for whoever has the next girl. If boy/girl or girl/girl, I don't need to buy much, just enough to have enough for twins clothes-wise. We'll get neutral gear though, carseats, bouncy seats, blankets, sheets and all that, just because I think they usually look plainer which is what I want for gear for taking pictures of babies smile.gif

And yes, I feel the same way as lisedea, surprise twins are enough surprises for me too smile.gif
post #33 of 158

We're finding out.  I hit 20 weeks right between Christmas and New Years so I was hoping my midwife would schedule my next appointment a week or two before Christmas and call it good enough for the anatomy scan but no such luck so it'll be mid-Jan unless we go to a private place that does gender scans before then.  DH was all set to make the appointment right at exactly 15 weeks (that's when this place will take you for a gender scan and you go back as often as you need to be able to tell for free) and so was I but then I got all gun shy.  We're having our second trimester screening in Dec and didn't do the NT scan so what if there's something terribly wrong?  

 

What if it's not what we want?  I know waiting won't change the gender but I worry I'll feel like a terrible person if/when I'm disappointed if it's not the gender I want.  I'm sure we'll both come around if it's not but what if we don't?   There's already enough child hating in my family.  It makes me nervous but that's probably just the pregnancy paranoia talking.

post #34 of 158
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Quinalla View Post

And yes, I feel the same way as lisedea, surprise twins are enough surprises for me too smile.gif

 

I think I'd feel the same way! DH and I still have a little running gag about finding out it's twins (obviously unlikely at this point) and we both said, then we'd definitely want to know the sexes. Picking names would be way harder otherwise! And Lisedea, I can't imagine picking names for triplets without knowing, eek! Although I bet people do it!

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by AmandaLynnH View Post 

 

What if it's not what we want?  I know waiting won't change the gender but I worry I'll feel like a terrible person if/when I'm disappointed if it's not the gender I want.  I'm sure we'll both come around if it's not but what if we don't?   There's already enough child hating in my family.  It makes me nervous but that's probably just the pregnancy paranoia talking.

 

Amanda, I so appreciated this honesty. DH and I both sort of prefer one sex to the other, which already makes me feel like a terrible person (personal to me - not standing in judgment of anyone else with preferences!!!). I do think for me (not planning to find out), the joy of having the baby OUT and the excitement of finding out right on the spot will help, because I know at that moment with a tiny baby in my arms, my brain will be so far from "aw shucks" that I won't ever think it again. On the other hand, I can totally see finding out ahead of time for the same reason - to give you time to be excited about whatever it is!

 

Such an interesting topic for me... still loving hearing all the responses.

post #35 of 158
Quote:
Originally Posted by AmandaLynnH View Post

What if it's not what we want?  I know waiting won't change the gender but I worry I'll feel like a terrible person if/when I'm disappointed if it's not the gender I want.  I'm sure we'll both come around if it's not but what if we don't?   There's already enough child hating in my family.  It makes me nervous but that's probably just the pregnancy paranoia talking.
I was going to talk about this in my post and forgot, but now I can respond to yours. This is another reason I like to find out is to have time before birth to mourn the gender I won't have and then get excited about the gender I am having. Even this time if I get girl/boy twins, which I am a little bit hoping for, I still won't get to have the experience of boy/boy or girl/girl twins and I'll mourn that a little too. So for me, I much prefer to find out ahead of time then I have time to adjust if I was expecting/wanting one gender and got another. But for others, they do much better not having all the rest of pregnancy to dwell on it, they'd rather be surprised at birth and then they have what they have with no dwelling time. So I think a lot depends on your personality and if you prefer to have time to sort through things or if you prefer to not have time that will just be extra dwelling/worrying/whatever.
post #36 of 158
Quote:
Originally Posted by MarieWalter View Post

And Lisedea, I can't imagine picking names for triplets without knowing, eek! Although I bet people do it!

This is the main reason why we have to find out....NAMES!!! I am going crazy thinking about three names in the first place--let alone 3 of each sex....well, more than that to have options for when we meet them!
post #37 of 158

Just not making time to reread every pp but whoever said she wants to wait until birth to find out because of the excitement leaving little room for disappointment is something I can definitely relate to. It's not the reason why I'm not finding out but still relatable. I do see myself as being in the moment and if the sex is different than what would have been my top choice I'll be in too much loving awe to notice.

 

(hopefully) ha.

post #38 of 158

So I am starting to realize that everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, when they find out I'm pg, one of the first questions they ask is "will you find out the sex?". Its so interesting...I guess I always want to think of questions to ask someone when they've told me they are pg, but that one never crosses my mind, prob because I don't find out, but I am amazed at how often this question comes up. I don't recall it being this way with my dd, but that was 8+ years ago... I feel like I should start saying "I'm pregnant and will find out the gender when the baby comes out". orngbiggrin.gif

post #39 of 158

It's funny - before I got pregnant, I always said I wouldn't want to know.  I liked the idea of a surprise; I didn't want to project any gender-related expectations on the kid, etc.  But once we found out we were pregnant, all that went out the window!  I just couldn't resist the temptation - if the possibility of finding out is there, then I can't ignore it (snozzberry, I'd totally fail the marshmallow test too). 

So, we had our first ultrasound on Monday!  I'm only 17 weeks (apparently whoever scheduled me can't count?), so the tech didn't promise we'd be able to see anything, but lo and behold: BABY LABIA!  (Try and say that three times fast)  Now that we know, it's definitely increased the bond I feel, but not because I'm suddenly envisioning her as this demure creature in pink headbands and bows (that is NOT my kid!).  Honestly, I think it's just that when I talk or think about my baby, I'm no longer referring to her as "it."  Being able to call my kid "she" has totally humanized her, if that makes any sense.


Edited by eepeepee - 11/28/12 at 11:13am
post #40 of 158
Quote:
Originally Posted by adventuregirl View Post

So I am starting to realize that everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, when they find out I'm pg, one of the first questions they ask is "will you find out the sex?". Its so interesting...I guess I always want to think of questions to ask someone when they've told me they are pg, but that one never crosses my mind, prob because I don't find out, but I am amazed at how often this question comes up. I don't recall it being this way with my dd, but that was 8+ years ago... I feel like I should start saying "I'm pregnant and will find out the gender when the baby comes out". orngbiggrin.gif
Yup, pretty much everyone asks us this too and I too don't ask this question of expecting women/couples either. I mean, it's better than some of the other highly personal questions people ask (Was it planned? Were you twins surprise (or just flat out asking if you were doing infertility treatments)? etc.), but it really is a super common question, even more common than questions I think make more sense like "When are you due?" or "How far along are you?" or "How are you feeling?" and so on. I guess people are just looking for the next big announcement and for a lot of folks it is the gender announcement.
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