Will you find out the sex? - why or why not, and sex reveals for those who do! - Page 3 « Back to Group Discussions

[Loogiejane]

Originally Posted by Quinalla 


Yup, pretty much everyone asks us this too and I too don't ask this question of expecting women/couples either. I mean, it's better than some of the other highly personal questions people ask (Was it planned? Were you twins surprise (or just flat out asking if you were doing infertility treatments)? etc.), but it really is a super common question, even more common than questions I think make more sense like "When are you due?" or "How far along are you?" or "How are you feeling?" and so on. I guess people are just looking for the next big announcement and for a lot of folks it is the gender announcement.

Yes! The "were you trying" really gets me. Remind me WHY exactly people want to know that? ACK! Or how about when people people tell me they're trying? Say whaaa? Don't tell me that! And "when are you due"...ok, is it mean of me that I get a sort of satisfaction out of answering people's questions in a very unconventional way? (I drive my mother crazy). "Were you trying?" "Well, we weren't NOT trying" or "Not really, we tried once." Or "when is your due date?" I just tell people I don't know my due date, that we're due sometime in May, probably mid-late May, that we're focusing on a range of time. "Your doctor didn't give you a due date?????" I get asked. Me,"meh, not really. We're just gonna go with the flow." The shock on people's faces of "going with the flow" I have to say is pretty great. Is this bad of me?

I know people are just being kind. And people mean SO well. But for someone who talks alot and gives too many details about life in general, somehow I don't want to share details on this. I think it's just the  "why do I have to go with the grain?" mentality.

I do appreciate when people ask "how are you feeling". IMO that's a polite and thoughtful thing to ask.

[MarieWalter]

Interesting discussion! I often ask whether people are going to find out the sex and had actually settled on that as what I perceived to be a friendly, non-invasive question. But now I may reconsider knowing how some of us feel about it. Always learning :)

[Loogiejane]

Actually, I don't mind when someone asks if I'm finding out. There's nothing offensive about it. It's just, well once I answer, what will they do with that info if I don't know the sex yet. I guess it's just a topic of convo.

Another big question is "do you know where you're delivering?" I'm glad I haven't gotten much of that because it's a convo I just feel like having.

[Kate&Joey]

Originally Posted by Loogiejane 

Yes! The "were you trying" really gets me. Remind me WHY exactly people want to know that? ACK! Or how about when people people tell me they're trying? Say whaaa? Don't tell me that! And "when are you due"...ok, is it mean of me that I get a sort of satisfaction out of answering people's questions in a very unconventional way? (I drive my mother crazy). "Were you trying?" "Well, we weren't NOT trying" or "Not really, we tried once."

We get the "were you trying" question a lot.  I guess because we're (1) apparently old as dirt; and (2) it's a second marriage for both so our kids are older.  DH usually answers with the "we weren't NOT trying" response.

[kimble]

Originally Posted by Loogiejane 

Or "when is your due date?" I just tell people I don't know my due date, that we're due sometime in May, probably mid-late May, that we're focusing on a range of time. "Your doctor didn't give you a due date?????" I get asked. Me,"meh, not really. We're just gonna go with the flow." The shock on people's faces of "going with the flow" I have to say is pretty great. Is this bad of me?

I know people are just being kind. And people mean SO well. But for someone who talks alot and gives too many details about life in general, somehow I don't want to share details on this. I think it's just the  "why do I have to go with the grain?" mentality.

I do appreciate when people ask "how are you feeling". IMO that's a polite and thoughtful thing to ask.

I'm with you 100%. my standard reply to "When are you due" with anyone other than health professionals is "the second week of May" - I really don't believe in a specific "due date" - it's not like the LO has a day planner going in there! Even when I announced the news to my co-workers at a company meeting, I stuck with the range of time.

Fortunately I haven't gotten any questions about trying/planned/etc as I'm not sure how I would handle that - probably something like "the universe decided it was our time" - because we had been trying long enough that I had to relax and realize this was out of our hands.

Having people ask "how are you?" is so much easier than questions about gender, especially since it can change from week to week. I think it gives the asker more to go on too - like you mentioned, what are most people going to do with information about gender?

[CoBabyMaker]

I'm with you 100%. my standard reply to "When are you due" with anyone other than health professionals is "the second week of May" - I really don't believe in a specific "due date" - it's not like the LO has a day planner going in there!

This is so me. I really don't think due dates mean much and way too much emphasis is put on them. Then DD2 had the nerve to be born on her due date. I had to laugh!

[Kate&Joey]

Originally Posted by eepeepee 

So, we had our first ultrasound on Monday!  I'm only 17 weeks (apparently whoever scheduled me can't count?), so the tech didn't promise we'd be able to see anything, but lo and behold: BABY LABIA!  (Try and say that three times fast)  Now that we know, it's definitely increased the bond I feel, but not because I'm suddenly envisioning her as this demure creature in pink headbands and bows (that is NOT my kid!).  Honestly, I think it's just that when I talk or think about my baby, I'm no longer referring to her as "it."  Being able to call my kid "she" has totally humanized her, if that makes any sense.

Joining eepeepee on TEAM PINK...but not in a girlie girl, "princess" pink kind of way.    Had my 18 week ultrasound yesterday.  To quote the tech, "those are definitely girl parts."  And she is already being defiant, wouldn't turn over so they could get all the heart views.  So now I need to go back in two weeks....

But all the measurements, etc. looked great! 

[Quinalla]

I don't find the asking about if you are finding out the gender rude, just weird that so many ask it. But maybe that's it, that is seems a pretty neutral question, so that makes some sense!

I do love that everyone who is not pregnant (or pregnant recently) wants to know how many months pregnant you are. I always tell people now how many weeks and tell them they have to figure it out as no one in the pregnancy world talks about months pregnant, it's all in weeks and trimesters

Anyway, I am getting really excited about finding out the genders, it's going to be cool!

[Loogiejane]

Originally Posted by Loogiejane 

Actually, I don't mind when someone asks if I'm finding out. There's nothing offensive about it. It's just, well once I answer, what will they do with that info if I don't know the sex yet. I guess it's just a topic of convo.

Another big question is "do you know where you're delivering?" I'm glad I haven't gotten much of that because it's a convo I just feel like having.

whoops, i meant its a convo i just DONT feel like having :P

[eepeepee]

Originally Posted by Quinalla 

I don't find the asking about if you are finding out the gender rude, just weird that so many ask it. But maybe that's it, that is seems a pretty neutral question, so that makes some sense!
I do love that everyone who is not pregnant (or pregnant recently) wants to know how many months pregnant you are. I always tell people now how many weeks and tell them they have to figure it out as no one in the pregnancy world talks about months pregnant, it's all in weeks and trimesters
Anyway, I am getting really excited about finding out the genders, it's going to be cool!

Yes!  I've run into this too, particularly since I'm pretty much the first of my friends here in town to be pregnant.  I tell them how many weeks I am, they ask how many months that is, and I go, "uhhhhhhh...."  And then I have to do the math and say "...four?  I guess?" #firstbabyproblems

[kimble]

Originally Posted by eepeepee 

Yes!  I've run into this too, particularly since I'm pretty much the first of my friends here in town to be pregnant.  I tell them how many weeks I am, they ask how many months that is, and I go, "uhhhhhhh...."  And then I have to do the math and say "...four?  I guess?" #firstbabyproblems

This happened to me yesterday! the weird thing was the person who asked is the last lady in our office to have had a baby - like 3 months ago - so I figured she would get it, but she immediately tried to calculate months.

[adventuregirl]

Originally Posted by Quinalla 

I don't find the asking about if you are finding out the gender rude, just weird that so many ask it. But maybe that's it, that is seems a pretty neutral question, so that makes some sense!
I do love that everyone who is not pregnant (or pregnant recently) wants to know how many months pregnant you are. I always tell people now how many weeks and tell them they have to figure it out as no one in the pregnancy world talks about months pregnant, it's all in weeks and trimesters
Anyway, I am getting really excited about finding out the genders, it's going to be cool!

Exactly. It doesn't bother me that they ask, I just find it interesting that this is a question that pretty much everyone asks. I think that being outside the mainstream on my pregnancy/birth choices probably has something to do with that, because finding out is just not my norm.

I have noticed the months thing too, and I always have to think about it, because its not straightforward at all. Just explaining it to my dh the other night... "well, pregnancy is 40 weeks, but its not exactly 10 months, so you don't count a month as 4 weeks, and you aren't even really pregnant for the first 2 weeks..." Ha.

Congrats on the little girls, eepeepee and Kate!

[GabiCristian]

I thought about not finding out until I delivered, but DH really wanted to know early so that's what we're doing this time (our first). I had an ultrasound today (16 weeks), but the doctor said that it's a bit too early to tell and to set up an appointment after the new year and we can find out then. 

I'm so excited! I considered not only not finding out the sex early, but also not doing any ultrasounds at all, but now that I have I'm glad I did. I never really *felt* pregnant until I could see a little face and hands on the screen. And now it's sinking in that I actually have another PERSON inside of me! Crazy.

[Gooseberry]

When people ask if we'll be finding out, I'm not offended.  I have, however, been slightly offended by people's reaction to my answer.  Some people are almost actually mad about it.  Why would that make you mad?  Some were frustrated because they'd like to know, and they can't believe I'm making them wait.  Sorry, not my problem.  Plus, that's so illogical.  You'll spend nine months not knowing the gender of my child, and then you'll spend decades knowing that information. 

[aHikaru]

Originally Posted by GabiCristian 

I'm so excited! I considered not only not finding out the sex early, but also not doing any ultrasounds at all, but now that I have I'm glad I did. I never really *felt* pregnant until I could see a little face and hands on the screen. And now it's sinking in that I actually have another PERSON inside of me! Crazy.

same here, and now that i've seen him I'm so attached :) as for finding out the sex, I don't think it matters either way because theres more important things to worry about than the sex of the baby, but knowing does make things easier. 

[adventuregirl]

Originally Posted by Gooseberry 

When people ask if we'll be finding out, I'm not offended.  I have, however, been slightly offended by people's reaction to my answer.  Some people are almost actually mad about it.  Why would that make you mad?  Some were frustrated because they'd like to know, and they can't believe I'm making them wait.  Sorry, not my problem.  Plus, that's so illogical.  You'll spend nine months not knowing the gender of my child, and then you'll spend decades knowing that information. 

Haha..this made me think of the family in the news recently who kept the gender of their child a secret for 5 years!

[AmandaLynnH]

Originally Posted by Loogiejane 

Yes! The "were you trying" really gets me. Remind me WHY exactly people want to know that? ACK! Or how about when people people tell me they're trying? Say whaaa? Don't tell me that! And "when are you due"...ok, is it mean of me that I get a sort of satisfaction out of answering people's questions in a very unconventional way? (I drive my mother crazy). "Were you trying?" "Well, we weren't NOT trying" or "Not really, we tried once." Or "when is your due date?" I just tell people I don't know my due date, that we're due sometime in May, probably mid-late May, that we're focusing on a range of time. "Your doctor didn't give you a due date?????" I get asked. Me,"meh, not really. We're just gonna go with the flow." The shock on people's faces of "going with the flow" I have to say is pretty great. Is this bad of me?

I know people are just being kind. And people mean SO well. But for someone who talks alot and gives too many details about life in general, somehow I don't want to share details on this. I think it's just the  "why do I have to go with the grain?" mentality.

I do appreciate when people ask "how are you feeling". IMO that's a polite and thoughtful thing to ask.

I like to answer the "were you trying" question with "I don't know, I have NO idea how this happened!" with a completely straight face.

[timesway]

last scan they tryed to look to find out the sex but baby was cuddling my bladder with its back to the scanner and had its legs crossed.. However there was a split second where they sonographers stopped and looked excitably at the screen and couldnt decide if whilst the baby moved an inch they could see boy parts or not ;) so ealy indications suggest a boy.. but we shall seeee... :D

[CoBabyMaker]

I can see how it would be annoying if you weren't finding out but I think so many people ask because for those of us that are finding out it's such a big occasion. 

[Trisha Kalous]

We were going to find out with our first, but at our 19 wk scan, she was hiding, so we decided not to find out (no scans after that). This time, we are probably going to have a scan at 25 weeks to confirm whether or not we have multiples and how many bags of water and placentas are in there.. BUT NOT finding out gender! That'll make our name-choosing a little harder of course, but we've already got 1.5 boy names and 1 girl name picked out, so we're making decent progress!