Originally Posted by meemee
stormbride i apologize for my wording. it is rather rude and pontificating. sometimes i am the most tactless of persons.
I didn't think you were rude at all!
you are absolutely right. if she looks at the world too much in black and white then yes she must be missing out the other moving aspect of life. makes me wonder if this is a coping skill, her being mean. you said she doesnt have children and perhaps her family doesnt do any of this, so christmas might be very lonely for her - just like the media makes vanlentines day very lonely for singles.
I think she really doesn't realize how often she puts people down - it's usually very subtle, but both my husband and sister have also commented on it. (She was actually one of my sister's best friends when we were younger - my relationship with her wasn't distant, but it was more...peripheral, I guess? She and my sister were at their closest after I started dating my ex, so I spent most of my time with a different group of friends.)
She grew up in poverty - and not "we're doing our best, but things aren't working out" poverty, but "we're spending our grocery money - what little there is of that - on drugs, not food" dysfunctional poverty. Her dad was a drug dealer. The first time my mom met her, her first tought was "oh, god - I want to give her a bath and wash her hair". I honestly don't know if she even got Christmas presents as a kid, and it wouldn't surprise me if there was no attempt at a good meal. I also know she wanted kids, but had a deep need to establish some financial security first (understandable - it's not the way my mind works, but I totally get why she felt that way)...and now she's given up on kids, as she's in her 40s, and has back issues which would make pregnancy pretty overwhelming. Anyway - that's all really not that relevant, except that I know she had a really rough time as a kid, and I'm sure she has a lot of coping mechanisms...and I'm sure the "I'm so much better than the rest of you" vibe is one of them.
It gets to me sometimes, but I try to look at what she's like underneath...and freely offering my whole family the use of her cabin (she doesn't even know my kids - has met them once - and had no idea if they were the type to trash the place) says a lot about her, yk?
but yeah being friends for so long you would not expect the dig.
I just have to keep saying "hey - this is K" to myself.
i have found people who do a lot at christmas and birthdays - dont do much during the rest of the year. so i dont see the materialism esp. when you have other family. i could not imagine my father NOT drowning my dd in presents. unfortunately he never met her :(
That's my thing. There are just so many different ways people do the whole Christmas thing. I do think people can go overboard - soem of the stories about excess that pop up here actually make me feel vaguely ill. But, there are other factors, too. Some of those stories have very little kids actually crying from the over-stimulation and just opening one gift after another after another, while the grandparents, other parent, or whatever insist that they have to open every one. I can't even wrap my mind around doing that to a little kid. (DD1 was really sensitive about stuff like that when she was little, so she's just slip off to the den at my mom's when she'd had enough. Nobody hassled her about it, and she took whatever gifts were still wrapped back home afterwards.)
I actually even agree with my friend, to some degree, about how over-commercialized Christmas has become. It was just the kind of blanket "oh, you Christmas shop - how materialistic" thing that blew my mind. If I were making candles for everyone (I did that one year), I'd still have to Christmas shop...for wicks, wax, dyes, etc.
Oh, well - in retrospect, it wasn't that big a deal - just an odd comment. I let it bother me too much, initially.