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Does Christmas shopping = being too materialistic?? - Page 3

post #41 of 48
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by expecting-joy View Post

I think it's best to not take these things too personally, unless you find fault in yourself. I think most people are responding to their own pain when they post things like that. I find posts about Christmas and birthday buying difficult because I cannot shower friends and family with the gifts I would like to and it is difficult in my life with my particular friends and family members to express that love and affection in other ways. In my immediate family, I just wish I could buy things that I would like to give, because that would make me happy. But when I read long posts about the huge expenditures and extravagant holidays I do feel sad about what I am not able to do.

 

I can understand that, but this was a very differnt situation. This woman could buy everything my family owns, probably including our minivan, and it wouldn't really hurt her, financially. And, I wasn't posting a lot about our plans - simply said that I was behind on my shopping.

 

I've actually decided not to engage with her anymore until after the holidays. We had another...not really a fight, but she got really weird...over having kids vs. being childfree. I have no problem with people choosing to be childfree and was very clear about it (she was talking about how people judge her like she's a freak, because she's a woman who doesn't want kids, and I agreed with her completely). This ended up with another bizarre comment about Christmas and shopping and how the fact that she "refuses to buy into" the idea of Christmas gifts is another reason she doesn't want kids. For whatever reason, this is obviously a big deal to her right now, and I'm just not going to get involved in these conversations, yk?

 

It has nothing to do with the poster, so "I" don't respond, but I can totally see how this friend of yours is just venting, not judging you.

 

Oh, she was judging me. She's one of the most judgmental people I've ever met - and often over really weird things. But, I'm over taking it personally. She's obviously got some issues about this stuff, and anything I say about Christmas, kids, etc. is going to push her buttons right now. I have a feeling she may have blocked my Facebook feed for the holidays, which would probably be best for her, honestly.

 

Why don't you send her something nice.


I can't afford to send her anything that would fall under her definition of "nice"...and I don't think she'd want it, anyway. Sh'es really, really negative about Christmas gifts, in all forms. I don't think she exchanges gifts with anybody, including her partner, nieces and nephews.

 

I'm guessing the holidays depress her a bit, like they do many people. There is so much energy all around about making, buying, giving ~ and it does get or can get overly materialistic. But, try to see that people post about themselves, not about you. 

 

Thanks. I knew that already, but I really figured it out after the whole parent/childfree thing a couple days ago. It was really, really odd.

 

blowkiss.gif

 

Thanks. smile.gif

post #42 of 48

The quoting and fonts colors are really off in that post.

 

Sorry if my post wasn't helpful. I did not glean from your original post that she was trying to make you feel bad. I also didn't mean by giving her something nice that you should spend any or a ton of money on her. Sometimes people miss the relationships they don't have at the holidays. Maybe this is when she misses not having children. You may never know. Or maybe you post a lot about the shopping. I don't know. I don't think there's an answer here that will make you feel better. I would just hide the post and move on.

post #43 of 48
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by expecting-joy View Post

The quoting and fonts colors are really off in that post.

 

Sorry if my post wasn't helpful. I did not glean from your original post that she was trying to make you feel bad. I also didn't mean by giving her something nice that you should spend any or a ton of money on her. Sometimes people miss the relationships they don't have at the holidays. Maybe this is when she misses not having children. You may never know. Or maybe you post a lot about the shopping. I don't know. I don't think there's an answer here that will make you feel better. I would just hide the post and move on.

What do you mean the quoting and font colours are off? I replied, and then coloured my replies blue. That's what I usually do within a quote.

 

I've posted once about shopping. She replied in less than a minute.

 

I don't think she was "trying" to make me feel bad. But, her response of "I refuse to buy into that", when "that" is what I just finished saying I was doing, was rude. She's since made several other comments (mostly on her own wall) in the same vein.

 

I'm not sure what you mean about making me feel better. I was upset when I posted the thread, but have simply been continuing the conversation with people who have replied since then.

 

I don't do any crafts that would enable me to give her something that she would call nice. She likes expensive stuff, and has very high standards. There's nothing I could get her, on my budget, that she would call "nice". She also doesn't want anything. She's posted a few times about this on Facebook since my original post. She considers any gifting at Christmas - purchased, handmade, whatever - to be materialistic, and the result of corporate manipulation, and states, quite clearly, that the only reason people buy/make gifts at Christmas is because corporations tell them to.

 

I've wondered if she misses having kids, but I don't know if she does or not. She's also stated that, if she had kids, Christmas would be even worse, because she "refused to buy into that", and wouldn't give them gifts, and then the'yd feel deprived.

 

So, yeah - no idea what's going on with her about Christmas, but she has no hesitation about telling other people what they're doing wrong, if they don't do things the way she would.

post #44 of 48

I couldn't help but chime in after you left such a thoughtful response to my thread, Storm! Your post brought back memories of when I was engaged in the crunchy competition. I had a gaggle of friends who seemed to be angling for the "most crunchy", and many of their comments would be "you didn't really let your child buy a Lalaloopsy, did you? Do you know where those are made? Do you know what is involved in them? Do you know what is offgassing in them? Do you know they could be chokey?" or things like "that is a really cute recipe, but did you know it is loaded with dead food? I wouldn't feed that to an enemy!" 

 

Well, all that kind of brought me down. I was friends with them because in many ways they stretched my creativity in seeking my own ideals, but they were so rigid in their beliefs that there was no wiggle room. I would have my own little self-doubts about enjoying Target, and then think "huh..now in what ways have I just been brainwashed? I can't tell ___ and ___ about my secret Target trip...but good thing it wasn't Walmart"...

 

It was those tiny little doubts that made me super-sensitive when others would comment on my shopping or cooking or travelling or breastfeeding or cosleeping, etc., practices. Sure, I've engaged in ultra-materialistic holidays, and they feel bad, so if someone said "that sounds materialistic" I'd very likely say "mmmhmmm. That's exactly what it was, and I really enjoyed it" but I would still be a bit resentful that they pointed out something I am myself trying to "not" do even though what they said was true (with a little t). But then again, I am currently in Christmas recovery, so a comment like "I hate the materialism of Christmas" resonates with me. I'd probably hit the like button...but I get your frustration.

 

I think shopping will = materialism when someone is swept away in shopper fever, splurging on stuff nobody wants because it's a good deal, or a Black Friday steal. They still spent the money and ended up with a deal that turns out useless. That would be the materialism piece. True minimalists still go to a store now and then. Even the most die-harder frugal minimalist tends to want a fresh store-bought bra once in a while (at the very least). I think even the super-crafters who do all hand-made have a potential to get materialistic about the holidays.

 

L

post #45 of 48
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by lanamommyphd07 View Post

I couldn't help but chime in after you left such a thoughtful response to my thread, Storm! Your post brought back memories of when I was engaged in the crunchy competition. I had a gaggle of friends who seemed to be angling for the "most crunchy", and many of their comments would be "you didn't really let your child buy a Lalaloopsy, did you? Do you know where those are made? Do you know what is involved in them? Do you know what is offgassing in them? Do you know they could be chokey?" or things like "that is a really cute recipe, but did you know it is loaded with dead food? I wouldn't feed that to an enemy!" 

 

Well, all that kind of brought me down. I was friends with them because in many ways they stretched my creativity in seeking my own ideals, but they were so rigid in their beliefs that there was no wiggle room. I would have my own little self-doubts about enjoying Target, and then think "huh..now in what ways have I just been brainwashed? I can't tell ___ and ___ about my secret Target trip...but good thing it wasn't Walmart"...

 

I'm really, really lucky, because my super crunchy friends just don't do that. There are certain gums/candies that one of them won't allow her kids to have, but it's "no - they can't have that", not "OMG - WHY did you buy that??" and it makes a difference, yk?

 

It was those tiny little doubts that made me super-sensitive when others would comment on my shopping or cooking or travelling or breastfeeding or cosleeping, etc., practices. Sure, I've engaged in ultra-materialistic holidays, and they feel bad, so if someone said "that sounds materialistic" I'd very likely say "mmmhmmm. That's exactly what it was, and I really enjoyed it" but I would still be a bit resentful that they pointed out something I am myself trying to "not" do even though what they said was true (with a little t). But then again, I am currently in Christmas recovery, so a comment like "I hate the materialism of Christmas" resonates with me. I'd probably hit the like button...but I get your frustration.

 

I think the pointing it out is where she gets to me. The more I see her interactions on Facebook (not just with me), the more I realize she's got some odd lines about what to say, and when to say it, and most of all how to say it, yk? I don't really mind the commenting about the materialism of Christmas, as such - I just think "this is why I loathe Christmas" is a bit harsh as a post in response to someone else's post about the holidays, yk?

 

I think shopping will = materialism when someone is swept away in shopper fever, splurging on stuff nobody wants because it's a good deal, or a Black Friday steal. They still spent the money and ended up with a deal that turns out useless. That would be the materialism piece. True minimalists still go to a store now and then. Even the most die-harder frugal minimalist tends to want a fresh store-bought bra once in a while (at the very least). I think even the super-crafters who do all hand-made have a potential to get materialistic about the holidays.

 

I think one of the reasons it kind of bugged me was that she NO idea what kind of shopping I was talking about. I could have been buying yarn to make sweaters (she's known my family for a long time, and my mom did/does a lot of crocheting, and I never cared about money and such - when we knew each other well, she was 1000X more into having all the latest and greatest than I've ever been, yk?), or baking supplies (I actually was talking partly about that), or toys or clothes for a charity drive. I've never been a shopper - in our younger days, she used to make catty comments about the way I dressed, precisely because I didn't care about all the stuff I was "supposed" to care about - OPLs, brand names, whether or not something was "in", etc.). But, she's always been a bit odd.

 

The only shopping fever I've ever suffered from is a tendency to go nuts on stocking stuffers...but those are still useful and things we need, or will at least use (as much as all love glowstick bracelets, I'm not going to claim we "need" them).

 

L

 

Thank you. This has been an interesting conversation. She obviously has really strong feelings about this stuff (there have been several other comments, threads, links, etc.), and I've decided to just no respond to anything she says until after the holidays. Even a thread where I was agreeing with her (about the way some parents judge women for being childfree), it got all weird and tense. I think she just assumes people are judging her, unless they flat out say, "I agree 100%, K".

post #46 of 48

From the movie Pink Flamingos:

 

"There are two kinds of people. MY kind of people and a--holes. It's rather obvious which category YOU fit into. Have a nice day!"

 

This particular quote runs through my head often when reading Facebook comments. I think the woman is not your kind of people.

 

;-) L

post #47 of 48
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by lanamommyphd07 View Post

From the movie Pink Flamingos:

 

"There are two kinds of people. MY kind of people and a--holes. It's rather obvious which category YOU fit into. Have a nice day!"

 

This particular quote runs through my head often when reading Facebook comments. I think the woman is not your kind of people.

 

;-) L


lol

 

She's not, really - but she's an old friend, and kind of like family, yk? Besides, as I said upthread, she's got a lot of good stuff going for her, too. She's just kind of...unthinkingly snooty. (Everyone I know  who has her on Facebook has made this observation at least once, so at least I know it's not just me).

post #48 of 48

She just has some sort on anti-Christmas thing going on, and it is not about you smile.gif  (a conclusion I am sure you have come to).

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