What should we do with our 2yr old during labor?

[lena_girl]

My ds (2 in 2 weeks) is a very attached child who can not be left with just anyone. The only people who he has stayed with has been my dh, my mom, and my dad. I don't have anyone here he could stay with during labor. My parents live 22 hours away. Homebirth is not an option. I have thought about taking him to the hospital with us, or maybe even have someone come there with us to watch him so that we wouldn't have to pay as much attention to him, but would we even be able to bring a 2 year old to the hospital? Any advice anyone?

[mommycaroline]

We're going to bring our daughter with us. She'll be three on September 7.

This has been the hardest part about giving birth this time around for me as well. I've never spent a night away from my daughter, and the thought of doing that, on the same day that she gets a sibling just breaks my heart. I don't want there to be any resentment associated with the birth, because I imagine there will be ample opportunity for jealousy later.

I called the head nurse of the hospital where we'll be delivering, and they told me that I can have whomever I want in the room with me while I labor. It's *my* experience, (am I too much of a sucker for believing that? LOL) and I can have it the way I want. So, if my daughter is there, so be it. I'm hiring a doula, and maybe I'll ask her to bring her oldest along with her to keep Bonnie company. (he's 14) I could pay him a little bit too. After the baby is born, however, my DD is not permitted to spend the night in the hospital with me. But, that part is fine. My husband can take her home, spend the night, and bring her back in the morning. The thought of her being with him at least is so much better than any other thoughts we've had.

Of course, if I go into labor in the middle of the night, I just might drop her off with a friend. I don't know. It will depend on how things go.

Good luck! What a hard decision to make, huh?

[lena_girl]

It is a hard decision, and I really like the idea of him being there when his baby sister is born. I have just not heard of anyone doing it, so I didn't know if I would be allowed to. I could imagine some nurse telling me he has to leave and that would mean dh would have to leave. That would be horrible.

[mommycaroline]

Call the hospital and ask for maternity. Once you get that department, ask for the head nurse or nursing manager. She should be able to tell you hospital policy. And, then, guess what? It's your choice. If they say your son must leave, well, they're wrong. If you know the policy, you have every right to follow it. Don't let them intimidate you. If that's what you want, you can have it.

Good luck

[Teensy]

Can I offer another prospect? You have four months, could you find a friend or neighbor to have your DS get to know and build a relationship with in that time?

The hospital rooms I have seen have been, well, rather filthy - I would not want my children sitting on the floor. I also think your DS would be very bored in a hospital room while you labor and deliver. Plus, if an emergency were to happen and you need a c-section, your DS would not be allowed in the OR.

Perhaps there is a family in your neighborhood that you could start getting together on a regular basis with so that your DS would enjoy spending a day with?

Good luck and I hope you have a safe and healthy (and fast) delivery!

[Dodo]

If I was planning a hospital birth, I'd probably want the option of bringing my child or leaving her with friends, in which case I might do some trial overnights. Really depends on what you're comfortable with.

[lena_girl]

I have thought about trying to build a relationship between him and someone. The problems I have is that on my street every single person (except the weirdo next door) works and we only have 1 car so I am stuck at home. My other neighbor has offered to babysit, but I just don't trust them and besides, they smoke all day. I did meet a lady at La Leche (which I just started attending) who I will probably start doing "playdates" with. I guess I just feel like a loser about this situation because all my friends live too far away (at least an hour) which would be impossible for us based on how quickly my last labor went. We have some single friends at dh's work who love ds. I think that ds would be happy to be with them but would probably still need us once in awhile (well, at least the friends would). SO that's wear I had thought of him being at the hospital with them. We live like 10 min from the hospital so it would be easy for them to bring him back and forth if need be.

Okay, so I am rambling. I just keep running different ideas through my head. I really just wanted to know if it was crazy to think he could be at the hospital at all since I've never seen that. I guess I just need to call and ask. So anyway, thanks ladies. I will stop rambling now.

[snuffles]

I am in the exact same situation!

I have 3 kids, ages 6, 3, and 2. My 2 yr old dd is *very* attached to me, which is normal at this age. My 6 and 3 yr olds will be fine staying with friends. But the only person that I can think my 2 yr old would be comfortable staying with are my husband or my mother, who is 1200 miles away-- and b/c she works, it would difficult for her to come up here. Plus, I don't know if I want my mother around when I am laboring at home before I go to the hospital (horrible to say, I know!). Besides that, she would have to come a week before the baby is due, which is kind of cutting it close anyway, and then I have been known to go 10 days overdue. There is no way she could get that much time off of work.

But this time is going to be sooooooo stressful for my 2 yr old dd anyway, so I want to make it as easy as possible.. but am I the only one that doesn't want a child that young to see me in labor- in pain? I think that might scare her. She went with us to have the ultrasound and she really got upset when I laid down on the table-- she thought I was hurt or something. I can't imagine how she would react seeing me go through contractions. I plan to stay at home until the labor gets into the active phase, and before then I can put on a happy face for the kids. And as somebody else mentioned, I don't know if I want my kids in the hospital room.. those places aren't as clean as you might think.

So, my only real choice right now, I think, is to make my dd more comfortable with our friends here so that she can stay with them. Our really good friends are going to be gone until the end of August, so they *might* be here, but they might not. Homebirth is not an option for me either (the closest midwife being 1 1/2 hrs away, and my last labor being pretty fast.. I'm not comfortable with that).

One other thing that occured to me-- would it possible to stay with your family that is far away and deliver there? I thought about travelling down to my parents a few weeks before the baby is due, and staying there to deliver.. but that's not going to work out for us, for several reasons. Just a thought.

Mel

[BoxOfRainMama]

my 2 year old is a bolter. Meaning he bolts away from me as fast as he can at any chance.... He requires a lot of close watching and chasing. He will be no where near the hospital while Im in labor.... We would loose him for sure!

[Momma2LiamandTara]

I've been agonzing over the same thing. Thankfully we are moving to Milwaukee and will be close to my Sister whom my DS loves. The only problem is sleeping he will not fall asleep without me or daddy around. I guess he will poop out eventually and go to sleep. I don't want him to see me in labor he is so attached to me that it would freak him out. I might look into a homebirth or a birthing center for this one. It's a tough decision. I'm thankful also my sister has a son who is 5 1/2 months older nad when they are cranky they get along well. Good luck to everyone with this decision I understand the diffcuilty of it!

Ok quick oops! This is the month current son is born new one is due in Ocotber. Sorry everyone! Spacy pregenancy brain!

[MamaDaednu]

Our 2 1/2 year old will be staying at home with his babysitter. He sees her a couple times a month and absolutely loves her.
There's no way in heck we could bring him to the birth centre. I know I'd be concentrating on him instead of birthing. If I could hear him at all, I'd be thinking about him constantly and making sure he's okay. If he's at home (a 10 minute drive away) I know my husband will be close enough to go to him if he needs it, but far enough away that I don't feel responsible for him as I labour.
Equally as important is that he's a very kind, sensitive child. He'd be concerned for me the whole time. I don't think he'd be scared because if the last labour was anything to go by - I'm extremely controlled and don't scream or do anything loud. He just really tunes into things and I wouldn't want him to have to worry at all. If he's home with the babysitter then it's a very positive experience for him, too.

~Daednu