Unplanned pregnancies

[allisonrose]

I'm currently expecting my third child. While I did have some "baby fever" and thought this summer would be a good time to have another little one, I am now a bit overwhelmed by the prospect of another baby.

When people tell me congratulations, I feel weird, as if congratulations aren't in order. And then telling my dad, he asked if it was a "terrible surprise" and I told him that it was a surprise but not a terrible one.

I wonder if these feeling are normal with an unplanned pregnancy or what....
Thoughts?

[JoyfamMama]

Yes, they are totally normal. What's NOT normal (IMHO) is for anyone to make comments about who chooses to have another baby, whether it was a surprise or not. 

Just give yourself some time to work through all the emotions and feelings, and to get used to the idea. You will probably be surprised how quickly you will find yourself getting excited. And remember that being overwhelmed is a NORMAL human emotion. ..there is nothing wrong with you for feeling that way *hug*

[allisonrose]

The ironic thing is that I am one of three children.

I was excited at first then started thinking about how to arrange carseats, how I will go grocery shopping. My older son will be eligible for kindergarten next year, but he is just a week ahead of the cut off date and his preschool teacher is currently leaning towards recommending another year of preschool. There are the challenges of two napping children on different schedules.

[loveandgarbage]

I think your feelings are very normal. I was also excited (yet shocked) when I found out about my third, and then dread started creeping in. Now I'm back to being excited, but I'm not as over-the-moon as I was with my younger two. And I try not to feel guilty about that. This baby will be just as loved and cherished. But YES adding a third creates some logistical issues. And I personally worry about losing my special bond with my older two, although I know it will just change and morph and that's just how it is.

Is the recommendation for another year of preschool more based on emotional/social maturity or academic readiness? If I were in your shoes, and my kid was emotionally ready for K, I'd push to have him go. My kids are a bit older for the cut-off than your son (bdays in July and August with a Sept 1 cut-off date) but they are still among the youngest in their classes and I've had them go "on time". DS2 will start next Fall and I think that will make all the difference in the world for my sanity.

[dayiscoming2006]

I made the school cut off date by 2 days and had some trouble in school that I would say was directly related to it. I ended up in title one and wasn't quite ready for certain concepts when they were introduced. I did fine in school, around average, but I do think I would have done better if my parents had waited. They say girls are usually faster than boys with mental maturity as well. So, I would recommend considering another year of preschool even if it will be more difficult for you in the short term.

As far as feeling overwhelmed about another pregnancy... I am with ya and I actually planned this one. I keep going through thoughts of "What in the world was I thinking. Have I lost my mind?" LOL I try to stay calm and I am somewhat excited, but a little nervous to be having 4 young kiddos. I homeschool, so there's no sending them off. I know it'll be good eventually, but pregnancy sucks and the first 3-6 months are tough after the baby is born... and the whole labor and delivery things is kind of scary after reading my birth stories from my other kids and remembering how bad it gets. But, yeah, you are perfectly normal. And things will be OK. 

[allisonrose]

loveandgarbage - It is a combination of both I believe. His teacher said he's not all that interested in the academic stuff. He'd rather just play which she indicated is very normal for his age. He is an energetic little boy which makes me wonder if waiting would be better for him. As his mama, I also feel he is a bright kid.

dayiscoming2006 - Thanks for the first hand account. I have an uncle who was on the young side and he said he wouldn't recommend it.

[cynthiamoon]

I am unexpectedly pregnant with my first, and I empathize. For me, excitement comes when I think about being a part of the circle of life and all that heart-pounding family love stuff that makes my boyfriend and I get all mooney and horny again... Then we remember the massive life changes ahead, the lack of sleep, the interruption of my school plans... And dread sets in.

[sweetmamaleh]

I'm so relieved to find this thread -- I am pregnant with my third, totally unexpected, and I go back and forth between "this is going to be great!" and "Oh my god what have we done"  lol.  I'm an only child so sometimes it is hard for me to imagine having enough energy/time/money for three although I know many many people have more than three all the time.  

I think the important thing is to know we're not perfect and not to strive for perfection -- and to know it's okay to have doubts and good to air them so you don't keep it in and feel worse.  

[bmcneal]

I'm unexpectedly pregnant with my third, and I'm going between "This is so exciting!" and "Oh my gosh, what have I done?!?" Of course, for me, there are some extenuating circumstances that make it more difficult, but hopefully, I'll just be happy, soon. :)

[shenny07]

Glad I found this thread I was beginning to feel a little nutty.

We 100% planned this pregnancy talked about it for months about the perfect timing used OPK's to time it and everything.

First month trying found out I was pregnant 10dpo thought I would be soo excited and I was so disappointment with myself because I when I found out I wasn't elated like I expected. All I can think is OMG What were we thinking???

I am not 28 weeks and when people say congratulations, I have to force fake a smile....

I know I will love him to peices and I cant wait to snuggle and breastfeed again but I feel like I have slighted my DD who just turned 3 and will loose out on special mama time and all I can see sometimes is the added complication.

 I feel like people look at us like we are ridiculous because we are a large blended family. So this will make baby #6 (DS15 DS12,10 year old twin DD's and DD3) but only DD3 is at home full time and she is the youngest by 7 years so we really wanted her to have a sibiling at home with her close in age. Sometimes our house is a zoo but that what family is all about right?? but I am almost embarrassed to tell people sometimes because of their reactions.

I feel so guilty for the way I feel because 5 years ago we had a full term loss and it was the hardest thing I have ever been through and I feel like I should cherish every second because it might be all get with him but I just cant.....

Sorry for hijacking the thread I have been struggling alot with this, thanks for listening

[Voondrop]

I felt the same way when I found out I was pregnant w/ #3, 1 week after #2 turned 1. There was some guilt like I had robbed my daughter of her special mommy time by getting pregnant again so soon. But, honestly it worked out great. She didn't feel robbed, 9 months was plenty of time for her to adjust & get excited. And then I found out 1 in 3 pregnancies are unplanned.

Well, here we are w/ #4, a baby I had prayed for. #3 will be 3 when baby is born so we waited for a good spacing & I was excited the whole time it was my private secret but as soon as I told & nausea hit I was struggling to find reasons to be happy. We are as financially broke as we've ever been.

But I hear you Shenny, we've crossed the 2.5 line & people are not nearly as congratulatory as they are w/ #1 & 2, especially as they were a boy & girl so people assumed we would be done & have no need/desire for another little person to love.

[cynthiamoon]

For us, part of the added stress is that it's not just THIS ONE "oops" changing things.... it's our WHOLE TIMELINE of having kids that's changed because as soon as we got this surprise, we started talking about timing and how many because my SO thinks it's really important that they not be too far apart (like my siblings) and while I agree, it makes me worry because I was hoping to have a few more years getting into a professional groove before the family phase of my life, but it could be nice because then we'll still be pretty young as empty nesters. 

For those of you stressing about a 4th or 6th kiddo, I'm sorry about the judgement you get from adults, but as a kid, I was often jealous of big families because they just seemed so ALIVE in a way my quiet little house just wasn't. I have 5 older siblings, but was alone at home from age 7 onward. I think being part of that madness makes kids more independent while also making them better understand cooperation in a way I wish I'd had. Big family kids can't depend on parents for as much daily help, but they have more ways in which they can depend on family as a whole, and more ways in which to be dependable for their family. Some of those friends were then jealous of me because I had privacy, only the basic chores to do, and because money was spread less thin with just one kid. The grass really is always greener on the other side, and the only way out of that mentality is time and maturity! 

SO is thinking just 2 kids, MAYBE 3, while I am leaning towards 3, MAYBE 4. :) We'll see! 

[gurl8203]

I am on my 5th planned pregnancy and let me tell you, I always go through a period of "Oh no, what have we done?!" right at the beginning of each. So, I think what you're feeling is totally normal, maybe I am the weird one ;) A new baby always brings a lot of new changes and adjustments, but you are an experienced mom already, you'll be able to handle it. If its any encouragement, in my experience adding the 3rd baby was the easiest, since the older two (2 & 4yrs at the time) could entertain each other while I took care of the baby. I just try to remember that a new baby is always a blessing that I never regret and am always sooo thankful for in the end!

[emily11megan]

allisonrose- our kids are about the same ages: DD 9/17/08, DS 1/26/11 and one due mid-Aug/13  I planned all three, but I'm freaking out a little now that it's actually happening.  I'm glad to see that I'm not alone.  I really am excited, and do want a large family, but for some reason the hormones and thoughts are at odds sometimes.

voondrop- I know!  I feel like that too, since I had a girl, then a boy, I should be satisfied and not have more.  People are less enthusiastic about it this time, which is REALLY bumming me out.  As if they forget that 2.5 means plenty of people have more than 2 kids.  I feel personally like having no kids is crazy, but I don't say that to people that choose to have none.  I just trust them to make the right decision for them, while knowing it wouldn't be for me.  And I'm happy for their freedom, or whatever they get that they desire.  Even my parents are like "....oh, congrats...oh, you planned this one too:...."  Sigh, people.  Yes, I love being pregnant, I love birthing, I love having babies, I love having a crazy house full of crayon-covered walls.  Get used to it.  This is me.

[AntoninBeGonin]

Great thread!  I'm also (probably) unexpectedly expecting another baby.  I'm not 100% sure yet because I haven't had a positive test but I'm four days late.  Right now I'm just going to assume I'm pregnant until I know otherwise.  Kinda funny, if I am pregnant and this one sticks he or she will be baby three (not counting my miscarriage).  Right now we don't have a vehicle big enough for five people!  We might have to go car shopping soon.