help with no cry sleep method! Im about to give up

[raetay10]

We have been working on the no cry method for almost 2 weeks and its more of a fight now than when we started! My son is 9 months and very stubborn! I have him on a pretty firm schedule
Wt 6:30 nap 1 9:30 nap 2 2:00 bed time 7:00
He will not nap more than 20-30 min at a time and he absolutely refuses to sleep without nursing! On a good night he wakes up 3-4 times and on bad nights it can be ad much as 10+ times! I dont know how to night wean or where to even start but the plantley pull off goes over like a lead balloon with him! And he has to be completely asleep before he will let me lay him in his crib. Im at my wits end please someone help! How long did it take for you to success with the no cry method?

[petitpois]

First, I hope you haven't given up, and if you have tried cio, you can always re-introduce gentle methods. It's so important that you're following your instincts to take care of your baby's needs and also do what's best for your family. It's really hard not sleeping enough, but baby's early emotional experiences have life-long impact. Speaking from my experience of sleeping no more than 4hrs at a time for 9 months, then baby sleeping through the night at 10m, with no crying (and she's as stubborn as anyone), it feels so good to know that I figured out what she needed and made changes so everyone could sleep better. 

Next, it sounds like you might have unrealistic expectations. Can you explain in more detail what you've been doing so people can help you better? 

I don't really thing there is any one single no-cry method, and the key is always to make gradual gentle changes. I used Pantley as well as Harvey Karp's recent book on sleep, The Happiest Baby Guide to Great Sleep, and both were really helpful, but you always have to choose what to try at a particular time. Two weeks doesn't sound like long enough to me unless the baby as waiting for the change. I also wonder if maybe you'd get better results (and also lasting, stable results, unlike CIO) if you worked on something "easier" than the pull-off first, and move on to that once you have some progress in another area. Your baby might not be ready to give up feeding to sleep NOW, but he might in a few weeks when things are a little different.

You mentioned he needs to be asleep before you can lay him down - this was one thing I worked on early, following Karp's advice, and I think it helped with the rest of the process. There's more to it than "put them down drowsy but awake" - you sort of have to find what your baby will accept, e.g. mostly asleep then laying down with your arm still around him or your hand on his belly untl he falls asleep, then gradually putting him down earlier and/or doing less. But really, one change at a time, and SLOOOOW incremental changes. 

I hope you'll get some more specific advice from people who had/solved issues with the Pantley pull-off, but don't give up! You'll be so glad you didn't!

[wilddreamergrl]

Your son sounds like mine was at 9 months. We tried the No Cry Sleep Solution, and while various aspects of it did help, we are a not a success story. My son is almost 19 months old and still wakes up 4-6 times a night. (We are down from 10-12, though.) It is the hardest thing EVER, but I can't let my little one cry it out. I wish I had more encouragement to offer - but I can't really say it'll get better. What I CAN say is that the relationship you are building is worth months, even years, of no sleep. My toddler is so sweetly in love with his mama, and we have a deep trust, and even though sometimes I feel like I am going insane, it is worth it.

[Katmoons]

This sounds exactly like my dd! We are on day 3 of the Pantley Gently Pull-off method and now dd will unlatch herself but fuss, rub her face, get frustrated then cry and we go back to nursing until I can pull off again. Now that she unlatches herself she still can't put herself to sleep and we're both getting stressed and frustrated. Also, she's been waking up from 3-4am ever since we started "sleep training".

We came from 6 to 10 night wakings and are now down to 5-8 thanks to dh helping out and sleeping next to her crib.

[katelove]

9 months is very young for parent-initiated night weaning IMO. At that age I would think most babies still have both nutritional and comfort reasons for feeding at night. There are so many things happening developmentally as well, I think frequent night wakings are pretty common. I found offering the breast every hour during the day helped a bit. My LO was so distracted by things going on but couldn't feed and look at the same time so was making up for it overnight. Frequent daytime feedings helped a bit but it was something she had to grow out of.

Regarding the daytime sleeps. Is he showing signs of tiredness when you settle him? If not, maybe he would settle more easily/sleep for longer if you waited for his cues.

Overall the thing which helped me most with the more difficult sleep patterns was constantly reminding myself that they would change again soon. I also tried to avoid negative characterisations like "stubborn". Babies aren't stubborn or defiant or trying to make life difficult. They're just simple little mammals who need food and warmth and security :-)