Visitation schedule question

[chefmommy]

Ok I need some clarification here.

Holidays are from 9am-7:30pm - I have Christmas day & new years eve this year/he has Christmas eve & NY day.

Christmas break is to be split evenly (11 days total)

So I get that we have to split 1 day in half to make this even, but, do the holiday hours apply here. Does he get 9am-7pm on christmas eve or because we have to split the break it that out the window?

He wants night of 21st -l night of the 24th  + night of 27th - night of 28th + new years day.

I really don't want that long stretch from the 21-24 away from them.

Do we follow holiday times or is that out the window?

[chefmommy]

[rubelin]

Who usually gets them the weekend of the 21st?? We don't do any special "holiday break" schedule and usually treat the weekends as part of the regular schedule unless the holiday actually lands on a weekend. We do the same with our weekly overnight schedule. My XH has never requested to have the kids extra just because it's a school/summer holiday. He's offered to pick them up a little early if he gets off work early or send them home later if he has a day off, but that's it.

This year, the holiday is right after a regular Daddy weekend, so my kids will be with him from the 22nd (his weekend starts at 8am on Saturdays because he wants his Friday nights free) to the morning of the 25th - he always has them all day on Christmas Eve until about 8am on Christmas Morning (because that's how it was spent when we were together - his family on the eve, mine on the day). Plus, his dad's family always does a party the weekend before Christmas, which happens to be late this year so it all works out.

my kids are 8 & 12 and this is the 5th holiday since we split up. When they were littler (up to 2 yrs ago when XH started dating and wanted more non-parenting time), we didn't go more than 2 days with them being away from either parent.

Sorry I can't help more, but maybe this gives you some ideas.

[Kate&Joey]

I guess I was a little confused as to what you were asking.  In DH's case, they split the entire Christmas/winter holiday break.  It alternates.  This year, DH gets DSD from the time school gets out until noon on 12/26.  DSD's mother would have the rest of the break until school starts back (1/7, I think). 

Now the past two years, the two of them agreed (shockingly) to basically share the break evenly.  If this happens again this year, DH will get DSD from 12/19 through 12/27 or 12/28.  Since school gets out so early this year, we have our doubts DSD's mother will agree to that.  But if she doesn't, we won't agree to extend her time when she goes "first" next year.  DH would pick up DSD on 12/26, per their divorce agreement.

Does that make sense?

[floss&ferd]

My kids are all in school.   By our state guidelines, I get them the first week of break this year and he gets the second.   He also gets them from noon-5pm on Christmas day.   I rather have the days in chunks than constantly shuffling them back and forth.  But my kids are 9 and 10 so do better being away from for more days than if they were younger.

[hillymum]

We will be alternating this routine every year. From the last day of school to Christmas Day 4pm I will have the boys, and he picks them up at 3pm Christmas Day and returns them The day before school starts at 5pm.

[chefmommy]

I like splitting the week much better, Especially since we cannot get along or compromise on anything. I offered him Thanksgiving weekend cuz his family was in town. Mine will be here the week before Christmas - so I wanted that weekend, but, he wants it also. We are supposed to split the week evenly.

How does this work when we both want the same time??? 

Don't know what to do! 

[greenemami]

Who is supposed to have that weekend per the usual schedule? I would probably default to that and/or try to come to an agreement about specifically splitting the break to use for this and future years...i.e. odd years A gets the first half of break, starting the first day they have off, ending the last day before they return to school, B has the second half, even years the reverse.  Or whatever.  To avoid having this same conflict every.single.year though, I would definitely spell it out as clearly as possible for the future.  I think the way you have the holidays split up, it is going to be hard to just split the week in half, so maybe think about changing that just for simplicity's sake?

As for how it works when you both want the same time...one of you will have to blink if you can't compromise :( Does he want them for some specific event that weekend that you could promise to accomodate if you could have them the rest of the weekend? Depending on your usual schedule, maybe you could agree to split that weekend if it works for your events and isn't too disruptive for the kids?  I.e. you could have them Friday until Sat dinnertime, he could have them Saturday night through Christmas Eve, etc.  Just brainstorming out loud here. 

We have finally gotten to the point where we don't fight about stuff like this, but it has taken a long time and a lot of specifying to get there!