siblings keeping each other awake at night

[loveandgarbage]

My boys share a bedroom and nighttime routine. Not only do I enjoy them sharing a bedroom because that frees up a spare room for our office/guest room/craft space, but I think younger siblings really benefit from a shared space. I remember talking with my sister late at night and it was both a special time and also comforting. HOWEVER my kids are nuts. They don't just talk sweetly before drifting into slumber. After we say good night they rumble, wrestle, throw things at each other, get into fights, rile each other up, hatch mischievous plans to wreck the upstairs bathroom, etc. DH and I put up with some of this behavior, as all kids need to settle in their own ways, but recently it's been 2+ hours of this every night. They are exhausted the next day. Timing bedtime differently doesn't seem to help.

So I'm wondering, for others who have kids who share a room, how do your kids manage to sleep? We're tried a bunch of approaches-- taking things away, giving ultimatums, talking it out, reasoning, etc. And nothing seems to work. If they went to sleep in different rooms I doubt they'd be up 2 hrs past bedtime. But I really want them to continue to share a room! Help please.

[34me]

Honestly, I put my younger boy to bed first.  He was always my out like a light kid and so that way he was asleep before his brother went to bed (they are also two years apart - 10 years older than your 2 :-) ).  They still share a room but my 16 yo tends to sleep in a shed in the back yard theese days.

[alaskanmomma]

I'd put them to bed at different times. DD and DS share a room, and while my DD is older, she requires more sleep, so she goes to bed first, while she's in there pouting and howling, DS is getting his crazies out, settling down, and getting closer to being ready to sleep. She is out when she's asleep, so when DS pitches a fit when he has to go to bed, it's ok.. but if it was reversed, he'd wake up. 

I've been told it's "not fair" since she's older by the IL's, but *shrug* works for us, and both kids get the sleep they need :)!

[Ragana]

My kids are 3 1/2 years apart and we have put them to bed at different times for a while now. Even when they went to bed at the same time when they were very young, we played books on CD for them at bedtime - they listened to that and didn't bug each other.
 

[loveandgarbage]

Thanks for the feedback.

[liberal_chick]

I'm having the same problem with my oldest 2 guys, but I'm afraid I'd have a rebellion on my hand if I put ds2 to bed first!  To say he's a bit attached to ds1 would be an understatement.  And we don't have the options of different rooms since we're currently in a 2 bedroom house.

[Peony]

Youngest goes to bed first. It is a rebellion, she HATES it but i won't/can't do it any other way because they won't sleep otherwise. I actually had to move up the 6y old's bedtime so there is enough time for her to be asleep deeply by the time DD1 comes in, it feels like musical chairs honestly! And yeah, there would be no talking sweetly to each other with my girls. They are either plotting trouble together or attempting to kill each other, either way is bad news for me. We have 6 of us in a 3 bedroom house and I know this room sharing thing won't be lasting forever, at least with the girls. Otherwise I'm afraid one just might murder the other one in their sleep someday. 

[loveandgarbage]

Originally Posted by liberal_chick 

I'm having the same problem with my oldest 2 guys, but I'm afraid I'd have a rebellion on my hand if I put ds2 to bed first!  To say he's a bit attached to ds1 would be an understatement.  And we don't have the options of different rooms since we're currently in a 2 bedroom house.

Exactly! As much as I know it would make sense to put them to bed separately I just don't see that happening in our house. I might try to play around with "quieting down" time, though? Maybe separating them right before bed so that DS1 can read and DS2 can draw or something. But some nights I put the kids to bed without DH's help so this might not work.

[dovey]

I have three kids, and we manage to get them all in bed at the same time.  I think it works because they've developed a habit of always doing it the same way.  Once they are in bed, there is not the option of getting out again to rough house.  My partner reads to the family every night for about half an hour from a novel, and then it's time to sleep.  Either me or my partner stays with the kids until everyone is asleep.  If they get enough exercise during the day, usually everyone is asleep within about 15 minutes after reading. 

[cuttyhunker]

I don't have an answer for you but just wanted to say I feel you! My guys are two years apart, share a room, and are either up like this at bedtime or wake up at 5:30am to start at it.

[Mummoth]

What about doing an incentives program? For example, give them each 3 of something, just something small like dominoes or ping pong balls, whatever. Then you set your ground rules. No getting out of your bed, no throwing things, no yelling, etc. Each time they do something they aren't supposed to, they lose one of their dominos. Whenever they keep or save up 3 dominoes, they can trade it in for a treat (sticker, cookie, whatever.... something small/cheap but they will place some value on) Once they've got a handle on it, they could have to save up more/longer for a bigger treat, like swimming on the weekend, or something like that.

[LadyCatherine185]

Mine are a bit younger (2 & 4) and the shared bedroom is a new thing for them (about 3 weeks ago) but I will share what has worked for us so far--

typically they wrestle/rough house with DH for about 30 minutes each evening, so they get it out of their system before bedtime

they are in bunk beds, so they can't see eachother..

I stay in the room until DS2 is asleep (usually less than 5 minutes)

the lights are off, white noise is on

if DS1 gets out of bed or talks, he gets a warning first and then a consequence (usually just needs a warning)

the 2 year old is a little young to understand and still needs someone to sit with him until asleep, but the 4 yo knows the rule is to stay in bed at lights out 

the first couple days, DS1 kept getting out of bed and climbing in bed with DS2 (which woke him up and he didn't want DS1 in bed with him), so we made a sticker chart.. for each night that DS1 stayed in bed all night, he got a sticker. After 7 stickers, he got a "prize".. this worked like a charm for him.

both of my boys are early risers (between 5-6) and pretty much always have been.. no matter WHAT time they go to bed. So for us, it is very important to stick to their bedtime so they get enough sleep. If they go to bed too late one night, they are a WRECK the next few days.

[Monkeygrrl]

My boys are 10 and 6.5. They've been sleeping in the same room together since they were 5.5 and 2. 

Before child #1 turned 10, this was their routine: 

:: 8pm - showers, brush teeth, jammies, pick out a movie (they had odd/even days for movie choices)

:: 9pm - in bed with movie on

Now that child #1 is 10, their routine looks like this:

:: 8pm - 6.5yo showers, etc, in bed by 830pm

:: 9pm - 10yo showers, etc. Sometimes he chooses a movie, sometimes not.

If they are acting crazy when they are supposed to be in bed, they lose the movie. If they continue after that, they lose other things. Since that is not preferable to them, they don't usually act out.

Now, when child #2 was little, sometimes he would stay in bed, sometimes not. We started transitioning him to his own bed when he turned, so it was iffy. But for the most part, he stayed to watch the movie. As he got older, it was more likely that he stayed and went to sleep.