4 year old not managing well in school - advice needed! - Page 2

[mommy68]

Originally Posted by J1379 

Well was I ever blindsided - the teacher literally (I wish I were exagerating!) went on for 25 minutes about all the concerns she has about him before even voicing one positive.  I could barely speak I was so upset and felt the tears developing in my eyes.  The teacher told me that she was very concerned about his behaviour, that he is repetitive and at times "obsessive" (as she put it) in his play, does not engage children and does not give her eye contact.  She said he has no focus or attention and acts "silly" all day.  She said he does not follow direction well and tends to spend all his free time playing/acting silly with another boy in the class who also acts similarly.  When I observed him in class I saw a totally different child from my child at home - he was acting silly that is for sure but when he was in circle time he gnawed on his fingers constantly (I have never ever observed my child do this) which I see as a sign of anxiety.  She even told me that if he continues this way he will not be successful in older grades - quite a weighted statement for a 4 year old.  The only positive comments she had was about how intelligent and bright he is.

uhhh.....he's 4. ??? who cares what SHE thinks. He is getting an early start as it is. Kindergarten isn't necessary anyway. Why not cut him back to a part day kindergarten or take him out and try again next year when he is a bit older. He would likely be happier at home being silly all day!! My kids loved being silly at that age.

[J1379]

A little update!  DH and I made the decision to move schools/programs.  And I am happy to say it has made all the difference in the world!!!!!!!!!  We moved DS to a half-day program (really not even half a day - the program is 2.5 hrs vs. 6.5 hrs in the full day program).  His behaviour literally changed almost overnight.  He is back to the boy I knew before he started school and is doing very well in the program!  I met with his teacher after his first week and she was so pleased with how he has transitioned and had nothing but incredibly good things to say about him.  In fact, she asked me what was going on in the old school that prompted me to change him (she didn't want to know at the beginning because she wanted him to start with a clean slate and make her own assessment of things which I thought was FANTASTIC!).  When I told her what was happening and what his past teacher had to say she was shocked.  She said that my son is very bright and she has been challenging him with more advanced work which has really kept his focus and engaged him in the program.  She noted that he does have trouble making decisions in choosing which centre to play/work at but that she just provides him with two choices when it is time to move to a new centre (choose this or this - which one?) and made sure to demonstrate each centre to him at the start and now he has worked at each centre and chooses different things each day.  The frustration of this all is that these same strategies are things that I spoke to his previous teacher about and I was told that they would not possibly work for him!  She has also been engaging him in small group activities with other students to help him to play with different students in the class and although she said in his first few days he was very anxious and shy that by the end of the week he was playing with a variety of students and engaging with many different children. No comments about silly behaviour at all!  I really do think it was all fatigue related - we have noticed a HUGE change at home.  His behaviour has been amazing and he is our old child again...engaging in play with us, having great conversations and funny enough - he has actually been sleeping more since starting this program.  I think he may have just gotten into a pattern of overtired-ness.

His current teacher also told me that she could tell he had not been given any direction at his previous school and actually made several comments about the fact that it was obvious to her that it was the program that was failing my DS - not my DS who had the "issues".  I am in love with his teacher!!!  She gets my DS more after one week than his previous teacher did after almost 4 months!!!!  This has been a great experience so far and all I have to say is that us Moms really do need to stick with our gut.  We know our children best and despite what an "expert" may be telling us we need to stick with our gut feeling on things and do what we know to be right for our children to succeed!

[ollyoxenfree]

Thanks for the great update. It's wonderful to hear how well he is doing now.