the thought of santa scares my 3yr old DD, she's actually mentioned that she is happy to not have a chimney... Santa is just a fictitious character to us, he exists wherever we see him :P
To my nearly 3-year-old, Santa is a costume that sometimes comes with candy. He knows two things about Santa: 1. we take pictures with Santa, 2. Sanda gives candy. He doesn't (yet) associate Santa with anything else that I know of.
He understands that it's a costume because we all dressed up as Santa with a bunch of other people for a local charity event. So he knows there can be Santa-dogs and Santa-babies and other Santas, some who are old white dudes with beards and some who aren't.
We're not going to tell him anything untrue but we're not going out of our way to tell him "Santa isn't real". We're just going to answer questions honestly.
We've always told our kids "Santa is a story that some kids believe." That leaves room for his friends to believe it - he's not telling them "it's not real." Same for the tooth fairy!
My children believe in Saint Nicholas, who really did walk this earth, and when they see gifts in their shoes on Saint Nicholas' feast day morning (tomorrow, December 6) they'll probably know it's me. We don't own or watch TV so seeing programming with Santa isn't a problem.
I tell my kids about Santa, and probably won't ever say there ISN'T a Santa, but I'm sure they'll figure it out. Even at 21 my dad signs all my gifts From: Santa haha.
I have friends who don't have their children believe in Santa, and they usually say something along the lines of other kids DO believe in Santa and to not ruin the surprise. Usually the kids are really respectful of the fact other children do believe in him, and play along for their friends sake :)
We tell DD that some families believe in Santa Claus, and we should respect their beliefs. When a random stranger asks DD what she asked Santa for, I respond, "We are Jewish, and do not celebrate Christmas." DD has now actually started responding that way, herself, when asked by someone. I was raised Lutheran, so we have also had the discussion (numerous times!) about why Christmas is important to my parents, since it celebrates the birth of Jesus, an important person in their religion.
We tell DD that some families believe in Santa Claus, and we should respect their beliefs. When a random stranger asks DD what she asked Santa for, I respond, "We are Jewish, and do not celebrate Christmas." DD has now actually started responding that way, herself, when asked by someone. I was raised Lutheran, so we have also had the discussion (numerous times!) about why Christmas is important to my parents, since it celebrates the birth of Jesus, an important person in their religion.
I think that might come across as rude because I am actually not Christian.
I think that might come across as rude because I am actually not Christian.
I'm not sure how that comes across as rude. The PP appears to not identify with Christianity anymore (I am guessing that she married a Jewish person but was raised as a Lutheran but is now identifying as a Jewish family?). I think it would perhaps be perceived as rude if she was just randomly claiming to be Jewish to avoid the Santa issue.
Yay this! It's what's best for your family. If you're comfortable, your kids will be too. There's no need for anyone to imply that people who choose to allow their children to believe in Santa for a period of time are liars. Regardless of what you believe and tell your children, the season is for giving and hope and love and all that stuff!!
I think that might come across as rude because I am actually not Christian.
I'm not sure how that comes across as rude. The PP appears to not identify with Christianity anymore (I am guessing that she married a Jewish person but was raised as a Lutheran but is now identifying as a Jewish family?). I think it would perhaps be perceived as rude if she was just randomly claiming to be Jewish to avoid the Santa issue.
Yes, that's exactly it. I married into a Jewish family, and that is how we are raising our daughter. We *are* a Jewish family, despite the fact that I have never officially converted (and DH is reform, not orthodox or conservative, so the whole matrilineal thing isn't as big a deal, we've just found a synagogue that is open to inter-faith families). Just because I was raised Christian, does not mean I am now. And how would a stranger even know that? I don't go into my religious beliefs with my own parents, let alone a stranger at the mall!! 
I'm not sure what part of my comment you considered rude, do you mind enlightening me? Obviously, if you're not Jewish, yes, it would be rude to pretend that you are. But I do feel that families who do 'believe' in Santa Claus should have their traditions respected. We teach our DD about the meaning behind many religious holidays: Christmas, Ramadan, Diwali, Passover, etc. It's a diverse world, and I want her to learn from the very beginning about other religions, and how to respect beliefs that are different from our own. She knows the Christmas story (hard not to, when neighbors on all sides have nativity scenes set up, got to tell her something!), but she knows it as a story, not 'fact' in a way that someone who is Christian would tell the story.
We also don't completely exclude Santa...that's impossible! (At least here in the South it is). But DD views Santa as a character, much like Tinker Bell or Little Red Riding Hood. We don't do the whole asking Santa for gifts thing, but she does go up and say hi to him if we happen to come across Santa (this is happened at a neighborhood event this past weekend).
Our DD's best friend believes in Santa, and this is the first year DD really feels the urge to tell someone Santa's not real, so this is all very much a work-in-progress!
Yes, that's exactly it. I married into a Jewish family, and that is how we are raising our daughter. We *are* a Jewish family, despite the fact that I have never officially converted (and DH is reform, not orthodox or conservative, so the whole matrilineal thing isn't as big a deal, we've just found a synagogue that is open to inter-faith families). Just because I was raised Christian, does not mean I am now. And how would a stranger even know that? I don't go into my religious beliefs with my own parents, let alone a stranger at the mall!!
I'm not sure what part of my comment you considered rude, do you mind enlightening me? Obviously, if you're not Jewish, yes, it would be rude to pretend that you are. But I do feel that families who do 'believe' in Santa Claus should have their traditions respected. We teach our DD about the meaning behind many religious holidays: Christmas, Ramadan, Diwali, Passover, etc. It's a diverse world, and I want her to learn from the very beginning about other religions, and how to respect beliefs that are different from our own. She knows the Christmas story (hard not to, when neighbors on all sides have nativity scenes set up, got to tell her something!), but she knows it as a story, not 'fact' in a way that someone who is Christian would tell the story.
We also don't completely exclude Santa...that's impossible! (At least here in the South it is). But DD views Santa as a character, much like Tinker Bell or Little Red Riding Hood. We don't do the whole asking Santa for gifts thing, but she does go up and say hi to him if we happen to come across Santa (this is happened at a neighborhood event this past weekend).
Our DD's best friend believes in Santa, and this is the first year DD really feels the urge to tell someone Santa's not real, so this is all very much a work-in-progress!
Sorry, i just re-read your earlier post. I missed the part about if a complete stranger asks. I didn't mean to say you were rude. I wasn't born and raised here so I don't want to come across as snooty. I don't know, I'd rather not discuss it with anyone whether we celebrate it or not. Dh was raised Christian and doesn't celebrate it either. Some holidays sort of cross the religious boundary and are more a cultural thing. Christmas is a big American holiday.
Sorry, i just re-read your earlier post. I missed the part about if a complete stranger asks. I didn't mean to say you were not rude. I wasn't born and raised here so I don't want to come across as snooty. I don't know, I'd rather not discuss it with anyone whether we celebrate it or not. Dh was raised Christian and doesn't celebrate it either. Some holidays sort of cross the religious boundary and are more a cultural thing. Christmas is a big American holiday.
You are right, Christmas is a big cultural holiday. A few years ago, I felt the same way about not discussing it with anyone, especially since my own personal beliefs do not really fit in one box (why I never converted to Judaism). When DD was younger, we just never brought up Santa, and we lived in NJ in a development that was predominantly Indian/Pakistani, so it was easy to do this. If someone wished us a Merry Christmas, I just said thank you or happy holidays. If someone asked DD what Santa was getting her this year....well, DD is very shy and that pretty much solved our problem right there...she just wouldn't respond. Most of the time, strangers would just assume she couldn't talk. 
Then DD got older, we moved to the South, and Christmas is EVERYWHERE. And she started asking why people wished us a Merry Christmas. That's when I changed the way I responded. Of course, that works for us, but not necessarily for everyone.
I actually stopped celebrating Christmas long before I married my Jewish husband. And, I will admit, it was much easier when we lived overseas. It is an incredibly inflated holiday here in the US.
From your previous posts, it sounds like your DD is a believer in Santa. And you are trying to figure out how to tell her he's not real? It sounds like the situation is made harder by the fact that one set of grandparents leave presents under their tree from 'Santa', for your DD? Are you comfortable with that? I grew up with Santa gifts, but was very adamant with my parents that they not do the same for my DD. Not sure what your relationship is like with that set of grandparents; can you ask them to not give DD a Santa gift? That might open the path to having a discussion with her about the myth of Santa.
To counterbalance the Christmas/Santa craziness, we really play up all the big Jewish holidays, and make them as fun as possible (with 'fun' meaning more family activities, not more gift-giving). Passover is a huge event in our house, same with Rosh Hashanah, and during Chanukah we spend 8 nights of family activities (reading together, playing games together, cooking together, etc).
Whatever your religion is (or if you are atheist), I have found it helps my daughter deal with the excess of Christmas that surrounds us here, if she has her own fun, family traditions at other times of the year. So, when she asks "Why don't we get to celebrate Christmas", I can respond with, "We have lots of other holidays that we celebrate instead, like finding the afikomen at Passover, and dressing up at Purim, etc etc.)
But the truth is, there is no easy answer.
WOW. I am absolutely appalled! We get strangers out and about asking DD about what she wants from Santa and that whole routine too. If DD is interested in the conversation, she will usually reply with, "Santa is just a story." When she was younger, we would just politely say, "We don't do Santa," just as you did. We have never had someone so rude like that! They have always just said, "Oh, okay," and went on. Where does this woman think it is her place to try to insist to your child that Santa will get him something?!!
You are right, Christmas is a big cultural holiday. A few years ago, I felt the same way about not discussing it with anyone, especially since my own personal beliefs do not really fit in one box (why I never converted to Judaism). When DD was younger, we just never brought up Santa, and we lived in NJ in a development that was predominantly Indian/Pakistani, so it was easy to do this. If someone wished us a Merry Christmas, I just said thank you or happy holidays. If someone asked DD what Santa was getting her this year....well, DD is very shy and that pretty much solved our problem right there...she just wouldn't respond. Most of the time, strangers would just assume she couldn't talk.
Then DD got older, we moved to the South, and Christmas is EVERYWHERE. And she started asking why people wished us a Merry Christmas. That's when I changed the way I responded. Of course, that works for us, but not necessarily for everyone.
I actually stopped celebrating Christmas long before I married my Jewish husband. And, I will admit, it was much easier when we lived overseas. It is an incredibly inflated holiday here in the US.
From your previous posts, it sounds like your DD is a believer in Santa. And you are trying to figure out how to tell her he's not real? It sounds like the situation is made harder by the fact that one set of grandparents leave presents under their tree from 'Santa', for your DD? Are you comfortable with that? I grew up with Santa gifts, but was very adamant with my parents that they not do the same for my DD. Not sure what your relationship is like with that set of grandparents; can you ask them to not give DD a Santa gift? That might open the path to having a discussion with her about the myth of Santa.
To counterbalance the Christmas/Santa craziness, we really play up all the big Jewish holidays, and make them as fun as possible (with 'fun' meaning more family activities, not more gift-giving). Passover is a huge event in our house, same with Rosh Hashanah, and during Chanukah we spend 8 nights of family activities (reading together, playing games together, cooking together, etc).
Whatever your religion is (or if you are atheist), I have found it helps my daughter deal with the excess of Christmas that surrounds us here, if she has her own fun, family traditions at other times of the year. So, when she asks "Why don't we get to celebrate Christmas", I can respond with, "We have lots of other holidays that we celebrate instead, like finding the afikomen at Passover, and dressing up at Purim, etc etc.)
But the truth is, there is no easy answer.
The thing is I don't celebrate anything else either becuase most festivals have their excessess. Overdosing on rich, sugary foods is just one of them. Dd asks us sometimes why we don't like Santa/Christmas. She asked for a tree and lights recently. She later admitted that it was grandparents who told her to ask us.
Well, it is confusing for sure. If I had asked granparents to hold off presents right from the start.. well, she would have noticed that there are presents under the tree for her cousins and that would've caused a problem - eventually. Now if I do, she is going to still wonder how come Santa never brought her anything this year and yet the cousins got stuff. If grandparents want to give her that one gift during Christmas because it is their big day it's fine but I wish Santa would not be part of this equation. I guess it's a bit late for that. This is the most annoying part: my brother's family (non-Christians) follow the tradition and have been giving her presents and we are being forced to give something back. I have told them to not buy anything but they put me on a guilt trip like I am depriving my child of something they want to give her. And yet it's obvious that they are expecting something back for their child. Not just that, my sis-in-law's sister also visits for the Christmas holiday and gets something for her and I am giving back to her two kids. It's absolutely insane that I am being forced to follow a tradition that both dh and I believe is totally commercial and has almost no connection with the true meaning of Christmas.
The thing is I don't celebrate anything else either becuase most festivals have their excessess. Overdosing on rich, sugary foods is just one of them. Dd asks us sometimes why we don't like Santa/Christmas. She asked for a tree and lights recently. She later admitted that it was grandparents who told her to ask us.
Well, it is confusing for sure. If I had asked granparents to hold off presents right from the start.. well, she would have noticed that there are presents under the tree for her cousins and that would've caused a problem - eventually. Now if I do, she is going to still wonder how come Santa never brought her anything this year and yet the cousins got stuff. If grandparents want to give her that one gift during Christmas because it is their big day it's fine but I wish Santa would not be part of this equation. I guess it's a bit late for that. This is the most annoying part: my brother's family (non-Christians) follow the tradition and have been giving her presents and we are being forced to give something back. I have told them to not buy anything but they put me on a guilt trip like I am depriving my child of something they want to give her. And yet it's obvious that they are expecting something back for their child. Not just that, my sis-in-law's sister also visits for the Christmas holiday and gets something for her and I am giving back to her two kids. It's absolutely insane that I am being forced to follow a tradition that both dh and I believe is totally commercial and has almost no connection with the true meaning of Christmas.
I had not posted because we do Santa but given what you wrote, IMO- short of not having any contact with these family members at this time, I personally see no other solution.
There are those who do follow a non-gift Christmas but when you have a small child and you take them where the see others that do have gifts- yea it's not the best.......don't go perhaps at Christmas time.
If you do nothing, have nothing and do not want to part take in things related to what others are celebrating, I can't see how you can have things both ways. It is natural for your child to ask why you are not doing those things and to want what the others are having ( lights and decorations are pleasing to most- I even know Jews that do trees and Santa), giving a gift usually at this time does mean reciprocating, and getting a gift from a non-close family member happens for lots of children, many view this as nice, many make items, give because they care about the person, etc. While she may not be asking now solely on her own, I can see that she may really want those things some time and I can see this being so confusing her as well.
If both of you are not into anything why are you visiting these people and exposing her to this? You can visit with family at other times and most do not keep a tree up year round, but some do!!
There is one thing to keep in mind, while not for all..... but I have know several people who go completely 360 from their parents as they grow up and do get into religion and "holidays" and take things to excess at times too having made up for what they feel they missed out on in their childhood- this is not saying you have to do things differently but it means you have to come to some thing- either way you decide to go.
It is one thing to do what you believe but it is also not healthy to send mixed messages-IMO
I had not posted because we do Santa but given what you wrote, IMO- short of not having any contact with these family members at this time, I personally see no other solution.
There are those who do follow a non-gift Christmas but when you have a small child and you take them where the see others that do have gifts- yea it's not the best.......don't go perhaps at Christmas time.
If you do nothing, have nothing and do not want to part take in things related to what others are celebrating, I can't see how you can have things both ways. It is natural for your child to ask why you are not doing those things and to want what the others are having ( lights and decorations are pleasing to most- I even know Jews that do trees and Santa), giving a gift usually at this time does mean reciprocating, and getting a gift from a non-close family member happens for lots of children, many view this as nice, many make items, give because they care about the person, etc. While she may not be asking now solely on her own, I can see that she may really want those things some time and I can see this being so confusing her as well.
If both of you are not into anything why are you visiting these people and exposing her to this? You can visit with family at other times and most do not keep a tree up year round, but some do!!
There is one thing to keep in mind, while not for all..... but I have know several people who go completely 360 from their parents as they grow up and do get into religion and "holidays" and take things to excess at times too having made up for what they feel they missed out on in their childhood- this is not saying you have to do things differently but it means you have to come to some thing- either way you decide to go.
It is one thing to do what you believe but it is also not healthy to send mixed messages-IMO
You are right. We are confused and are confusing her too. If both her grandparents and my family wasn't so pushy (my family will not take no for an answer, calling us more times thatn we can handle and will not accept that we aren't going to accept Santa's gift from them.) We would v. much appreciate a hand made gift but we get the same old stuff that dd simply doesn't care about once the excitement of opening it is done.
You are right. We are confused and are confusing her too. If both her grandparents and my family wasn't so pushy (my family will not take no for an answer, calling us more times thatn we can handle and will not accept that we aren't going to accept Santa's gift from them.) We would v. much appreciate a hand made gift but we get the same old stuff that dd simply doesn't care about once the excitement of opening it is done.
We don't visit during the holidays because of this kind of thing. Both my family and DH's family tried for years to send tons of junk for Christmas presents. By giving them small gifts that are handmade, we are hoping to share with them how we would like to celebrate. For example, my family loves sugary, cornsyruppy, wacky icing, cookies and cakes. This year we made "cookie" bars (what we call cookies) that are just nuts and dried fruit pressed into baking dishes and then cut into bars. We made a couple of different kinds and then a traditional style oatmeal cookie, packed them up in tins and mailed them off.
This year is about compromise for us. DS hadn't had sugar until recently, and my whole family couldn't understand how, or why, we could deprive a child of sweets. Well, we made our cookie bars to show them that sweets don't have to be full of sugar or cornsyrup, yet can taste delicious all the same. And then we made traditional cookies (with quality ingredients) and began teaching DS that this other type of cookie can be a special treat.
It seems to be working though. This year there is WAY less stuff in our gift pile, and every relative called first to ask if we wanted or needed anything! Also, my mother and father have made things for DS!
Ive told them from the time they were toddlers the legend of Santa and who St Nicolas was. They enjoy the legend (not the "be nice or else" legend but the idea of being toys to children who don't have them) and they enjoy visiting Santa at the mall. They know he isn't "real" but they still enjoy it :)
Follow Mothering