We are just finishing up renovations that have changed our two bedroom house into a three bedroom house (previously, dd had a room and ds just shared our bedroom) which means each child has their own room. Ds adores dd and wants to play with her, but he is big and strong for his age, and can be a little malicious at times towards his sister's toys. I totally understand that she doesn't trust his playing with her stuff. I have also seen plenty of examples of him playing nicely and her swooping in and causing a problem. She can get extremely bossy. Dd (5) will, at times, play with ds (2 1/2) in his room, which he loves, and welcomes any time. I know he's not perfect with her toys, but he really does try hard. I'll catch her at times racing back to her room with him right behind her... only to shut the door in his face. This makes him so sad, you can just see how crestfallen he is that his favorite playmate has shut him out.
I want to respect Dd's need for privacy, but our house it too small for a shared playroom and I don't want her to bar ds from ever coming in to play. Right now, I have been trying to give time limits (you can play alone in your room with the door shut for ten minutes, but then you need to come and play with your brother for 5)
How should I handle this? I can create a shelf for off-limit favorite toys, but I want to encourage sharing and respect, and dd is becoming extremely rude and bossy towards her brother lately. I don't want her to sit in her room with the door shut all day. When she acts like that towards any of us, it's frustrating. For our 2 1/2 year old,this usually sets him off and we have a battle on our hands!
How do you handle inevitable disputes over territory?