I had a c-section with DD, my first, for alleged pre-eclampsia. DH and I had pretty much no idea what we were doing, just the best we could, and the OB I saw was very... well, she lost her license a few years later for malpractice. But we were pretty much *forced* into having a c-section with her. After multiple attempts at administering an epidural, they draped me, got everything ready, and the surgeon was poised with the scalpel, ready to begin, when they laid an ice pack (or something similarly cold) on my leg. I asked them about it, and they realized that the epidural didn't take after all, and put me under general anesthetic.
When I had DS, the midwife looked at the pre- and post-operative papers, and said that she would have performed (more) tests before diagnosing something as serious as pre-eclampsia (as my OB had only gone by a +1 protein in my urine and one reading of 140/91 BP). I had a VBAC with him. I had known from the day we got home from the hospital with DD, I was going to have a VBAC. I don't know how I knew, I think I was maybe too stubborn to accept anything else, and probably would have been even more devastated had I actually ended up with an RCS. No pregnancy problems, the only "issue" (a non-issue for me) was that he was 10.5 lbs.
I am currently 18 weeks pregnant with our third baby. For some reason, I've been worrying that I might need a c-section with this baby. But it's not really the c-section itself I'm worried about. Because I know that if I have a c-section this time, it will be 100% medically necessary, not because I was bullied into it. What I'm worried about is, the experience I had with my first c-section, with the anesthetic/epidural was *very* traumatic. I still have issues with my back even now, almost seven years later. With DS, I finally accepted an epidural, because I was *so* exhausted, and hadn't slept in 3 or 4 days, but I was so tense/nervous I was shaking so badly that they almost couldn't do it.
So now I'm worried about what I'm going to do if I do happen to need another c-section. What I really want to do, is ask them to put me under general anesthetic again, and avoid having to experience that again. I can't explain how much that scared me, so bad. Not because I don't want to experience the birth of my child, but because I don't want it to be jaded by how terrified I am.
I don't know if I explained everything right. I'm not sure how to explain exactly what I'm feeling. But I was hoping that maybe, someone here knows/understands what I'm feeling, or has been there, and has anything they can share.