Life has been filled with transition for my young little twin boys...
We're 16 months in and through the duration of their lives have purchased and moved into a home/commercial property combo, renovated and set up my business (a small child care facility).
Which all seemed well and good. Now we're in a place in which I can still work in the early childhood education field which I loved so much, and raise my children. Eventually we'd like to homeschool, so I foresaw this also as a great opportunity for the business to expand over a few years, and go from operating primarily by myself as an individual to having a few people supporting it, giving me more and more flexibility to make homeschooling a realistic goal.
And now I feel burnt out.
I feel like the grand scheme of this is great- but I am struggling right now. I feel like my boys are getting mixed signals from me, and rightfully so, I'm completely focused on them any other time, though these 50 hours a week with other children in my care the attention's divided once again and I know there are times I find myself so much more impatient with them than I'd ever be with other children.
I'm struggling with my own feelings of inadequacy. Working with children was so important to me in the past and I had and have high expectations for myself and what I do to offer them- though my best now as a sleep-deprived, self-employed twin-momma is much different than my best as a non-parent working elsewhere.
This really looked like a great thing getting into it. I feel I want this to work and being only 3 months in, I can recognize it's only going to improve with time- my biggest hang up though is the fact that it seems to be more negative for my boys than positive. Creative a positive, pro-social, enriching environment that I could share with them and others is the ultimate goal, and I'm horribly off target right now.
For those of you who are still reading on, please throw anything at me- advice, your opinion on what I should do in moving forward... anything. I'm writing this in a moment of feeling isolated and lost in my thoughts, so I'll appreciate whatever you can give me. :)