MotheringBliss - I will admit that I'm generally pretty skeptical of homeopathy. But I did read most of the chapter in the link. Small parts of that description apply to me, but the majority does not. It is interesting that someone else, several years ago, also indicated that they thought my depression issues were due to my parents' lack of acceptance of me. I'm puzzled why people get that impression, because while my parents were not perfect, they were hardly cold and demanding. Not sure if it's an assumption people make based on the way I turned out, or if something about the way I talk about my family causes people to assume that.
Rightkindofme - Just wanted to clarify that the bipolar diagnosis occurred in my midtwenties. However, I started having issues with depression/suicidal ideation when I was around 11 or 12. I didn't get any help at that time because I didn't feel like it was something I could tell anyone about. I am working on getting more support going. My brother is coming to watch the baby tomorrow for me while I go to the chiropractor. I met an older lady at church last week who said she'd be willing/able to come in the evenings if my husband isn't home. He isn't home tonight, but I was at mommy group in the morning and my parents' house for most of the day after that, so I didn't bother calling her tonight. Mercifully, the baby is asleep right now, and will hopefully be that way for most of the night. Now that I finally have a stroller, I'm hoping to take the baby out on more walks. Of course, it suddenly decided to get cold here. :P Ironically, I typically like babies more than kids. Hopefully I will managed to like my kids. I think some of my issues are honestly with my specific baby, because of his struggles with fussiness. When he is happy, I do enjoy him. It's just hard to get him happy/keep him happy.
McGuck - Yeah, people don't want to hear that it wasn't bliss. I'm glad you were able to get out there and find some support. I'm sort of middle ground - sometimes I like going and meeting new people, sometimes I find it very difficult. But I'm continuing to force myself to go to things for both of our sakes. I went to book club a few days ago (without the baby - dh kept him), and we started talking about babies, and I felt so much better when one of the other moms said she understood why people abused their kids when she had her daughter (not that she condoned abuse), and that sometimes she just had to put her daughter in her closet and close the door when she was crying. A few other people made similar comments, and it made me feel so much better. Not that it was what any of us WANTED, or envisioned as perfect parenting, but just that acknowledgement that sometimes you just need to put your baby somewhere safe and get away from them when you've done all you can think of for them and are overwhelmed. I am desperately hoping that my next baby is easier. It was actually helpful to have my mom come over the other day and say, "He's really high maintenance!" And she loves her grandson, and has been very involved in helping her other grandkids, so it's not like she's just not used to kids anymore. It was so validating to have someone else say that it wasn't just my personality or whatever that made him difficult to deal with - some of it is his personality! He can be really charming with strangers, very flirty, so I get a lot of "Oh, he's such a happy baby!" comments, which makes things even harder, in a way. Because he's NOT always a happy baby. He can be, he's adorable when he is, but he simply ISN'T that way 24/7, or even close to it.
AFM, applying for a very part-time job where I could take my baby with me, more to get out of the house than for the money (it's minimum wage). We'll see what comes of that.