lack of sleep ruining my life

[purplerose]

My daughter is 13 months, I severely need help with sorting this out and improving my situation. It is ruining my marriage, but not in the way you'd think. I am not able to cope anymore with my daughter not sleeping. The lack of sleep is causing horrible mood swings and anger and I am hating dh and because of the fact that he sleeps I was ready to make him leave last night. I am so angry. This feels nuts.

She used to always wake every 45 minutes, on the dot. Now she will sleep up to 90 minutes when we first go to bed, but she will wake up around 1am and stay up until 4-5am. I have to take the other kids to school! I have to get up at 6:30. I also am one of those people who takes a long time to fall asleep. This is draining me and I am an emotional mess, all from not sleeping. She won't sleep alone, and she won't sleep on the bed with me for her naps...so I am stuck in a rocking chair for naps and until she falls asleep at night. I can't sleep sitting up.

So I am up at 6:30 and wake her up at 7 if she isn't already up. Then she is ready to nap between 10:30-12 and will sleep 45-135 minutes (her cycles are 45 minutes long, so she'll have one to three cycles for a nap) Sometimes she will nap again around 5pm but I try to keep her awake until bedtime. I try to start rocking/nursing for bed around 8:30 but she usually won't want to fall asleep until 10pm or later. Everytime I have tried to give her an early bedtime like other babies seem to do, she will treat it as a nap and be up really late. She's a pretty happy baby so it's not like she's miserable(unless she is sleepy, like when I am trying not to give her that second nap so late). I feel so lost and exhausted. My eyes right now are so swollen I look like I've been hit in the face.

If anyone has any ideas on what I am doing wrong, please help. I just dealt with her non-sleeping and constant waking for all this time but I really need some help. My nipples get so sore I could scream during those 3-4 hours at night she is awake, bc she nurses so much. I let her nurse during the day as much as she wants, which is alot compared to most babies I know at this age. It kinda seems like the long nap and two naps a day is bc she is not sleeping enough at night...but I can't make her sleep. It is dark, there's white noise, it's not hot or cold, she sleeps in long sleeves on top of the covers (her choice...drives me crazy when I can't snuggle up in my covers lol)

Thanks in advance.

[skycheattraffic]

That was a HARD age for us for sure. My DD is also a chair nurser but luckily we have a rocking recliner and I've slept more hours there than I care to admit. I'm expecting and I have to transition her to falling asleep laying down. It just has to happen.
Is your LO wide awake and playing or nursing; trying desperately to sleep? DD went through a phase of being up for 2 or 3 hours and playing happily; no thought of sleep. I baby proofed her room and laid down on the ground and dozed while she tired herself out and nursed her once she was tired and ready to sleep. It helped me get some rest but I'm not sure if it would work for you. My other idea is to offer her a little water. Maybe she is thirsty and has a hard time getting enough volume in milk to quench her thirst. I'm sorry I don't have more advice... hopefully others will chime in soon. Big hugs to you. Sleep deprivation is absolute torture.

[Adaline'sMama]

Sounds like you are in your own kind of special hell 

What is she eating, during the day? It seems like a lot of her sleeping relies on you nursing, you rocking, you doing everything. I remember when DD was that age- life was similar to yours. But, I got pregnant when she was that age, so I just couldnt take it anymore with pregnancy exhaustion and nipple pain, and I started giving sippy cups of warm milk before bed. Sometimes with camomille (tiny bit). 

At that age, I also gave her 2-3 minutes of crying before going to her. 

I think the biggest thing is, you need a break. Can anyone watch her for a night while you stay somewhere else? What you really need is a good night of sleep.

[LKHattinen]

I'm sorry you are having such a hard time! It's a little unclear to me how much your daughter actually sleeps within 24h? I count about seven or eight hours, is this about right?

The first thing that springs to mind is some underlying medical condition, such as allergies or digestive problems.

You mentioned she is a happy baby, which is wonderful, but doesn't always rule out that something is causing discomfort. We went through the same thing with our son, we also went through several pediatricians until we came across a good one that was able to help. Allergies turned out to be the problem. I know it is really hard to fight these battles when you are so sleep deprived you have trouble remembering your own name. If it helps any, we lived through that and have come out the other side!

Edited by LKHattinen - 12/6/12 at 12:12am

[sundaya]

Been there with DD. She's grown out of it by now, but it was SO HARD. Can you move her morning nap later? My kids drop naps crazy early, and I've never had one taking 2 naps after about 12 months. We always go through a rough patch at night when they are ready to drop a nap. Is it possible that she's just overtired by the time bedtime comes around? Teething? I did the Dr. Jay Gordon thing when DD was about 22 months, and it worked really really well.

The other thing that comes to mind is that if DH is able or wanting to help, and this is appropriate in your situation, give him concrete suggestions. I know when I'm exhausted, I can't frame in my mind what I need, and that's hard for my DH to figure out.

Hugs and I hope you find your answer soon.

[purplerose]

How late a nap do you think she should have? This is what I need some advice with lol I have to have her up and ready to go by 2:30 on weekdays so her nap has to be over before then. But even if she takes a nap at 1pm, she is wanting another nap around 5! It's like it's ingrained in her body. As for teething...she's been getting new teeth constantly since 2 months, and the horrible sleeping has been going on since birth. I don't feel they are related.

Dh can give her a nap just fine, but at night she will scream hysterically if it's not me. We've tried it. I wish I'd not worried about my milk supply so much in her first few weeks, so he could have given her pumped milk in the night. I was the one who wouldn't go for it(plus my pump was broken and the new one barely got any milk out) bc I was worried she'd have nipple confusion...it took til she was 8 weeks old to correct her latch so I was very paranoid about giving her a bottle.

[Snoozebaby]

Please look at this app to help you track your child's sleeping patterns. You will be able to clearly see the times when sleep occurs. Its a free app and well worth a look. https://itunes.apple.com/gb/app/snoozebaby/id570578448?mt=8&uo=4target=itunes_storeSnoozebaby-RichardHancock

[Adaline'sMama]

I think if she wants a nap at 5, let her take one. For 10-15 minutes. I wake DD up from a late nap sometimes and make her eat, or make her get in the bathtub (around 5-6 pm) after she's fallen asleep for 10-15 minutes. She usually wakes up kinda grumpy, but it's better than her being up until 1 am, right? 

Remember, it will get better. I remember when DD hit about 19 months and all the sudden, she wanted to go to sleep. At nighttime :)

[sundaya]

What I would try, totally based on my own kids, which might have nothing to do with how your LO and/or family works :),  would be to make the early nap around noon- 12:30, and try to stretch out the 5 pm nap to an early bedtime- 6:30 or so. Then, at the 45 minute mark, do whatever it takes to keep them asleep so it doesn't become a nap. For some reason, for my LO's, anything past about 6:30 is bedtime, anything before, a nap. They've all gone through that desperate need for a nap at 4:30-5, and, for mine, if they sleep for even 5 minutes, they are up and going with a second wind until late. Our current cut-off for naps ending seems to be about 3, or DS (16 months) can't go to sleep at a decent time. That has gotten earlier, and when he first switched to one nap at 10 months, he could nap until about 4 and be fine.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. It totally sucks. The lack of sleep has been the single hardest thing about parenting little ones for me. DD had horrible sleep, from birth. And, for some reason, when she is sleep deprived, she can't sleep. It's a horrible vicious circle. And, I also, take a long time to fall asleep, longer if I've been woken regularly, and can only sleep in bed, at night.

Could DH take her in the morning, and give you a sleep-in morning? I find that for that to work for me, it has to be planned the night before, and he has to get the LO quickly, so that I don't wake all the way.

Wishing you so much luck, and lots of sleep somehow, someway.

Keep your chin up, so many of us have been there.