I am not really sure where to vent this in my 'physical' world so I'm venting online. It involves my husband so I feel awkward venting to friends and family because we are all so close in real life and in no way do I want to suggest my husband is being a bad guy...
I know part of it is hormones. And I know part of it (in my case) has to do with past relationships (mainly that I was pressured to have children with my last partner despite it being a very unhealthy relationship... although I never actually had children with that partner, I had a lot of fears about being 'trapped' in an unhappy relationship should I become pregnant and also feared being used as a means for him having children despite him not actually loving me).
Anyways... here is my vent / crazy moment
I am really struggling with my husband and his attention on the pregnancy and lack of attention towards me as his wife. He is extremely attentive and gives me a lot of attention, but it's all baby related. He watches what I eat (to insure I"m eating enough and that it's nutritious), checks to make sure I'm comfortable, does extra chores to make sure I get rest, etc etc. He's a dream come true in that regard... to the point where I feel handicapped sometimes (he fusses over me when it's not necessary or uninvited).
However, despite all of this, I'm feeling neglected as a companion. I feel more like a child or a job for him to look after and by the end of the day, he is tired, burnt out, and quite frankly doesn't look at me as someone he wants to spend time with to relax or have fun with. He's out three nights a week with the boys, playing games, playing sports, etc WHICH I SUPPORT BUT he never makes any time for us to go out and have fun together. Furthermore, he has cancelled on me to go out with the boys on several occasions. The last time was last Thursday, I had been looking forward to a musical performance at a local late night coffee bar (I'm not overly excited to go to loud bars these days with the strong smell of alcohol, pub food and my sensitive stomach). I thought he would love to go out to the coffee bar since it's the same event where we had our first date (and we both had a blast). So it's not like I'm dragging him out to one of my interests. I honestly thought he would be excited... but the night before he cancelled to have a second game night with the boys. Ugh. Despite knowing I had been really excited to go out with him and it was the first event in weeks if not months we were going out together.
The kicker for me was that tomorrow we are FINALLY going way on our delayed honeymoon (due to financial troubles that prevented us from going a few months ago when we got married. Since our schedules are so wonky and out of synch it's rare we have late evenings together so I suggested we go to the movies to see Life of Pi to kick start going away tomorrow (again, a movie we both wanted to see, not just me... he's been excited to see it). He declined and said he already had made plans with the guys. I complained, pointing out he has cancelled on me several times so can't he just cancel on the guys tonight since we rarely have the chance at late nights together and it's the eve of our honeymoon. He said it's unfair to cancel on his friends since they're counting on him. I can't help feel like there is a double standard going on... especially since I've already let him know I'm feeling neglected in the wife department. He wouldn't budge and I stormed off to work this morning. I expected my mood to pass and that I would feel less emotional about it by this evening but I"m still pissed and just plain hurt.
I've already explained how I'm feeling to hm last time he canceled on me, and despite letting him know how I feel he has yet to make any effort to do anything special with me. I'm starting to resent the pregnancy attention I get from him and would rather get no attention at all. I would rather be left alone then feel like a chore or a job and not someone he can have fun with. I don't feel like I'm being unreasonable since he goes out three nights a week with friends AND it isn't uncommon for friends to come by and hang out here 1-2 nights a week on top of that. Nights he isn't busy he's either tired and wants time to himself or just wants to watch tv with me.
I am going out with friends as well, he isn't my world and I am social on my own but I miss having date nights and just honestly just feeling like he wants to be around me in a capacity other than the lady carrying his child.
I'm I being unreasonable? are these feelings normal? I feel crazy and overly emotional about it and I can't help but feel like I'm over reacting or being selfish since he gives me a lot of pregnancy related attention. I know I'm very lucky to have him and that a lot of women would kill to have such an attentive partner during pregnancy. I honestly thought I'd be over it by the end of the day but I'm not and on the eve of our honeymoon, and first time alone together I've lost all motivation to prepare any of the romantic things I had planned, or bring any of the romantic items (candles, lingerie, etc) because I feel like at this point, it's just a one way street and he wouldn't care/ notice anyways. Ugh. This sucks :(