I know I have hardly been a presence here but I lurk almost every day. I share a due date with Kel, so I initially found myself bouncing between the December and January groups but over time just felt more 'drawn' to the women here in the December group, so here I lurk although I haven't really felt like 'part' of it. But now I need advice...
So I want a VBAC. My first c-section happened after 20 hours of laboring at home with a midwife who intervened as much as possible. As far as I can tell, things went wrong after my body started pushing. She felt a lip and attempted to force it out of the way. I bled, I screamed, I kept pushing for two plus hours. Eventually, I told my ex-husband that I needed to know what was wrong because bleeding like that didn't seem normal and the midwife had literally given up on me. She said, 'You push like a freight train, I have no idea why he isn't coming out. He must be a really big baby." She left me alone and went to sit on the couch while I kept trying to have my baby. At the hospital they said I was swollen and about to tear my cervix and despite my wishes the only option was a c-section.
Five and a half years later, baby number two, my options are to drive to a birth center thirty minutes away to have baby with a midwife in a place I'm not super comfortable, show up to my local hospital while I'm in labor and refuse a c-section, thereby going against their 'ban' on VBAC, or to stay home and have baby unassisted. There are no local midwives I want attending my birth and the one I found in Kansas City whose philosophy I love says she's new to midwifery and isn't comfortable attending a VBAC. I just want to stay home while in labor and have the experience I want but either way there are obstacles. What would you do? Is it better to drive the distance to have the baby at the birth center or to be in my own environment until the last minute and have to fight the hospital? Neither is ideal I'm 35 weeks and still undecided, especially after reading so many beautiful unassisted stories. The idea of staying home and trying to give birth alone without interference is so tempting, but is it also stupid?
I'm very averse to the idea of driving to the birth center in part because I know women who have been turned away, told to 'go home and come back later', or ended up laboring in a parking lot because they didn't want to drive back and forth. A good friend of mine told me they made her feel like she was an 'inconvenience.' Part of me things if I stay home and labor til I'm about to push, I could theoretically just show up to the hospital with a refusal to consent to surgery in hand and inconvenience the hospital staff instead. I would at least get to be in my own bathtub/home environment until the end. VBAC bans only exist because we aren't pushing hard enough and demanding those options, so I kinda feel like F the hospital and their 'policy'. Ugh. It's all so political and complicated. Any advice?