STBX and I having issues with the kids

[BabyMae09]

STBX is living at his parent's house and the kids there about 1/2 the time. So I called my MIL tonight to talk to her about making sure that our schedules are more in line with each other. I've tried talking to STBX about it and have yet to get anywhere. She got defensive and told me (for probably the 100th time) that she thinks DS needs to be in school.

When i mentioned that it was hard for me to find a job because I have to tell interviewers that I can't work Wed-Sat because I have the kids while STBX works, she said, 'well just get a job and then figure out childcare.' Um, yeah. First of all, I can't afford it, and second of all, when I talked to STBX about it he didn't want to pitch in, or at least was very hestitant. BUT I am watching the kids while he works (aka providing free childcare for him!) which means it's hard for me to find a job. Also, while he has the kids his Mom is providing free childcare. So he actually sees the kids about one day a week. DS told me tonight that STBX isn't doing hardly any of the homeschooling stuff that I send to his house each week and that he doesn't see STBX very often. The brewery that he is starting (it's on his parent's property, which is mostly why he's living there) is just about to launch so he's really busy with that. It's ALWAYS BEEN THAT EFFING BREWERY. I HATE that brewery with a passion. It's worse than a mistress because it's his life's dream and he's been working on it for eight years now...

Ugh. So then I called STBX and he was out to dinner with a buddy at a local pub, and was like 'why is this all blowing up now?'

So I'm thinking I need to just have the kids Monday-Friday. He can have them his one day off. I'm so pissed. I don't even know what to do right now.

Edited by BabyMae09 - 11/30/12 at 10:15am

[TSomm]

Hugs.  Nothing to say other than I know what it is like to despise the other's "life dream" business.  Same situation here.   Dedicates his entire time to it all the while claiming he's doing it for us.  Well, sorry sir, but you're losing us because of it.

[BabyMae09]

Ugh, it's getting worse. I called a mediator and left a message. He couldn't come over tonight because he 'had to keg beer'. I asked him to call when he got home because of the issues I have with the kids every.damn.time they come back from his house.

I just called him and he's at a release party for his beer! He's like 'well, I just came to see if they need more...' He just dropped it off this morning. UGH I am SO mad!!

He's totally checked out. It's so upsetting! and by the way, eff this beer culture. So stupid.

[lilgreen]

I hope you are writing all of this down. Please document it all. Every little detail. The way it looks to me, you may end up having to prove something to a judge and if you have dates, events, words document, you will be miles ahead of your ex.

Remember that it gets better. You are still in the very early stages of all this. It is so painful and frustrating. I can almost hear your inner screams. I'm pretty sure I let some of my inner screams out from time to time. You can't change him, but you can do what you can - and that includes documenting and being a good mama for your kids.

You will get through this. This is a really rough time. It's not forever.

xo

[BabyMae09]

Originally Posted by TSomm 

Hugs.  Nothing to say other than I know what it is like to despise the other's "life dream" business.  Same situation here.   Dedicates his entire time to it all the while claiming he's doing it for us.  Well, sorry sir, but you're losing us because of it.

Hugs to you, Mama. I hope you are doing okay.

[BabyMae09]

Originally Posted by lilgreen 

I hope you are writing all of this down. Please document it all. Every little detail. The way it looks to me, you may end up having to prove something to a judge and if you have dates, events, words document, you will be miles ahead of your ex.

Remember that it gets better. You are still in the very early stages of all this. It is so painful and frustrating. I can almost hear your inner screams. I'm pretty sure I let some of my inner screams out from time to time. You can't change him, but you can do what you can - and that includes documenting and being a good mama for your kids.

You will get through this. This is a really rough time. It's not forever.

xo

Thank you Green. You are such an inspiration to me. Seeing what you've been through makes me hopeful that I can come out of this and be okay someday. But right now, especially today, when DD was still so upset and cranky from the crap in the HUGE SODA that my MIL gave her before I picked the kids up this week, was so tough.

I feel like such a mean Mama. Both kids told me I was mean today :(

But at least I got my period back. Now I know I won't have STBX's baby and I can really, really feel like I am cutting ties. Probably I was grumpy cause I was hormonal and didn't know it. They said it could take 6 weeks for my cycle to return after the miscarriage and it was only about three weeks. STBX and I had sex once in that time, and I was worried because I had no idea when I would O because of the miscarriage.

And don't worry. I won't sleep with him again. And I'm starting to go to AA meetings too next week, to figure out how to deal with his drinking, and to support myself in drinking less. I am proud of my progress in this separation so far :)

I am surrounding myself with lots of friends, which feels great. One of my guy friends came out today and helped me trim my goat's hooves, which was awesome. He and I had a way easier time of it than DH and I did when we tried to do that task together. Dh was always a little scared of the goats. So weird. Hanging out with my girlfriends again too <3

[lilgreen]

Oh! I missed that you had a miscarriage. I am so sorry to hear that. I know in many ways it makes it easier, but it's still a big loss. Wow. What a lot to deal with. And don't worry about your kids saying that stuff. They are as upset and confused as any of us - plus they're just kids and don't know how to verbalize or express their feeling in ways that really tell us what they're feeling or why.

I don't feel like I have anything to be admired by anyone, but thank you for your kind words. I am getting through it and there are still moments when I reflect back and think 'Holy smokes! I did it!' 

You can do it! And you will! I'm so glad you have support. See, you're going to be fine :)

[BabyMae09]

Originally Posted by lilgreen 

Oh! I missed that you had a miscarriage. I am so sorry to hear that. I know in many ways it makes it easier, but it's still a big loss. Wow. What a lot to deal with. And don't worry about your kids saying that stuff. They are as upset and confused as any of us - plus they're just kids and don't know how to verbalize or express their feeling in ways that really tell us what they're feeling or why.

I don't feel like I have anything to be admired by anyone, but thank you for your kind words. I am getting through it and there are still moments when I reflect back and think 'Holy smokes! I did it!' 

You can do it! And you will! I'm so glad you have support. See, you're going to be fine :)

Thanks for the encouraging words. I've been taking Vit. D again and I think that's helping a lot too.

I had a good conversation with STBX this morning about the kids, and I think we might be able to work some things out. I'm also signing DS up for an online school today per his request, so I am feeling a lot better about things today.

Thanks for the reminders about the kiddos, too, sometimes it's hard to remember :)