Worries and Fears « Back to Group Discussions

[StartingAllOver]

Today has plagued me with two separate possibilities of things that can go wrong that I hadn't ever really considered before.

Of course, now I can't get them out of my head. Both are diagnosed through u/s, so I know I can find out within a week or two, but MAN! I hate having these kinds of worries. I have been pretty good so far with putting other bad thoughts out of my brain, but I think it has hit saturation. lol

I have been through this before, all 3 times I had a healthy, beautiful child in my arms at the end. Maybe it's just the older I get the more things can occur to me and then add the hormonal shifts to that. I am a complete mess sometimes.

How much worry do you all experience? What do you do to help alleviate it when it peaks?

[dayiscoming2006]

I had 3 healthy pregnancies and an early miscarriage just before getting pregnant this time. I can't wrap my head around there being a living baby at the end of all this yet. It's a possible outcome in my head, but it's not necessarily the one I'm expecting. I can't set my hopes too strongly on anything. I'm just praying for the Lord's will no matter what happens and trusting He knows what's best, no matter what the outcome. I won't feel like there's a living baby in there until I get an official sign of life. I'm hoping to hear the heartbeat in week 11. That's 3 weeks from now. I read today about people who've had positive experiences after a chemical pregnancy and those who've had a repeat miscarriage. So, yeah, I don't know what to think. It's hard. I have no intention of purposely getting pregnant again after this no matter what the outcome. 

[talldarkeyes]

You are so blessed to have three healthy kids and have never had any complications! I have had so many losses I have a tendency to be bitter because my worries are founded in sad experience. With that said, I try to focus not on what could go wrong but what is going right in my life and knowing that even if I did lose this baby, things could always be worse. There are always things to be grateful for. It doesn't stop my almost daily pity party which I remedy with books or movies (yay for distractions!) but it does help me stop focusing on the negative.

[dayiscoming2006]

Originally Posted by talldarkeyes 

You are so blessed to have three healthy kids and have never had any complications! 

I know. I'm not complaining. Just not able to wrap my head around this pregnancy yet. I honestly feel at peace with any outcome in the beginning. I'd be very sad if something happened later on when things were more real though! Like once you've already felt baby kick or have seen the little bean bouncing around on an ultrasound. That would be just awful. 

[skycheattraffic]

I don't know why but about a week after we found out, I just relaxed. I'm very fortunate that I don't have a history of miscarriage - that I'm aware of. I've had late AF a few times and who knows? I may have miscarried very early without ever knowing I was pregnant. I think that's the downside to TTC. Knowing our cycles so closely and testing as soon as possible, we are aware of every time our bodies try to conceive, even if nothing viable comes of it. Part of me feels irresponsible for the way I do things. I remember a ballpark for cycles. This time I was cycling right at the beginning of each month and when November 10th rolled around and I had no AF, I thought "I'm pretty sure I'm late". I meant to start charting, look into CM and start prenatal vitamins. But by the time I got an app on my phone to help with tracking stuff, I was already pregnant. I feel like I got "knocked up" even though we were hoping to have a second child in the near future. I feel kind of guilty for getting pregnant so easily twice. DD was conceived during our first time TTC. Basically DH said "I think you had AF a couple of weeks ago. Isn't this supposed to be a good time to try?" This time we were just not preventing. Once. I don't know. I just let it all go. This little person seems bound and determined to meet us and I'll just keep things warm and cozy until the big day. I feel like I'm good at being pregnant and the rest I can't really control anyways. I think it helps that my 20 month old keeps me busy and distracted all day. I just wish I could pass on some of this fertility talent to mamas who need it. I had thought of being a surrogate but I can't imagine not getting to nurse a baby I grew and gave birth to. There is actually someone in the extended family that would love to go with surrogacy but I know I wouldn't be able to handle it. Ok so I'm veering waaaay off topic. Just wanted to say that unlike my first pregnancy, I'm really just relaxed and going with the flow. I don't know why, I just feel like things are going to be fine. Not very helpful, I know lol

[InLove2009]

I am super worried! Every time I feel a little cramp- I am immediately thinking the worse, even though cramping is normal. I am worried that the baby will not be healthy. I am worried that I will miscarry. I am worried there will not be a heartbeat at the ultrasound next week. I am worried about everything. IT makes me mad! I just want to be happy. 

[wrenmoon]

I wonder if the worry is the revving up of the mamas sixth sense and prepping for raising little ones and protecting ourselves during pregnancy. I was super worried with my first, and critical with myself about it until it occurred to me that maybe that is a necessary part of the process, to go through a little hyper vigilance stage before settling into surrender, but retaining a slight edgy awareness of danger. It feels very primal to be so aware of what could possibly go wrong. With all of my pregnancies I went through the same thing, hyper worry and surrender in a tug o war every day, and while I feel worn out by it I can't help but feel like it is a critical part of our development of awareness as mothers. Kind of like waking up 1000 times to make sure your baby is still breathing. Who does that other than mothers? What else in our human experience drives us to that state of hyper awareness?

In my previous pregnancies I have had no testing, except for basic pregnancy panel- Rh factor and strep etc, no ultrasounds and only tried to find an early heartbeat once with a doppler (with a missed miscarriage). I actually feel like that is more relaxing, cause there's nothing I can do about it, I'll either grow a baby or I won't. I think if I were to get an ultrasound I would have to somehow go that day and not make an appointment for weeks away. The looming deadline would kill me. Ack.
I heard my daughter's heartbeat clearly maybe three times before she was born. I borrowed a fetal scope from our midwife and listened every night. But she was posterior and I could barely hear it. I has to tap into my deepest sense of knowing, past the crazy-worry-edge to feel that she was ok. And believe what that sense told me. It was incredibly valuable to make contact with that part of my mama hood. Worry - surrender. Surrender - worry.
There's something more to it than women just turning into nut balls when they get pregnant.

[heyitskalista]

I have mentally checked out of this pregnancy completely.  We lost our last baby at 13 weeks and it was the hardest thing i've ever been through.  I just can't bring myself to get attached to this baby, in case it happens again. 

I feel like my pregnancy innocence was stolen...where I was calm and cool before, every symptom (or lack thereof) causes panic.   I'm ready for this part to be over. 
 

[dayiscoming2006]

Kalista: I understand what you mean. I'm sure your miscarriage was more emotionally difficult than mine, though mine was sad still. It was an early miscarriage. But, I pretty much feel the same as you. Realizing that I'm not safe from the possibility like I must have believed or hoped in the back of my mind in the past. 

[heyitskalista]

Originally Posted by dayiscoming2006 

Kalista: I understand what you mean. I'm sure your miscarriage was more emotionally difficult than mine, though mine was sad still. It was an early miscarriage. But, I pretty much feel the same as you. Realizing that I'm not safe from the possibility like I must have believed or hoped in the back of my mind in the past. 

hugs, mama!  Early or not, they all hurt!

[ashleybrook]

Originally Posted by heyitskalista 

I have mentally checked out of this pregnancy completely.  We lost our last baby at 13 weeks and it was the hardest thing i've ever been through.  I just can't bring myself to get attached to this baby, in case it happens again. 

I feel like my pregnancy innocence was stolen...where I was calm and cool before, every symptom (or lack thereof) causes panic.   I'm ready for this part to be over. 
 

hugs mama. i've been through one at 5.5 weeks and 12 weeks...and the 12 week one--i'd agree with you was the hardest thing i've every lived through thus far in my 36 years. i hope not to repeat it...ever again. but i did learn that life moves on. that we survive, even if sometimes we want otherwise...or we wish things were otherwise. it was crazy difficult. and what i felt was nothing like what my husband experienced...though he was sad...it just isn't the same for the mama bear--at least in my experience.

i think our experiences were a little different because i experience my two miscarriages before i had my son--so after the 2 i just didn't even know if we'd ever be able to have a child...that was my biggest fear. and so having had one healthy baby, i feel like there is a part of me more assured that even if we did miscarry, we could go on to have one at some point if we wanted. truth or not, i find that reassuring! 

hugs to you mama (and other mamas). the fear that any miscarriage brings is hard to move through, process and even heal. 

Edited by ashleybrook - 12/2/12 at 8:05pm

[ashleybrook]

Originally Posted by wrenmoon 

In my previous pregnancies I have had no testing, except for basic pregnancy panel- Rh factor and strep etc, no ultrasounds and only tried to find an early heartbeat once with a doppler (with a missed miscarriage). I actually feel like that is more relaxing, cause there's nothing I can do about it, I'll either grow a baby or I won't. I think if I were to get an ultrasound I would have to somehow go that day and not make an appointment for weeks away. The looming deadline would kill me. Ack.
I heard my daughter's heartbeat clearly maybe three times before she was born. I borrowed a fetal scope from our midwife and listened every night. But she was posterior and I could barely hear it. I has to tap into my deepest sense of knowing, past the crazy-worry-edge to feel that she was ok. And believe what that sense told me. It was incredibly valuable to make contact with that part of my mama hood. Worry - surrender. Surrender - worry.
There's something more to it than women just turning into nut balls when they get pregnant.

i agree wrenmoon. we either grow a healthy baby or we don't...not a lot we can do about it. and i totally feel this worry- surrender. surrender-worry vascillation. how do we go through it? we do. 

starting all over-- to answer your question for me...i downloaded a hypnosis pregnancy after miscarriage mp3. i listen to it when i feel like my mind is going crazy with worry. and it relaxes me. i did it everyday for a while...and then i felt like i graduated into hypnobabies joyful pregnancy/birth affirmations. they put me onto the focus i want to have--which is peace, hope and love...and help me let the worry go-- for pregnancy and birth. 

both of these have helped me quiet the worry and focus on the body knowing what it does, whether i fret or not. and me knowing that it's okay to embrace all working out okay--even if i can't guarantee it. immensely helpful. i'd also say, i like to sketch things that i'd like to see-- for example this evening i drew on my sons sketch (what are those magnetic ones called that you immediately erase after) me with a big belly, open heart and open 3rd eye-- with big arm muscles showing my strength! :) i'm not a great drawer, but i liked the feeling of it and took a picture of it to save. i also have one that i drew nursing my little guy now and our new babe together. again, i find them comforting.

[CeliaM]

My only pregnancy ended in miscarriage 2 years ago. We had tried on our own for a year, then went straight to IVF. Our first transfer took and I was so overly confident that I never expected anything to go wrong. The baby stopped growing at 6 weeks right after we saw and heard the heart, but my body didn't start recognizing it until 9 weeks.

I am currently 8 weeks pregnant now, and went from abnormally calm to being a nervous wreck. Although we saw and heard the heart beat this time as well, I can't help but think things could still end the same as our first. I just put a call into my doctor because the last 3 days my nausea and exhaustion has seemed to pass, and it's had me super worried. I still have a decent amount of pressure, and possible round ligament stretching, but the lack of previous symptoms has me concerned.

Has anyone else had a change in symptoms at all?

[talldarkeyes]

Originally Posted by CeliaM 

My only pregnancy ended in miscarriage 2 years ago. We had tried on our own for a year, then went straight to IVF. Our first transfer took and I was so overly confident that I never expected anything to go wrong. The baby stopped growing at 6 weeks right after we saw and heard the heart, but my body didn't start recognizing it until 9 weeks.

I am currently 8 weeks pregnant now, and went from abnormally calm to being a nervous wreck. Although we saw and heard the heart beat this time as well, I can't help but think things could still end the same as our first. I just put a call into my doctor because the last 3 days my nausea and exhaustion has seemed to pass, and it's had me super worried. I still have a decent amount of pressure, and possible round ligament stretching, but the lack of previous symptoms has me concerned.

Has anyone else had a change in symptoms at all?

I have and it freaks me out but I know that there is nothing I can do to prevent a miscarriage, even another missed miscarriage. I am just trying to focus on letting go and being grateful.

[CountryMommy]

I'm trying not to worry but I can't help it. We just moved our family and farm to Alberta last week, which would be stressful on its own but to top it off the kids and I caught a horrible cold (influenza?) horrible cough, fevers, my youngest was also puking, it was just horrible. We are feeling better now but not I am really worrying about the effects of the fever on the fetus. I was 9+weeks when I had the fever, no idea how high as I couldn't find the box with the thermometer packed in it. I found an OB clinic that I made an appt with on Monday. I also completely lost my appetite during this illness, drank well every day but could not eat for a few days, built up from a few grapes to almost morning yestreday but ive definately lost weight. i will be 10w5days I am hoping a Doppler might pick up babies hear beat....though with my previous 2 babies, I didn't hear until a few weeks later.

[InLove2009]

My symptoms changed. I was told this is normal and to enjoy the good days. Of course I am freaking out that I'm not vomiting. Never thought I would say that.

[-Resque-]

Talk about worry. I've had a blighted ovum, a loss at 5 weeks 1 day, and a chemical pregnancy. We saw the baby and heartbeat last week at what should have been 6 weeks 1 day, and it was measuring 5 weeks 5 days. Doctor said nothing to worry about. Then I got super nauseous for three days, and was really excited, because symptoms are great! And now it's gone. And I'm freaking out. All I do is worry over Every. Little. Thing. It helps slightly to think there's nothing I can do to stay pregnant, but all I can think is that if this one is going to miscarry... I just want it over with already!

[CeliaM]

Originally Posted by InLove2009 

My symptoms changed. I was told this is normal and to enjoy the good days. Of course I am freaking out that I'm not vomiting. Never thought I would say that.

Thank you! I am hoping that's the case. After I wrote my post I got some slight nausea. Going in for an ultrasound at 2pm today just to be sure. Love my OB and that they waste no time. 

[dayiscoming2006]

I want an ultrasound so bad. But, I don't think I can get one. Don't have insurance yet and going to be seeing a midwife that has a home office and no ultrasound equipment... Blah. My first appointment I'll be 11.5 weeks, but I've heard that they won't necessarily be able to hear the baby's heartbeat with doppler, so if we don't hear it that doesn't mean miscarriage necessarily. So, I'll have no reassurance unless I hear a heartbeat. That's annoying. I just want to know if the baby is alive or not. After reading about the possibility of missed miscarriages.

[InLove2009]

is there a free health clinic where you live? They would probably do one... or a pregnancycenter? I volunteered at one for a while and we did them for free