Queer Conceptions: December 2012

[fillefantome]

Welcome to December!

It's time to make some Early Fall Babies!

PLEASE PUT YOUR UPDATES IN BOLD!


Waiting to O

*DarcySD

*esenbee2

*fillefantome

*fmorris28

*Friederike

*KWPX2

*LindseyW

*PDXmother2b
 
*samy23

*scorpioma

*sotohana

*Sphinxy
  
*SunandEr

*Twomommyfamily

Waiting to Know... Braving the 2WW

*mrsandmrs

*SanDiego78

Taking a Break/Figuring Things Out/Waiting to be Ready

*granite

*kgulbransen

*hoping2bmoms

*nemplsgirl

*JustAnotherJenny

*invitnconceptn

*MonkCP

*lovestreet13

*HeatherandKim

*mandalin79

*Photo Girl

*2justicemamas

*twinkleeyes

*justrose13 & JenMostOften

*MrsPP

*wannabmomkt

*rs11

*Amt1015

*darthtunaqueen

*TineyDreams

*Gellybeangrl

2012 Graduates!
December *joyseattle
October *cordelia15 *pokeyAC *easttowest *erinTNgirl *outdoorsy
September *Wishin'&hopin' *lisedea *Tandy401
August *thenewzero *KnittingTigers *TaraL
July *Cananny
May *mtnlisa
April *nosreves
March *SkyandTru *JuneBug
February *MidwifeStephPDX *SouthernBelle24
January *Planet *Dandylez

2011 Graduates!
December * DesertSunsets
November * Aljm41910
October * Vienna79 * KSDoulaMama *Pleasantlyfurious *SwtRainbowBrite * Go_Vegan
September * Smilingsara * Ad Astra * Mumquest
August *Prettyisa
July * Onemommyonemama * Southern Fried Karma
June * CrystalPerez * Qmama42
May * KellySF
April * want2bmumx2 * Indigoscot & DP
March * Graceie * Seraf * 2ezforyou *Mommy55
February * Escher 10/24/11 *SharriKitColorado* DAWNMP1
January * Starling&diesel 10/2/11

2010 Graduates!
November * Mizyellow 7/25/11 * AmyPDX 7/30/11 * AmandaHope 8/3/11 * Cejae 7/4/11
September * Solejean 5/19/11 * Painefaria 6/5/11
August * Bttrflygypsy 4/10/11 * 2happymamas 4/15/11 * LibraryLady 4/15/11
July * Beastie 3/21/11 * Gumshoegirl007 4/2/11 * Wehrli 4/1/11
June * Coco & DP 2/14/11
May * Burg 2/4/11 * Korey 2/1/11
April * Calimeow * Mtnlisa * Kimlyn32
February * Mistral * Quasar & smartycat * Monarchgrrl * Erthe_mama & DP
January * Lyndzies * FtMpapa

2009 Graduates!
December* Osker * Megan sacha * Mkpgoddess
October * JJNoho * Mommies 2 Be * Megincl & Ktcl
September * Elismum1908 * KSDoulaMama * Pleasantlyfurious
August * Chicagoml * Wishin'&hopin'
July * Hbog
May * Indigoscot's dp
April * Kelmendi * KJM * Whoabethy * Carmen
March * Scalpel * Katwomyn4
February * Deny_zoo29
January * Jodybird511
Edited by fillefantome - 12/30/12 at 10:42am

[fillefantome]

Has anyone heard from hoping2bmoms, nemplsgirl or kgulbransen? I've copied them over from the November thread, but they didn't post last month, so I'm not sure if they're in the right categories.

[Sphinxy]

Ok chart gurus, I could use some advice. Last night I was having some serious work stress and anxiety (which in the end sounds like it is going to work out well for me, but resulted in one crappy day, I digress...). Usually I am asleep by about 11:30, but last night I was so worked up that I finally decided to take a xanax around 1:30 and fell asleep. I have a temping alarm that went off at 7am (which is about my normal time), and my temp was way low. I fell right back asleep and then woke naturally at 10am (I can't remember the last time I slept that late!), and my temp was a lot higher. I recorded the 7am one on my chart (97.02), and the 10am one in the notes (97.68). The first temp is closer to the time of day I would normally temp, but the second is closer the the total amount of sleep I would normally get. Should I pick one to use, or just discard this day? http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/3d8708
Edited by Sphinxy - 12/1/12 at 8:19am

[scorpioma]

fillefantome: no, haven't heard from them- call out to the Mothering veterans: we leave people on there indefinitely? do we remove them after a long period of time? thanks for the shiny new thread. this is going to be a GREAT MONTH! Full of learning, charting, processing, and getting pregnant!

I am on CD12... Probably will ovulate around CD 17 or 18... Feeling some anxiety for the first time today!

Got into a MAJOR fight with my DP (VERY unusual) last night and it was miserable... We are fine now, but there is always the risk of that insemination fighting because it is so sensitive, and I ended up crying just saying "I just want to have a baby and it feels so hard..." The real "boil down" of the feelings!! It feels very out of control to not have an unlimited amount of sperm and so we do what we can with what we have- expertly!  I do know that the last 4 months have given me so much insight into my body, but still, you never know what can happen (like last month my random week-late ovulation)!

Sphinxy: I normally just record the temp from the same time of day you normally take it, especially since it's pretty early still for us in the cycle, but as it gets closer I would just leave it out. What would the experts do? I am certainly not one :)

Love to all. I'm probably going to be on here A LOT in the next few days because I am getting down to the wire... First insem. with the KD and feeling like it might be the month, or maybe that I will never get pregnant... Oh god the anxiety! Ha!  

xox

scorp

[samy23]

scorpioma, fmorris28, DarcySD thank you for your thoughts on the 'soreness', I managed to get to sleep in the end and by morning that feeling was gone, so that was a relief...strange though. Had a temp spike this morning so timing was as close to perfect as it could be! Now the waiting begins.

[Sphinxy]

Oh, scorpio - . I agree - it is both awful and totally understandable to have those rare big arguments around something so intense, with all the build up of emotion and expectation and frustration. Each cycle, each BFN teaches me something, so I go into the next cycle feeling like, OK now I know more about X... but then I find some new reason to doubt... ugh! You two are a strong team - you can do this!

Afm, this cycle I am worrying a little that I might have ordered my shipment too late, which is silly, but I think the double ovulation is throwing me off. My vials arrive Wed morning, which will be CD15 and should be plenty of time, but you know, there's always something to dwell on. It always comes down to timing. Also, if my ovaries are reading this, we need to ovulate on or before CD21 so that I can go on my business trip, ok? 

[fillefantome]

hoping2bmoms, nemplsgirl and kgulbransen: I'm going to go ahead and move you down to "Taking a Break." Please let me know if you would like to be put back up into one of the cycle sections.

[fillefantome]

esenbee: I've never seen EWCM, ever. That whole stretchy thing? Never. I make it to watery around O and that's as good as it gets. I do worry about whether I have "enough" CM, hence the EPO and Mucinex this cycle.

samy: I should add you to the TWW on our roster, right? Wishing you all the patience I haven't had during the next two weeks and a short stay here!

Sphinxy: Since you're checking CM and OPKs, I don't think this one temp will screw up your chart at all, but I would use the 7am temp. It seems as though the length of time asleep is most important and the 7-10 am leg is short for temping. Then again, I may be the worst person to ask. I'm usually good about temping on wake-up (even if FF thinks I'm being too variable), but this morning I temped at 3 am. I went to sleep before 9pm last night (that's just how I roll). But, I woke up at 3 am and decided to temp--I was wide awake and didn't know if/when I'd get back to sleep before my 6:45am alarm. Temp was 98.2 at 3 am, it took me an hour to go back to sleep, and at 6:45, my temp was 98.4. So, take my words with a packet of salt.

Scorpioma: So sorry to hear about the fight with DP. It's such a stressful process, and fighting is understandable, but it always sucks! (Luckily, I have no one to fight with but my cats, because as a child of divorce, even normal amounts of "couple squabbling" turn me into a nervous wreck and feel like monumental, relationship-ending disasters.) I'm glad everything's okay now.

AFM: if I'm right and today is indeed 11 DPO (FF thinks 9 DPO, traitorous computer program), the exciting news is that my usual 11DPO precipitous temp drop didn't happen today. (I've been vaguely fretting about this--my temp typically falls significantly fbetween 10 and 11 DPO, even though my period generally doesn't start until 12 or 13 DPO. I know 11-12 days is a short/normal LP, but what if the egg is a late implanter, trying to get in there on 12 DPO and my progesterone levels have dropped and it can't implant? Poor little fertilized egg!) Anyway, today's HPT test was negative, but I'm still feeling hopeful. Realized that my period is not due today/tomorrow as I've been saying all week, but tomorrow/Monday, so the "definitive test" should be Tuesday, not Monday. Whatever, so I had a bit of inability to count; every day with no period is a good day, at this point.

Another question for the group: who is in the loop about your TTC process? Not just that you want to have kids at some point, but that you are trying right now. Friends? Family?

My KD is one of my closest friends, and of course he knows (though I'm trying not to make our whole friendship center around baby stuff, so I haven't talked to him about it since insem), as does his BF. I told one other close friend that we were giving it a go during my visit to Chicago. Nobody else knows anything, even though lots of my close friends know the basic outlines of the plan (which was, until two weeks ago, a someday plan). It's weird because I'm bouncing emotionally, and trying to appear calm on the surface, so I don't look like a crazy person to the all of everybody who don't know what's going on with me.

[Sphinxy]

Ooh, Fille, another great question! We actually have quite a few, at varying degrees of information. There's the "Hey, we're actively TTC, we'll let you know when there's news to share, please give us space" group that consists of DW's parents, a small handful of friends, and my boss. Then there's the ongoing TTC support network that we have each cultivated for our individual sanities - these people usually know when we try and when we get a BFN: my parents, my sister (straight, two kids), my BFF (no kids), DW's brother and sister-in-law (straight, two kids), and DW's coworker (straight, recent successful IVF). Everyone listed actually started in the first group, and then we slowly and deliberately added people to the second group as needed and when we felt that they could help us handle the stress appropriately - no judgement, no dismissive "it'll be fine", no pestering questions, etc. I can't imagine waiting to tell people until a full successful first trimester - it just wouldn't work for us. We are talkers, it's how we process big stuff. We are so fortunate to have caring support systems so we make good use of them!

What do you think, Fille - are you considering letting one of your close friends in on the current state of the plan? This board is great for talking out the details and getting lots of support of course, but I know I find that sometimes I need a good in-person hug. 

[fillefantome]

Sphinxy: unfortunately, I don't have any close local friends--I just moved here in April, and while I've started making some friends, there's no one with whom I'd feel comfortable sharing the trials and tribulations of TTC.

I don't imagine I'll wait until the end of the first trimester to tell people, once I'm pregnant, though. In fact, the other day, I spent time figuring out who I would tell when about actually being pregnant, and decided I would tell my close friends after the heartbeat was detected (so, around 8wks), then hold off on telling family until 12 wks, my office until 16 wks. Once I've told work, I'll probably pretty much tell everyone local and in my larger friend circle. In my head, it's all very orderly. I'm sure in reality everyone will know within a week of a BFP.

[fmorris28]

Sphinxy, Those are good questions, im curious to know the answers cos lord knows mye temps have been interesting since i've been back to charting. I think the double ovulation might be throwing you off too. I'd go with mye normal intended O date, just to minimise confusion. I sure hope your ovaries are reading and take heed!

Scorp, I know the feeling you're having! Super excited, nervous, anxious, and so much more with a new cycle approaching. Good luck with everything...try to stay sane!

Samy, No problem! Glad that your soreness went away bc its not fun when your hurting in that area. The little cramps I had after mye IUI i definately could have done without! FX for you!

fille,

I sure hope that your signs are promising!! As far as in the know loop...the first try, DP told the world..literally...video on Facebook. I told mye mum, dad, and sister as well as closest friends. Second time around I told DP I wanted to keep it quiet..i told no one..not even mye best friend, mum, or sis, but found out DP had made another Facebook post (don't have FB so i didnt know). It was crazy, had random ppl coming up to meeh asking if i was preggo...kinda weird. I think she was so excited that she wanted to tell everyone, but I had to explain that in everyone knowing, I felt increasingly pressured to be pregnant, not just for us...but for the 5000+ friends on her FB plus friends in real life. That could have also been a stress factor for meeh. This time, i'm trying to keep everything under wraps completely..NO FACEBOOK, not close friends or anything. I'd just like to keep it at letting them know when we're expecting...around 8wks or so.

AFM, drinking mye tea and temping...trying to psych DP into pushing that plunger lol. She's not the type to know about cervix position nd CM :) . Her Bday is this month so hopefully we'll be making a baby right after!

[Twomommyfamily]

I think December is going to be a good month! BFPs are in the air!

fille- DP and I have told several people. Only a couple of friends, but all our families (my mom, dad, step-mom, sister, DP's parents and 3 brothers, then my mom told my aunt and cousins too... so like my whole famn damily) our baby will be the first grandchild on both sides so its a big deal for our parents and they were never sure if we would have kids as we had previously seriously considered adoption. Anyways, then I have a couple (straight) co-workers all going through the fertility treatment process and they know all the gory details. Actually my work friends, my mom, and my sister know the most detail of everyone.

scorpio- I'm sorry to hear about the argument. TTC is so stressful and I think little issues can get blown up more easily because of the general undercurrent of anticipation, anxiety, and unknown. I'm glad that everything is all good now. So exciting to almost be ready to try again with your KD!! Major baby dust to you! 

just fyi everyone, West Point had their first same sex wedding today in their chapel, a lesbian couple, one of whom was a veteran. Wedding pics/videos always make me cry, especially when its a wedding between older lesbians who have been fighting so hard for their right to do this for so long. And in a place that has such a reputation for hostility. How amazing! It makes me so hopeful for the world that our someday sons and daughters will grow up in. 

[carmen358]

Originally Posted by scorpioma 

fillefantome: no, haven't heard from them- call out to the Mothering veterans: we leave people on there indefinitely? do we remove them after a long period of time? thanks for the shiny new thread. this is going to be a GREAT MONTH! Full of learning, charting, processing, and getting pregnant!

I think whomever was the threadkeeper would delete people in the "active" categories (waiting to O, etc.) if they hadn't been heard from for a whole month or so - though I don't think there are any hard rules. If people join again they can always be re-listed :)

[Friederike]

Yay, it's a new month. Let's hope for many extra special christmas and hanukkah presents

The Question to the group - I barely told anybody. My DP knows, a friend of ours who is currently living at our place and another good friend of mine plus his partner. This friend has offered to be a donor and co-parent but as we don't feel comfortable with a 4 parent situation we declined. Some people might jump at the idea of having a gorgeous French guy with curly hair and the prettiest eyelashes as their KD but I felt like he mostly wanted to have a baby for himself and it seemed like a receipe for trouble later on. I might tell my mom later this month after we insemminated when we go to a rock concert together as she'll probably want to buy me some alcoholic drink. I won't tell any co-workers until I am at 12 weeks and then probably break the news on Facebook for everybody else. I guess the people in our local Queer Family planning support group might count too, although none of them are friends. And I randomly told a group of high-school students last week, when I visited a class of 8th graders. I volunteer in a project that talks to students about LGBT issues in school as part of the health education program. We teach them safe sex especially for queer students, talk about coming out and generally raise awareness and promote tolerance in schools. So we tell a bit of our life stories and answer their questions and I included that tidbit of information.

Scorpio- sorry to hear about your fight. It's such a stressful time. Hope things are better today.

Sphinxy - you had me lol at your comment to your ovaries.

Twomommy - West Point is this prestigious military base, right? Good to hear that the end of DADT has made such progess possible!

Afm - we had Syringes shipped this weekend and ordered the first vials of sperm. It was so much fun picking the guy and ended up with a hard choice between a brown haired, green eyed sports-student or a blond blue eyed photographer. We picked the sports guy first and will switch if it doesn't work. And now I am trying my best to live really healthy. That means for me cutting out caffeine and alcohol, running only shorter distances (I usually do a marathon every couple of months) and eating lots of pineapple. And relaxing as much as possible. DP and I started the babymaking journey this weekend by taking a short vacation together. So lots of relaxing in the hotel spa, great dinners, visits to christmans markets and walks/ runs in the snow. She was really excited and positive for the first time about the possibility of becoming parents instead of her usual doubts and scared thoughts and we spent the boring autobahn time in the car discussing potential boy names.

[esenbee2]

In response to the Group Question -we initially weren't going to tell anyone until were were into the second trimester.  But my cousin's girlfriend (who just gave birth to their first baby) told me that she had a crazy dream about me pregnant, so I went ahead and told her about us getting ready to try, but told her we weren't telling anyone.  She was supportive and was happy, saying, "Yay!  Another brown baby!" (She is Native American, DSp is Filipino, all of the other baby cousins in our family do not have any "ethnicity".  Then our first cycle, DSp told his brother and parents.  They have always been supportive of our relationship, mine hasn't.    DSp did ask one of my other cousins a question to kind of gauge how the rest of the them would feel about us having another baby.  Her answer was, "I don't think Lillie would be good with having a sibling in the house."  The way she put it was pretty clear that it wasn't really a thing they would be excited about, so we just left them out of the loop because we don't need unsupportive people!

When we ended up going to an RE after 4 unsuccessful tries, had an HSG, found out right tube was blocked, initially decided to do the lapriscopsy, my mother did not see the point in doing it, basically didn't think we should even be thinking about having another kid.  Ugh!  My mother can be such a b*tch about things like that.  We didn't tell her that we had been trying, but that I had been "having some pains during my cycle" so we went and checked it out.  So, needless to say, we aren't going to tell her about this time around trying.  :(  It's a shame too, because it could be something that we could share and bond with.  My parents tried for 13 years to have their first kid and went to fertility doctor after fertility doctor to find out what was wrong.  A little different situation than us, but still the same feelings.

[mrsandmrs]

sphinxy - in your BBT situation, i would go with the first temp because it had more hours of sleep behind it. i sleep an erratic schedule and i try to go with the longest # of hours in a row. how many vials do you use per month? 

re: question of the day.... my parents know and my MIL knows. several close friends know we are trying in a theoretical way but aren't involved in the process. my wife and i each have 1 or 2 very close support people to lean on who know what's happening when and ask about it. we don't like, post about ttc on facebook and i would be mortified if most of my friends knew, but i have often been glad to have the support system that we have established. oh, and our kid knows, unfortunately. although we tried really hard to not tell him (and hid it for a year! dammit!) he does know now. 

esen - i am sorry to hear that your mom can't be supportive about ttc. i feel so fortunate reading your story. my parents struggled with infertility for seven years. the technology and times were different back then, but the feelings were similar. initially i didn't want to tell her, but my clinic's intake paperwork had questions about my mom's health history that i couldn't answer so i had to. i ended up glad that i told her. it means a lot to her to be able to be there for me. 

AFM - cycle day 1 was friday, so i had a CD3 ultrasound and bloodwork appointment today. i had this fear that i would have another cyst and we would have to take another month off, but my ovaries and blood work were perfect. we're starting injections tonight. i feel shocked that it's happening. i was convinced i would have to take the month off, but i feel really ready. hopefully the injections go ok.... 

[Sphinxy]

Thanks everyone for the advice, the consensus is clearly in favor of using my first temp from yesterday morning, so that is what I am sticking with. 

m&m - We are using two unwashed vials via ICI this month. I'm not familiar with the injections - do you know when you expect to inseminate? I am wishing you so much good luck for this month!

OMG, fmorris, I can't imagine having everyone I know on facebook knowing that we were TTC! Yikes!

twomommyfamily - Thanks for sharing the news about the West Point wedding - I love those kinds of stories!

Friederike - Your baby making vacation sounds amazing!

[joyseattle]

scorpioma - how are you doing? sending you calm thoughts!

samy - yay for great timing and best wishes for the two!

sphinxy - sending you appropriately timed ovulatory thoughts.

fille - Thinking of you!

Good group question: We've talked with people about having kids "someday" or "it's in the five year plan" for years, but didn't tell anyone in real life, other than healthcare related people, we were actively trying. (We'll the first time round in '09, I told a few people and then sort of regretted it.) I wanted it to be private and special and not increase any feelings of pressure if it didn't happen quickly or risk people asking about it often. We'll tell our closest  

Friederike - I love the idea of a baby making vacation!

m&m - yay for perfect ovaries and blood work!

AFM: I spent two days of the tww at a birth and came home on Saturday evening exhausted. I was sad that I had missed a night of Endometrin (I only took one night with me). I knew I would keep taking it until at least Tuesday regardless of results, but I just wanted to see what would happen if I poas. I used a wondfo IC and clearly saw a faint line. Sunday I tested a few times and each time I got a faint line. This morning I used concentrated FMU and got a (still faint) line on the IC and a "pregnant" on a digital. So crazy to see a bfp!

It feels surreal and I will probably end up poas for a while and trying remaining cautiously optimistic. (I'm still a bit nervous about that missed dose.) I felt really good about my health overall and my timing this cycle. I'm so happy we did it at home (Ideally, I want a home conception and a home birth.) I didn't think it would happen so quickly and I can't help but feeling that this is such perfect timing with our legal wedding next week and the new year around the corner. I have acupuncture today which will hopefully help me relax!

[Sphinxy]

Joy! Congratulations! Sending you good thoughts and hoping that the Endometrin was not critical, and that faint line gets darker and darker!! 

[esenbee2]

JOY -that is such great news!  FX for a sticky baby!  Would you like a parade now or after a stronger line or blood work?!  I'll throw this 1 in now, though!