Queer Conceptions: December 2012 - Page 14

[scorpioma]

hey everyone!  

fillefantome, thanks for being open with us. every has said it so well. and it is really tough, as women/female bodied people/queer papas & parents when people make comments about our choices and making children does not come as easily to us. I understand and also become sensitive. how we each choose to become better adults & future parents should not be commented on or judged by others. I'm sorry you're feeling frustrated. Glad you could vent here.

Personally, I was raised by a single momma and we did not have much of ANY $$.. She did a great job providing for me, and I appreciate material things much more now. It was hard sometimes, but I value my experiences and what my mother taught me. I am a better person for it, I know this. I did have to work through some issues around money anxiety, but that's where therapy comes in. 

DP and I are also in school, DP in a PhD program (like Friederike) and I am in law school. There are lots of reasons why now is not the best time to gestate a child, but many, many others that go to why it is an ideal plan. Those reasons are up to ME AND DP to come to. We have had a couple people voice doubts as well, and we let them, because we are confident and calm in our choice (and do feel like we can do it financially and time-wise at this point). Plus, we will be graduating a little late, but free to be new/young employees without having to go on maternity leave right away in our new jobs.

and granite, SO MANY PEOPLE have depression related issues (me included) it is just SILLY that people said anything to you about that. Goodness. Do they talk to straight people like that? I doubt it. Sometimes our methods of making a family make people feel like they can just butt right in and give opinions. Like we are having elective surgery or something (and even then, BUTT OUT!)

fmorris, good luck with your move!  Is that one of the reasons there was tension with DP? Hopefully this is a great change and you are both happier afterwards! Wish we could all come and help you pack! Any chance there will be a future nursery in the new place? 

PDXmother2b: Glad so many on this board know about clomid and other medications/monitoring/etc. I have really learned a lot and I am glad they are a resource for you! Thanks for asking those questions. I have never taken meds or had other interventions, but I may have to at some point, that is TBD. So grateful for the Queers on here who have done the research/have the experience!

mrsandmrs, how are you grrrl? What DPO today, 9? YAY! We are getting there! How are you feeling? 

Any other TWW-ers?

also, has anyone seen the Star Trek emoticon?!?!  hahaha!

AFM, 10DPO today, sharp temp. drop, could be anything, also could be implantation... And I felt a stabbing pain in my abdomen for about 7 minutes this morning. I report symptoms knowing that they might be caused by any old thing, and that I am interpreting them in the context of TWW/TTC, but nonetheless, we have lots and lots of signs pointing us in a good direction this TWW.  

[esenbee2]

scorpioma -a temp drop is promising!  yay for positive signs!  any spotting?  When I got pregnant with DD, I had spotting on what I calculated to be 10 DPO.  I thought it was AF at the time.

[scorpioma]

no spotting yet. I sort of expect it...Temp dip doesn't seem promising but I know it is!

I broke down and tested... BFN but it's way early plus I have long cycles. I will actually use FMU tomorrow. 

(I know this is early but I'm just testing for fun. You never know.)

[fmorris28]

Granite, Absolutely right. I think a fresh start would be something nice. New year, new house, DP's birthday right after Christmas. Also we'd have much more space for DS or DD and I'm all for that! THanks for the luck!!

Scorp, Thanks! And yes, it was one of the reasons she was super ready to go and we we've outgrown our place. If the whole board would help pack we'd be in business lol! Sweet gesture!!! We'll be getting rid of the home gym to leave the second bedroom open for opportunity. :) I missed that emoticon lol! Best of luck with those symptoms they sound promising!

AFM, Just trying to get everything together for the new year :) Excited. Happy Holidays All!
 

[KnittingTigers]

Fille- I'm thread crashing and jumping in late to say that when I started TTC my DD, I was a single grad student living on less than $20k per year, and people thought I was nuts. Sometimes I thought I was nuts, and I had a lot of anxiety about money, especially after I got pregnant but before she was born. I made it work. You'll make it work. Now, five years later, I still have debt, but I also have a well-paying job that I love, as well as a partner who contributes financially. And I'm SO GLAD I didn't wait until now (the financially "sensible" time) to start having kids. Everyone does it differently, and you'll make it work. Big hugs.

[granite]

Originally Posted by mrsandmrs 

granite, it's like we have parallel lives. we have 2 dogs, 2 cats, a flock of chickens and two hives of honeybees. i know what you mean about getting my life ready for a baby! i might put a fence around the beehive once there's a toddler... 

 Ha! Yes, I suppose fencing off the hives will be important, won't it...

fillefantome, I just saw (in reading through all the posts I missed while away) that you're an OWL instructor... That's so cool! A couple years ago, my DP and I were invited to come to an OWL session and talk to the young people about our lives as queer people. It was seriously one of the greatest experiences of my life. They had such interesting questions, and really seemed engaged with understanding diverse sexualities and genders... It gave me so much hope for the future.

[merstone]

Hi there, I'm new to the forum and am thrilled to find you all! I'm looking forward to catching up on the thread later today, but first a quick intro:

What are the names/pronouns of your partner and children (if you have any)? My partner is E, he (trans, FtM); we have a 2-yr old daughter

What method are you using to get pregnant this next cycle?  anon donor/sperm bank, IUI at home, currently 1 DPO (inseminated yesterday - first attempt at baby deux!)

What do you and/or your partner do for work? me: non-profit mgmt; E: naturopath

What state/province do you live? pacific northwest

What is the most exciting part about this TTC time for you? it's just so exciting to be trying for #2 - it's fun to think of our toddler being an older sibling. I also loved being pregnant and had a great birth the first time around. Of course I realize that it might (and probably will) be completely different if/when we're successful again!

What is the most difficult part? trying to not get too excited. I remember being so devastated when we weren't getting pregnant last time (it took a year although spread out - we were successful on the 5th try, 3rd donor). my biggest frustration is timing.

Sending good BFP vibes to everyone!

-m

[fmorris28]

Merstone,  Glad to have you here. We've got a pretty great group of ladies! Good luck in your TWW. Did you temp or take meds before your IUI or are you doing it all natural? If you don't mind meeh asking, we all go different routes, but all hope to see a beautiful BFP! Hope your stay is short and sweet!

[scorpioma]

Welcome merstone! Great to have you!

So many people in the Pacific Northwest on this board (I am in the Midwest, sigh).

Congrats on IUI, and entering the TWW!!

My partner is trans as well, and we are trying for Baby #1.  

[merstone]

fmorris28: Yep, I take my bbt. So far, no meds. When I was trying three years ago the docs were just about to put me on Clomid, but that month I got pregnant (after an HSG) and never had to take it. We'll see what happens this time.

scorpioma: I'm actually from the midwest! I moved out here 15 year ago but still love going back. 

Thanks for the welcome! 

[Sphinxy]

Thanks everyone, for your thoughts on flying while pregnant. I am already definitely flying in March, maybe in April, so I'm going to take my time and decide whether the May trip would be worth it. It might start to feel like too much, but I don't have to register for a while. The potential upside is that even though it's for business I think DW would be available to come with me since the semester should be over by then, and it's in a city she really wants to visit. So we'll see. 

esenbee -  I would love to hear more about declining the body scanners. I have gone through them before, but I definitely would not want to once pregnant. Is there anything special that you need to do or bring, or do you just tell the TSA guard when you get in line? 

2justicemamas & fmorris - Wow, moving at this time of year must be a challenge! Good luck to you, I hope you find exactly what you need.

fille - I know I'm a little late to respond, but I wanted to let you know that I read your post a few days ago, and I've been chewing on it in my mind. I totally agree with the others that this woman was out of line. It's as if she was on the right path with being a good sounding board, and then took a hard right turn down the road to judgement - with probably some of her own regrets mixed in with what she projected onto you. Separate from that, you've mentioned a few times your thoughts on money, and I think those are totally valid fears. You are so not alone there. I know a few people who have waited to feel "financially ready" to have kids, and I can't say they are any better or worse off than the people who didn't. I was sort of in that camp while DW was in grad school - I thought that with me working and her in school, it was no time for a baby. Maybe I was right, maybe I was wrong. I don't know. But I can tell you that two years later there are still unanswered questions and potentially scary choices to make around money. I don't think that goes away, for anyone. Remember that article that came out in The Atlantic a while ago, about why women can't have it all? I'll never forget my mother's response - she hated it. She's worked my whole life, and she never expected to "have it all". She says that sacrifice is a natural part of life, and we have to have the courage to make tough choices and manage through the effects of those choices in order to be happy - no one gets a pass, and everyone's sacrifices are different. I think it's awesome that your child will have a mom who has thought out her intentions so thoroughly.
And on another note, thanks for making me laugh with the probability comment. DW enjoyed it too since she teaches statistics. 

merstone - Welcome!  We're so happy you've joined us. And you are among good company with your frustration - figuring out the timing sucks!  

Afm, this has been my easiest TWW because I have convinced myself so well that there's no chance I'm pregnant. I'm 9DPO and already looking forward to January. No potential travel to get in our way, lots of lessons learned from our previous attempts. I feel like January is our month. The only thing I'm not really looking forward to is the potential conversations with our families about me not being pregnant yet when we go to the various Christmas gatherings this week. I don't regret telling those who know, but at the same time I don't really want to talk about it. I just want to enjoy the holidays. Hopefully they will give me some space. And then there's the aunt who doesn't know we're TTC, but always finds a way to shove a baby in my face at family get togethers to remind me that I "need one of these". Ugh... 

[Twomommyfamily]

Welcome Merstone! I hope your ttc #2 process is quick! Interesting to read that you got your first BFP shortly after an HSG. I'm going for an HSG on Monday and I'm hoping it (in addition to finding any blockages, and figuring out an anomaly the my RE found on an ultrasound) clears the path for January with our first IUI. 

Hey all to all those in the TWW, any updates? Anybody POAS yet?

AFM, like many others on here we are mid-holiday stress (with an HSG thrown in the middle of it) traveling around southern CA and then to Boston Xmas day. As for body scanners, we travel with our dog to the east coast every 6 months and we never go through body scanners because dogs can't go through them. We just carry our lil fur baby and get pat down, its really not all that invasive and doesn't bother me or DP. We also often fly out of or into small regional airports that don't have body scanners, which is nice and so much less stressful. Not the case this time though, only big awful airports for the holidays. 

[mrsandmrs]

we're getting so close to all the January cycles that are going to start! how is everyone feeling? 

Welcome Merstone !  I'm in the PNW too. 

afm - i'm 11 dpo. i feel like crap and i'm super exhausted. our kiddo is sick, and i am really hoping he hasn't shared the germs with me. this process is so draining and painful, i would hate to be sick on top of it. 

anyone besides Scorpio testing yet?

[Friederike]

Welcome Merstone!

I am determined to not test until 12/24.
If we have to do the january cycle we'll order on New Years Eve to get the 25% discount our bank currently offers. We would also switch from the donor I liked best (sports student) to my DPs favorite (photographer).

[sotohana]

Sphinxy- your Mom sounds like she was a great role model. I really like what she had to say about that article. She seems very level headed, which is a great thing for a mom to be. My Dad is like this too. I'm telling you- he's been such an amazing teacher to me and I know he's so much of the reason I'm as sane as I am today.

Thanks for checking in on us, mrs&mrs. AFM, CD 1 today. It started immediately after acupuncture about 40 minutes ago. DW is in her session now. Good things are on the horizon. My lp is lengthening and the acupuncturist says that my tongue looks better- whatever that means. DW saw a new OBGYN the other day and she was really happy with her. Besides having amazingly soft, cozy robes, she also was patient with DW and gentle and she explained wht she was doing in really understandable terms. She suggested to DW that they "push reset" on Dw's body ( she hasn't had a period since July) by giving her a 10 day dose of estrogen. It's working as far as I can tell! She's been sleeping more an wanting to work out and he's been super emotional in a sweet way. Fingers crossed that she can start trying again soon! If she can then we would go back an forth from month to month until one of us gets pregnant.

[sotohana]

P.s. sorry for all the misspellings. I'm on my phone.

[granite]

merstone! Thanks for telling us about yourself... FX for you in this TWW!

I hope your HSG goes well, twomommyfamily... I know lots of folks have no trouble at all with the procedure, and it really does seem to increases chances of conception in the following months. Mine was awful, unfortunately: Incredibly and unexpectedly painful with cramping for days to follow, and I found out I had a blocked tube, which made me super depressed. However! I don't think my experience was typical! And both my RE and my acupuncturist say that the blocked tube was most likely a false positive caused by my body's reactive cramping, which apparently happens a lot. Good luck.

mrsandmrs, I'm sorry that you're feeling so bad... Hand in there!

Hurrah for good news, sotohana!

All of you TWWers, I'm throwing piles and piles of baby-dust your way...

AFM: As expected, I started seeing fertile CM yesterday afternoon, the day my clinic closes for the holidays! Arg. So annoying, the timing of things.

In other news, happy Solstice! DP and I exchanged gifts last night, and she loves the new kitten. Unfortunately, she was holding said kitten when our dog tried to lick it, which resulted in the kitten getting upset and biting DP's hand very very hard. So this afternoon, DP got a second and a third gift: A tetanus shot and a course of antibiotics!

I wish you all warmth and light in this new season.

[mrsandmrs]

i already posted this on the tww thread but this is my real home so it belongs here too. i was not sure that these things could actually show a line? i was so surprised, i took three. apparently it IS possible.

I title this "3AM, By Lamp Light" 

12DPO. 

our fingers are crossed. i think we're going to take a digital on xmas and send a photo to my mom. she will cry so much! 

Edited by mrsandmrs - 12/23/12 at 4:17am

[fillefantome]

Mrs,

[fillefantome]

Mrs,