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December 2012 Rockstar Mamas - Page 9

post #161 of 380

Aw poor Ava!  Nora is deathly afraid of Santa.  We've never done Santa pics.  I don't think it's a huge deal.  I'm sure JCP or Target can squeeze you in.  Honestly, I'm happy w/the target pics, but not thrilled.  JCP would have done a better job, for sure, but you get what you pay for.

 

IKEA!  That's a fun rainy day activity.  But, I do like to go with a friend and both my good friends are busy today.  Boo!

post #162 of 380
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by AnnieA View Post

I do what you do akind1. Give opportunities for "yes

yeahthat.gif you said what i was trying to explain so much better. rather than setting the situation up for a lot of "nos", set it up for as many "yeses" as possible.

Quote:
Originally Posted by akind1 View Post

I'm not saying you are doing anything that you shouldn't be - Just trying to find some alternatives that might make your life easier and Ten happier.

yeahthat.gif, too. i was thinking...maybe you could put some empty wrapped boxes out for her to tear into every day. you may end up havin to rewrap them every day but at least that would be a fun "yes" rather than a continuous "no". the problem is that by time she can open her actual presents she might be over it. lol.gif

i'm pretty sure dylan has an ear infection. he woke up this morning pulling on his left ear and he's virtually inconsolable even with nursing. i put some breast milk in his ear and gave him some acetaminophen and he's finally quiet and still.

i was planning to go to the mall today for some gift shopping but i guess that won't happen. i need to find some more things for ryan's girlfriend.

i'm with ava on the sants thing. he's scary and kind of creepy.
post #163 of 380
Oh my gosh, you guys! I pulled out the camcorder to make sure I had the right charger. The dvd in it was from when Ava was born. I turned it on and started watching it with Ava. She was curious about the first part when she was in the newborn nursery but when it switched to the part showing them bring in her transport pod so I could say goodbye, she started furiously signing all done and hitting at the camcorder. Do you think she still remembers?
post #164 of 380
Thread Starter 
Some experts say that babies do remember their births so I think it's very possible.
post #165 of 380

I'd say it was possible - poor Ava!

 

I don't push Santa pics- Norah would probably happily sit with him and pull his beard. Gabe isn't afraid, just cautious. We've walked by him and he is beyond not interested. NBD

 

MW: I had a question for you - I seem to recall that Kellen for a while was doing really well using the bathroom when nekkid, but not with clothes on. How did you resolve that? Or did you just do pull ups or something when out and about? We are at the place with Gabe- no accidents when naked. (he hasn't pooped in the potty, doesn't seem to be avoiding it, but it seems to happen until he is in a diaper)

 

Also -  poor D! hope he's feeling better soon.

 

Carrie - if I were local, I'd hit Ikea with you!

post #166 of 380
Quote:
Originally Posted by akind1 View Post

I put out the tree kind of with the intention that it be played with. It's a short tree- maybe 4 feet, but full, and everything on it she can't really do any damage to. I think I'll keep doing that - the kids enjoy it, and yeah, it makes a mess, but not any more than their typical mess. It may come down to it that we have a kids tree (that can be messed with) and a pretty tree, that shouldn't.

 

Some families put a felt tree up somewhere with felt decorations.

 

dvds - can she actually open the cases? Is she likely to stomp on them and cause damage? I might have some out (maybe old ones you've lost the DVD to) and let her play with them. Sometimes taking the mystery and "no" out of the situation goes a long way - like, oh, these are no big deal. Like the tree, after ours had been out a week, it's largely lost it's mystery, and Norah doesn't bother it much at all. I like to try to offer acceptable alternatives - compromises - for some things I might consider unacceptable otherwise.

 

For Gabe, at Nana's house, he's not allowed to jump on the couch. But he can use the big floor pillows on the floor for jumping on if he wants. Want to play in the cupboards? you can't play under the sink (nasty stuff) but you can play in the tupperware or pots and pans cabinet. It creates alot more opportunity for "yes"

 

Of course, there always will be absolute "no"s - like the stairs (but even then, there are times it's allowed - I mean, she isn't allowed to climb up them unsupervised, but if I'm going upstairs anyway, I'll let her crawl up ahead of me)

 

Your floor vent - does she like the grate, or the air blowing through it? Might see if you can find an alternative that might capture her attention. Both of mine love the humidifier  - standing infront of it and adjusting the strength of the air flow is great fun, and honestly they can't really do much harm to it.

 

I'm not saying you are doing anything that you shouldn't be - Just trying to find some alternatives that might make your life easier and Ten happier.

 

We were at a birthday party this weekend where the grandma has custody of her grandchildren ages 3, 2, and 1 (they all have birthdays within a month of each other) - and her tree has glass ornamnents, she has breakables and picture frames on lower shelves where the kids can easily reach them, and she was like "I spend so much time keeping the kids out of the tree!" and I'm like, duh. Why are you making life hard? she works full time, and If I was out of the home that much, and had to come home to three littles that I was constantly telling "no" - I'd try to find a better solution.

Oh definitely. Tenley isn't interested much in the tree itself. She looked at it lots the first few days, and she pulls a few ornaments off, but they're plastic, so it's not the end of the world. We tell her they're for looking, not playing, but really, I'm not terribly upset if she does pull them off to look at. However, she -has- been trying to eat the glitter ones... lol. Trying to stop that!!  

 

I didn't think she could open the DVDs, she used to just play with the books that were in that cupboard, but now she can open them, and she takes all the dvds out and plays with them, even biting them :( And most of what's in there are expensive TV series DVD sets, so it's become a forbidden cabinet. lol. But yeah we do the redirection to the cabinets she -can- play with, or to her bookshelf where she can pull stuff off of as much as she likes. There's lot of opportunities for yes in our house, but I mean obviously she's a toddler, so she wants to full explore ALL her options! lol 

 

The floor grate does blow air out at her, but it's actually the fact that she can take it off that excites her. She used to be able to pull it right out of the floor and she would a/ try to climb down it, which is sooo unsafe since there's sharp edges, or if she fell she could break her leg. And b/ she throws her and the dogs toys down there, too. So, it was an issue! lol. We've finally glued it to the floor (Not our first choice!!) and now she leaves it alone for the most part (she can still flip the top up if she -reallllllly- wants to throw things down there, and sometimes she does. We've tried to give her sorting toys and boxes to throw stuff into, but I mean obviously it's not as fun as mama's big people vent! lol

 

I know what you mean about hazard houses. My father just moved into a brand new house with his gf. Gorgeous house, but horrific for kids :( She's got glass and ornaments and breakables --everywhere--. And there's a fireplace. I could stand in one spot in the living room reach my hands in a cicrcle around me and probably touch a dozen expensive breakable objects, including the glass top coffee table. Ugh. We're having Christmas there. I'm not looking forward to it. Last time we were there Ten fussed the whole time, because I couldn't let her explore. Which is mean to her. And makes our night harder. We definitely will need to bring some busy bag type toys on xmas. I don't know how else we'll keep her occupied... 

 

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by AnnieA View Post

I still have about half my shopping to do. DH is not helping. Normally I don't mind coming up with all the present ideas and doing the shopping (gifts is my secondary Love Language) but it is super hard this year because Ava is either rearranging store shelves or she finds something she wants. He has a lot going on at work and he has issues compartmentalizing so if I try to have a convo with him about present options, it "derails" him. Sigh.

*raises hand* I'm so guilty of this. I need to finish one thing before I can fully commit my brain to another topic. It drives DH crazy, anbd I understand, but I just can't seem to break myself of the habit!

 

Quote:

Originally Posted by AnnieA View Post

Oh and Ava practically had a panic attack at the Santa breakfast at church yesterday so I'm not going to try Santa pics again this year. Calling around to see if any portrait studios can squeeze us in.

Ohhh ! Poor girl :(   I mean I can see why he's scary! 

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by MarineWife View Post


yeahthat.gif you said what i was trying to explain so much better. rather than setting the situation up for a lot of "nos", set it up for as many "yeses" as possible.
yeahthat.gif, too. i was thinking...maybe you could put some empty wrapped boxes out for her to tear into every day. you may end up havin to rewrap them every day but at least that would be a fun "yes" rather than a continuous "no". the problem is that by time she can open her actual presents she might be over it. lol.gif
 

We've got all the presents she shouldn't touch, on the backside of the tree, so she has to crawl underneath the whole front half of the tree to get to them. I've placed her presents at the front, and keep repeating that this present and this present are Lenis or Avas etc etc, but THESE presents out here are for Tenley. She doesn't want them. lol Hasn't touched any of her own presents. Wants the exciting looking ones at the back. I mean it's really not a huge deal though. When they get big tears in them, I tape and rewrap.  Right now though, I have her fun boxes of books and toys in front of the tree, so when she heads towards it, she sees all her fun toys first. Right now she's sitting on her chair in front of the tree with one of her new books, reading to herself. 

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by AnnieA View Post

Oh my gosh, you guys! I pulled out the camcorder to make sure I had the right charger. The dvd in it was from when Ava was born. I turned it on and started watching it with Ava. She was curious about the first part when she was in the newborn nursery but when it switched to the part showing them bring in her transport pod so I could say goodbye, she started furiously signing all done and hitting at the camcorder. Do you think she still remembers?

I think MW is right and it's possible. I've heard stories of preschoolers recounting their births to their parents. What a thing to remember!

 

 

We had SUCH a long night last night. After several great nights, all of a sudden she's starting the every hour on the dot wakeups, and throwing herself around the bed. blah. Then it took 45 minutes to get her down for her morning nap, and she only slept for 30 minutes. (The one nap a day thing SO did not go over well). At least she's in a great mood now, but seriously child?! LOL I'm hoping she'll nap at Ashleighs. She's there today from 2-4pm, so she'll need to fall asleep almost immediately after getting there to get a good nap in. We'll see!

 

 

I think we're finished our christmas shopping! I could pick up something else for my mom, but if we don't see anything, that's ok too. I wanted to get more stuff for Ten, but we don't -need- to. She's getting SO much stuff from other people, it's not like she'll notice. Her ktchen won't be ready though, and that makes me so frustrated. We haven't even started it. I keep asking DH to figure out the plans and bring the materials home, and he works on it for like 15 minutes and then says he's stuck. But he won't really let me help him either.   Anyways, the point is-- no big planning/shopping stress, other than we need to write our xmas cards and send them out still! Oops! Tomorrow maybe. 

post #167 of 380
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by onetwoten View Post

I didn't think she could open the DVDs, she used to just play with the books that were in that cupboard, but now she can open them, and she takes all the dvds out and plays with them, even biting them greensad.gif And most of what's in there are expensive TV series DVD sets, so it's become a forbidden cabinet.

I'd put a baby lock on the cabinet if you really want to keep her out of it. Just don't get the magnetic kind because then you are forever searching for the damn magnet to open the lock and it's a pita. DH put one of those on the pantry door in the house we lived in when Ethan was a baby. I finally ripped the whole thing off with my bare hands I got so annoyed with it. lol.gif

Quote:
Originally Posted by onetwoten View Post

We've tried to give her sorting toys and boxes to throw stuff into, but I mean obviously it's not as fun as mama's big people vent! lol

We've got all the presents she shouldn't touch, on the backside of the tree, so she has to crawl underneath the whole front half of the tree to get to them. I've placed her presents at the front, and keep repeating that this present and this present are Lenis or Avas etc etc, but THESE presents out here are for Tenley. She doesn't want them. lol Hasn't touched any of her own presents. Wants the exciting looking ones at the back. I mean it's really not a huge deal though. When they get big tears in them, I tape and rewrap.  Right now though, I have her fun boxes of books and toys in front of the tree, so when she heads towards it, she sees all her fun toys first. Right now she's sitting on her chair in front of the tree with one of her new books, reading to herself.

Forbidden fruit. winky.gif

Quote:
Originally Posted by onetwoten View Post

I know what you mean about hazard houses. My father just moved into a brand new house with his gf. Gorgeous house, but horrific for kids greensad.gif She's got glass and ornaments and breakables --everywhere--. And there's a fireplace. I could stand in one spot in the living room reach my hands in a cicrcle around me and probably touch a dozen expensive breakable objects, including the glass top coffee table. Ugh. We're having Christmas there. I'm not looking forward to it. Last time we were there Ten fussed the whole time, because I couldn't let her explore. Which is mean to her. And makes our night harder. We definitely will need to bring some busy bag type toys on xmas. I don't know how else we'll keep her occupied... 

I can't take my kids to visit my dad because his house his a hazard. He doesn't have a bunch of nice breakable stuff around. He just has a bunch of junk around. I seriously think he's turning into a hoarder. Not because he wants to keep the stuff. He just doesn't bother throwing anything out. He's getting old and I think it gets to be too much for him. But he also won't let anyone else clean it out for him. eyesroll.gif So, we just don't go there. If he wants to see us, he has to come here.

Quote:
Originally Posted by akind1 View Post

MW: I had a question for you - I seem to recall that Kellen for a while was doing really well using the bathroom when nekkid, but not with clothes on. How did you resolve that? Or did you just do pull ups or something when out and about?

I just used Pull-Ups when we were out.
post #168 of 380
The problem with this cupboard if there's no handles on it, so there's nothin to attach a lock to. I tried putting her table and chars in front of it, but she pushed the whole table across the room and then went back and opened the cabinet!' Lol

Once the basement is done it won't be a problem because I can put those things downstairs. But right now there's nowhere else to put them! Lol oh well it'll only be a little
While longer.
post #169 of 380
Thread Starter 
Can't you get the latches that screw into the door? That's what we have on our cabinets that don't have handles. Actually, I'd use those even on cabinets with handles.

http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=3502249
post #170 of 380

hmm. I'd be going through so may less diapers. He's not dry overnight yet, but is for naps.  He has been alot LESS wet in the morning, but not yet completely dry. I think I just need to make the jump and we will both learn from the accidents, I guess.

 

Chrismas shopping is all done!

 

my kids both need naps so badly. but Norah won't leave gabe alone long enough *sigh*

post #171 of 380

Finn didn't go down until 3.  

 

He didn't transfer asleep from the car and Nora was being too loud so I couldn't get him back down.  That 15 or so min in the car took the edge off so I just took them outside for a bit.

I make it sound easy but I really almost lost my temper.  I had to deep breathe and realize nobody was going to die and nothing was THAT important about a nap.  I just need to do that BEFORE I say nasty things and make myself look like an idiot, or hurt poor Nora's feelings.  Sigh.  I have so much to learn.

 

I have so much I want to read/do but DH makes me feel guilty when I don't pay attn to him after the kids are in bed.  It's like I can't do anything but either have sex OR watch a show with him.  But some nights I'd like to read, or do something else with my time.  Any idea how I can convey that to him?  especially once I need to buckle down and study for my doula cert, I will need that time.  

post #172 of 380
How much time is there after the kids are in bed? Maybe say, like, give me X amount of time for my stuff, then we can have couple time for whatever. Or if time is very limited, do couple time every other day.
I had to breathe and let go a bit today too. A lot of self imposed pressure. The house is a bit of a disaster, but the kids were happy and my work got done.
post #173 of 380
Quote:
Originally Posted by akind1 View Post

How much time is there after the kids are in bed? Maybe say, like, give me X amount of time for my stuff, then we can have couple time for whatever. Or if time is very limited, do couple time every other day.
I had to breathe and let go a bit today too. A lot of self imposed pressure. The house is a bit of a disaster, but the kids were happy and my work got done.

 

On a good night, 2.5 hours.  They are normally asleep by 830 or 9 and I like to go to bed by 11.

That's roughly 1 or 2 episodes of a show (that we ONLY watch together, that I LOVE watching).  So it's hard.  I want to watch my shows but I also love to read and want to get thru the Laura Markham book.

post #174 of 380
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Baby_Cakes View Post

I have so much I want to read/do but DH makes me feel guilty when I don't pay attn to him after the kids are in bed.  It's like I can't do anything but either have sex OR watch a show with him.  But some nights I'd like to read, or do something else with my time.  Any idea how I can convey that to him?  especially once I need to buckle down and study for my doula cert, I will need that time.

While still being nice and thoughtful and loving and diplomatic? That's a hard one for me. winky.gif

I would start by telling him what you want to do for yourself and for him and ask him what he wants and expects. Try to focus on principles like being loving and caring and generous or whatever. Then you guys can work together to figure out what works. If he starts to whine about not getting enough, find a way to gently ask if he cares about you getting what you want.

Dylan is so funny. He's nursing in my lap. I knocked an empty cup over and he was worried. I handed it to him. He looked in it then held it under my breast to try to get some milk.
post #175 of 380

DH time...that's a tough one. When I get home at night, I'm tired and I want to just lay in bed and drift peacefully off to sleep. But I know DH wants something different. So I try to compromise and initiate at least every couple of days. And not rebuff his attempts too many times. Because while DTD is neither here nor there for me, I know what it feels like when I want to talk to DH about something and he needs me to not distract him. It hurts my feelings, even though I try to tell myself that it has nothing to do with me. So I try to suck it up and not be resentful. Baby_Cakes, maybe you could just partition the time out in your mind? Watch 1 show, read your book for 30 mins and then DTD for 30 mins? Same timeframe but events in a different order? Whatever works best for you guys.

 

DH and I have been talking about Love Languages again. His primary love language is words of affirmation. Two weekends ago, he left early Saturday morning to go do some volunteer work and he was going to be gone most of the day. He wrote me this long note about how much he loved me and he was going to miss me and Ava, blah blah. I told him the other day that while the note was certainly very lovely, FOR ME, it would have meant more if instead he had scrubbed the bathroom and left a short note saying "Sorry I won't be with you guys today. I scrubbed the bathroom for you. I love you." Neither thing is wrong, it's just one speaks more to me and one speaks more to him. We are trying to work on that.

 

MW, that's so cute that D was trying to fill the cup up at your boob. Haha!

post #176 of 380

Oh that is hilariously cute about the cup! 

 

 

 

Quote:

Originally Posted by AnnieA View Post

DH time...that's a tough one. When I get home at night, I'm tired and I want to just lay in bed and drift peacefully off to sleep. But I know DH wants something different. So I try to compromise and initiate at least every couple of days. And not rebuff his attempts too many times. Because while DTD is neither here nor there for me, I know what it feels like when I want to talk to DH about something and he needs me to not distract him. It hurts my feelings, even though I try to tell myself that it has nothing to do with me. So I try to suck it up and not be resentful. Baby_Cakes, maybe you could just partition the time out in your mind? Watch 1 show, read your book for 30 mins and then DTD for 30 mins? Same timeframe but events in a different order? Whatever works best for you guys.

 

DH and I have been talking about Love Languages again. His primary love language is words of affirmation. Two weekends ago, he left early Saturday morning to go do some volunteer work and he was going to be gone most of the day. He wrote me this long note about how much he loved me and he was going to miss me and Ava, blah blah. I told him the other day that while the note was certainly very lovely, FOR ME, it would have meant more if instead he had scrubbed the bathroom and left a short note saying "Sorry I won't be with you guys today. I scrubbed the bathroom for you. I love you." Neither thing is wrong, it's just one speaks more to me and one speaks more to him. We are trying to work on that.

 

MW, that's so cute that D was trying to fill the cup up at your boob. Haha!

 

 

Idk if I could muster up energy for all 3 activities!  I wouldn't mind tho, DTD first, then having time to either read alone or watch a show.  One or the other.  I just can't fraction my brain up in that many ways.

 

I see what you're saying totally.  My love language in that situation would be the nice long note with a "PS. I'll bring you home a treat!".  I would be on cloud 9 all day and be so excited for him to come home and would probably work extra hard JUST b/c I knew he was going to bring me something special.  I wouldn't even care what it was, it could be something as easy as a plain bagel, and I would be swoony.

 

I hope DH gets me something for xmas.  I'll be so upset if he doesn't. greensad.gif  We "bought each other" the blender, but I did buy him something else, just for him.  B/c I know how much it means to me.  It's so silly b/c I see so clearly how I'm trying to show him love using MY language with gifts and things.  Sigh.

post #177 of 380
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Baby_Cakes View Post

My love language in that situation would be the nice long note with a "PS. I'll bring you home a treat!".  I would be on cloud 9 all day and be so excited for him to come home and would probably work extra hard JUST b/c I knew he was going to bring me something special.  I wouldn't even care what it was, it could be something as easy as a plain bagel, and I would be swoony.

I hope DH gets me something for xmas.  I'll be so upset if he doesn't. greensad.gif   We "bought each other" the blender, but I did buy him something else, just for him.  B/c I know how much it means to me.  It's so silly b/c I see so clearly how I'm trying to show him love using MY language with gifts and things.  Sigh.

Does he know that is your love language? It's not silly. That is how you work. You need him to understand that as much as he needs you to understand his love language.
post #178 of 380
Quote:
Originally Posted by MarineWife View Post


Does he know that is your love language? It's not silly. That is how you work. You need him to understand that as much as he needs you to understand his love language.


yeahthat.gif Nothing silly about it. Your love language is Gifts. That's fine. He should be aware of that. What is his love language?

post #179 of 380

Our issue lately has been that I'm just plain exhausted at the end of the day. All I have energy for sometimes is TV. And even then, I'm dozing off. DH doesn't seem to understand (in the non-heat of that moment) if I'm falling asleep watching tv, I'm not likely to have energy for DTD. srsly. And he'll sit on the couch, which is his "signal" that he's game, but not otherwise make a move. Sorry, but I need more than that.  just not him, sitting on the couch looking grumpy.

 

Love language - for both of us, touch is a biggie. (not necessarily sexual touch) and I think for me, acts of service (helping around the house especially) It didn't used to be such a big deal, but since working from home and having kids, it really is.

 

One week until Christmas! I'm so ready for it to be here and get it over with, LOL. That's probably just the exhaustion talking.

 

MW: too cute about the cup + boob. I wish sometimes it worked like a tap.

post #180 of 380
Thread Starter 
DH's main love language is gifts. It was really nice while we were dating. The women at my office would always make a big deal when he'd send me flowers. After we got married (and before I knew about love languages) I started to get annoyed because I thought it was a waste of money. We discussed not getting anything for each other our first Christmas together married. We had just bought a house and I was concerned about finances. I wasn't sure we'd have enough extra money to get gifts for everyone. I stuck to that but he didn't. He bought me a pair of diamond earrings. They were nice and I really liked them but I was mad that he didn't stick to our agreement about no gifts. I have since learned that it's virtually impossible for him to not get gifts for people. That's how he shows his love. His mother was the same, I think. She worked and saved almost every penny she made all year so she could get everyone an outrageous amount of Christmas presents. That was her thing.

My love languages are acts of service and quality time or talking or whatever it's called. I get all hot and bothered when dh cleans or fixes things around the house. lol.gif We have a lot of problems because he's not a talker or sharer of thoughts and feelings. I feel completely shut out by him, like I don't know anything about him and he doesn't really love me because he won't (can't) have a conversation with me. I got in a big argument with him the other day because I was trying to have a conversation with him about something and he didn't contribute anything. He just shrugged and grunted and then walked out of the room when I finished talking. I was like, "Hello. I was talking to you about this because I want your input, ideas, thoughts, feelings." It really hurts me that he makes no effort to even try to talk with me.
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