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December 2012 Rockstar Mamas - Page 2

post #21 of 380

Um, ok.  Hi AF.  Nice to see you on CD26.  That's a new one.  Good grief.

post #22 of 380
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Baby_Cakes View Post

So what is the alternative?  It never gets done and here we are, arguing about it again.

Just freaking hire somebody!

That's how I feel about cleaning the house.  I can never get it really clean b/c I'd rather spend time playing with the kids or going outside with them.  I really want to hire a cleaning service.  Even if they came 2 X per month it would make a HUGE difference, I know it.  We still keep going back and forth on that one, b/c I think we both feel weird about allowing someone else into our messy home.  

I've started getting estimates for things and may just start hiring people once we get past the holidays. I got a guy to give me an estimate on our fence. It's only about $190 to fix everything. Then I can take Dylan in the backyard and relax. He also said he could fix our backdoor where the wood has rotted and is falling apart for only $150. I think anything under $200 is worth it.

Does af.gif showing line up with those temps at all?
post #23 of 380
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by akind1 View Post

But for some people, having some physical act to disconnect from work before coming home helps - like taking shower, going for a run, hanging up an actual work "hat" or scarf or jacket - might help Sean. I think military stuff is hard, because even when you aren't deployed, it's not exactly a 9-5 job, you know? (I know you know) And I'm not really even saying cut him some slack, but more maybe he needs to work on finding something to help him separate work life from home life.

As for finding it hard to talk to him about his day - I think my mom gave up trying, LOL. I never really did understand what my dad did at work. I know his MOS (2810) but what does that translate to as far as how a day is filled up? and so much of what he did would have been greek to us anyway - it's electronics and telephone jargon that we don't care to understand anyway. Does talking about the stuff he deals with - the deals, the DUIs - help him decompress? does he need to get that out? or is it not really helpful?

The Paleo diet, cooking, taking on household tasks, does he enjoy any of that?

He works out every day. He takes time to change from his cammies to civilian clothes before coming home. He also usually stops at the commissary for stuff for dinner. I don't know if that counts as decompression time but it's something. I don't get any of that. I'm never off the clock and I rarely leave the office without my work in tow.

I don't know if talking about work helps him, either. He started talking about it a little but I don't get much details without the series of what I consider obvious and ridiculous questions. I really don't get why he can't tell me the whole story when I ask how his day was. He either tells me nothing or tells me every single little detail because he's annoyed that I want him to talk to me.

He says he likes to do household tasks. He likes to keep busy. He says he likes the Paleo diet. He says it has lowered his blood pressure. He prides himself on denying himself so he kind of sees doing the Paleo diet as a badge of honor or display of strength or will power or something like that.
post #24 of 380
Quote:
Originally Posted by MarineWife View Post

He works out every day. He takes time to change from his cammies to civilian clothes before coming home. He also usually stops at the commissary for stuff for dinner. I don't know if that counts as decompression time but it's something. I don't get any of that. I'm never off the clock and I rarely leave the office without my work in tow.

 

WORD!  I totally think that stuff counts as time to decompress.  My "decompression" time is either in the shower (the first in 3 days usually) when I"m still keeping an ear open for a kid, or MAYBE working out.  But I'm rushing thru my workout b/c I can hear them crying or throwing a fit upstairs with DH!  

 

I was supposed to go decompress on Sunday.  I put Finn down for his nap and left, plannign to do food shopping then go read for a bit at panera.  I barely got thru food shopping when DH texted me that finn was throwing up.  I went straight home!  Poor baby had a stomach virus -- 7 hours of puking.  So much for that break!

 

MW - O doesn't match up at all with this CD1...it's maybe a 10 day LP?  Not cool.  Not when last month was 2 days longer than normal!  WTF?  

post #25 of 380
Thread Starter 
A 10 day lp is still within the norm. Breastfeeding can do that, shorten the lp. It usually does for me the first few cycles I have, although I know you've been having cycles for quite a while now. Some are just off, too. What about lining up with that possible temp hike? That matters more than cd1.

DH also gets the 30-40 minute drive home to chill, listen to music, whatever.
post #26 of 380
Quote:
Originally Posted by MarineWife View Post


I've started getting estimates for things and may just start hiring people once we get past the holidays. I got a guy to give me an estimate on our fence. It's only about $190 to fix everything. Then I can take Dylan in the backyard and relax. He also said he could fix our backdoor where the wood has rotted and is falling apart for only $150. I think anything under $200 is worth it.
 

At that price, I would just start scheduling people, especially if it affects how I'm able to parent day to day. Fence keeping D from playing out in the yard? Get it fixed and write the check. Door potentially a hazard to the kids? Get it fixed and write the check. Remember when my battery died in Williamsburg? DH didn't think it was that the battery needed to be replaced. eyesroll.gif I left it alone for a while and then one morning, Ava and I came out to go do errands and the van wouldn't start. He came and jumped us and I went to and bought a battery. He wasn't very happy because he said I paid $20 too much. Whatevs. I had them check the battery and it said it needed to be replaced. I replaced it. Let's move on.

post #27 of 380
Thread Starter 
What is it about men not wanting to spend money on stuff like that? I just don't get it.

Which reminds me, Carrie, if you can afford a cleaning service, hire one! I did right after I had Kellen and dh was deployed. Once I got over the idea of having to clean before they came to clean, it was wonderful. It was a little awkward sometimes when we'd be home but I just couldn't take the kids out of the house every time they came. You would probably be better at that if being there while they are cleaning is an issue for you. I just wish I could find someone to hire to organize my home.
post #28 of 380
excuse my typing, on my phone!!

mw , the temp spike was 10 days ago, 25 day cycle total. idk. anyone know anything about thyroid conditions? my basal temps are low, short lp. maybe something is up.
or maybe it's just nursing. I've had my cycle back now for 7 months if that means anything.
not really worried.

I want to jjust hire ppl but dh is always here!!! argh!!

im going to look into cleaning service. that settles it!!
post #29 of 380
Quote:
Originally Posted by Baby_Cakes View Post

excuse my typing, on my phone!!
mw , the temp spike was 10 days ago, 25 day cycle total. idk. anyone know anything about thyroid conditions? my basal temps are low, short lp. maybe something is up.
or maybe it's just nursing. I've had my cycle back now for 7 months if that means anything.
not really worried.
 

I have Hashimoto's Thyroiditis aka hypothyroidism. Any other symptoms? Excessive hair loss? Intolerance to temperature changes? Dry skin?

post #30 of 380
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Baby_Cakes View Post

mw , the temp spike was 10 days ago, 25 day cycle total.

That's really within the norm. I wouldn't worry about it with just one cycle. My guess is that you did O when you had that temp spike, around cd15. Plus, you had a few missing temps before that so you could have Oed sooner, which would make your lp longer.

What were those higher temps? I don't have my book to look up but I think mid-70s and up is normal, too. If I remember correctly, those higher temps were in the mid-70s range.
post #31 of 380

Carrie: glad the mystery is cleared up, though it kinda sucks because it means no really safe days. (or at least, if it were me, that would suck).

 

MW: it sounds like he has a good opportunity TO decompress/switch gears, but is he using that time to do that? might be worth asking. And if he enjoys the stuff he's doing - house work, the paleo diet, whatever, then I'd just ignore the complaints. I mean, there are things I enjoy doing that I still complain about a bit - like cloth diapering, or cooking, anything dealing with the kids, LOL, etc. I don't expect anyone to take me seriously though, and that might be the difference.

 

And yeah, if you have the money and find a trustworthy service, just do it!

 

AFM: 27 weeks today, my 1 hour GTT is tomorrow morning. UGH. but at least it will be over with and done. I just hope it comes back within range. I do NOT want to take the 3 hr, and I really don't feel like I am GD anyway. I think this makes me officially in the 3rd trimester? I don't really count it until I hit 30 weeks, which is just as well, since I tend to go over. I really hope I don't go AS over though.

 

JJ: work still going well?

 

Lauri, when was Ava's appt? or when is? how did it go?

 

EM: I hope you can find a good solution to family stuff. It's just hard.

post #32 of 380
akind1, can you do the 2 hr post prandial test where you eat a regular meal and then test? That's what I did instead of the 1 hr test with the glucola. Ava's appt is next Wed so one more week. Ugh.

The PE teacher at my big kids' old elementary school emailed me to see if I want to bring Ava and talk to the kids before they do Jump Rope For Heart. We did it last year so I said we would do it again this year. It's so crazy because when we went last year, it was a few weeks after Ava's second surgery. In some ways, it feels like that was a lifetime ago and in other ways, it feels like it just happened. So strange.

Baby_Cakes, that's awesome your DDC is helping some families. There's a mama in my DDC that is really struggling so lots of the mamas are sending stuff. I can't help out much but one of the things on her wish list is a pair of earbuds for her older son. That, I can do because of my employee discount so sending a pair to her.

I've been toying with the idea of doing a donation drive every year in honor of Ava's big heart surgery. The Mended Little Hearts group gives out care bags to newly diagnosed families and I was thinking of having a donation drive to collect itms for the bags. Need to talk to HR at work about doing it there.
post #33 of 380
akind1, can you do the 2 hr post prandial test where you eat a regular meal and then test? That's what I did instead of the 1 hr test with the glucola. Ava's appt is next Wed so one more week. Ugh.

The PE teacher at my big kids' old elementary school emailed me to see if I want to bring Ava and talk to the kids before they do Jump Rope For Heart. We did it last year so I said we would do it again this year. It's so crazy because when we went last year, it was a few weeks after Ava's second surgery. In some ways, it feels like that was a lifetime ago and in other ways, it feels like it just happened. So strange.

Baby_Cakes, that's awesome your DDC is helping some families. There's a mama in my DDC that is really struggling so lots of the mamas are sending stuff. I can't help out much but one of the things on her wish list is a pair of earbuds for her older son. That, I can do because of my employee discount so sending a pair to her.

I've been toying with the idea of doing a donation drive every year in honor of Ava's big heart surgery. The Mended Little Hearts group gives out care bags to newly diagnosed families and I was thinking of having a donation drive to collect itms for the bags. Need to talk to HR at work about doing it there.
post #34 of 380
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by AnnieA View Post

akind1, can you do the 2 hr post prandial test where you eat a regular meal and then test? That's what I did instead of the 1 hr test with the glucola.

That's what I did, too, because I always fail the 1 hour test. My blood sugar levels are always really good when I eat a regular meal. I even tested it once by eating a high carb meal and still passed with flying colors. I think that glucola test is BS.

I don't really know what dh does in his head in that time between getting off work and coming home. I was a single working mother for 9 years and then a married working mother for almost 4 years so I really don't have much sympathy for men who say they need time to decompress from work before getting involved in home. That wasn't an option for me. I had to go from work to home and family without anyone else to help me. Personally, I think it's something that we have been conditioned to think men need. If you're going to have a family, you don't get time off. Sorry.

That probably seems pretty contrary to what I said before about being empathetic and compassionate. But I don't dump the kids on dh and run out the door as soon as he gets home. I'm still here taking care of them mostly because they usually come to me first for everything.

The only thing he does on a consistent basis when he gets home from work is cook dinner, which he doesn't have to do. He chooses to do that so he can do his paleo meals. I even cooked dinner every night for a week doing paleo meals for him but he took over again the next week without a word. I asked him if he liked cooking dinner every night and he said he did.

On the weekends he is usually busy working, making more paleo food or doing some repair job around the house. Oh, he also does the grocery shopping but, again, that's because he has particular paleo food he wants to get. I would do the grocery shopping during the week if he wanted me to.

I can't stand the complaining because it brings everyone down. I don't like the negativity and I think it's harmful to the kids. That's why I talk to him about changing his thinking to see that everything he does is a choice. If it's a choice, then he can choose not to do it. Then it's not a chore if he does do it. It's something he wants to do. Why would you choose to be miserable when you could choose to at least be content or okay if not happy?
post #35 of 380

I think the OB office is just too stuck in the mud; and at any rate it's tomorrow. *sigh* I passed the 1 hr with Gabe, failed it with Norah, but passed the 3 hr one. I know some people have successfully avoided it all together by just having the office monitor their blood sugar levels at visits, but that seems to me to not be much better. I don't mind needles, but I don't volunteer for extra either.

 

Ack, with that negativity, that needs to just go away - you're right, it doesn't help anybody. My MIL is like that. Will complain about crap all day, but won't let anyone step in and help either (or complains that they don't do it right).  Some people have luck writing down their negative thoughts and burning them or trashing them or whatever. IDK if that's helpful or not. I don't know it would help ME, but I could be wrong, and I am not wired to think that way anyway.

 

And yeah, moms don't get much decomression time. But for me, coming home, sitting on the couch with the kids and snuggling or whatever IS my decompression time. And since most days I'm working from home, there isn't much separtion of work/kids/home life. it is what it is. It's also why I make an effort to stay up late without kids and/or wake early before they do, so I get some kid free time. It's worth a little less sleep.

 

as for men vs. women . . . part might be conditioning, but I think it's also partly in how we are wired/built/whatever - men generally are better at compartmentalization, but suck at multitasking. It's of course not true for every man, but it's true enough for most.

 

Lauri - will be thinking of Ava next week. and I think doing a drive would be awesome - it's so good to give back, and I think it means alot to those on the receiving end that you have btdt.

post #36 of 380
Thread Starter 
I went to a very traditional OB practice when I was pg with Kellen and they agreed to the 2 hour test that Annie mentioned. It can't hurt to ask. You can reschedule the appointment. You can always refuse the test all together. winky.gif

See, I think that's part of the conditioning. Connecting with the kids after being away is what moms need and do. Men don't. The thing is that men can be just as nurturing and connected as moms if they want to be. It may not be in exactly the same way as moms. Maybe dads will wrestle with the kids or enlist them to help with a task. They just think they should get this "decompression" time because that's what we've all heard from our patriarchal society. Women who woh/wah don't get the same consideration.
post #37 of 380

i guess though I don't like it, it's one of those things I don't care enough to fight about - I'll just grumble a bit. Kind of like constant monitoring in labor. I don't like it. but as a VBAC, it's part of the deal. (in the hospital at least) I did fight for the kind of monitoring I wanted with the last one - seriously, if your water has broken, I find the internal monitor much less stressful. But that's just me - it's worth the slightly higher risks of infection, etc.

 

Need to get photobooks done for the grandparents this week. fun stuff. Not much else going on here, it appears DH is having a good day with the kids so far.yay!

post #38 of 380
Thread Starter 
It shouldn't have to be a fight. It's your body, your baby, your care. If anything you want is a "fight", then maybe you need a different hcp. I know you've said that you really like this OB and, of course, that's your choice. But if they make anything feel like a fight, they aren't all that great, imo.
post #39 of 380

There are so few options for VBAC friendly providers - they are really the best of what's here. It's unfortunate. Yes, it's my body and all that - but when dealing with hcp I feel somethings are worth compromising on, some are a hill I'd die on, and some are just NBD. this is one of those that doesn't make that big a difference in the long run. It's a hassle, but not going to really affect me one way or the other - or the baby - for that matter.

 

As it is, we had a scare that my insurance wasn't going to consider the provider/hospital in network anymore, thankfully the issue was resolved, but my goodness, searching for another vbac friendly provider and hospital this late in the game would have SUCKED.

post #40 of 380
Quote:
Originally Posted by MarineWife View Post

See, I think that's part of the conditioning. Connecting with the kids after being away is what moms need and do. Men don't. The thing is that men can be just as nurturing and connected as moms if they want to be. It may not be in exactly the same way as moms. Maybe dads will wrestle with the kids or enlist them to help with a task. They just think they should get this "decompression" time because that's what we've all heard from our patriarchal society. Women who woh/wah don't get the same consideration.

 

Yeah, what's up with that?  

The double standard is really infuriating, especially with what you were saying about being a single working mom, and not getting that time to yourself.

 

Ok - so listen to this.  So, Nora is back to being a little timid at school drop off lately.  She's very mommy-centric as you know, and I've been struggling with separations, etc.  Well.  Today, her school was doing this thing where we didn't have to bring them into the building, the teachers were outside waiting to help them get into the building and into class.  Nora panicked a bit, so I said you know, no big deal, I asked Janine (the girl we used as a babysitter, she's one of the teachers) to grab Finn and I got Nora out.  We went up and b/c J was carrying Finn in, I didn't have the boba.  She just put him down, and I tried to get Nora situated.  Finn ran off to play trains with the boys on the rug (seriously, I don't think I'll have these issues that I have with Nora with Finn...) and instead of CLINGING to my hip and needing 2 hugs, 2 kisses, 2 high fives, 2 extra hugs, and then HOPING she'd let me leave, she ran off to play with the boys and Finn.

Jaw hit the floor.

I started chatting with Ms Susan, her teacher, and  I hear her chatting and laughing and playing trains!  I gave them a minute.  I went to get Finn and just said, "Ok, bye Nora, see you later!" and a quick hug and kiss and TADA!  I left her in smiles!

 

Maybe seeing her brother play nicely and having that few min transition is all she needs?!

 

I hope she's as calm when we go for portraits!

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