December 2012 Rockstar Mamas - Page 11

[Baby_Cakes]

Originally Posted by MarineWife 
You should enjoy life as much as you can and get rid of those old voices in your head that are trying to ruin it for you.

Originally Posted by lyterae 

Rough day today. It's been 3 weeks since I miscarried, my relationships just feel fake anymore, including my marriage unfortunatley. I'm having a terrible time connecting with people. My house is cleaner than it has been in years, I'm not doing it conciously but I think I'm avoiding dealing with my emotions or thinking by cleaning. At this point in time as I couldn't even say what is actually wrong, I just feel empty.

  Be gentle with yourself.  Clean if you need to clean, if that is where you need to put your focus right now. I can't imagine your sadness and grief.   The people who love you will be there for you when you are ready. 

Originally Posted by onetwoten 

Yes!! I mean yes, technically MW you are right, it's a "choice" to clean, or to make dinner, etc etc. But let's be realistic, eating isn't a choice, and some choice options are just not valid for a realistic right. Yes, -technically- we could all 'choose' to order in every night and hire a housecleaner. But after we put ourselves severely into debt, that kind of stops being an option. If we want to keep our kids and be healthy then there are certain facts of life that just... are. Obviously there's a choice to some things, you can make a decision as to how clean the house is going to be, or whether you're going to do it tonight or tomorrow, but in reality, these choices aren't always entirely within our control or black and white. 

I think it's more about the "shoulds" that we hear in the back of our minds.  Let them go.  Sure we "should" clean the house and we should wear a hat when it's cold.  But who really cares?  We feel like we should b/c we are raised being told we should.  We don't NEED to do those things just because someone else thinks we ought to. If we make the CHOICE of our own free will to clean b/c it makes us happy/keeps us healthy, then that's our choice.  If we wear a hat b/c WE don't want to be cold, we made that choice.  Nobody is telling us we NEED to do those things.  We choose to do them b/c they are our choice to do.

MW - you are really rubbing off on me! 

[MarineWife]

Originally Posted by lyterae 

Rough day today. It's been 3 weeks since I miscarried, my relationships just feel fake anymore, including my marriage unfortunatley. I'm having a terrible time connecting with people. My house is cleaner than it has been in years, I'm not doing it conciously but I think I'm avoiding dealing with my emotions or thinking by cleaning. At this point in time as I couldn't even say what is actually wrong, I just feel empty.

It has only been 3 weeks. That's not a very long time to grieve. Take care of yourself.

[MarineWife]

Exactly, Carrie.

JJ ~ All of those are still choices. You do not have to do any of it. You could choose to give your kids up. You could decide you don't care about being healthy. People make even more extreme choices than that every day. Acknowledging all the options does not make them all equal or valid but they are still options. If you refuse to accept that there are lots of options and you are choosing to do what you do every moment of every day, that's your choice. That's the reality.

It's not the same as changing the way you think about being physically tired. You are right that you will still be tired even if you change the way you think about it. However, if you change the way you think about it, you might not be perpetually angry with your child because of it. That change in thinking can help find solutions that are based on anger. If one is so sleep-deprived that she cannot function, she has the option of putting her child in a safe place so she can get some rest. Asking for help and making it clear how desperate she is important. I think a lot of people ask for help but don't convey how serious the situation is.

[akind1]

Lyterae - it's been 3 weeks? Give yourself some time to grieve - If you need a place to talk about it, we are here for that (but also, if you are't ready or don't want to)  - Loss is such a personal, intimate thing. It's going to take some time to reconnect with other people, when I'm sure you have a hard time even connecting to yourself - (BTW, come clean my house?) - When you can, let other people help you - hugs, meals, whatever. And hold your other kids tight. They miss you.  My mother had 2 losses (a still birth and a baby that died shortly after) and I don't know how long it took her to re-connect with us - I just know she was sad for a long time. I think focusing on some things outside herself (for her it was diet/excersise) helped the most.

Just, hugs. lots of them.

I don't think I can reframe it anyway that will make me enjoy cleaning. I like the end result :) And I will admit I can be picky about how it's done - but I am far less that way than I used to be. And honestly, I do choose to have fun 9 times out of 10 rather than do things that "should" be done, and that's a problem. Because by putting it off, it only makes it worse, and then it's a huge job I really don't have the energy for. I don't hate the cleaning as much as I used to - or even dread it - it's just something I'd rather not do. I have a running list in my head of the things that I want to be done but I can never get around to it because of the basic stuff.  - Like organizing. I *LOVE* organizing. I may suck at keeping things that way, but I like to do it. Mind is going blank. I need more caffeine.

JJ: hope Ten is doing well! and staying healthy.

I hope everyone stays healthy. The colds going around this season seem to be awful.

[AnnieA]

Lyterae, I'm so sorry about your loss. I don't think we are friends on FB but feel free to friend me if you would like. My real name is Lauri. I'm friends w/MW, Baby_Cakes, akind1 and JJ.

Baby_Cakes, I meant to say something about your DH's love language. Are you sure his primary is physical touch? A lot of men assume their primary love language is physical touch because they are more sexual creatures but that's different than physical touch. My DH's secondary love language is physical touch. He likes to hold hands, give and get back rubs, hug, snuggle, etc. I have to work really hard at that because I have sensory issues and sometimes it DRIVES ME CRAZY.

Taking Ava to get her pictures done at Olan Mills tomorrow. We'll see how that goes. Oh and the last two nights, she's not needed a bottle after I got home. So I've been able to sleep 6-7 hrs straight. Thank goodness!

[akind1]

appointment later this morning  - yay - I'd take DS with me, except I don't know what to do with him while I PIAC and all that. I think he'd like to hear the heart beat.  Oh well. Then the Chiropractor later this afternoon. busy day.

Lauri - hope the pics go well. Ava is such a ham - you may not get the pictures you expect, but I bet they will still be adorable!

[AnnieA]

I know I've said it before but I miss OB appointments! Have fun listening to baby boy's heartbeat. Do you not want him to see you peeing in a cup? Or are you worried he's going to get in to something? I'd probably take him but I'm a fast pee-er so there's not much time for mischief.

[akind1]

Ha! the kid sees me peeing all the time - we don't ever shut doors. It's more or less I'm not sure how the office handles that. Most people bring another person to help with any children.

And I have stage fright when it comes to PIAC. I have to drink a lot and hold my pee for a couple hours beforehand in order to be able to perform, LOL. You'd think by the 3rd kid, I'd be a pro!

I don't mind appointments. They are a bit of a hassle to tell you not much you don't know already, but I do like hearing the heartbeat.

[MarineWife]

Originally Posted by akind1 

I don't think I can reframe it anyway that will make me enjoy cleaning.

I don't think it's necessarily about enjoying it. It's more about not dreading it. A lot of that dread comes from the idea that you have to do it (whether you realize that voice is running in your head or not). It can also help to come up with other ways of getting things done if you don't feel like you are the one who should be doing it.

I would just take Gabe in the bathroom with you. I've never been to a doctor's office where I got any sense that anyone thought that was strange.

Originally Posted by AnnieA 

Baby_Cakes, I meant to say something about your DH's love language. Are you sure his primary is physical touch? A lot of men assume their primary love language is physical touch because they are more sexual creatures but that's different than physical touch.

That's what I was getting at when I asked if there even was a "sexual touch" LL. I'm pretty sure the book specifically distinguishes between the physical touch LL and sex. They are not the same.

Onto other business. Do your toddlers fuss a lot? Dylan seems to fuss and cry and scream and get angry a lot. I know being a toddler can be very frustrating because he wants to do so much more than he can. This morning he had a screaming fit because I wouldn't let him get a roll of toilet paper out. He pushes and hits and screams and flops himself on the floor. I swear Ethan and Kellen didn't do that. I do remember Ethan being fussy sometimes but not like that. I don't remember Kellen being like that at all. He was very chill. It upsets me because I'm worried that it means he's not getting enough love and attention just because I have other kids I have to do things for, too.

[Baby_Cakes]

Finn has started to fuss a LOT and throw down.   He's tantrumming over what I think are little things, that I used to easily be able to redirect or substitute.  ("No you can't have Nora's baby, but here is your baby," cue screaming crying fit, running off and throwing himself down on the floor).

Anyway.

I'll put some thought into what you're saying about physical touch.  It's a bit of an eye opener to realize acts of service is one of his love languages.  That might even be his primary one, I'm not sure.  We are so caught up in arguing over sex lately, I feel like it must be the only way he knows how to show his love.  

I'm still sick.  My ears are clogged and I'm dizzy from it.  How do I make garlic oil?

Going to take the kids for a walk - hopefully the fresh cold air will help us all feel a bit better.  Need to get some exercise, too.  I am really down about my weight lately.  When I was nursing Nora the weight just came off, no issues.  It's not happening this time.  I looked in the mirror the other day and I realized I truly look like 5 mo pregnant.  Sigh.

[MarineWife]

Originally Posted by Baby_Cakes 

Finn has started to fuss a LOT and throw down.   He's tantrumming over what I think are little things, that I used to easily be able to redirect or substitute.  ("No you can't have Nora's baby, but here is your baby," cue screaming crying fit, running off and throwing himself down on the floor).

That is exactly the type of thing Dylan does. I guess it was easy to redirect Ethan because most of the toys were his anyway. There weren't many fun, exciting things that he wasn't allowed to play with. Kellen was easy because he was just chill (Now he's my spaz. ) Ethan was the one I had to set up to not be bothered. Kellen would pretty much do whatever.

Dylan seems to want to do everything just because someone has told him he can't.

Originally Posted by Baby_Cakes 

We are so caught up in arguing over sex lately, I feel like it must be the only way he knows how to show his love.

He may not consciously know how else to express it. Most males are conditioned from birth to not show emotion or love or tenderness. It's a sign of weakness. There have been studies that show that people unconsciously treat baby boys rougher than baby girls. Baby girls get more hugs and kisses and coos. Baby boys get more tossing and tickling and playing. The only acceptable intimate behavior that men are allowed to express is sexual. So, it might help if you can talk to him about paying attention to and being conscious of how he feels when he or you do any of the other LLs. You can certainly tell him that you think that acts of service is a big one for him. He may have no idea that he is expressing that as a LL.

Originally Posted by Baby_Cakes 

I'm still sick.  My ears are clogged and I'm dizzy from it.  How do I make garlic oil?

The fast way is to sautee some smashed garlic cloves in hot olive oil for 10-15 minutes, strain and let cool. The slow way is to drop some smashed garlic cloves in some oil in a jar and set on a sill in the sun for a couple of weeks. Nasal rinsing can help, too, since it's all connected.

Originally Posted by Baby_Cakes 

Need to get some exercise, too.  I am really down about my weight lately.  When I was nursing Nora the weight just came off, no issues.  It's not happening this time.  I looked in the mirror the other day and I realized I truly look like 5 mo pregnant.  Sigh.

I'm in the same boat. That's exactly what I thought when I looked at my belly yesterday. I look about 5 months pg. I've gained 15-17 lbs. since May, most of it since after Williamsburg. I'm seriously beginning to wonder if I need to see a doctor because I was losing weight so well before then. My body has seemed to switch and the weight seemed to come on so fast. I haven't had a check up since before I was pg with Dylan.

I also wonder if it's from taking Zoloft. I started out at 25 mg. I gained a little weight but that was maybe normal because my appetite had increased some. Also, I was at my mom's at the time and she was feeding me and helping me so that I actually had time to sit down and eat. After September, though, the doc bumped me up to 50 mg and that's when I started noticing the weight packing back on. I asked the doc if the meds could cause and weight. He, of course, said no so I googled it. Sure enough, I found info that antidepressants can cause weight gain. It's just not clear how or why. So, I stopped taking the zoloft a little over a week ago. If I don't start to lose weight again in the next month or so (maybe I shouldn't expect much over the holiday ), I'll make a doctor's appointment.

I also went for a walk yesterday. It was so nice outside and I really need to get up and move more.

[EuroMama]

Every time I type something on here, the baby wakes up!!!!

Lyterae - I am so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine the pain you must feel. Give yourself time.

Talking about baby-proofing etc.

We live with my MIL for now. She had a glass coffee table that I have moved. But she still has glass side tables. Oye!

We finally got rid of that ugly glass dining table, and moved the glass coffee table away, she had no choice, my children need to be safe. 

On the subject of safe. After showing hubby links and videos about rear-facing and the importance of it, he has not mentioned it again and when Eddie's new seat came in he installed it rear-facing. :-)

Gonna read along and respond a little later. I need to get in the habit of coming on here and not on FB all the time. lol!!!!!

[akind1]

EM: you do what you have to to make the house safe for littles. With MIL, I had to take the initiative and do that. Otherwise I spent too much time redirecting. In living with my own parents (because they are more sane, or more used to kids?) my mom sees issues as they happen and works to eliminate potential hazards. The only lasting one we've had is the dog food, which we've moved so that dog still has access, but isn't as visible to Norah, so she mostly stays out of it.

Norah is a screamer. Happy, sad, mad, or whatever, it's just how she communicates. It's a little frustrating.

MW: tips on how to set up Gabe his own play space? he doesn't really have toys that Norah shouldn't play with, but he does sometimes want to play without her interference (which I think he should be allowed to do when he wants to do)

[EuroMama]

Originally Posted by akind1 

EM: you do what you have to to make the house safe for littles. With MIL, I had to take the initiative and do that. Otherwise I spent too much time redirecting. In living with my own parents (because they are more sane, or more used to kids?) my mom sees issues as they happen and works to eliminate potential hazards. The only lasting one we've had is the dog food, which we've moved so that dog still has access, but isn't as visible to Norah, so she mostly stays out of it.

Norah is a screamer. Happy, sad, mad, or whatever, it's just how she communicates. It's a little frustrating.

MW: tips on how to set up Gabe his own play space? he doesn't really have toys that Norah shouldn't play with, but he does sometimes want to play without her interference (which I think he should be allowed to do when he wants to do)

I am getting a gate that has a kitty door so the cat can get to his food and eddie will leave it alone. Dog food is not a worry because the dogs eat their food as it gets put in the bowl. They never leave their food in the dish and walk away. They eat it all at once.

Do you have an area in the house that you could turn into Gabe's space? Maybe with a few gates so Norag can't access it? Maybe even a space in the kitchen, maybe the kitchen table if he is into building stuff, he could build lego's (example) on the table!?

[MarineWife]

EM ~ It's like spidey sense. Dylan can be playing as happily as can be with his back to me but as soon as I think it's safe and pick up my knitting his head whips around and he comes at me screaming.

Originally Posted by akind1 

MW: tips on how to set up Gabe his own play space? he doesn't really have toys that Norah shouldn't play with, but he does sometimes want to play without her interference (which I think he should be allowed to do when he wants to do)

I got one of those play yard fence thingies and set it up in the middle of the room. Ethan really would not go in another room by himself until he was probably 5, maybe even 6, so it had to be something that kept him in the same room with me. I think that's better than getting a playpen or whatever for the baby because the older child can come in and out of it as he wishes. KWIM? The only thing I wish was that I had splurged a little and gotten one with a swinging gate/door so that I didn't have to lift Ethan in and out every time.

Like this: http://www.onestepahead.com/catalog/product.jsp?productId=488757&parentCategoryId=85183&categoryId=85217

I really like this one for a younger child like Gabe: http://www.onestepahead.com/catalog/product.jsp?productId=6193&parentCategoryId=85183&categoryId=85217

[akind1]

We had one like that, but I tripped over it and broke it, LOL - my main problem with that, is Norah would stand outside of it and scream if Gabe was inside, or scream to get out if she was on the insde. The child will not leave Gabe in peace. She is literally up his butt even as he sleeps. (have you seen the pics on facebook :rolleyes:)

I like the idea of the table - need to clean ours off - and he could work up there. She can't yet climb on those chairs, but she can get on the couch. Monkey.

The dog thinks she's a cat. She was eating the same food as the cat until the vet told my parents to stop this week with doing that. Freckles is now in pouty-cat-food-withdrawl mood. She's not accustomed to the dog food yet. Poor thing.

Obviously, OB appt went well. I'm happy because my blood pressure is back down. It had been up the last two visits - the first one was a few days before Norah's birthday party when we announced pregnancy and I was freaking out about MIL's reaction. the one before this was the GTT. Now that stress is down, so is BP. hooray! This baby is so active. and I'm measuring a bit ahead. He's already all up in my rib cage, in a way I don't remember with the others. But maybe I have amnesia.

[AnnieA]

Fit throwing...oh man. We're so there. Ava throws fits about EVERYTHING. She's Miss Drama lately. It's the worst thing ever that I make her sit in her carseat and not let her play in the van all day. It's the worst thing ever if I don't let her walk across the street and carry her instead. It's the worst thing ever if I won't let her repeatedly open and close the freezer. Sometimes it's like she thinks she's as old as the rest of the people in the house and she should be able to do all the things that she sees us do. But she can't. Because she's 28" tall.

The photo session today...man, I should have taken a xanex or something beforehand! We arrived a few minutes early and the baby before her went long and there are no doors on the photo studio and Ava kept going to the door to watch which would distract the other baby. Ugh. So then we got about 10 mins in to the session and the photographer tried to take away the Elmo she had been playing with while we changed scenes. Oh boy. Screaming, tears, red face. Photo session over. Then since the baby in front of us had such a long session, that family had like 50 photos to go through and choose pics. So by the time I sat down with Ava's pics, it had been almost an hour since her pics were taken. Ava was toast. And the photo girl was trying to make cards and crap and I was just like "let me get my $7.99 coupon package and get the hell out of here!"...gah!

You guys, I think Ava is weaning herself and I'm super sad. I'm kicking myself now for introducing that vanilla milk. That's what she wants now, even when it's cut with regular milk. I was just so freaked out when I was hardly getting anything out last week. Ohhhh. I want to cry. She wouldn't even drink her bottle of BM at nap. Although, I think her throat was hurting her so maybe it's just a fluke. She would suck for 30 seconds or so and then cry.

What are the babies getting for Christmas? Ava is getting a shopping cart, a stuffed Elmo, the book Click Clack Moo, Cows That Type, a Thomas the Train carrying case with stickers and an Elmo sippy cup w/straw. And playdough in her stocking.

[MarineWife]

Originally Posted by AnnieA 

Fit throwing...oh man. We're so there. Ava throws fits about EVERYTHING. She's Miss Drama lately. It's the worst thing ever that I make her sit in her carseat and not let her play in the van all day. It's the worst thing ever if I don't let her walk across the street and carry her instead. It's the worst thing ever if I won't let her repeatedly open and close the freezer. Sometimes it's like she thinks she's as old as the rest of the people in the house and she should be able to do all the things that she sees us do. But she can't. Because she's 28" tall.

The photo session today...man, I should have taken a xanex or something beforehand! We arrived a few minutes early and the baby before her went long and there are no doors on the photo studio and Ava kept going to the door to watch which would distract the other baby. Ugh. So then we got about 10 mins in to the session and the photographer tried to take away the Elmo she had been playing with while we changed scenes. Oh boy. Screaming, tears, red face. Photo session over. Then since the baby in front of us had such a long session, that family had like 50 photos to go through and choose pics. So by the time I sat down with Ava's pics, it had been almost an hour since her pics were taken. Ava was toast. And the photo girl was trying to make cards and crap and I was just like "let me get my $7.99 coupon package and get the hell out of here!"...gah!

You guys, I think Ava is weaning herself and I'm super sad. I'm kicking myself now for introducing that vanilla milk. That's what she wants now, even when it's cut with regular milk. I was just so freaked out when I was hardly getting anything out last week. Ohhhh. I want to cry. She wouldn't even drink her bottle of BM at nap. Although, I think her throat was hurting her so maybe it's just a fluke. She would suck for 30 seconds or so and then cry.

What are the babies getting for Christmas? Ava is getting a shopping cart, a stuffed Elmo, the book Click Clack Moo, Cows That Type, a Thomas the Train carrying case with stickers and an Elmo sippy cup w/straw. And playdough in her stocking.

Well, I'm sorry everyone is having to deal with drama but I'm glad it's not just my toddler.

I always have the same issue with the photographers. It takes forever to get through looking at the photos to pick what we want to order. I have to take dh with me so that he can take the kids out once we are done. There is no way I could sit there and go through all those photos and pick poses and packages and specialty items with them afterward because they are all done.

Hm...can you just stop the vanilla milk and got back to just BM? Maybe just have water to drink from a cup for when she doesn't want the BM.

We only have two things for Dylan. A mini pillow pet because the older boys each have one and everyone loves them and a mini trampoline that I actually expect Kellen to use more. I seriously told dh that I'm just going to wrap up some of the toys we already have. I've been through the stores so many times and there is nothing that we don't already have in one form or another. The only other thing I could come up with was a laptop that plays game and works more like a real laptop rather than one of those educational ones with the mini screen. That's just so he will leave everyone else alone when they are on a computer.

[AnnieA]

Originally Posted by MarineWife 


Well, I'm sorry everyone is having to deal with drama but I'm glad it's not just my toddler.
I always have the same issue with the photographers. It takes forever to get through looking at the photos to pick what we want to order. I have to take dh with me so that he can take the kids out once we are done. There is no way I could sit there and go through all those photos and pick poses and packages and specialty items with them afterward because they are all done.
Hm...can you just stop the vanilla milk and got back to just BM? Maybe just have water to drink from a cup for when she doesn't want the BM.
We only have two things for Dylan. A mini pillow pet because the older boys each have one and everyone loves them and a mini trampoline that I actually expect Kellen to use more. I seriously told dh that I'm just going to wrap up some of the toys we already have. I've been through the stores so many times and there is nothing that we don't already have in one form or another. The only other thing I could come up with was a laptop that plays game and works more like a real laptop rather than one of those educational ones with the mini screen. That's just so he will leave everyone else alone when they are on a computer.

Maybe I can just keep the vanilla milk over at the sitter and not have any in the house. I hadn't offered her any today and when she woke up from nap, she was sitting on the couch and I was packing her bag to go to the sitter and she saw one of the cartons in her bag and she snatched it out and kept shoving it at me going "Unh! Unh! Unh!" So I gave it to her. But this morning when she woke up, I showed her a tube of breastmilk and asked her if she wanted some and she said no. She didn't ask for the other milk, she just said no to the breastmilk.

Finding presents for this age is hard especially when they have older siblings. What about a ball? Ava always loves getting balls. Or a new book. Play tent? Play tunnel?

[AnnieA]

Oh! And I got awesome news today! Ava's sitter asked me if I would be her doula! I haven't attended a birth since before I got pregnant with Ava so I'm super excited. AND as fate would have it, I got an email tonight from my doula group that one of our local hospitals has set up a meeting for Feb for doulas to get a tour of the new hospital and have a roundtable discussion with the head CBE and some of the nurses. So awesome!