December 2012 Rockstar Mamas - Page 17

[MarineWife]

Yay for Gabe using the toilet!

Originally Posted by akind1 

MW - no advice - just hugs - I really hope you can go to a counselor or chaplain or something. would Sean be willing to do something like this: http://www.lejeune.usmc.mil/mcb/carolina_living_chaplainscorner01102008.asp

I don't know how to access a schedule or anything. Also the CREDO marriage retreats are awesome (so I've been told) but involve a weekend away, and you and Dylan are probably not ready for that yet

Yes, I've been trying to go to a CREDO marriage retreat for years. We haven't been able to because either dh isn't home or I have a nursling. One of these days...Although, the religious aspect bothers me a bit. As an atheist, anything pertaining to god just isn't going to work for me. It doesn't matter if it's non-denominational. I have been told that how heavy the religion is used depends on the particular Chaplain running the retreat or seminar at any particular time. That could be tricky for me.

I can't even go to the seminars because they last a full day and Dylan is still nursing every few hours. He probably would be ok for up to 6 hours but I don't want to leave him that long because that's a step toward weaning that I'm not ready to take. I could do it when he's 2 but by then dh will most likely be in Virginia and the rest of us will still be here in NC.

Sean didn't know about the individual retreats and seminars. I mentioned them to him. He kind of grunted but didn't say anything about going by himself. I'll probably have to tell him to go or he won't.

Originally Posted by Baby_Cakes 

 he's always angry b/c nobody seems to care what he has done or gotten done.

I have noticed this with the boys sometimes. I've been trying to make an effort to comment when dh does something.
 

Originally Posted by Baby_Cakes 

And Chris defaults to me for everything, no matter how often I remind him he can take control.  I changed Finn's diaper last night and I was like, Oh, buddy you need a bath.  I went to run the water and Chris said, oh yeah I noticed earlier he stunk.  I thought about this for awhile.  Later I said, does it just not dawn on you to give him a bath, or do you think I should be the only one to do it?  He thought and said it doesn't dawn on him.  That it would be too difficult.

Sean does this sort of thing and I've asked him the same thing. He'll do just about anything if I ask him but he doesn't seem to think of it on his own. That starts to annoy me because it feels like he's not really active in our daily family life. Even dinner that he says he wants to cook most night, he'll sit and think about it, I guess, until it gets so late that everyone is very hungry and whiny and grumpy and then gets aggravated that everyone is like that. The only way to get dinner at a reasonable time is for me to tell him to get up and start making it. He won't say anything to me about it but when I bring it up, he says, "Oh, yeah, I've been thinking about that," or, "I've been wondering what to do/make." Um, why didn't you say something two hours ago?

[akind1]

The marriage retreat my parents attended in Okinawa is where I first heard about the Love Languages book. Having not read it myself (but having got the gist) - if you are probably OK with that level of religious stuff, you may be fine. Like any kind of group therapy, take what works and leave the rest. I went to a Personal Growth Retreat once (my parents were in charge of the kitchen/food for them in Okinawa for a while) . . . I liked it. It was a lot of internal processing more than anything. it was mostly people led. Most were dealing with grief. I enjoyed the time to sit on a secluded beach by myself and think. But I love the ocean. It didn't *seem* very religious to me. But then, being a more religious sort of person myself, it may not of occured to me be bothered by that aspect.

How long will Sean be in Virginia for? will you stay in NC, or go stay up there nearby?

In the meantime, any way the two of you can have some regular time to just talk and enjoy eachother, away from the kids? It seems the more kids you have, the harder it is to accomplish that.

In happy news - I love buying stuff for the new baby! only little stuff here and there, but it's how I nest. It's frustrating, bc I don't know what the weather will be like. March is a strange month.

[MarineWife]

Buying baby stuff is so fun!

Originally Posted by akind1 

The marriage retreat my parents attended in Okinawa is where I first heard about the Love Languages book. Having not read it myself (but having got the gist) - if you are probably OK with that level of religious stuff, you may be fine. Like any kind of group therapy, take what works and leave the rest. I went to a Personal Growth Retreat once (my parents were in charge of the kitchen/food for them in Okinawa for a while) . . . I liked it. It was a lot of internal processing more than anything. it was mostly people led. Most were dealing with grief. I enjoyed the time to sit on a secluded beach by myself and think. But I love the ocean. It didn't *seem* very religious to me. But then, being a more religious sort of person myself, it may not of occured to me be bothered by that aspect.

How long will Sean be in Virginia for? will you stay in NC, or go stay up there nearby?

In the meantime, any way the two of you can have some regular time to just talk and enjoy eachother, away from the kids? It seems the more kids you have, the harder it is to accomplish that.

I don't think the Love Languages book is religious. It's been years since I read it so maybe I forgot some parts but I don't remember anything overtly religious. I think that may be where the Chaplain running the retreat added his or her own twist to it.

It's kind of hard to take what you need and leave the rest if the entire thing is set up around a god that you don't believe in at all. That's the difference between being atheist and anything else. Maybe if I were Episcopalian and the Chaplain was Catholic, I could do that, but it doesn't really work that way if it's all based on something that I don't believe exists in any way, shape or form. Most religious people can't get that, I think, because they just can't grasp that I don't believe in any of it. Kind of like being called a satanist or devil worshiper for being atheist. Um, that's kind of impossible since satan can't exist without god.

My DH doesn't understand why I get bothered by the Chaplain doing an invocation at every military function. That goes against the Constitution and infringes of my and any other atheist or even most non-Christians' constitutional rights. He doesn't see what the problem is but he is a white, male Christian so he's never really had to consider things like that personally.

Right now, as it stands with the house, if he gets sent to Virginia, it will be for at least a year and maybe as much as 3 years. The kids and I will have to stay in our house because we can't sell or rent it for the price we owe/pay right now. I'm still trying to figure something out with that. Again, dh hasn't done anything but grunt and complain about it. He says I'm not supporting him because I tell him I'll have to stay here but he hasn't done anything to try to get the house situation solved.

I finally got him to agree to refinance today even though I've been asking him to look into it for at least 2 years now. Even with that I am the one who had to call the credit union to put in the application. Today was the last day to apply for their special refi program with reduced fees and increased loan amounts. He insisted he had to shave before he called in case he had to go somewhere even though I told him they didn't have any local loan officers here. (At first, he was going to waste time going to the credit union even though I told him repeatedly to call first because I was pretty sure he couldn't get anything done at the credit union. But why would he listen to me about any of that just because I'm the one who went through the whole process by myself 6 years ago while he was deployed. )

We may actually be able to start going on regular dates. My new friend who recently moved practically across the street from me from WV said she'd watch my kids if we ever wanted to do anything. Her kids are always over here and stay a lot while she runs errands so I don't feel so bad about asking her to keep mine for a date night a few times a month.

[akind1]

I can see where you are coming from re: religious things  - what I meant by take what you can - is if the chaplain can give you tips on communication and respect, and all that, those don't really involve religion, unless he says pray together (in which case, leave out that part). Shoot, we are religious, and we don't pray together. Though DH prefers to be called spiritual.

My main issue with invocations is that they are freaking boring. They are traditional though. FWIW - all it would take is enough atheists or pagan service members to complain, and they would have to stop, I'd think. most people just don't feel it's a big enough deal to get worked up about, would be my guess.

Hooray for refinancing and date nights!

I hope if/when he goes to VA you can visit regularly. it sucks to be separated so much.

[MarineWife]

Originally Posted by akind1 

I can see where you are coming from re: religious things  - what I meant by take what you can - is if the chaplain can give you tips on communication and respect, and all that, those don't really involve religion, unless he says pray together (in which case, leave out that part). Shoot, we are religious, and we don't pray together. Though DH prefers to be called spiritual.

My main issue with invocations is that they are freaking boring. They are traditional though. FWIW - all it would take is enough atheists or pagan service members to complain, and they would have to stop, I'd think. most people just don't feel it's a big enough deal to get worked up about, would be my guess.

Hooray for refinancing and date nights!

I hope if/when he goes to VA you can visit regularly. it sucks to be separated so much.

Yeah, that's why I said it really depends on the particular Chaplain who happens to be running the retreat that we might go to. It's kind of hit or miss on who's running it. I don't know anything about any of the Chaplains or the particular denominations as far as which ones are more fundamentalist and which are not. Sean doesn't really know any of them so he can't say, either. And, then there's the issue of them coming and going so often that the person you get to know this week might be gone next week.

That's what happened when I went to talk to that Chaplain before. It turned out that Sean was sort of part of that unit still but kind of not. Then he was deploying so he could talk to a Chaplain in theatre but it wasn't the same person that had been referred to me. When he came back, new unit, new Chaplain but now that Chaplain is gone and there is another new one. It's kind of hard to feel comfortable discussing very personal issues with someone when you don't really know anything about them and you don't know how long they are going to be around. It's frustrating.

I agree that if enough people complained about the invocations in each unit, they would probably have to stop. I've not run into anyone else who understands my POV on them, much less agrees with me. Many religious people are so arrogant that they like to use that adage, "There are not atheists in foxholes." They refuse to accept that there are people who don't believe even when facing death. I used to get an atheist newsletter that spotlighted one military atheist in every newsletter. I stopped getting the newsletter because it was so negative. It seemed to be mostly about belittling religion and religious people. I don't need to do that.

It's close enough that he might be able to come home most weekends but only for a day or so. I think the cost of gas (especially since he insists on driving huge, gas guzzling trucks) might be too much.

Anyway, we are supposed to drive to Raleigh today to see my stepsister, her husband and my dad. It's 10 am and we're still waiting for the boys, including Dylan, to wake up. I may have to go rouse them.

[akind1]

I hope you had a safe drive to Raleigh and a good visit with your family.

It's funny, WRT chaplains, because ones I expected to be fundamentalist-ish (seventh day adventist) I liked rather alot - and didn't disagree with very much.  And some others, I didn't. I think they are expected to generally deal with the Marine population at large, and  can't - or aren't supposed to - push an agenda. Some do better with this than others, of course. In regards to the constant changing of the guard, so to speak, that's frustrating. It's one reason I really dislike the on-base health care. The doctors and staff are all military and of course will rotate and change with no warning.  It's hard to develop a good working relationship. Maybe that's why I've never bothered as a civilian? LOL

New Years was good, nothing really exciting. Back to work today, and officially in single digit countdown. - 9 weeks left, as of today!

[Baby_Cakes]

Originally Posted by akind1 

New Years was good, nothing really exciting. Back to work today, and officially in single digit countdown. - 9 weeks left, as of today!

  How is this even POSSIBLE!!  But yayyy!!

I would really like to go to counseling with Chris but I'm worried they'll tell me some of my issues with sex are b/c I'm nursing.  I really don't want to hear that I should wean Finn.  That should be my decision and Finn's.  I had this huge talk with Chris the other night that part of me just feels so touched by the end of the day I really don't want anyone else tugging at me, but I don't think that's completely true.  I like sexual touch but I loathe a needy one.  I think that's where my repulsion for intimacy is coming from.  And nfn but DH comes across so needy it isn't attractive.  How can we work on this?  Any ideas?  I feel like the pressure is on me now to really fix things in this dept b/c he's had a few tantrums over not having sex often enough.  It's a fight every time I'm not in the mood.  

Anyway, have fun on your trip MW!

I'm thinking about re-joining WW today.  They have a new plan and I need all the help I can get.  I've gained so much and am really going to try hard to eat right, and exercise.  The treadmill is calling my name as I type!

BBL!

[akind1]

Carrie: I mean, some of it MIGHT be nursing. That's just the truth - however - if stuff needs to be fixed before you and Finn are ready to wean, then I guess it just has to be pushed through until that day comes?

Re: needy touch - OMG - yes, this makes me feel resentful. DH isn't like that often, but why would anyone want to have sex with a needy, grouchy person? The best I can figure out to do, is try to maintain a level of intimacy that nips that in the bud - but stuff happens, I get tired, and well. you know. I am still shocked that 7 years in, 2 and 3/4 kids later, we are having more sex than we have ever had. I can't explain it, but it's a good thing. What I find hard to do is to remember to take opportunities as they present themselves - it surprises and pleases DH that I'm at least THINKING about sex, even if sometimes we aren't able to take advantage of the opportunities.

I don't know if it would help Chris to know that you acknowledge things aren't like they used to be or maybe could or should be, and you want them to improve - that you aren't satisfied with the status quo? but maybe now isn't the best time for him to be needy - you have enough people needing you during the day, the last thing you need is another at night. Explain that maybe if some of your non-sexual needs were met (getting kids in bed earlier, allowing you decompression time, etc) you might be able to meet some of his sexual ones? IDK. That's all I can think of.

And WeightWatchers - if it works for you, go for it! DH wants to go low-carb again. . . I'm not exactly against it, but I'm not all for it either. Especially as we live and eat with my parents so often, there is no way all of us are going low carb with him. Honestly eating that much meat and veg gets expensive, not to mention making and buying things for separate meals.  But he wants to do it, so I'll watch :)

[Baby_Cakes]

Originally Posted by akind1 

Carrie: I mean, some of it MIGHT be nursing. That's just the truth - however - if stuff needs to be fixed before you and Finn are ready to wean, then I guess it just has to be pushed through until that day comes?

It might be, but my honest feeling is that this is the season of life I'm in now, and DH needs to realize that.  I mean, we have all our lives to have sex but Finn will only be nursing for a short time.  You know?  I know you know.

Today he's in NYC all day and it's nice to be able to breathe.  It's overwhelming and smothering to have him around all the time.

Finn took an EPIC 3+ hour nap so I got in a good run, cleaned up, unloaded a ton of groceries, and am working on laundry too.  Feels nice to get back into the swing of things!

Low carb seems no fun!  

[MarineWife]

Originally Posted by Baby_Cakes 

It might be, but my honest feeling is that this is the season of life I'm in now, and DH needs to realize that.  I mean, we have all our lives to have sex but Finn will only be nursing for a short time.  You know?  I know you know.

ITA! If he's putting pressure on you (guilt trip?), he has an issue that he needs to deal with. That is on him, not you. I mean, even if you both need to work on being more intimate, neither one of you should be putting a guilt trip on the other just as neither one of you should be totally pushing the other away. Breastfeeding may put a bit of a damper on your sex drive but it shouldn't completely squash it.

A big thing with me is that I need to feel connected and intimate in other ways before I am comfortable having sex. DH and I go through this really awkward time right after he comes back from a deployment because of that. There's this sort of pressure on both of us to hurry up and jump in bed together because everyone around us is talking about how they can't wait to have sex with their partners again. But it's kind of weird for both of us at first, I think. If I feel like he is putting pressure on me to have sex, I get completely turned off and don't want to have anything to do with him. So, the last time he came home, he didn't do anything for months and I was left wondering if he ever would. Do you remember that?

I worry sometimes that a counselor might give me a hard time about AP or breastfeeding or unschooling. Most don't understand any of that. They are very mainstream and I have found that a lot of the mainstream "expert" advice on marriage relationships and child discipline are way off from what I do or agree with or would ever do. Meanwhile, my dh doesn't think anything is wrong with any of it. It's all just personal preference.

What I would do is interview the counselor yourself before going with your DH. It's common to interview therapists and have to see a few before you find one that clicks with you. It can be frustrating and annoying but that really can't be avoided if you want to find someone who can really help you. I have had more luck with licensed clinical social workers (LCSW) rather than psychologists or therapists or even counselors. I'm not sure why that would make a difference but it really does seem to. Psychologists are more into the academic workings of the psyche and past experiences that may be influencing how you are behaving now, I think, whereas social workers are more into real life relationships and situations and finding ways to change how you think and what you do now to make things more positive. Anyone who practices cognitive behavioral therapy would probably be good. They focus on helping you change the way you think so that you can change the way you feel. The other thing to do is stand your ground about how breastfeeding is beneficial and arm yourself with documentation if needed. A good therapist should pick up on the fact that that is important to you and not something you will compromise on.

All of that being said, you know my issues with my marriage so I may not be the best person to take advice on about that.

[MarineWife]

i thought of something else wrt sex. even without breastfeeding a woman's (female's) desire is regulated by her cycle, which is regulated by hormones. it's cyclic, unlike men's, which actually lends some credence to "sister wives". it's perfectly natural and normal for a woman to be interested in sex only during her fertile period. Otherwise, there's really not much point in expending all of that time and energy. You see it all the time with wild animals. The females push away and sometimes even fight males to death to refuse sex because they aren't fertile. The only time it is evolutionarily and physiologically economical for a female to engage in sex is when she is fertile. Otherwise, it's a waste of time and energy and possibly dangerous from a female perspective. Males are the opposite. They can potentially produce offspring continuously so they are almost always ready for sex. It's very profitable for them to have as much sex as often and with as many different females as possible to ensure passing on their genetic material.

Maybe Chris would understand and accept that explanation.

[Baby_Cakes]

He does understand that explanation, he gets that totally.  He's never taken issue with that aspect.  I mean, when I'm fertile I initiate when I can/want to, and honestly those are the few days out of the month we both are in sync in terms of desire.  

But he wants more than that.  I just don't know if I can EVER be able/willing to give him all he needs.

And Chris doesn't think nursing has that much of an effect on my drive.  He says it's a nonissue and would never think weaning is the answer.  He thinks it's something else.  I'm sleeping enough now, so that can't be it.  I'm taking vit D for depression and it's helping.  I'm exercising, eating right.  

Can thyroid issues throw it off? 

I just don't know or understand why I'm completely uninterested.  

We argue and all that, and yes we do have other issues, but we're working on them so I don't see how that could be it.

I'm attracted to him.

I just have no real idea what it's about.  

[AnnieA]

akind1, wow! Your pregnancy is flying by! At least for us bystanders! There are so many mamas in the July 11 DDC that are either pregnant or starting to try again and it's making me super broody. Logically, we need another kid in our house like we need a hole in our heads. But man, having another one is so tempting sometimes! I don't think that we will ever get to the point where we are whatevering again so if there's another baby destined for our family, they are going to have to show up via the sneak attack!

DTD frequency...that's a tough one. I agree with you MW that women's bodies are designed to have a cyclical nature to when they are more interested in DTD and that usually lines up with when they are fertile. That's for a reason. But the benefits of DTD for a couple aren't just procreative. There's also the unitive side of things as DTD is another form of communication between a couple. I have to force or remind myself to DTD because there's usually only about 2-3 days every 25-28 day cycle that I'm truly interested. But DH would prefer at least every other day. So yes, even though this is a season in our lives with a very small, very needy human, I do try to remember that having a small human in our family affects DH in other ways too. There are certainly things that I would like him to do for me with more frequency that he isn't so much inclined to do after caring for Ava all evening but I do appreciate it when he makes the effort. So I try to think about DTD from that angle. Doing something nice for my husband. Just like I would do something nice for my kids even if I was tired or grouchy or just wanting to lay in bed and be still.

Ava woke up at 6ish AM this morning screaming and I couldn't get her to calm down. I could tell she was in pain but she wouldn't take the ibuprofen. Usually when she's in pain, she takes it because she knows it will make her feel better. She threw up from screaming and then proceeded to moan, or scream until I was finally able to convince her to take some ibuprofen around 11:30 AM. She didn't have a fever but every time she would fall asleep and I would lay her down, she would start screaming. So I called the nurse and she said to bring her in. After the meds and her nap, she was all bouncy and happy but I took her to the appt anyway. Turns out she has an ear infection in her left ear. The dr said it was pretty inflamed and he could tell why she would be screaming. I didn't send her to the sitter and had DH come pick her up from my office and take her home. She seemed in better spirits so hopefully she'll get some good rest tonight.
 

[akind1]

Carrie: maybe you're thinking too much? LOL Honestly . . . I don't know when exactly I'm desirous of sex. But I've always had more of a drive and nothing has ever thrown it off completely. Now that we are pretty regular (I think generally EOD or every third day ish) I generally don't go without long enough to feel really itchy. I have a feeling DH is at a point where he might want it every day. He didn't used to be that way - once a month or every 6 weeks was plenty for him at one point. He says its weird being on the flip side where he wants it all the time and I'm just not game quite *that* often.

I think the main issue may be one you've touched on already - you need Chris to support you in other ways throughout the day - and also give you some space - in order to maybe ramp up your drive. absence really does make the heart grow fonder, in some cases.

Yeah, this pregnancy is flying by! I can't believe it. I really need to work on getting ready for this baby. Not that there is much to do, but I need to rewash Gabe's old clothes, and I want to buy some nb AIOs, I'm stalking used sites, but need more spare $$ to snag the ones I want! LOL.

One of my friends is throwing me a mamababy blessing - I'm really touched that she wants to! - It's in 3 weeks. I love how some people just "get" that babies are to be celebrated, it's not about gifts or anything, even if it's not your first, or even your second. My MIL is not one of those people. oh well

Annie - Glad you got Ava figured out, but poor baby!  hope she's feeling better soon!

[MarineWife]

Annie ~ I thought ear infection immediately from reading that description. Ryan used to get them all the time. I hope Ava is feeling better soon.

Carrie ~ I honestly think that, psychologically, feeling pressured to do something can really turn a person off from it. It may be that simple. Or, it could just be how your drive is now. As Kat mentioned with her and her dh, things change. They don't always stay the same.

I used to have a much more active sex drive when I was younger. I was up for it almost any time. Now, I could take it or leave it. I've been wondering a lot lately if it's just age for me, hormones changing, that sort of thing. I also have the aspect of never having another baby, which kind of defeats the purpose for me a lot in my mind. It's not that I don't like sex or ever want it. It's just not worth the effort much anymore. If my dh made an effort to dtd, I'd probably go along because, wth, right? But I'm not going to make all the effort, especially if he's not showing any interest at all.

I don't think there's anything wrong with that. People have different likes and dislikes, desires and passions. Just because you aren't interested in sex as much as the next person doesn't mean that there is anything wrong with you or them. You are just different. That's ok.

[akind1]

ITA - like anything - don't compare yourself to anyone outside your marriage. Why bother? I hope you and Chris can get on the same page, one way or the other.

the V went fine for DH, he's sleeping it off now.

Thought I'd update you with a belly pic - I did this one bare belly, and Norah had to get in on it too.

[MarineWife]

Cute belly! I love Norah in the photo, too. I must have missed something. I didn't realize the big V was today. Give that man a bag of frozen peas!

Dylan has seriously cut back on nursing lately. He only nursed first thing in the morning before we went to Raleigh. I asked him if he wanted milk before we left (It was almost noon.) and he said no. He didn't want to nurse when we got there 2.5 hours later or right before we left about 5 hours after that. He finally nursed once we got home but he went at least 10 hours without nursing at all. Since we've been home he hardly nurses at all during the day. He's been wanting solid food and other drinks instead of milk most of the time.

Is that normal for a 17 month old? I can handle it if it's just normal and just means he's cutting back to only a few times a day. I don't want him to wean yet. I want him to make it until at least 2.

I spent the morning and early afternoon packing. I was planning to pack the little kids up and go to my mother's. Sean and I got a big fight last night and he said something that hurt me so bad that I just wanted to leave and not come back. I sent him a text this morning telling him that he could blame me for everything if he wanted but that wasn't really fair considering I've been trying to get him to do something for years now because we have been crumbling. Either way, I was done and gone. It was up to him to make it worthwhile for me to stay.

He came home around 2, found me in the boys' room packing suitcases, and asked me not to leave. I told him I couldn't stay somewhere that I felt like I wasn't wanted anymore. I asked him why he wanted me to stay. He said because he loves me and he wants to make things work. I told him again that, if that's what he really wants, he needs to do something about it. Just saying the words again with no follow-through is not enough. I'm not going to stick around very long waiting for him to do something.

Can you believe he said he didn't know what to do? I had to tell him again about counseling and how to set it up. I've told him all of this before plus he gets regular info about it at work. He is the person in charge of passing that kind of info on to the other Marines in his unit. So, we shall see. I'm not unpacking.

[akind1]

I'd say it's within the realm of normal, given the other nursing toddlers I'm around (and I'm so glad to know moms nursing toddlers! IRL!)  - I'd just offer when you feel it's appropriate.

WOW in regards to you and Sean. I hope this is the kick in the pants he needs to get you both some help. Just hugs. too.

Thanks! I really feel like I have a baby belly this time, and I really didn't feel that way with Gabe. a bit more so with Norah.

DH is still sleeping . . . hope he's feeling ok.

[AnnieA]

MW, he may pick back up in nursing frequency. Ava goes through spells where she hardly drinks any milk and then she has days where she won't eat anything and only drinks milk. Babies are weird. But she's pretty much down to just milk at sleep times.

I hope that your not-idle threat to leave is the kick in the pants that your DH needs to get his act together. He needs to step it up.

akind1, love your bump!

I made a resolution of sorts today and emailed DH and asked him if he would join me. I've resolved to take 20-30 mins after Ava goes to sleep for her nap and then again when I get home at night and do some pick-up and cleaning. He said he's willing to do something after Ava goes to sleep for the night. I'm hoping we can get to the point where we are staying on top of things rather always playing catch-up.
 

[onetwoten]

Originally Posted by akind1 

Re: needy touch - OMG - yes, this makes me feel resentful. DH isn't like that often, but why would anyone want to have sex with a needy, grouchy person? 

but maybe now isn't the best time for him to be needy - you have enough people needing you during the day, the last thing you need is another at night. Explain that maybe if some of your non-sexual needs were met (getting kids in bed earlier, allowing you decompression time, etc) you might be able to meet some of his sexual ones? IDK. That's all I can think of.

That's basically us. The more desperate seeming he gets about it, the less turned on I am. I think it's because it seems less like it's about me, and more like it's just -dis- desire to fill -his- need, kwim?

Yes to this too. Hearing someone describe it as 'filling your cup' made the most sense to me. Once my own cup is full, I feel better able to help fill his cup. And some of that is being able ot enjoy some alone time without anyone tugging on me or asking anything of me. 

 

Originally Posted by MarineWife 

Dylan has seriously cut back on nursing lately. He only nursed first thing in the morning before we went to Raleigh. I asked him if he wanted milk before we left (It was almost noon.) and he said no. He didn't want to nurse when we got there 2.5 hours later or right before we left about 5 hours after that. He finally nursed once we got home but he went at least 10 hours without nursing at all. Since we've been home he hardly nurses at all during the day. He's been wanting solid food and other drinks instead of milk most of the time.
Is that normal for a 17 month old? I can handle it if it's just normal and just means he's cutting back to only a few times a day. I don't want him to wean yet. I want him to make it until at least 2.

So, we shall see. I'm not unpacking.

I think it sounds within the realm of normal, like Kat said. Tenley can be very easily redirected now, but she still asks constantly. But it's driving me nuts because she's doing the typical toddler behavior of "I want to nurse every 20 minutes... but only for 20 seconds." I'd much rather nurse her for 20 minutes every 2 hours. But you know... she disagrees. lol. 

I've been following along, but haven't had enough time to sit and type out a real response. I hope you guys are able to work together to move forward. Such a hard place to be in. *hugs*

Ironically, I've been off all this week, and yet been so busy I've barely had any time on the computer at all. DH was home mon/tue plus we were both sick, so we had lazy family days, cleaning and just enjoying company. And then yesterday I went shopping with my BFF. We spent 4 hours wlaking around the mall shopping and talking and eating lunch. It was really great, and Tenley did -fantastic-. She started in the stroller and then started getting fussy, so I popped her on my back in the Boba and she fell asleep almost immediately and napped for 45 minutes while we shopped. Then back out and back into the stroller while we finished. It was so nice to spend time -really- talking to my friend again. And then I got called into work last night, and worked from 5-1130. Came home, slept. Woke up this morning and spent the day cleaning and play with Ten. Again, she's had SUCH a good day playing and finding things to do, and helping around the house and stuff (closing cupboards for me, "using measuring spoons" etc). 

Feeling really good right now, though stressed about money. And my body. But I guess I'm just in general feeling hopeful and optimistic. 

Anyways, off to watch a show or two and try to get to sleep early still.