Can we talk about self-regulation?

[newmamalizzy]

This topic has always piqued my interest.  While I've always tried for a child-led approach with my little one, I have not really allowed for self-regulation of things like TV, sleep, and treats.  I guess I just have the impression that it wouldn't work, but...I like the idea of it. 

With sleep, my DD has always been one of those kids who just seems to lack understanding of the whole process.  There was nothing she hated as an infant as much as the feeling of falling asleep.  She was not inclined to nap, at 2.5 believes that sleeping during the day is just wrong, and still wakes up many times at night.  With all the sleep deprivation she's put me through, I have a hard time handling the idea of LESS sleep as a result of letting her self-regulate.  But I also think that perhaps that might be the best way to help her understand this whole tired/sleeping thing that she has such trouble with. 

TV.  I have a really hard time believing that she wouldn't watch way way more than I want her to.  How can a child self-regulate in the face of something so insidiously mind-sucking as TV?  Even I have a hard time breaking myself away from it. 

And food.  I know there's this idea that children will, if left to their own devices, eat what they need to eat.  But...isn't this only true within certain bounds of what they're offered?  If continuously allowed things like Cheetos and ice cream along with veggies and whole grain breads, etc., will they really make the right choices?  Again, I feel like the insidious pull of some of the less healthy foods might be too much for a child.

Any insight/experience/opinions on this topic?  Some reading recommendations would be useful, too.  Thanks!

[Magella]

I think some kids, like one of mine, have a lot of difficulty regulating sleep, and they need a lot of support undertanding their body signals and making the transition from wakefulnes to sleep. Many kids sleep more poorly when chronically over-tired. Sleepless In America by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka has excellent, very gentle tips for helping kids sleep. I think when you help kids with sleep at very young ages, they're better able to self-regulate as they get older. Just my experience.

My kids self-regulate food within the context of what's available in our home. It works well for us, however our kids have never been picky eaters or otherwise had any food-related issues. In my experience, talking with kids about the foods we choose to buy, talking about how food affects our bodies, and having mostly healthy foods available has led to their making good, healthy choices (and not over-indulging) when away from home. We do limit the availability of things with lots of sugar and "junky" foods like cheetos (I think sugar, in particular, is addictive and difficult for kids to slf-regulate).

[phathui5]

Quote:

 If continuously allowed things like Cheetos and ice cream along with veggies and whole grain breads, etc., will they really make the right choices?

I don't think so. Many adults don't either; I don't think it's reasonable to expect kids to eat a balanced diet when there aren't boundaries.

Same with TV, I think that, if allowed to self-regulate, many kids would watch TV for hours and hours. The kids we know whose TV/computer time isn't regulated pretty much spend their day in front of a screen.

[BellinghamCrunchie]

I think it depends on the child.

DD (age 7) can easily regulate TV. She doesn't really like it much unless she is feeling sick, or at the end of the day when she is tired.

She can regulate sweets if its always the same kind. For instance, we have a jar of jelly beans that have been on the counter since before Halloween. But if I bring anything newish home, she will eat it until she feels sick. So I do regulate treats, mostly by not buying them.

If DD could sleep in as long as she wanted, like humans are probably supposed to be able to do, she could regulate sleep just fine. But when we have to get up at a specific time, she can't get herself to bed without a whole lot of prompting. Both she and I are night owls; it took me into my 30s before I realized how important it was to get myself to bed at a reasonable hour if I needed to wake up early.

[Nightwish]

I think kids are great self-regulators IF we offer support. If you put a toddler in a room with a big screen TV and nothing else to do for hours or days on end, I wouldn't expect her to "self-regulate". If you let her stay awake until she collapses of sleep on the floor, I wouldn't expect her to self-regulate either. Many kids need to be in bed, with the light shut off, in order to fall asleep.

If we create an atmosphere conducive to sleep, or good eating habits, they will let us know how much of everything they need.

With my kids, we have routines. It helps them predict what is coming next.

**sleep:

Ds was a terrible sleeper as a baby, so we had a bedtime routine and we co-slept. We have a set time when we start the bedtime routine, and he was aware of that since he was 3 and started reading time. The bedtime changed as he became older, we started at 7:30, now we start getting ready at 8:30, but he doesn't fall asleep until 9.

Dd's bedtime was 8:30 as well when she napped; now that she dropped her nap, she goes to bed at 7:30.

**TV:

We don't have limits on TV time, mostly because ds gets home from school at 4:30, both kids have a snack, then they go out for 30min or so, then we have supper and do homework or music practice, so he gets maybe 30min of screen time before his bath, he doesn't have time for more.

**treats:

We have dessert every day after supper, but not more than one portion per kid. Dd is not into sweets, so she often doesn't finish hers. Treats are not linked to behaviour, or how much they eat for supper. So ds knows he doesn't have to negociate or beg for his share.

Also once a week I bake and offer cookies or pie for a snack, with a glass of milk, and I don't set any limit on it. The kids don't usually overeat on those occasions because they know it's a regular thing. Ds once told me that the cookies weren't a real treat. I'm glad he sees them as just another food and doesn't feel like he has to overeat when he has the chance.