GD Study: Hypothetical Situation #1 - Page 2

[Snapdragon]

now I read more of the post and have an additional response regarding the cold for not having a jacket part.

I would still do as I wrote above. then when we were outside if she was cold I would take off my jacket and give it to her or find someone in the group who had an extra layer to lend her while we were eating.

[pek64]

I actually lived through a similar situation, without the friends. I had brought the better jacket. It was brought out of the bag, the too light one went in, I said something like "maybe next time you'll believe me", and the zoo visit continued.

[Daffodil]

Originally Posted by IdentityCrisisMama 

Daffodi -- will you do one? It's difficult for me to really work my brain on a scenario I put together. And I think this is fun! 

I'll see if I can think of one.

[k x s]

Ok I haven't read any posts because I thought it would be fun to try to figure this one out on my own.

What would you do?

I would explain WHY eating in the monkey area is not possible. Probably a combination of monkeys will be upset that they can't have any because they can smell the delicious food and what it would feel like to watch your friend eat a tasty snack in front of you without sharing with you then move onto explaining why you can't share the food with the monkeys (because they require different nutrition and would probably get obese/sick etc). Plus monkey food and human food is different and how although the monkeys really like human food can't eat it because its not good for them and how it would be much kinder it would be to the monkeys to eat outside in the picnic area, and then mention how, I noticed that its pretty cold outside and we unfortunately picked the wrong jacket for the weather and how surprising that was (lol) but that its only a short time and we get to eat tasty snacks outside and maybe we can share my jacket or maybe snuggle a little closer to keep warm and then talk about something distracting like how cold eskimos get and how they stay warm and then move onto how much warmer we will feel after we have a warm drink or a sandwich.

Sorry I had to edit this post because I accidentally posted without completing it. =)

Edited by k x s - 12/3/12 at 12:28am

[k x s]

Oops I was rather specific. Reading the responses has been interesting. I think it would be too much upheaval to leave because of a jacket. Another thing I thought of is you could probably buy a jacket from the zoo giftstore. 

[Daffodil]

Originally Posted by Daffodil 

Originally Posted by IdentityCrisisMama 

Daffodi -- will you do one? It's difficult for me to really work my brain on a scenario I put together. And I think this is fun! 

I'll see if I can think of one.

Okay, I did one.  It's here: http://www.mothering.com/community/t/1369347/gd-study-hypothetical-situation-2

[neonalee]

Originally Posted by k x s 

Oops I was rather specific. Reading the responses has been interesting. I think it would be too much upheaval to leave because of a jacket. Another thing I thought of is you could probably buy a jacket from the zoo giftstore. 

I was wondering if anyone would suggest buying a sweatshirt or something. That's what my parents would have done. However, my parents are also somewhat broke due to poor money choices

Anyway, I love this discussion. I also love the disagreement. I find it extremely useful to see all these ideas and reasons for doing or not doing something.

[velveeta]

It's interesting... I hope I am not bargeing in. Your situation made me realize that so much of my "discipline" relies on knowing my kids well. All three of my kids won't wear appropriate clothing most of the time, but want it if its cold. So, I just bring all the coats and pile them in the front seat, ready to distribute, if needed. And sometimes, they're not! LOL.

My kids also know that we must come to consensus so that everyone's needs are met. Actually, my oldest is nine, and he is the hardest to keep happy, but he is goooooooood at framing situations so that the others are more... Compliant. And now he usually gets his own coat, without reminding, but if I see he didn't bring it, I do bring it.

Also, I would wrap a five yo (and even my big boy!) in my coat if we didn't have something warm of his.

I do feel that insisting we come to consensus is important. I don't insist we do what I think, but it is just not fair for one person to have all the power (me or my child). One thing I say often, especially to my oldest is that when mom and dad make a choice in advance for us, a trip, medical procedure, or so, it is with careful thought of everyone in our family. I explain that when choosing for yourself, it is easier, you don't have to think of other quite as much!

Sorry, I did go beyond the scope of a five yo. My own five, nearly six yo is so easy going, there is no "discipline" to it. He is easier going than I am! LOL! It is my 9 yo and 3 yo who take me to school. ;-)

[mamazee]

I always pack an extra layer and bring it in a backpack. Once I forgot and got a new sweatshirt from the gift shop (as someone else said upthread.) I've also given a kid my jacket if they needed it.

Otherwise, I guess my kid might be cold and/or hungry. I wouldn't let her eat in a monkey viewing area regardless of the rules - the rules are there for a reason and it's because monkey poo spreads disease, and because eating in front of monkeys could agitate them. I'd make sure to put some food in the backpack in case she got hungry and needed something to eat later.

I obviously don't do CL. I am into UP, so I wouldn't punish or offer a bribe to get her to do what I wanted. I would be fine saying, "The rules are this and this for these reasons. How do you want to handle things within the rules?" and then "Let me know if you change your mind" if she decided to skip eating. I always have a snack on hand, because dealing with hunger takes care of a lot of behavior problems.

My oldest is a great problem solver. If I tell her what the problem is and ask her how she wants to handle it, she often comes up with a way of handling it that I hadn't thought of, so I always give them the ability to come up with their own way to handle a problem, and if that problem is OK (determined by me, so again not CL) then I'm fine with going with that. But if she were to simply refuse to leave the monkey area, we might split up so one parent stayed with her until she got bored - but she wouldn't eat in there so she'd get hungry too. When they were 2, I would just pick them up and move them if they refused to leave someplace, but I can't imagine doing that at their ages. My kids understand that if we say we need to do something, it isn't because we don't care or are trying to force something on them, but because it's important. If we said, "I know you want to eat here because it's warmer, but it isn't healthy to eat here and it will upset the monkeys. We just have to continue on now" they would just leave without a fight. They might whine a bit, but they'd leave.

[bankamundi]

Originally Posted by IdentityCrisisMama 

This is a hypothetical situation for us to practice different philosophies of GD: 

You and your 5 year old have plans to go to the zoo with some friends who are driving a long way to join you. You were rushing out the door and decided to (at your child's insistence), let her wear a jacket that you felt was not quite warm enough. Your group was visiting the indoor monkey area. After watching the monkeys for a long time the group wanted to move on and have a picnic lunch. Your DC said she wanted to stay and eat lunch in the indoor monkey area. Eating is not allowed in that area and you told her it was time to go. She refuses and you do not know how to get her to move on to the next thing.  

What would you do? 

What are some different GD approaches that would work well in this situation? 

It's OK to get "out there" since this isn't a real family or situation. 

I use "123 Magic" which is a rather mainstream discipline book, but an age-old and effective method.  There is no yelling or hitting.  It lets children decide whether or not they'll comply. If they don't, they get a time out.  It takes a lot of parental work at first, but it's one of the gentlest ways out there, assuming it's used consistently and kindly (avoiding angry time outs and yelling!).  

Anyway, in my house this situation probably would not happen. We choose outerwear for kids who are young like this, and the reason is, we know best.  So if a child argued with us about this as we were leaving, the likely worst case scenario is we'd be late to meet our friends due to a time out.

However, if I somehow found myself in this situation, I would give the child a count for arguing.  I'd probably offer her a blanket tell her her choice is to have lunch in time out or wear a blanket and join everyone at the picnic. If the arguing continued to "3" the child would go for a time out, probably in the car while everyone else had the picnic.This would also mean no ice cream because ice cream is for picnic-havers (or something). 

I don't think at five, a child ought to sit in the cold to learn a lesson.  It's not her responsibility to know what to wear.  It IS her responsibility, however, to follow directions. And she is not to argue when she's been told the parent's decision is firm.  It's the parent's responsibility to provide warm clothing. And it's the parent's responsibility to make sure that the child isn't allowed to ruin a picnic, or tantrum & receive special treatment! A time out is a drag. Especially if you have to walk all the way back to the car.  But it doesn't take a lot of time outs like that to get the message across. And when I give them, I don't feed the tantrum by talking at the kid, or acting put out. At least I try not to!  We have a good system, here.