Please, folks--mothers of only children are real mothers too! I think. :( « Back to Group Discussions

[DaisyO]

Hi,

I have been feeling so depressed and angry, and for such a stupid reason.  There are just a couple of so-called "mommy blogs" I like, and my favorite one ( Black and White and Loved All Over ), which is in general great, just totally bummed me out.  The mommy in question just had her second kid--of course she is over the moon with happiness, as can be expected, and she finished her post by saying:

"Overnight I went from being the mom of one precocious little girl to the mom of two little girls. That makes me a real mom now. I'm not just playing at this. There are two carseats in my back seat, and I have a lifetime of mommy duty ahead of me. Birthday parties and temper tantrums and boo-boos and broken hearts, report cards and time-outs, Christmases and weddings, moments that scare the pants off me and others that make me cry for joy. (Sometimes I think, What have I done?) I'm official."

Argh! 

This is pretty offensive to me, although the dear woman meant nothing other than to express her own happiness and sense of achievement.  I just can't stand the way people with more than one kid think that women with just one aren't even real moms.  It makes me want to cry.  So ignorant and dumb, this attitude is.  Two people have commented on this is her comments section, so that is nice that I'm not alone in feeling upset by her assessment of what constitutes a genuine mother, but I'm having a hard time getting past it. 

I know this is all so foolish--it's just some stranger's public diary/photo album, but for some reason I had really grown to like reading her updates on a family I'll never meet or know.  Won't be checking it much in the future, I guess.  Not sure why it hit me like this--I guess I'm just tired of being made--by good people with the best intentions, too--like an inferior or incomplete or unofficial parent because I only have one kid. 

Okay, time to take a nap with my one sweet darling little peanut!

thanks for humoring me

D.O.

[pickle18]

I think the way she phrased it was unfortunate (first of all, she'd already be doing broken hearts and birthday parties and blah blah).  I do get that there might be an added sense of responsibility, seriousness, and "OMG I am really a mom!" with a second baby.  As hard as taking care of one spirited kiddo can be, I often feel like DH and I just got a super cool lil roommate  - it doesn't always sink in that, oh wait, I am that official grown-up known as a MOM.   We do watch kids shows, but mostly he just fits into our lives - he's outnumbered - it's not "the kids" in their own kid world around here, ykwim?  I know that adding another baby would be a HUGE wake-up call for me, and the little free time we have (or even freedom of getting one kid out and about), the precious little me time I have, would be eviscerated.  So, in that sense, I can see feeling like, whoa, I'm not even a me anymore, I'm a mom.

That is highly individual - lots of people find ways to work around that, I guess.  But it's part of why we have an only.  Time for ourselves, our marriage, more flexibility for our family, more cool activities.  All of this to say...I totally get why you felt punched in the gut.  She should NOT have phrased it that way.  A mom of an only is very much a mom - and honestly, alot of the family planning threads highlight the fact that going from 0-1 is the hardest transition - becoming a mother, instead of an individual adult - much more difficult and daunting (so I hear) than going from 1-2.  It is a huge, life-changing transformation, and while it may not be quite as chaotic as life with multiple kids, it is no less as serious a job.  In fact, I take the job as mom so seriously that that's part of why we only HAVE one kid - because I feel I can better parent one. 

[ian'smommaya]

i feel you. i think it was poorly written not intentionally mean. i see alot of that kinda stuff around for instance real moms have vaginal births, stay home with the kid, never use boxed food, do not have a t.v. etc. etc. etc. in my world "real moms" are moms period. seeing this divisive stuff around is really heartbreaking. 

[vydalea]

Originally Posted by ian'smommaya 

i feel you. i think it was poorly written not intentionally mean. i see alot of that kinda stuff around for instance real moms have vaginal births, stay home with the kid, never use boxed food, do not have a t.v. etc. etc. etc. in my world "real moms" are moms period. seeing this divisive stuff around is really heartbreaking. 

AMEN!  

Real mom's can even be male!  Parents are parents and everything is unique to the person and the situation!  

[Amy@STL]

I get this from even my best friend though she doesnt word it so bluntly and she knows why we have only one. But it does bother me at some level....I guess humans are by nature judgemental and though I try not to, I too judge moms of multiples on many things.
I agree we may be less experienced but we are surely real!

[ian'smommaya]

Originally Posted by vydalea 

AMEN!  

Real mom's can even be male!  Parents are parents and everything is unique to the person and the situation!  

thank you! i have a friend who is in m2f transition. i should have included everyone! thanks for the reminder!