Bajingo Juice can bring BFP presents this Christmas Season - TTC#1 in our 30s - Page 6

[doularebekah]

Hello friends! Just checking in after a long quiet period to see how everyone's doing, I'm going to promise again to try and touch base more often now that the crazy season is over. I'm a bit jealous of your snow to be honest! It has been lovely and warm here though and I'm hoping to head to the river for a swim tomorrow. 

thebyr - I definitely see a line on all of those! And I hardly ever see them to be honest so congrats mama, this is so exciting! Sending tons of sticky vibes your way!

lilac - How great of your school!! That's so generous, what an amazing early Christmas present for you guys. What's your plan, now?

AFM - So I had my further blood tests and my progesterone is low enough to suggest that I'm not ovulating :( My doctor basically said I've just got to 'Drop 20 (kg)' and all will be good. Ugh! I mean, I get that weight can play a role but also that overweight people can get pregnant and have healthy pregnancies, and slim people can have trouble with fertility. I guess I'm just frustrated that she won't look at anything else until I lose weight (and said like it's the easiest thing in the world!) and if I do lose the weight but still can't get pregnant, then I'll feel like I've wasted all that time. Feeling a bit bitter! I'm 4DPO at the moment so we'll just see what happens I guess :)

[lilacvioletiris]

doula, that is a tough call "Drop 20 kg" would be like telling me to lose 40 pounds - at 2 pounds a week that would take 20 weeks - which is 5 months. At my age time is ticking, but losing 40 pounds in the next 5 months is a goal of mine - especially if DH and I wait until summer vacation to do the IVF.

Thebyr, how are you feeling today? Darker line on the HPT?

AFM, pay day :) I get paid once a month so it is significant. I thought my bonus was supposed to be in my pay check which is direct deposited, but it wasn't.  Makes me wonder if it is a hard copy check in with my pay stub that gets mailed to me because it is a special payment.  I guess I will have to wait until the mail comes. I need to pay "case management fee" of $1007 before I can book my appointment to determine how and when of my IVF cycle. Hoping all goes well with this and I can get pregnant.

[TeamViddy]

Thebyr, YAY!! Congratulations! Hoping for the best for you.

Doula, That stuff drives me crazy. I am heavy-- around 93 kilos, so I get it from doctors too.

Maybe your country is going through something similar, but in the states we are implementing all kinds of obesity programs. This gets me super riled up-- they never seem to see obesity as something that might be the result of lifestyle choices and might be the result of genetics, but is always a complex issue. It's always "we have to fight obesity," not "oops, we created a nation with deeply ingrained infrastructure that causes people to wake up, commute to work or school in a car, sit at a desk all day, eat non-nutritious food, and then bask in blue light from a TV screen and sleep fitfully, wash, rinse, repeat." Also, these programs never take into account that peoples' bodies are all different, and that you can be both heavy and healthy. They focus on weight loss and not health per se. And they conflate thinness with health. As you already know, you are more likely to not ovulate due to being too thin than being too heavy.

So far I have gone to my doctor and also a holistic fertility specialist. At both places they learned my medical history, did blood tests, saw my temperature charts from the six months I was temping, did a sonogram, etc... No explanation for why it was taking so long to get pregnant. So they're both like, well, maybe you're just too fat. Great. You can't find an issue so you decide that it's my weight; according to your tests it is not affecting my health, but it's causing me to not get pregnant.

Now, I do know that there is some interplay between fat and hormones, and it's one of the only ways I've actually read research about fat affecting health rather than health affecting fat. So I am open to this idea that dropping 5 kilos can possibly make an impact. But at the same time, I am and have been eating right and going to the gym frequently and it does take a grand effort for me to lose weight since I am already maintaining a healthy lifestyle.

If you want I can continue to rant... This and the health insurance/medical industry in general in the states are my favorite things to go on and on about

Lilac, yay payday! Hope your bonus comes soon. That is such a high fee, but you know it's worth it!

AFM, so much is happening. I start a new job next week! I am excited because it is a very family-friendly atmosphere and it will be a good job to stay in while we start our family. It's also exactly what I wanted to do. A few other positive things are in the works, and 2013 seems to be shaping up as a much better year than the previous two.

DH's grandma passed on Christmas eve, a mere 2 days after going into hospice care. It is heartbreaking, but she was in so much pain and had lived such a full life at the age of 95. We will miss her so much-- I have never met such a gentle, warm and welcoming person. All of our holidays were spent with her; we were getting our things together to go to her place when we got the phone call. At her funeral mass yesterday we had a good cry and have lit candles for her the past few days.

My SIL is pregnant with her fourth child; she is due in late March. DH's grandma was delighted by them constantly and they brought such joy to her. I had hoped so deeply to have a baby in time for her to hold it, for our baby to bring the light and joy into her life that she brought to other people. At one point during the visitation, my SIL and the woman who gave DH's grandma baths, etc., who is also six months pregnant, were talking about how much the grandmother was looking forward to the new babies. This combined with the fact that my estimated due date for my one pregnancy in the past year and a half is in just a few days, caused me to have a few loud, uncontrollable sobs. I know this is par for the course during a funeral, but this is also a very subdued, quiet and religious family, and a lot of people turned and looked. And the idea that it might have made my SIL and the caretaker feel guilty for their blessings was just awful. I am not even sure how to talk about the combination of feelings of grief, sadness, shame, and failure that caused that outburst. It was really intense and I am still trying to process it.

I have a few mantras to help me through this process. Some have to do with finances- that we are in a better place than a year and a half ago. Some have to do with maturity and patience.

And for family: DH's grandma is not in pain anymore and her spirit will be able to visit our babies whenever she wants, without physical limitations.

On a more practical level: DH has a job interview on Thursday; he has a good shot at the job and getting it would alleviate even more of his concerns about being a good provider. After that he will make an appointment for a sperm count.

Edited by TeamViddy - 12/28/12 at 10:00am

[JustJenny]

doula- That stinks.   Do you have the resources available to get a second opinion? My personal opinion is that they can help without the weight change. Perhaps that is because I'm in the US and we are all over weight, lol. Including me by about 40 lbs! Perhaps you should push a little and insist she complete all testing before arriving at that conclusion. 

   I just had a progesterone test come back super low 2 days ago. The nurse said that I did ovulate but they like to see numbers of 10 and over. Mine was 1.64!! They are supplementing me with progesterone pills. I'm having a few side effects that are lessening up a bit but I'm feeling much better! Have you looked at the side effects of low progesterone on women? Seriously shocked me! I've had the majority of these symptoms for years. Here is a link if you like:  http://www.livestrong.com/article/89460-effects-low-progesterone-women/   From other sites I've read supplementation could help you lose weight.

Lilac- Hope you get your gift soon so you can start planning!  

the byr - how are ya doin' ?

[Thebyr]

doularebekah  - Thank you! At first I thought I was making up the line... but then it started to fill in and get more pink. I'm such an american - I had to convert lbs to kilos online (smh)... I hate that she told you to "just lose weight" and that would fix everything. 1. Losing weight is not that easy, especially when you're stressed about having a baby and #2 that might not even be the reason - I agree with you that she should have looked at other options. GRRRRRRR. I really hope you can find a second opinion. I haven't lost any weight - but I do LOVE dance.. so I was teaching Zumba once a week and take dance classes here and there. I imagine that even if you aren't the "perfect size" - doing something fun like dance (swimming, yoga, etc) might offer some stress relief and maybe even encourage your body to right itself - since your doc isn't helping. I'm not even in your shoes though - so ignore me if I'm way off base. I'm thinking about you.

lilacvioletiris - I get paid once a month too! It took me about a year to figure out how to make that work.. it's going on 5 years now and I FINALLY have the hang of it. lol I'm feeling ok - my back feels like someone is stomping on it 24/7 though.

TeamViddy - Thank you.  So sorry to hear about DH's grandmother. Congrats on the new job though! and DH's potential job. Sounds like there are a few bright spots for you all amidst the sadness.

JustJenny - I'm hanging... thinking I might call my OB and the MFMs at the end of next week. It's better to make the call before I go back to work - I won't be telling my coworkers until absolutely necessary this time. How are you?

AFM - Had lunch with some friends I hadn't seen in over a year. One of them just had a 12 week loss 2.5 weeks ago. I felt so sad for her. I am going to give her the info for a really good doctor that a few of my friends have used.. In fact if the doc wasn't over an hour from me - I'd use her myself. My back pain is getting worse - it's this constant dull ache.. feels like what I used to get right before my periods. I didn't have this with my last pregnancy. I hope it goes away soon.

Oh I decided not to keep looking for those squinty pink lines anymore. It's official.

[lilacvioletiris]

Yeah, Thebyr, I think if that kinds says you are pregnant, there wouldn't be any squinty lines on the other kind of hpt.  Happy Dance! Let me know when you are ready to be moved over to graduates.  The graduates thread seems kind of asleep right now, but maybe your posting would liven it up a bit.  http://www.mothering.com/community/t/1363138/fall-2012-love-for-the-preggo-bajingos-having-1-in-our-30s/80#post_17192299 I know that some of the bajingo mamas still come back and cheer us on as we wait for our BFPs!

TeamViddy, sorry to hear about your DH's grandma passing.  I hope you can process the grief and loss that is necessary to continue on in your journey to a BFP. I am sure it was tough, but it sounds like the lady lived a long good life. Christ's second coming and heaven can't come fast enough so that we can all be reunited with our loved ones we have lost!

JustJenny, that is interesting about the low Progesterone causing chronic fatigue and pain.  When did you have yours checked? What kind of test is it?

AFM, the bonus wasn't in with my paycheck stub.  I just decided to transfer the money from savings for the case management fee and make the appointment because I have faith that the money will come and the meeting with the IVF coordinator has to happen before we know what else will come next. I won't be able to get meds until the other money is paid but either my bonus will cover it or my tax return. My next doctor appointment is Jan. 15 so it will be an exciting couple of weeks.

Met up with my sister who is expecting a little girl in April. She picked out and purchased material for me to make a princess canopy turrett, curtains, sheets, and a blanket that are in a pink giraffe material with coordinating colors.  It is going to look so cute! I got to feel my niece kicking my sister, it was so cool.  I can't wait to feel a baby move inside of me. It was great fun for part of my vacation.

[Thebyr]

Thanks lilac... soon, but not yet. lol Thanks for that dance! I love it.

You sew things? That sounds like it's going to be awesome for your little niece. I hope you take pics of it all after you finish.

[JustJenny]

Quote:

Originally Posted by TeamViddy 

Thebyr, YAY!! Congratulations! Hoping for the best for you.

Doula, That stuff drives me crazy. I am heavy-- around 93 kilos, so I get it from doctors too.

Maybe your country is going through something similar, but in the states we are implementing all kinds of obesity programs. This gets me super riled up-- they never seem to see obesity as something that might be the result of lifestyle choices and might be the result of genetics, but is always a complex issue. It's always "we have to fight obesity," not "oops, we created a nation with deeply ingrained infrastructure that causes people to wake up, commute to work or school in a car, sit at a desk all day, eat non-nutritious food, and then bask in blue light from a TV screen and sleep fitfully, wash, rinse, repeat." Also, these programs never take into account that peoples' bodies are all different, and that you can be both heavy and healthy. They focus on weight loss and not health per se. And they conflate thinness with health. As you already know, you are more likely to not ovulate due to being too thin than being too heavy.

  SO freakin' true!  Great rant!

"At one point during the visitation, my SIL and the woman who gave DH's grandma baths, etc., who is also six months pregnant, were talking about how much the grandmother was looking forward to the new babies. This combined with the fact that my estimated due date for my one pregnancy in the past year and a half is in just a few days, caused me to have a few loud, uncontrollable sobs. I know this is par for the course during a funeral, but this is also a very subdued, quiet and religious family, and a lot of people turned and looked. And the idea that it might have made my SIL and the caretaker feel guilty for their blessings was just awful. I am not even sure how to talk about the combination of feelings of grief, sadness, shame, and failure that caused that outburst. It was really intense and I am still trying to process it."

 Viddy -I am so sorry for your losses.      Maybe nothing needs to be said or explained. Grief is intense and everyone does it differently. Does your SIL and the caregiver know about your loss and your struggles with ttc? 

Lilac- I had a blood test taken 2 days ago at my reproductive endo's office. They were checking to see if I ovulated and why I had a loss and no other pregnancies. I had previously suspected I had progesterone issues. But only because I would have signs of implantation and pregnancy for like 3-4 days then it would all stop abruptly. I had no clue that progesterone could be responsible for other health issues. For example - Over the last 4 years I have made tons of requests my regular MD and done all kinds of testing for my lack of energy. Everything came back normal.  I also have had chronic joint pain in my hands, shoulders and hips. I've screened for RA and I'm fine. A little arthritis in my hands but nothing that should cause this kind of pain. I had also commented to my husband about a year ago that my body has changed the way it carries weight. I was always a pear shape. Now I'm carrying all weight in the middle. I could go on and on.  None of these things would I have ever suspected that progesterone could contribute or cause. I see him next week and will question away about causes and long term health ramifications :)

thebyr-   

[unuselyriver]

TeamViddy - i am sorry to hear about your dh grandmother 

[Thebyr]

Thank you justjenny!

[librarygirl]

Thebyr- congrats! How very exciting!

Teamviddy- so sorry for your loss

Just jenny - I hope you get some answers from your tests

Lilac- good luck with the money stuff

AFM - 14dpo = 1 day late! Boobs have grown a cup size (had to get a new bra) and have spider veins all over them. I am very fair so blue veins are a part of life. I also got car sick two days in a row and I never get car sick. Stomach is a wreck - gurgling and diarrhea- but I am still hungry. All good signs but still no BFP. And I just yelled at DH, who wasn't being nice, but not mean enough to get yelled at. I might need a nap now...

Keep fingers crossed that AF doesn't show and the BFP is just taking its good old time.

[Thebyr]

Thank you librarygirl! Your box must have worked! Sounds like you have many of he same symptoms I had. Are you using FRERs to test?

[JustJenny]

 librarygirl- sounds very promising! Keeping my fingers crossed for you!!

[librarygirl]

Another BFN today. But still no sign of AF. And I am using FRERs. We are trying to not get our hopes up too much. It's possible that I didn't ovulate when I think I did. I don't temp to confirm. I use billings method which is based on cm only.

Still keeping positive thoughts.

[Thebyr]

librarygirl - I'm pulling for you!

[lilacvioletiris]

librarygirl, it isn't over until AF rears her head.  Hopefully something good will happen. Knowing when you had ewcm is pretty useful, even without temping, because it gives you a baseline for when you were fertile. I would figure another couple of days before testing again might be in order since it takes awhile for HCG to double so that a HPT can pick it up.

AFM, I finished my niece's blanket last night - it is so cute with minkee on the back and pink giraffe love fabric on the front. Check it out at http://carlasinspirations.blogspot.com/2012/12/michael-miller-pink-giraffe-love-fuzzy.html

[Thebyr]

Cute lilac!

[JustJenny]

Lilac- Sooo cute! it looks super snuggly 

[TeamViddy]

Thebyr,  so happy for you! Sending sticky wishes your way :) 

LibraryGirl, any news?

Lilac, super cute blankie! I love the rest of your blog too. You look cute in the circle skirt :) And I love that blue and white floral dress.

Jenny, my SIL knows but I am not sure the caregiver does. As my SIL is pregnant with her fourth, I am sure she can't remember my due date for the lost pregnancy. She has waaayyy too much going on in her house, and she really keeps her kids organized and well behaved. I can only hope to be such a good mother. I am going to write her an email or letter soon but I really don't want to bog her down with anything heavy until... I don't know... 15 years from now when she might finally have some free time.

Everyone-- thank you for your support about DH's grandma... We have been missing her.

AFM, CD8 and no signs of upcoming ovulation. Reading Making Babies. This book is super insightful and timely, considering we are dipping our toes into investigating why it's taking so long to get pregnant. They recommend following their plan, which includes cutting out some of my very favorite things: coffee, wine, vigorous exercise, and saunas.  Of course, a lot of these things help warm me up in the winter, and they recommend tea, warming meals, keeping your feet warm, etc... I am also reading about my ayurvedic body type, and warming, spicy food and drink are supposed to be best (and I looove those things). This new job will also relieve a lot of stress, so that won't be wreaking havoc on my body anymore. Hoping for the best and bracing myself for giving up my favorite food, drink and activities...

[lilacvioletiris]

Teamviddy, thanks, I love crafting and clothes are my favorite. Having fun designing some nursery items for my niece.  The making babies book was excellent.  We tried going the new dairy route for awhile and my dH no longer eats as much soy items as before.

Getting ready to play some games with friends.  Have a great New Year's Eve!