Recently got custody back. Staying at home & resentful. - Page 2

[schoolmom07]

Originally Posted by journeymom 

Veslemor, the OP said she was considering mj in post #9.  She also said her daughter said, "You are hurting me".  Those are both legitimate concerns. 

OP, did we scare you away? 

This scares me too...The fact that the little girl is saying to her mom that she is hurting her. This sounds like my half-sister and it did not turn out well at all. It also sounds like our birth mother and hence why I have so many problems now with raising my own two little girls. Why oh why do people allow the cycle of abuse to continue? I am struggling to keep myself in check and the thing is I feel as though I am fighting a loosing battle. I love my girls with all of my heart and I would gladly take a break if I had anyone that I could leave them with for a few hours or even a day or two. My kids are my world and I know without them, I would be lost myself BUT...they deserve to have the best of me and if I can't provide that it means I have to back off and allow someone who can. In that way, I AM providing that.

[Mami2701]

I can give an update.

She has been home for 3 months now. She started preschool 1 month ago, so that has helped (both of us) a lot. Her major meltdowns are nothing compared to what they were. I think this is just a result of getting used to the new rhythm, rather than expecting the one of her auntie and uncle's home. She no longer cries out painfully, "Auuunnttiiee, auuunnttiee..." 

Here is the event from the time she said "You are hurting me". I was holding on to an idea that she still needed nap/quiet resting time. She wouldn't stay in her room. So I kept picking her up and carrying her back to her room. I tried to remain as emotionless as possible to diminish any irresponsible excitement she was trying to engage me in. In behavioristic fashion I was resolved to pick her up over and over again until she complied. Eventually (20+ times) this started to become painful under her arms. Also because I was being firm (resolved) but not angry, she wasn't used to this disposition.. and said "You are scaring me." A few days later I gave up the idea of "quiet resting time" entirely. 

About a month ago I stopped feeling like "I don't like being a mom". I'm so relieved that this sentiment has passed--- I thought it never would. 

I never went back to trying marijuana, though I considered it deeply. I was drinking 1-2 glasses of wine after she was in bed; this lasted about a month. I haven't had any since New Year's and I am resolved to keep it that way. It was making me feel depressed.

Also, Veslemor, Thank you:

Quote:

And then:  Let's only reply if you have help and/or support to offer.

Satori- Why are people going on this forum not to help, but to tell a mama to give her baby away?

On one hand it's good to hear the unabated points of view (it's why I came.) Though without tact and empathy I felt completely bullied. There are some deep superiority complexes showing up. It's not helpful. 

In defense of the color of life: Grown-ups who can manage their substance use (non-dependent, non-abusing) and mental health concerns (daily effort to cultivate mental health) can be fit parents. The presence of these issues does not bar the ability to be a good parent. 

[incorrigible]

I'm glad to hear that you and your dd have worked things out, and that you're feeling better about parenting! Thank you so much for the update. 

Try not to worry about the superiority complexes too much. You know people only get like that when they're feeling defensive. I imagine something in your experiences reminded them of something they don't like about themselves. Listen to the voices that help, and ignore the ones that don't, just like any other area of life, you know?

[mamazee]

I'm so glad things are working out for you and your daughter!

I have a good friend who is both bipolar and one of the best and most loving mothers I know. There is a great deal of misunderstanding about mental illness, here and everywhere.

Best luck to you!

[rubidoux]

I'm happy things are feeling better.  It makes sense that it would be a big adjustment for both of you and I bet that things will continue to improve.  Hugs, mama!

[journeymom]

Originally Posted by Mami2701 

I can give an update.

She has been home for 3 months now. She started preschool 1 month ago, so that has helped (both of us) a lot. Her major meltdowns are nothing compared to what they were. I think this is just a result of getting used to the new rhythm, rather than expecting the one of her auntie and uncle's home. She no longer cries out painfully, "Auuunnttiiee, auuunnttiee..." 

Here is the event from the time she said "You are hurting me". I was holding on to an idea that she still needed nap/quiet resting time. She wouldn't stay in her room. So I kept picking her up and carrying her back to her room. I tried to remain as emotionless as possible to diminish any irresponsible excitement she was trying to engage me in. In behavioristic fashion I was resolved to pick her up over and over again until she complied. Eventually (20+ times) this started to become painful under her arms. Also because I was being firm (resolved) but not angry, she wasn't used to this disposition.. and said "You are scaring me." A few days later I gave up the idea of "quiet resting time" entirely. 

About a month ago I stopped feeling like "I don't like being a mom". I'm so relieved that this sentiment has passed--- I thought it never would. 

I never went back to trying marijuana, though I considered it deeply. I was drinking 1-2 glasses of wine after she was in bed; this lasted about a month. I haven't had any since New Year's and I am resolved to keep it that way. It was making me feel depressed.

Awesome update!! I'm very pleased for you.    I identify with some of this.

[Mami2701]

Thanks everyone 

I'm so glad for this forum.

[Pookietooth]

Glad to hear you are feeling better.