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Belly Touching, already!!??

post #1 of 17
Thread Starter 

So there are certainly a few people in my family that I expect to go a little crazy over "baby bumps"...but I fully expected to have said "bump" before it started! I went to a family party over the weekend, and my mother's cousin was all over my belly, rubbing it and such.  My uterus is still pretty small...I have a tiny bump, but it's mostly just my innards being shoved around.  So basically she just fondled my gut.  Real cool.

 

Anyone else?

post #2 of 17

this made me LOL and I can't imagine someone fondling my gut HAHA.  sorry this happened to you mama, and I don't have any advice for ya.  No one knows I'm pregnant and I don't have a bump yet so no touching for me yet LOL
 

post #3 of 17

That would make me feel a little uncomfortable, I think.  I still don't have much of a bump either.  We still haven't told many people yet.  My husband's mom knows, but I still haven't told my own parents (due to the friction between them and my husband) and some of my 'childless by choice' friends (who call people who have children 'breeders')-  so in some ways I wish that I had more family/ friends who actually got excited about the pregnancy!  I will be 12 weeks on Thursday so I plan on doing an 'announcement' to co-workers and family.  I'll keep y'all posted if I get any strange gut/ belly rubbing.  lol 
 

post #4 of 17
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by JNajla View Post

That would make me feel a little uncomfortable, I think.  I still don't have much of a bump either.  We still haven't told many people yet.  My husband's mom knows, but I still haven't told my own parents (due to the friction between them and my husband) and some of my 'childless by choice' friends (who call people who have children 'breeders')-  so in some ways I wish that I had more family/ friends who actually got excited about the pregnancy!  I will be 12 weeks on Thursday so I plan on doing an 'announcement' to co-workers and family.  I'll keep y'all posted if I get any strange gut/ belly rubbing.  lol 
 

Yikes! I understand that some people don't want to have kids, but to think of everyone else "breeders" is wacky! I hope that you get to share with some more supportive people soon - it makes things so much more fun when you can have support and hear stories from other mamas.  Even though sometimes those stories are downright terrifying for a FTM, it can make you feel much more normal when you have your own experiences. 

 

When you do get bigger, you will be able to spot the "Belly Toucher" personality from a mile away! They are very similar to the baby touchers.  It's funny, I think some people are more approachable than others for touching (even if they don't want to be).  usually people don't approach me, it's just certain family members, (which is still weird, but much more acceptable to me than a total stranger), so I am a bit relieved at that!

 

My cousin had a baby recently, and when she was about 5 or 6 months pregnant she was out at a store waiting in line, and one of the "belly touchers" came up and rubbed her belly and asked when she was due....my cousin just looked at her with a totally straight face and said "i'm not pregnant" and walked away.  Wow, huh?

post #5 of 17

I also was "gut fondled" this weekend by over-excited family members. I found it terribly uncomfortable because my little tiny 'bump' only shows itself when I've eaten too much and am bloated...

 

My DH's family is full of "Belly Touchers", which makes me nervous about the next 5 months as I'm not looking forward to being rubbed, even though there intentions are good.

 

I guess I'll just grin and bear it. At this stage, I'm to Nonconfrontational  to be as awesome as your cousin BabySmurf. Maybe I should work on that. 

post #6 of 17

The only people that I like touching my belly are my husband and sons. Everyone else bothers me a lot - and NOBODY asks permission. I don't get it. I don't even know how to handle it, but I should figure it out soon (I don't recall this problem with my previous pregnancies)....I just don't like it at all!

post #7 of 17

When my 4 year old was 1 week old we went on a vacation to the Outer Banks in NC .... friends visiting there we hadn't seen in a while.  Anyway, while we were out and about a random older lady walked right up to me and asked if she could hold my baby.  A random stranger asked to hold my newborn?!?!  It was hot out and we were trying to stay in the shade with him but he was loving the sun.  I was totally shocked by her but THANK GOODNESS I reacted as I always said I would.  I looked at her and said UM, NO YOU CAN'T HOLD MY NEWBORN SON,  I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU.  She stepped back and said she understood and thought he was adorable.  Bizarre !!!
 

post #8 of 17
Thread Starter 

Wow! I can't believe complete stranger actually asked to hold such a new baby!!  At least she wasn't indignant about it.  That would have been too much! It's weird, being pregnant and having a new baby is a time where we really have an instinct to "nest" and figure out how to work the situation and generally not be bothered by other people...at the same time, it's an event that really brings people together and gets people really excited...too excited sometimes, lol!

 

It's also weird that, in terms of touching bellies, and even new baby's feet at the grocery store or something, that no one thinks to ask if it's okay...I think about the guts my cousin had to say that to someone, or about other people who have reached out and touched the "offender's" belly to show they how it feels...but I just don't have it - people approaching me like that just really throws me off! I don't mind so much if it's family, and I totally get that it's out of love and excitement...but strangers weird me out.  I even want friends to ask permission first...and usually it would make me uncomfortable.  I would never think to touch someone elses belly like that!

 

It is funny though because you can tell that a lot of times it's a total impulse and people sort of realize halfway to touching you what they are actually doing and you can read it on their face....but they are "committed" to the action at that point? Any one else see that? (My MIL did that to me once...I was sitting in a chair, and was wearing my one pair of "nice" pants, and they happened to be getting a little tight.  I was not pregnant, just gaining weight.  And my MIL reached over and grabbed the extra skin at the top of my pants and said something about the weight gain...I was flabbergasted, but it was something I caught her doing in mid reach, right at that instant where she was rethinking what she was doing and was going to retract her hand...but she was already too far, and had been "caught" so she had to go forth with it...it was so absurd that I had to laugh about it). 

post #9 of 17

this is such an interesting conversation because I am the complete opposite of most people it seems. I don't mind at all people touching my people (prego or not) actually I would go as far to say that I enjoy all the belly attention and touching. It doesn't bother me if it's someone I know, or a stranger.

I also don't have any issue with letting others hold or touch my newborns. I have had complete strangers ask to hold my babies before and I have gladly let them. Usually it is older women, but it wouldn't really make a difference to me who it was (well if it was a creepy guy I might change my oppinion...).

 

I think that pregnancy, birht, and infants excite people and make them naturally want to be around you and 'part' of the amazing miracle of growing a baby. I think that's wonderful! I agree that folks should ask before assuming it's okay to touch, but I am one of those people who constantly has to remind myself that other people don't always like to be touched and honestly I forget sometimes and just reach and and rub a belly.

 

I guess I just love the fact that people are drawn to pregnancy, birth, and babies. Even at my babies birth I had a TON of people- 13 not including the midwife staff. I always tell people I'm a 'family birth' type of person and I love the support and good vibes floating around.

post #10 of 17
Quote:
I guess I just love the fact that people are drawn to pregnancy, birth, and babies. Even at my babies birth I had a TON of people- 13 not including the midwife staff. I always tell people I'm a 'family birth' type of person and I love the support and good vibes floating around.

 

I was just thinking about this recently.  I'm a total introvert and a very very private person.  My husband calls me the 'mystery pooper' because he doesn't even know when I do that, I'm just very very private about my body (it was likely the way that I grew up- my parents were not open or huggy/ kissy and we didn't talk about things openly as a family).  I've thought about no one else being in the delivery room except my husband.  And afterward, the thought of having family coming to the hospital with gifts and I'm all exhausted/ bloated/ look and feel awful makes me uncomfortable as well.  I know that hearing that will sound very strange to some of you- but I've never been through this before.  It's almost like I just want to hide and then when the baby is a week or so old then introduce him/ her (although that might upset some family members).....  I don't know, this is all so new to me (pregnancy wasn't planned). 

post #11 of 17
Quote:
Originally Posted by JNajla View Post

Quote:
I guess I just love the fact that people are drawn to pregnancy, birth, and babies. Even at my babies birth I had a TON of people- 13 not including the midwife staff. I always tell people I'm a 'family birth' type of person and I love the support and good vibes floating around.

 

I was just thinking about this recently.  I'm a total introvert and a very very private person.  My husband calls me the 'mystery pooper' because he doesn't even know when I do that, I'm just very very private about my body (it was likely the way that I grew up- my parents were not open or huggy/ kissy and we didn't talk about things openly as a family).  I've thought about no one else being in the delivery room except my husband.  And afterward, the thought of having family coming to the hospital with gifts and I'm all exhausted/ bloated/ look and feel awful makes me uncomfortable as well.  I know that hearing that will sound very strange to some of you- but I've never been through this before.  It's almost like I just want to hide and then when the baby is a week or so old then introduce him/ her (although that might upset some family members).....  I don't know, this is all so new to me (pregnancy wasn't planned). 

I'm the same way. I am a VERY private person. My sister and my husband are the only ones I've ever let into my inner circle. I don't hug people just because they are family. Drives me absolutely nuts about dh's family because they are very touchy feely. I didn't grow up that way. We don't hug or kiss. You hug grandma, and daddy, but no one else. 
I think I give off a don't touch me vibe when pregnant because although I've had tons of comments about being pregnant, no one has actually touched my belly except my sister, but then it wasn't creepy because she's one of my peeps.  

When I give birth it is just me, dh, my midwife, and her assistant when needed.

post #12 of 17

I'm with Shanna-cat, I really like the belly love that people feel compelled to give me when I'm pregnant. It makes me feel like others are excited about this little life growing inside me and want to share in the joy. I'm not usually a very touchy-feely person otherwise, but when I'm pregnant I love it! I have never had a total stranger rub my belly unexpectedly, so maybe that would squick me out, but then again maybe not. When I was pregnant with Ela a stranger on the street noticed I was pregnant around 16 weeks--right as I was really starting to pop--and asked if he could rub my belly for luck and I let him. I guess I was just so excited to be visibly pregnant that it didn't occur to me to be annoyed or offended.

 

Most of my neighbors know that I'm pregnant already, and one of the older ladies has rubbed my belly already while exclaiming "you're already starting to get fat!" and even that didn't bother me, because the way she said it I knew that she meant it in a playful, loving way. I don't know, I guess I just see pregnancy as such a short and precious time, and the extra attention tends to make me feel special and loved.

post #13 of 17
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by kitteh View Post

 

Most of my neighbors know that I'm pregnant already, and one of the older ladies has rubbed my belly already while exclaiming "you're already starting to get fat!" and even that didn't bother me, because the way she said it I knew that she meant it in a playful, loving way. I don't know, I guess I just see pregnancy as such a short and precious time, and the extra attention tends to make me feel special and loved.

That's such an important distinction!

 

I didn't want to sound like a kill joy or anything - I love the way people can come together and all be happy and excited for babies!  There is definitely a certain personality of stranger that allows me to get swept up in their excitement and they have a way of making it comfortable, and it's about camaraderie.  IME, they are the ones who usually ask if it's okay to touch, and usually I don't mind them...unless I have to pee really bad, then I might say no.  But if I did say no, it's something that just rolls off, and isn't taken personally.  There is another type of stranger, and more the type that I mean when I say I hate random belly touchers, where I feel like their desire to touch is a more self satisfying gesture.  They are the people who will physically push you out of the way in order to score the empty seat on the train, then try to talk nice to the belly.  IME, these are the ones that don't ask permission to touch you, and they are insulted and put off if you ask them not to.  I know I'm generalizing here, but there are definitely two types of belly touchers out there! I like the friendly ones just fine smile.gif....My cousin is a friendly one, she just caught me totally off guard.  Also, I hadn't popped yet, so she really just did feel my belly, which was weird....but we don't affectionately call her Crazy Cousin Mary Lou for nothing ROTFLMAO.gif

post #14 of 17

I'm a little of both worlds in this department. I have a lot of friends and family. SOME of them I am regularly affectionate with, SOME of them I'm not. It doesn't mean I like those people less, but the dynamics of our relationship are definitely different when it comes to physical touching (for whatever reason that may be). I am uncomfortable when people I am not generally touchy with start to touch me but if someone I am generally affectionate with rubs me I enjoy it and feel like it is an extension of affection that we normally give each other.

 

I don't want strangers touching me or my baby without asking... while they mean well (most of the time) it's also part of our culture to respect boundaries and personal space and I don't see why that is different if I'm pregnant or have a new baby. When I was living in China I was really worried about getting pregnant and having children there while completing my contract because their culture is so much different then ours and it was expected that strangers would pick up, and play with babies AND (this is the part that really bothered me) give babies treats / candies/ pop (yes babies!). This was especially true if your child had blond hair (both my husband and I have blond hair so it's likely our children will too).

 

Sure it's a personal thing, there is no real right answer OTHER THAN IMO checking in with the mother before you move into her personal space / child's space. If the mother loves the attention, awesome! If not then, well that's awesome too! Good for her for knowing her personal boundaries and comfort zone.

post #15 of 17
Quote:
Originally Posted by JNajla View Post

 

I was just thinking about this recently.  I'm a total introvert and a very very private person.  My husband calls me the 'mystery pooper' because he doesn't even know when I do that, I'm just very very private about my body (it was likely the way that I grew up- my parents were not open or huggy/ kissy and we didn't talk about things openly as a family).  I've thought about no one else being in the delivery room except my husband.  And afterward, the thought of having family coming to the hospital with gifts and I'm all exhausted/ bloated/ look and feel awful makes me uncomfortable as well.  I know that hearing that will sound very strange to some of you- but I've never been through this before.  It's almost like I just want to hide and then when the baby is a week or so old then introduce him/ her (although that might upset some family members).....  I don't know, this is all so new to me (pregnancy wasn't planned). 

 

I am the exact same way. I've actually decided that the only person I want in the delivery room is my bf. I considered letting my mother in for a while but I am like you said extremely private with my body. I also don't want people waiting in the waiting room while I am in labor. I would rather be able to just contact them once the baby is born and have them come then to give me some time to get myself together and have some time to ourselves. I know that a lot of people consider me strange for this but I have always been this way. I would like to raise my child to be a little more open because being this way has sometimes presented itself as a difficulty in certain situations. 

 

 

As far as the belly touching I hate it. I do not want to be touched at all by anyone. I had a friend of my cousin touch my belly which was just fat at the time (I was only 13 weeks) when she was saying hello to me on Thanksgiving. It upset me. I just like my space. I've read that if I give off the vibe that I don't want to be touched then I probably won't be touched... Let's hope so. 

post #16 of 17
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kristin Dianne View Post

 

I am the exact same way. I've actually decided that the only person I want in the delivery room is my bf. I considered letting my mother in for a while but I am like you said extremely private with my body. I also don't want people waiting in the waiting room while I am in labor. I would rather be able to just contact them once the baby is born and have them come then to give me some time to get myself together and have some time to ourselves. I know that a lot of people consider me strange for this but I have always been this way. I would like to raise my child to be a little more open because being this way has sometimes presented itself as a difficulty in certain situations.

 

I was uncertain about letting my mom in the room, because she and I had a bit of a contentious relationship when I was a teenager, and I wasn't sure how I would react towards her during labor, but I did and I'm so so happy that I made that choice. My mom was always very attentive and comforting to me when I was sick as a child, and thankfully THAT is the dynamic that surfaced during labor. I hadn't been able to afford a doula, and she turned out to be the best doula that I could have asked for. She even took me to the bathroom a few times and helped me pee and wipe myself afterwards, which is awfully embarrassing now, but was so entirely necessary at the time, and I can't imagine myself being ok with anyone else in that role. I'm not saying that this would be your expereince, or suggestion that you ought to reconsider letting your mom in the room, just relating what happened to me.

 

I totally agree about not wanting people to be sitting in the waiting room while you are in labor. I didn't have a waiting-room full, but my step-dad was at the hospital, sometimes inside the room (with my blessing) at the beginning when I was just walking around and swaying during contractions, and later waiting in the waiting room. My labor ended up taking 28 hours, and I remember kind of feeling pressured by the fact that someone was waiting outside, and by the few phone calls that my mom received from Aunts and Grandparents, asking if the baby was born yet. That kind of brought me out of my zone and reminded me just how long I had been in that room! So I agree, contacting people once it is over is the way to go, IMO.

post #17 of 17
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by kitteh View Post

 

I was uncertain about letting my mom in the room, because she and I had a bit of a contentious relationship when I was a teenager, and I wasn't sure how I would react towards her during labor, but I did and I'm so so happy that I made that choice. My mom was always very attentive and comforting to me when I was sick as a child, and thankfully THAT is the dynamic that surfaced during labor. I hadn't been able to afford a doula, and she turned out to be the best doula that I could have asked for. She even took me to the bathroom a few times and helped me pee and wipe myself afterwards, which is awfully embarrassing now, but was so entirely necessary at the time, and I can't imagine myself being ok with anyone else in that role. I'm not saying that this would be your expereince, or suggestion that you ought to reconsider letting your mom in the room, just relating what happened to me.

 

I totally agree about not wanting people to be sitting in the waiting room while you are in labor. I didn't have a waiting-room full, but my step-dad was at the hospital, sometimes inside the room (with my blessing) at the beginning when I was just walking around and swaying during contractions, and later waiting in the waiting room. My labor ended up taking 28 hours, and I remember kind of feeling pressured by the fact that someone was waiting outside, and by the few phone calls that my mom received from Aunts and Grandparents, asking if the baby was born yet. That kind of brought me out of my zone and reminded me just how long I had been in that room! So I agree, contacting people once it is over is the way to go, IMO.


I had only my DH in the room, and I think that it worked out great....I do wonder if having someone in a doula type role would be beneficial for me this time around though.  I am so with you about having people waiting around for the baby to be born is weird.  We didn't tell people when I went into the hospital just because I didn't want extra pressure, phone calls or people coming to visit before we were ready...I am so glad we did this.  (Well, we told my parents and MIL when I went into labor, but I was in labor for days and days before DS finally arrived...they weren't supposed to tell anyone else though...if they did, no one bugged us until we made the announcement). 

 

This helped because I also didn't want a ton of people parading in the hospital room - I am kind of private and really wanted to bond with the baby first, and I know that when people come by the baby gets tossed around like a hot potato, and I wasn't okay with that....immediate family only.  I know some people feel differently and love to have a lot of people around, but I would say that if you are worried about there being people around, err on the side of caution - you can always get in touch with people if you change your mind, whereas telling them to leave once they are there would be a little more akward!

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