Weekly Chat Thread - Dec.3 to Dec.9 « Back to Group Discussions

[babytoes]

New chat thread is up!!

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Chat away!!

[babytoes]

So, I will start by first saying how bad I feel for Spughy. I would be so deflated and upset, I can only imagine how you are feeling...

I hope everyone starts to have healthier homes soon! Having sickly kids during holidays is no fun, so hopefully they will get it done with now and Christmas will be happy and bright!

AFM: Not much is happening around here. DP and I have been slowly cleaning out the washer and drier closet so we can actually put a washer and drier in it... what a novel idea! We finally brought a car load of stuff to MIL house, so it was nice to get those boxes out of the entry way. DP doesn't like letting go of things, even though he's not technically trashing anything, it's just going to his moms house, I think he feels like he is parting with himself. But, he tells me all the time, he is on board with getting everything organized and shipped out to MIL's house before the baby arrives. And I fully trust him, even if I do need to prod a little. He has come a long way from three years ago! He was a bachelor, living the good life, with no worries. Now he has my two younger ones running around and using his stuff, and this little one on the way! I still am surprised and blown away by how well he has taken to this new life with me. He truly is a great dad and hubby, and I am so blessed to have him in my life.... Squeeeee!! Sorry for the gushing! haha...

This week's goal is to get all of his vinyl and the shelving unit that holds it all packed up and over to MIL's, then we will have the space to put up our Christmas tree!! Yay!! 

[scarletsmiles]

Hi ladies, been away for a while. Hope the sicknesses are getting better!!

babytoes: way to declutter and get your man onboard! I'm needing to get rid of some stuff in my closet. Perhaps that will be a project for today.

AFM: Hubs is finishing med school and on the interview trail for residency. We have a nice stash of southwest points so I've been able to travel with him. Hopefully all the airplane experience in utero will translate to being a good traveler outside the womb...we shall see.

So far we really liked Orlando and Corpus Christi was surprisingly nice. Lots of the other residents have young kids. The night before dinner, one of the residents at corpus brought his wife along. And she was chatting with another applicant about her generally positive breastfeeding experience.

Moving in May or June after a baby is born won't be a walk in the park, but I'm optimistic that I'll have an built in group of young moms to mingle with.

On a side note, I'm concerned our snuggle-lover kitty will want to hang out in baby's bassinett. Is it possible to pretrain the kitty that bassinett is OFF LIMITS? Any experience with kitties and infants?

[Melany]

Originally Posted by scarletsmiles 

On a side note, I'm concerned our snuggle-lover kitty will want to hang out in baby's bassinett. Is it possible to pretrain the kitty that bassinett is OFF LIMITS? Any experience with kitties and infants?

I had the same fear with our kitties last time around. We had a bassinet (long gone now) that had little toys hanging down from the bonnet. My cat jumped in as soon as we got it and would play with the toys. My mother had this little alarm thing that she suggested we put into the bassinet. Basically, it is a motion sensor. We gave it a try and it only took 2 jumps for the kitty to avoid the bassinet from there on. Once the cat jumps into the bed, it shakes it enough to set off a loud beeping. The cat wanted nothing to do with that.

This is what the alarm looked like: http://www.drsfostersmith.com/product/prod_display.cfm?pcatid=3453

A less noisy option is duct tape. When we first got our Cat as a kitten, we had a large fish tank. She would get on top of the plexi-glass top and watch the fish. Unfortunately, as she grew the plexi-glass started to bow and we were scared we would come home to find kitty had taken a swim. Pete took a piece of cardboard the exact size of the top and covered it in duct tape with the sticky side out. We put it on top of the fish tank and watched. Within a few minutes, she was up there to check out what all the handiwork had been. She walked on the duct tape and just stopped, the adhesive really must not have felt good on her paws. She immediately jumped down, but some of the adhesive lingered because she kept walking and lifting her feet up like she had stepped in gum. She never got on top of the fish tank again. Perhaps the tape was cruel, but honestly I thought it was better than her breaking through the plexi-glass and drowning.

To this day if I really want her to avoid something, I just put a roll of duct tape on the item and she won't go near it due to the smell. We had a co-sleeper that attached to the bed and I literally put a roll of tape in the far corner and the cat NEVER slept in it. Now, our 2 younger cats have not had the duct tape traumatic past, so they could care less. I'm not sure what I'll do about the co-sleeper this time around. I may have to borrow the alarm from my parents because our cats like to sleep on top of the warm body.

[Chapsie]

Hey ladies, I thought I'd share something with you.   

I was a doula for a friend last week, and her homebirth OB asked me about my previous birth experiences and when I opened up to her about my first induction-turned-cesarean and then my second natural hospital VBAC, she reminded me of how amazing it was that I was able to VBAC in the first place (there are so many obstacles in our birth culture here... only 9% of women in the country have VBACs).  

Anyway, I shared my birth story with her to post on her birth center's website and I thought I'd link to the video here, too.  If anyone is considering VBAC-- I hope you can find inspiration here.  :)  

https://vimeo.com/54712987

[babytoes]

Melany What a great idea! Alarms and duct tape sound perfect for nosey cats. When DS1 was a baby I ended up buying one of those big net tents for his crib, although my cat could have cared less about him, my mom was very worried she would lay on his face because of the smell of milk on his mouth. So she got this tent (made out of netting) that had velcro straps to connect it to the crib frame, and than it unzipped for getting baby in and out.

[maydaymom10]

Originally Posted by Chapsie 

I was a doula for a friend last week, and her homebirth OB asked me about my previous birth experiences and when I opened up to her about my first induction-turned-cesarean and then my second natural hospital VBAC, she reminded me of how amazing it was that I was able to VBAC in the first place (there are so many obstacles in our birth culture here... only 9% of women in the country have VBACs).  

Anyway, I shared my birth story with her to post on her birth center's website and I thought I'd link to the video here, too.  If anyone is considering VBAC-- I hope you can find inspiration here.  :)  

https://vimeo.com/54712987

As a doula myself, I have to ask... homebirth OB?? Wow. That is really amazing and something I've never heard of. In CO it's rare that you even get a CNM to attend a homebirth. And great story, BTW.

[withlittlelungs]

Chapsie- Oh my god. You have totally motivated me to make a video of my last weeks/days of pregnancy and labor. Also, I totally started crying. Your kids are both incredibly adorable, and your story was incredible!

AFM- DS and I are flying to Chicago on Thursday to spend 12 days with my family. Not looking forward to being away from DP (or dealing with some of my family lol). Really not looking forward to the flight. Sitting upright really kills my back, and getting up and walking on the plane with a 2 year old doesn't sound much better. I can't wait to see my sisters, dad, and grandma. And of course eat some good pizza. Here's hoping I don't gain 10lbs while I'm away.
When I get back home I have to take the GD test. My midwives do an automatic 3hr test. UGH. I failed the 1hr with DS, but passed the 3hr. I am seriously hoping that I don't fail. I don't think I can restrain my eating at Christmas!

 

[scruffy too]

Chapsie - Beautiful Video!!  Thank you for sharing.

Cat Owners - I googled and learned that a cat has never been responsible for the death of an infant.  That said, my cat is constantly trying to sleep on my face, so I'm a little nervous, but I hear that most cats avoid babies.  I guess I'll see. 

[Melany]

Originally Posted by scruffy too 

Cat Owners - I googled and learned that a cat has never been responsible for the death of an infant.  That said, my cat is constantly trying to sleep on my face, so I'm a little nervous, but I hear that most cats avoid babies.  I guess I'll see. 

Very true. It just scared me when she kept bouncing into the bassinet from the floor. Now my big worry is the 15 lbs of love on you in the middle of the night. :) Between the 3 cats, I'll wake up pinned down pretty hard on a regular basis.

[Chapsie]

As a doula myself, I have to ask... homebirth OB?? Wow. That is really amazing and something I've never heard of. In CO it's rare that you even get a CNM to attend a homebirth. And great story, BTW.
[/quote]

Yes, a Homebirth OB!! She is actually starting a birth center here in the next few months which is great and she partners as a collaborating physician with a local Homebirth CNM. She is wonderful. She doesn't take on that many OB patients (she does mostly GYN) but she provided compassionate and individualized care to my friend. Very special!

[Chapsie]

and I have to say, only a few years ago, we had NO OPTIONS other than hospital birth here in our area... there weren't really any private practice midwives in hospital, either.  Now, we have two homebirth CNM practices, a new birth center opening up, and another hospital-based private CNM practice.  Things are really changing here and it is very exciting!  

[ClumsySugarPlum]

Spughy – so sorry about your canceled trip. To echo previous posts, you should definitely plan some other retreat for yourself be it a spa day or a closer excursion. Unless you’ve reached Nirvana already, having something to look forward to is important for everyone, not just SAHMs. You deserve it.

Chapsie – thanks for sharing your VBAC video! I had a vaginal birth the first time (with some meds at the end) and I thought it was inspiring too. I’m really hoping to go 100% natural this time and I think inspiring stories like your’s help me with that visualization and “I can do it” attitude.

AFM – DH has been away for work now for six days and thank goodness he gets back Wednesday. He has been out of town for work 8 days on and 6 days off back and forth for several months now and aside from missing him, I’m really looking forward to having him around so I can do some more things for myself instead of relying extra on ds’s grandparents for additional child care. I just started an aqua-natal class today, and I’m hoping to get into a regular pre-natal yoga class groove. I found the yoga especially helpful during my pregnancy with ds, and I’m hoping to regain that intuition/ body awareness in preparation for birth.

Yesterday I must have been super hormonal because I got upset about church starting early followed by a subsequent flash mom during the chalice lighting (I really really really hate flash mobs) followed by the religious education director’s suggestion during the offering that I teach my son’s Sunday school class since he doesn’t want to go. I ended up leaving during the service and had a pity-party for two at Super Target. DS asked why I was crying, and all I could say was that I missed dad, which was true but not why I was crying. MIL called later (we’re pretty close and she was at church with me) and asked if she could watch ds that afternoon. So he got a break from me, we both got naps, and I got a chocolate-y decaf milk shake thingy and a used copy of Celebrating Motherhood: A comforting Companion for Every Expecting Mother from one of my favorite local book stores. I’m hoping the book will help me with my mindset for birth and, on a spiritual level, help me connect with mother/ Goddess energy for confidence.

[ClumsySugarPlum]

Chocolatechip: Enjoy your birth class! I loved going with dh. It kind of felt like a big group date with so many people in your excat same boat. In addition to learning the science-y stuff, we also learned about fun stuff like aromatherapy and labor massage. I have convinced  DH to go to a couple's massage workshop with (not-pregnancy) related. He really balked at first because he's not a pda guy. But I told him the class was only open to 4 couples, that I would like his help in labor in this way, and wouldn't it be great if we could actually give each other decent backrubs? He gave in.  Now I just have to remember to sign up before the spaces are all reserved! 

[scruffy too]

SugarPlum - A couple's massage class?!! How awesome! A big resentment of mine is the lack of massages from DP this pregnancy (not that I really got them before, but I expected lots while pregnant...)  A couple's massage class would be so cool!!

Spughy - That SUCKS about your vacation!!!  How poopy!!

AFM - Nothing too much.  I've been feeling very emotional.  And it's just the silliest things!  DP and I were baking biscuits on Saturday (I was baking apple biscuits and then he was going to make cheese ones - we don't work well together - especially in the kitchen which is normally his domain.)  I had a question or something while I was doing my batch, and he was sitting in the kitchen watching me, but said he wouldn't help me because we were doing it separately.  He said it jokingly, too.  I just looked at him and told him he had to help.  He said "nope."  And then I started crying.  I tried to run out of the kitchen but he caught me and hugged me and was quite remorseful that he made me cry.  I told him I didn't want to hang out with him if he was going to be a jackass.  The whole thing was funny and stupid at the same time.  Probably the best bonding we've done all week!

But we had quite the blow up last week: way back in the fall DP had bought two used pregnancy books for guys.  I thought that was odd, since he doesn't read [ever] and asked him about it.  He told me that he didn't feel like I was sharing enough with him, so he'd do his own reading.  I read both the books (not my style, but nothing "wrong" with them either) and he began to read the funnier one.  He stopped at 26 pages and hasn't picked it up again.  I've asked him about it and he says because he's been through a pregnancy before, he knew it all and was boring.  So I suggested he read some of the books I've been reading so that we're on the same page (pun intended).  Books like Hypo-birthing and Ida May's stuff...  He said he's not much of a reader and didn't see that happening.  No shit! 

So last week, he took a First Aid course through work.  He's all pumped about his new found knowledge (meanwhile, I had no idea some people have never taken a First Aid Course...)  He said the instructor explained what to do if you happen upon a laboring woman - tell her not to push and get help, even if she's crowning (!!).  I said that was silly, and hopefully not the advise he'll give me.  He then told me that you don't have to cut the cord right away.  I was like, "I know, and I don't want our baby's cord cut right away either, I want it to stop pulsating."  This was all new to him, but frustrating to me that he didn't know this.  So then he asks me what I see his role being during the birth.  I was like "what do you mean?  You'll be there helping, I hope."  He said that since the Midwife and my mom (maternity nurse) would be present, he didn't see where he fit in.  And this would be where I may have over-reacted a tad...  But I was like, "You won't read the books, we're planning on a home-birth, and you don't know where you fit in?? Do your f*cking homework and maybe you'll get to go on the field-trip!!"  I went on to explain that if he'd done even some reading, I'd feel more comfortable having an intelligent conversation with him about how I see the birth going and what I'll need from him, but I don't want to set myself up as the "expert" and have to teach him - I'd like this to be worked on and done as a team.  Show some initiative!!

So I call my mom, holding back tears, that DP isn't preparing and isn't helping and now is all put off because he doesn't know where he fits in.  She calmed me down, reminding me that some men aren't that into all this.  And I get that.  But don't pretend at the beginning you are.  I'm actually totally okay if he's not into this, but don't fake it, and don't act like you are to all our friends to look good.  Just say "I'm following her lead" and leave it at that.  And for goodness sakes, DON'T be pissed if you don't understand your "role."  My mom told me that she was pretty sure my dad was relieved when she needed a C-Section with me because then he didn't have to "do" anything (this is back when men weren't allowed in the OR.) 

I think if I took the crazy hormones out of this, I'd be fine, but I'm really angry that someone could feel so "entitled" to be at a birth without doing anything to prepare.  And if I really looked inward, I probably could be more open with what I'm reading, highlighting the important parts, but I get resentful that he's wasting time on facebook while I'm reading books upon books on natural child birth... 

So, looking forward... we hadn't planned on attending any formal birthing classes because there's none that I wanted to take up here and because our Midwife will go over everything with US, but... now I'm thinking that perhaps we should take one just to do something official "together" to prepare.  But I don't want to waste my time with anything that's not "natural birthing" related, nor fill his head with those thoughts, either.  I mean if that's the only information he'll be receptive to, then I don't want to waste it on something that isn't relevant.  I don't know.

Wow, what an unexpected rant... Sorry!!  I mean, I don't even know if I'd want him to be super-duper gung-ho about this home-birth (or hospital birth, if that's how it ends up), part of me thinks that it's such a woman's journey and that male involvement is somehow trying to take away that powerful part of the woman's self... But that's a whole other debate.  Especially because the other part of me thinks that DP needs to start educating himself and get on board!  <SIGH>

On a happier note: 18 more sleeps until Solstice!!  Then the days start getting longer!!!!!!!!! 

[chocolatechip]

Oops - I forgot new chat threads started on Mondays! So here is where you all are! 

chapsie - I loved getting to see your video. Thank you so much for sharing!

ClumsySugarPlum - I think couples massage classes sound awesome, and you should totally remember to sign up. I wish I could convince my husband to do something like that, but he's pretty convinced he's great at massage. We had a brief conversation about this earlier in our relationship when I said something along the lines of "it's too bad you don't have stronger hands," when he was giving me a shoulder rub, and it was probably not the best way for me to bring it up.  But I come from a family of really good shoulder/back rubbers, and my husband just really doesn't have the same strength!

One of the other things I loved about our childbirth class is that it's talking about what the partner should be doing to get ready for the birth as well. So, one of the things that was pointed out is that if it turns into a long labor, the partner also has to be ready to "run the marathon," as it were. And he/she has to be ready to support the laboring mama, both physically and emotionally. We both have exercise homework for the week, but one of his is doing pushups every day. We used to be pretty good at exercising regularly, and then things fell by the wayside during my first trimester, and then *I* have gotten back into exercising more regularly again, but he has not. So the bit of extra push is good for him. 

scruffy - it might be worth trying to see if there are any natural childbirth classes you can search out where you are. Our midwives go over a lot of stuff with us, but also recommended taking a class. And my husband is not much of a reader either, but was willing to read the books that we're expected to for our class. Plus, I think it's really good that he hears certain things from multiple places, not just mainly from me. Because me saying, "I've read all about this and this happens," still leaves open the possibility that maybe I'm just crazy.  So like I said above, being told by someone else that he should be exercising and weight-training more because he's going to *need* it, was really helpful. As was being told, "you think your wife is big now, by the time she gives birth she's going to be the size of a mountain, and find it much harder to move around by herself." And being told that there are all sorts of bodily fluids that are going to be involved in this process.  Of course, I am very happy with the class we've found, because the instructor is very down to earth and blunt about what goes on with birth, but also very positive about it, and I think both those attitudes help. Oh, one more possible idea - does your partner watch movies? We are supposed to watch both "The Business of Being Born" and "Orgasmic Birth" for our class, and my husband is definitely more of a documentary guy than a book guy, so it helps to have the different media.

As a side note, I'm feeling more emotional these days too. Feels like it doesn't take much to get me started crying (even if just a little). I do think part of that might be how short the days are right now, so I'm also excited the solstice is soon!

[scruffy too]

C. Chip - thx for the thoughtful response.  I've checked and there really isn't the type of birth classes offered that I'd want to attend, which is why I'm considering compromising on content for the sake of taking a class (boy does that sound weird, but it may be a good olive branch.)  Our Midwife said that she would cover everything and didn't recommend taking a course unless we really wanted to. 

The movie suggestion is one that I'd forgotten about... Last week I meant to check out our library and completely forgot!  Thx for the reminder!!  I was watching YouTube videos (Born in America) a couple weeks ago, and he didn't seem too keen to watch with me, but perhaps re-framed (as in: if you're not going to read the books, you can at least watch a movie, dumbass - okay, I'll leave out the last bit...) it might be great.  I feel better about this already!

[Chapsie]

Scruffy-- I know business of being born is on Netflix streaming if you have it.

There is also the option of the Hypnobabies home study course (6th edition is current ) that you can order from the hypnobabies website, amazon, or sometimes eBay. It is a very comprehensive program about pregnancy and birth and teaches (very effective!) self hypnosis techniques for deep relaxation so your birthing time will be more comfortable. They include a birth partners guide and have lots of ways to get the dad involved. I saw that you were reading the hypnobirthing book-- I took the hypnobirthing class with an instructor before I did the hypnobabies home study course and I have to say that hypnobabies is much better (IMO). It goes much more in depth and gives you a lot more techniques to work with in labor. I LOVED it.

It may be a childbirth class option to look into-- more convenient because you do it at home.

Good luck!

[writermama12]

With DS2, I watched Orgasmic Birth a few times a week in my last month, in addition to tons of other videos and stories. It was so beautiful and it helped me envision a lovely, non-scary birth. My first birth was not fun. During the birth, I actually let myself do some of things I saw women in that video do that was usually out of my comfort range, i.e. moan really really deep and loud through each contraction. I am generally very quiet during uncomfortable, painful, or scary times. I had an absolutely fantastic birth experience due in part to opening my mind to blissful, natural birth, despite the labor being fast and intense. 

[Melany]

Hi Ladies

I'm reading, but having a hard time emotionally right now, stupid hormones. Sorry I'm not commenting much.