Weekly Chat Thread - Dec.3 to Dec.9 - Page 2 « Back to Group Discussions

[babytoes]

I want to watch Orgasmic Birth, but its not free anywhere 

Scruffy I think men are typically a little scared of this whole birth process, and I know from experience that they tend to jump in when asked for. I think they want to be involved but they also know this is your rodeo and they don't want to interfere with any of it. That being said, I do full heartily believe that taking some kind of course together, weather its a birth class, movies or hypnobabies, will really help you to feel like he's got a clue about whats happening, and I think it will ease your mind.

I have been having some of the same type of feelings, this is DP first and he has no idea about anything, he's very attentive at our mw appointments, and always asks if he doesn't understand some of the lingo. But, still, he's got no clue! I know that he is just following my lead with everything because he trust me, and knows I have been there and done that. But it would be nice if he would read something or take the initiative to learn about some of the basics. My mom is a Lamaze instructor from way back. She taught from about 1988 to 1995, and has attended over 300 births (although it wasn't called that back then, she was a doula). And she offered to come and do a "quickie" birth run through with DP and I, but when I mentioned it to him, he was like "Naww.. I feel okay about everything." But it sort of bothered me, even though I didn't say as much and just dropped it. Who knows, maybe I am being hyper sensitive about it, its not like he's going to hide under the bed while I'm in labor. I know he'll be right there and he will do anything asked of him, and the midwife team will be there, and my mom, and my dad... I will have loads of support! But I know, because this is #4 and because of our relationship dynamics, I will want him to be the closest to me, and may even want to scuttle off to be alone with only him. I have done that in the past, so I know its a strong possibility. I honestly think he'll be fine with whatever happens, but I still wish he would do something to prepare! 

[maydaymom10]

scruffy - sorry you're having such frustrations with your DP. My DH is similar, but he hasn't really done anything relating to this pregnancy yet. I finally told him over the weekend that we HAD to start talking about the birth -- what it looked like for us, who we wanted there, what refresher courses we wanted, etc. So we did have that conversation, but getting some type of emotional response and commitment from him right now is impossible. I know he's stressed at work and, in his mind, this is a "been there, done that" situation. He made some comment about after the first of the year, blah, blah, blah. On a positive note, he did tell me to just buy what I wanted using our "baby fund". So maybe some retail therapy is in order.   Also, I think he's going to take a hypnobirthing class with me that a friend is teaching. She's offered to let us attend for the cost of materials. We did Bradley last time, but I figure it would be just another tool.

clumsy - I hope things are picking up a bit for you, emotionally that is. The massage class sounds great. There is a place near me that offers a couples massage for labor class -- maybe I'll look into it to get DH a little more excited about this birth.

melany -  Been there.  Hope you're feeling better soon.

AFM - I had my GTT with my midwife yesterday. I'm assuming I'll be fine. The rest of the appointment went well. The whole appointment went on while my mw & I were talking about other things, so I'm just assuming that everything is fine since she didn't comment either way. Baby girl was hiding from the doppler again, but we were able to get the cord pulse, and that looked good. Plus, she's moving a lot lately and I'm not worried. I can't believe I've entered the 3rd trimester already! It's just gone by so fast. On a more frustrating note, I can't sleep.   Part of it WAS due to DS waking multiple time during the night for the past week, but last night he slept through. I, on the other hand, woke up around 3 to use the bathroom and was totally unable to fall back asleep until about 5 (I know because DH's alarm was going off as I was drifting back to sleep). I am in such a fog now because of it (DS woke up at 7am & I snoozed until 8). I'm hoping I'll rally somehow so I can get some things done. I really need to get some exercise in. Maybe I'll aim for this afternoon, because I don't think that 9:30 am class is going to happen for me.

[scruffy too]

Melany -  extra hugs!!  I've already shed a few tears today and it's only 8:45am...  Once when I dropped DP off at work (really not sure why) and once 10 minutes ago when a friend wrote something nice on my facebook. 

Everyone - I went to the public library last night and checked out "Business of Being Born" - I've watched it before, but now I can watch it WITH DP and maybe start some positive dialog!  I also grabbed "Birthing From Within" (one of the few books I haven't read.)  I've flipped through it and it seems not so "technical" and maybe DP and I could go over some parts together.  There's even a Birthing from Within class up here.  That one and the public health one.  I really wish there was a Hypno one... Oh well.  I'm not saying I'm set on signing up though, seems like quite an expensive way to "make" DP be more involved...  (The public health one is free...  And I'm already paying my Midwife...)

Babytoes - I LOL'd at your DP's response "Naw, I feel okay about everything."  I'm sure that wasn't your first reaction.  I would have responded something like "Exactly what in particular do you feel okay with?!"  It's just so vague!!!  Anyway, hugs!!  And you're right about him being a little scared of the process - he probably was more comfortable in a hospital where the doctors and nurses did everything, and now is freaked because he might be expected to "do" more than just hold my hand.  I guess we should discuss that.

MaydayMom - My DP has a little "been there, done that" attitude, too.  It's MY first, but his second.  But DSS7 was born 8 years ago, in a hospital, and by C-section (after a day of labor) so it's very different from what I'm "planning."  [I'm leery to use the term "plan" because yesterday a friend and I were talking, and all of a sudden I remembered that old saying, "Wanna make God laugh, tell Him your plans" and then we both laughed, and now it's fresh in my mind.]

It's cold here.  (I know, it's winter!)  But it's been socked in for 2 weeks and I'm kinda over it.  It's -30*C (-22*F) or so and a bit windy.  Oh well.  The wind makes the most beautiful drifts!  Hope everyone is staying warm!!

[spughy]

Hey everyone, sorry I've been missing from the chat thread for a few days.  Thanks for the sympathy over the lost vacation - I think I'm okay with it now.  I'm treating myself to a nice carpet-cleaning this morning - actually getting a professional in to do it rather than lugging one of those horrible big machines up my stairs (we only have carpet on the stairs and upstairs hallways).  I can justify that now, and I can justify a professional hairdo for DH's office party on Friday so I will look cute rather than frumpy.  (I'm growing my hair out and it's at a really awkward length but I think finger waves will look awesome, I just have no idea how to do them and no real patience for figuring it out myself, I'm not much of a compulsive groomer.)

Scruffy, Melany, everyone who's sad and moody and hormonal - big hugs.  I'm actually feeling extremely mellow and even-keeled (despite my disappointment about the trip) and I even managed to be largely nice to our strata management guy at the meeting last night (it's a challenge, he's a colossal jerk).  But I know the feeling of being ready to burst into tears at any moment and it sucks and I hope it goes away for you guys really soon.  This is the fun part of pregnancy, right?  You should be able to enjoy it. At least a bit.

I am pretty close to self-diagnosing GD, or at least pre-existing pre-diabetes.  Fasting glucose 5.8 this morning (after a week or more of strict eating and doing bedtime snacks) and I had a sweet potato custard (barely sweetened) for breakfast - should have been ok, lots of protein, fat and fibre in it - and it spiked my bg up to 9.3.  It fell within an hour to 6.3 but still - that's a pretty big spike.  My bg doesn't seem to go below 5 at all, and that's not good. (I know in the US you guys use a different measuring system - 5.0 mmol/L is the same as about 90 mg/dl and 9.3 is about 165 mg/dl).  Sooooo it looks like no seasonal treats for me.   The ONE time I ought to be putting weight on over the holidays, and I can't do it the fun way.  Pooperdoodles, as my DD would say.  But, I'm sleeping reasonably well and don't have any debilitating aches and pains and my ass has turned a really entertaining shade of purple from my fall last week so there's that, I guess.

[chocolatechip]

Melany - more hugs!  Hope you start feeling better soon.

scruffy - glad to hear you're feeling a little more positive about getting your partner to engage more. I hope you find that some of these things really work for you! I think the movie "Orgasmic Birth" might be harder to get from the library (we don't have it in Seattle), but there apparently is a book version, too. Also, there's a new documentary out on Ina May and The Farm, called "Birth Story." Unfortunately, it's not in distribution yet, just doing screenings. Still, you could keep an eye on it here: http://birthstorymovie.com/the-film/synopsis/, and see if a screening gets added closer to you (Vancouver's not really all that close, I realize!). Or you could organize a screening for your own community, and see it that way. :) I have no idea if it's good, though it sounds interesting!

As for me, my husband and I did some of our birth class homework last night, and went out on a date to a place where we could have a guided conversation about labor/birth/parenting. We ended up at our normal pizza place, which isn't the most romantic, but is a good place to talk.  And it was a good talk! Lots of specific questions for the partner in addition to the mother (more for the partner, actually), about strengths and weaknesses, worries, preparation, etc. I had my mind set at ease about some things, which was good. And I was pleased that my husband said, "yes," to the question that asked him if he could be doing more to help prepare for the baby. At least he was honest about it! Though he didn't do quite as good of a job at being specific about what he could be doing and how he could change.  Ah well, it was a start!

And then I had to laugh last night, as I was curled up in bed trying to go to sleep, and the baby was kicking me from the inside, and my husband was twitching so hard that he was pretty much kicking me from the outside. Guess it's more training for eventually having the baby in hand. 

[chocolatechip]

Also, I just want to say that I  you all. I love having this community to ask questions of, and to hear how everybody's doing, and to have all those moments of realizing that we go through such similar things. It is a great supportive environment, and when I get too busy and can't make it on for a little while, I miss it! So thanks. You all are awesome. 

[akind1]

My DH has always kind of let me lead the way with baby/birth/pregnancy stuff. He has strong opinions on certain things - vaccines, for example - and willingly watched business of being born as well as Gently Birth Choices (it's a book with a DVD we got from the library) - but generally he's kind of like one of the previous people said - he's got it, or thinks he has.

Come to find out, in the birth process, he's not super helpful. He'll do whatever I ask, but quite franky, in the moment, I need someone who will just DO without being told. Which is why I hired a doula for birth #2, and will have one again for this birth. Same doula. He would love to come to visits and stuff, but it's more important that he stay with the kids, so he only comes to really important ones.

Not much going on here, have the GTT tomorrow. I am pretty confident I don't have GD, but I have failed the 1 hr before.

[scruffy too]

I ordered Orgasmic Birth online.  It looks amazing and has great reviews.  And our local library doesn't have it.  I'm excited!

C.Chip - Sounds like the birth homework went well!  It's sounds neat to have a guilded discussion like that.  What type of class are you in?

[spughy]

Just had a call from my midwife - she talked to the hospital lab and they said I can get this stuff called "instaglucose" and bring it with me to the lab and down it there for the GTT.  I have to buy it myself but how expensive can straight glucose be?  And most importantly, it's not orange flavoured so I won't barf it up.  I expect I'll fail the test but it's good to get it done proper-like.
 

[scruffy too]

Good luck Spughy!!!!!  Is this something you'll be doing this week?

[spughy]

I dunno - my mw is making an appointment for me.  In the meantime, I have to admit that my glucose monitor is kind of my new favourite toy.

[Chapsie]

My midwife told me that instead of doing the GTT, I can check my own glucoses during the day with a food diary for 6 days (fasting and 2 hour post prandiols). She wants me to start next week at 26 weeks. We will see how it goes!

[cabbitdancer]

Good luck, spughy! It does sound like you have GD, but here's hoping the test says something else!

My husband amazes me, sometimes, with how into the birth process he is and, after the emotional turmoil I went through over my c-section, he's been right there with me on all of the research that I've done and has even done some research of his own, and has been very aggressive with the OBs and his own questions--it's almost embarrassing. He does, however, still complain sometimes about how helpless he feels and how outside the process. It is not his body going through these changes, nor will it be his body that will be laboring, and I think that lends a sort of disconnect for him, like... where does he fit in, in all of this?

This has been/is going to be a very difficult holiday season for me. One of my aunts died Monday night. She was younger than my mom, but she didn't take the best care of herself, and she was not well, in the end. I'm already emotional as it is with all the hormones (definitely feeling y'all, there) but the news just pushed me over the top. I, luckily, have been going pretty much non-stop since I found out, so it's been almost impossible to dwell, but I find myself lingering over little details that push me over again, whenever I get a quiet moment.

I did mention that I've been crazy-busy, right? A friend of mine is the curator for our town's historical society and their main museum site is an older home. I've been helping her to decorate for a big holiday shindig coming up on Friday. It's been a blast, but I'm realizing just how much this pregnancy is going to slow me down. Last night was the big holiday party for my daughter's school, and I volunteered to help with that, and then tonight they had a science fair. I love school!! XD But not so much the PTA. I'm starting to think they should be called the PITAA. I finally rolled into bed, last night, and my back and sides hurt badly enough that my husband was giving me the stink eye of worry.

Speaking of which, anyone else getting pain in the ribcage area? I assume it's from the weight of baby pulling against my abdominal muscles. I didn't have this issue with my daughter, and I'm not sure I can take another 14+ weeks of this. ;) Don't suppose anyone has any ideas how to alleviate it? I figure I can always ask my OB when I see him next Thursday, but, honestly, I consider you ladies more expert than he, sometimes. ;)

[Chapsie]

Cabbit-- So sorry to hear about your Aunt!  It sounds like you have a lot on your plate already and this is such a busy time of year.  I hope you can find time to relax and do something special for yourself and the baby inside you this week! 

I also have a lot of pain in my lower ribs-- I think in my case it is just the pressure of my uterus and organs getting smooshed up against my diaphragm.  My rib cage is definitely expanding (my bras are getting tight) and I CANNOT slouch anymore even if I wanted to.  I have to sit with my back totally straight or even my upper back pushed back a little bit (i usually sit with a pillow in my low back).  

Starting some pregnancy exercises (taylor sitting, squats, pelvic rocking) to see if that helps with all over achiness.  

I otherwise feel pretty great.  I hope you guys do, too!

I was just thinking that this is likely to be our last baby... and that made me feel very sentimental!

[maydaymom10]

Originally Posted by scruffy too 

I ordered Orgasmic Birth online.  It looks amazing and has great reviews.  And our local library doesn't have it.  I'm excited!

scruffy - I hope you like Orgasmic Birth. I really like it & actually received a copy for my birthday (for my doula clients). But, DH cringes everytime I suggest we watch it again. There are some awesome births & discussions in it, but I think it's all a little too "crunchy" for him. I'm still messing with him about setting up our tub on the deck to labor in -- you'll get it once you see the film.

Originally Posted by spughy 

Just had a call from my midwife - she talked to the hospital lab and they said I can get this stuff called "instaglucose" and bring it with me to the lab and down it there for the GTT.  I have to buy it myself but how expensive can straight glucose be?  And most importantly, it's not orange flavoured so I won't barf it up.  I expect I'll fail the test but it's good to get it done proper-like.
 

It's too bad that you even have to go buy the glucose. I just took the GTT with my mw this week. She had me eat a handful of jellybeans (17 Brach jellybeans to be exact) with some protein and hour before our appointment. She drew the blood & that was it. With DS the midwifes had me drink white grape juice for the test. I've heard of some many other food-based methods for this test and I just feel bad when I hear of others having to do to orange drink, or in you case, having to go buy something special. But, I know that every care provider has his/her reasons. Good luck!

cabbitdancer - so sorry for your loss. 

AFM - so much for my exercise. I slipped down the stairs yesterday and landed hard on my tailbone. Everything with baby is OK, but I'm pretty sure that I actually bruised the bone. I went ahead and called my mw to let her know, but for now we're just keeping an eye on me, resting, and taking arnica (oral tabs & topical) to help with swelling and inflammation. And of course ice. Funny enough I did get the best sleep last night that I've had in over a week, despite some painful attempts to flip over during the night. I am feeling a little better today, so I'm optimistic that it will clear up soon. Also, DH agreed to start the Hypnobirthing class that my friend is teaching beginning tomorrow. She's only charging us $40, and I know that there are at least one other couple in the class, so I convinced him to just get it over with. Maybe we'll actually practice before the baby is born.

[spughy]

Ouch so many slips and falls!  We are a klutzy bunch aren't we!  I hope your bum feels better soon maydaymom.  I also wish that mine was a different body part so I could post a picture - it's actually AMAZING how many different shades of purple and yellow I can sport on one butt cheek.  It feels a LOT better now though.

My DH isn't hugely into the birth thing but I know he'll be a rock once it starts to happen.  He went to prenatal classes last time but agreed with me we don't need to this time.  He listens well and learns quickly and I don't have any real concerns in that direction.  I might suggest he re-read bits of The Birth Partner at some point before I go into labour, but that's about it.  He works in the building next to where our doula works and I think knows her well enough that if he had any burning questions he would just go ask her.  I feel supported enough with the midwife and doula that I don't feel like DH really has to do much besides just be my friend and companion during labour, and just enjoy (to the extent it's possible!) the miracle of his child coming into the world.

Cabbitdancer, I'm so sorry about your aunt.  I have an uncle in a similar state - not that he didn't take good care of himself exactly... he wasn't boozing and smoking and eating his way into an early grave or anything, but he trusted his doctor too much even when there was a lot of evidence that his doctor was totally not on the ball.  My uncle tried to ignore symptoms he should have researched even a little bit after his doc said his "bloodwork came back fine" - I don't think he even asked what tests the doc ordered; he'd had colon cancer about a decade ago and I think that's the only thing they were looking at.  Then he happened to have an appointment when his regular doc was on vacation, the locum was horrified at his symptoms, ordered a pile more tests and they found that he had advanced (stage 3 or 4) cancer in his liver and his pancreas and the prognosis is sadly not good at all.  He visited us in the fall and didn't seem very well - I tried to talk to him a bit about his health but he was really unreceptive and just wanted to outsource all that decision-making to his doctor.   My mom is really upset, she is going to see him soon and may well stay with him until the end.  She's angry at him too, which is hard.  They're not the best family for healthy communications.  Stiff-upper-lip brits, if you catch my drift.  She says he's just been "uninterested" in his body's workings, even after the colon cancer - whereas my mom hit the internet and asked me & my other sister to do some looking into things too when SHE was diagnosed with (fortunately early-stage) colon cancer earlier this year - she can't understand her brother's "oh well" attitude at ALL and I can't say I really blame her, but their culture DID lean that way.  She moved away from Britain in her early 20s and never went back, he stayed there and drank the "obey the authority figures" kool-aid.  It's very sad.  I've haven't told DD about her great-uncle yet - that's going to be a bit of a rough conversation.  She hasn't had anyone she knows die yet.

On a more cheerful topic - rib pain!  I had MAJOR rib pain through my last trimester with DD, but I haven't had a whiff of it yet for which I'm grateful.  I don't know if it's helpful but I am moving throughout the day (rather than sitting at a desk) much, much more this pregnancy (as in, I don't have a desk job!) and it's also possible that my ribs never went back to their pre-pregnancy positions after DD was born - but I was wearing my old bras without difficulty afterwards so I'm not convinced of that.  This baby seems to like hanging out a lot lower down than DD did and seems to be mostly transverse at this stage.   I think maybe anything you can do to create more space lower down will help.  Hip-opening yoga stuff, lots of stretches for legs, calves, hamstrings?  Have a good long talk with the baby and explain how much better your relationship would be if he/she would just move DOWN?? (Okay that never worked for me.  But it can't hurt right?)

My hips are very achy today - I'm not sure if it's because of the long-ish hike I did yesterday or that I tried some rye bread to see how I tolerated it.  I think grains, especially grain fibres, are quite inflammatory for me - I had my plantar fasciitis clear up completely when I removed them from my diet a few years ago (wasn't the purpose of removing them, it just happened incidentally, and quite quickly).  So I suspect that the rye bread (which does have a small amount of wheat in it) might not work for me.  I really, really just want to be able to occasionally have soft-boiled eggs and toast soldiers for breakfast... and I'm worried that my weight has started to drop and I don't really want that, but carbs are the only way I can keep it on and if I can't have white carbs due to the GD, I need something and there are only so many vegetables I can fit in my wee tummy.  What's worse, achy hips that curtail my walking and make my sleep crappy, or losing weight? I was 10-20 lbs overweight when I got pregnant so technically I can "afford" it but I kind of wanted that padding - I felt drained after DD was born and wished I'd had an extra 10 lbs of something to fall back on.  I really don't know.  The rye bread had no effect on my blood sugar levels, which is good - but if it's going to make me achy and hurty, I don't want to eat it.  It's not like it's super-yummy or anything, it's just a vehicle for cheese, butter or egg yolk.

Good luck to those doing the GTT soon! 

[scruffy too]

MayDayMom - I obviously don't understand the reference to the tub on the deck yet, but when I found out I was due in March I was instantly a little sad that I wouldn't be birthing outside.  I think I'll enjoy the movie!

No ones been pushing on my ribs, but yesterday I finally felt what a few of you were describing last week with the LO kicking/punching straight DOWN, which feels incredibly weird! 

[Chapsie]

 Also, DH agreed to start the Hypnobirthing class that my friend is teaching beginning tomorrow. She's only charging us $40, and I know that there are at least one other couple in the class, so I convinced him to just get it over with. Maybe we'll actually practice before the baby is born.

Wow, that's a great price... our hypnobirthing class (with another couple) cost $200 per couple!

[Chapsie]

I have to vent, so bare with me for a sec!

I wanted to have a fun day out with my kids (4 and 2).  I also wanted to pick up some beads for our birth bead swap.  I went to Hobby Lobby (which is a very cool store) and was enjoying myself until some employee began yelling at my kids:  "Where is your mom?? You can't be just wandering around!  What if you got hurt!  There is glass and stuff on the shelves!  You CANNOT be unsupervised!"  I was literally standing 5 feet away, watching them the whole time and they were doing nothing disruptive or dangerous.  I hate when I feel so judged by people out in public... but short of putting them on a leash, what can I do?  If you want me to come and spend good money in your store, I have to bring my kids!

Then... we went to applebees for lunch since it was right next door.  My kids were being good, but they are kids nonetheless.. and so acting like kids.  About 20 minutes into our lunch, some other patron comes up to my daughter (2) and says: "Hunny, you have to sit flat in your highchair or you're going to fall and get hurt!  You can't sit like that!" My daughter was sitting on the handrail of the highchair with her arms around me (I was sitting RIGHT next to her) trying to give me kisses when this lady said this to her.  I couldn't believe it!  What gives her the right to discipline my child when I'm sitting right there?  

Then... when it took 20 minutes for the waitress to pick up my credit card for the check (she totally disappeared! I even went to the front counter and asked if I can pay for it there and they told me I had to wait for my server!) the kids were naturally starting to get bored at the table and getting a little too loud.  It was a nightmare.  So much for a quick lunch!  The older gentleman across the row from us kept staring at us and making comments like "it's nap time, huh?" "Mom, you gotta get these kids home," etc...  YES, I know!  I'm trying!

By the time I got to the car, I just started bawling.  I don't know if its pregnancy hormones (probably!)  but I just was so frustrated.  There is NO grace for young kids and their moms out in public today!  Why not????  I am afraid to leave the house again until after all the crazy Christmas shoppers are done!

How am I ever going to get anything done with THREE young kids??  Oy... 

[chocolatechip]

scruffy - our class is run by a woman who has been doing childbirth classes for years, originally trained in Bradley, but now uses a combination of ideas from all sorts of places, and has written her own workbook for the class (in addition to having us read both "Ina May's Guide to Childbirth" and "The Birth Partner." She has a Masters degree in environmental science or something like that, which I like, because she clearly pays attention to research and how statistics are used. :) But she is also a doula and a certified lactation consultant, and has her crunchy side too! She's also very blunt and practical about everything, which I think is good for the partners in the group. 

cabbitdancer - I'm so sorry to hear about your aunt. Being busy can be good, but remember to take care of yourself, too.

Good luck to everyone on the glucose tests. I have a midwife appointment tomorrow, so maybe we'll be talking about that since I'm about 24 weeks now. I think they're pretty not-pushy about it, as long as things seem to be going fine, but I don't know!

I haven't been noticing rib pain, but I have been noticing that it often feels like the baby is sitting uncomfortably low. I can't even quite tell if it's sitting on my bladder or something else, but my bladder must be part of it because I have to pee way more often and it's not very satisfying (really? That's all I can get out?). I'm not sure if I'd rather have aches down low or pain in my ribs. Maybe I'll have the chance later to compare. Heh.

I'm realizing after hearing you all talk about your partners, that my husband is very good at supporting me and taking care of me when I tell him what to do. But like akindl said, it occurs to me now that it might be really important that he really take initiative. He's not thrilled at the idea of spending money on a doula, and I think despite what he's read he just doesn't see the point. But this difference - good at following direction vs. taking initiative - is maybe a really important conversation for us to have.  And maybe we have enough time to practice initiative between now and the baby coming!