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Weekly Chat Thread - Dec.3 to Dec.9 - Page 3

post #41 of 65

C.Chip - EXACTLY! There's a different between good at following direction vs. taking initiative!!  For all the bitching I just did on DP (which now I feel a bit bad for) he does follow direction just fine.  (I mean, I haven't had to haul a single piece of wood since spelling it out that the bin hurt my stomach and it felt heavier than normal.)  And that was what my mother was trying to get through to me: some guys just follow direction, they're not that great at taking initiative.  But *I* need to see some initiative!!!

post #42 of 65
Quote:
Originally Posted by chocolatechip View Post

scruffy - our class is run by a woman who has been doing childbirth classes for years, originally trained in Bradley, but now uses a combination of ideas from all sorts of places, and has written her own workbook for the class (in addition to having us read both "Ina May's Guide to Childbirth" and "The Birth Partner." She has a Masters degree in environmental science or something like that, which I like, because she clearly pays attention to research and how statistics are used. :) But she is also a doula and a certified lactation consultant, and has her crunchy side too! She's also very blunt and practical about everything, which I think is good for the partners in the group. smile.gif

I love this kind of class! At some point I hope to teach something similar. I'm doing the hypnobirthing mostly just to see another approach. I still have to audit yet an additional class for my doula certification (the hypnobirthing doesn't count), so I think the combo of all three classes will give me a nice viewpoint. Plus, I'll have the nutrition coach & fitness aspect to bring to it. It's a long time before any of this will happen, but it's a dream that I have someday. orngbiggrin.gif

post #43 of 65

Soooo I finally have had a little time to get on here and catch up.  (Been feeling a bit overwhelmed lately, but more on that later.)

 

cabbidancer- Soo sorry to hear about your aunt.  greensad.gif  I pray and wish you healing for your heart.  The holidays can be really hard when dealing with loss.  ((HUGS))

 

babytoes- I love hearing women gush about their DPs! Hope things are coming along on your decluttering, organizing and projects! orngbiggrin.gif

 

scarletsmiles-  I am the first (now) to admit that moving sucks no matter what.  But, honestly, doing it with a newborn, while challenging, prob won't make it much worse.  At least he/she won't be mobile and getting into too much trouble at 3 months!

 

Melany, chocolatechip, and everyone else feeling emotional-  ME TOO!  Emotional and overwhelmed.  Crying jags all over the place. 

 

Chapsie- I LOVED your video.  You were so cute and I am surewill be an inspiration to many women.  smile.gif

 

withlittlelungs- Have fun on your trip! I hope that you enjoy the delish pizza.  I LOVE Chicago deep dish!  eat.gif  Hope the time away from DH isn't too hard on you and DS.

 

Clumsy- I am surprised about that comment about you leading up sunday school so your DS would attend.  HMPH!  I sometimes feel like people don't appreciate how much work raising a family is and that it IS a ministry.  It just occurs in your home and EVERYWHERE you are.  All the planning and work involved in running weekly sunday school for children is more work than a mom raising littles (and growing one on the inside!) should be pressured to take on!

 

Scruffy too- Glad things are settling down in the department of how you are dealing with your DH.  FWIW, my DH did very little preparing for DD1's birth and he really stepped up to the plate.  Honestly, he did so well that with the next birth, I completely went against my mindset of the first birth (I invited my sisters, sister in law, mom and mother in law hoping for a "red tent" female bonding type experience) and wanted only him around.  My mom was just off to the side because I only wanted HIM!  Let me know what you think of Orgasmic Birth the movie.  I read the book and really enjoyed it!

 

writermama- Like I asked scruffy... Is the movie worth the buy?  I enjoyed the book, but sometimes shelling out cash for a movie isn't really my style unless I know I will really enjoy it!

 

maydaymom- Hope your results for the GTT were within normal range.  Hope you are feeling better from the fall!  Ouch!  

 

spughy- sorry for the cancellation of your trip.  How crummy.  I am glad you are finding a little bit of peace about it despite the disappointment.  I wish you didn't have to deal with the Gestational Diabetes, but I hope you find a way to control it with diet.  I am happy you don't have to deal with the orange goo.  That stuff is GROSS!   Glad you are feeling better after your fall.

 

AFM-  Finally back on here (hopefully regularly) and caught up (sort of...lol).  I have been feeling like my plate is a bit full lately, which I didn't mind.  Things were at least under control.  Then, I got news from my mom two days ago that totally threw me for a loop and I have been feeling stressed and overwhelmed ever since. (Nothing bad. She is engaged, after two months of dating/knowing eachother.jaw.gif)  I am trying to be supportive (and I am in person), but internally, I am feeling like "wow, that's fast!" along with feelings of realizing what types of change this means for my relationship with her, her relationship with my kids, etc...  Just feel like I can't keep up with life in general (What happened to November?!?! I am stuck in October somewhere!) and now this is added to the pile and it just feels HEAVY.  Oh, well.  Today, I had a mw appt that went well.  I heard the heartbeat and measured right on target.  Baby is still mostly head down (a little tilted to the side, but nothing to worry about yet!), so that's good. orngbiggrin.gif  Non-baby-wise, I am currently working on Christmas dresses for the girls.  So far, so cute!  Then, I am on to our family Christmas pajamas and then I have to add flowers to the crocheted hats I made them as Christmas presents.  I am a busy crafting lady... And not stressing about it.  It is keeping me distracted from the more heavy things going on and I should be able to finish everything in time this year!!!

post #44 of 65

Jodie, I thought the movie was worth the small amount I paid for it on Netflix or Itunes on demand, but that is because I really needed the idealized positive visualization this video provides. I didn't have a natural birth with DS1, and wanted to see how other women could do it without meds. It was perfect for me. I didn't want to see birthing women dealing with "issues" and I didn't want to worry. I needed convincing that birth can be beautiful and enjoyable. And I went into it with that idea. And my birth was enjoyable, despite being very intense and fast, because I wouldn't allow myself to NOT enjoy it. I smiled through my contractions, relished my ancient moan song, and didn't have any help in a water tub until the end when my mw helped DS2 out with the last push. But, if you are all set with a positive view of birth and how to do it, then it may not be worth it to watch.  

post #45 of 65

DD2 just went pee peen the potty!!!!  She initiated without being asked!!!!!!  joy.gif

post #46 of 65
Quote:
Originally Posted by jodieanneanton View Post

DD2 just went pee peen the potty!!!!  She initiated without being asked!!!!!!  joy.gif

Yay! That is a major milestone!

post #47 of 65

I got the dreaded Working Mom question yesterday. The one where someone asks you, "So, are you going to quit and finally stay home with the kids." It wouldn't have bothered me as much had her response to my "No," not been, "Awww... That's too bad..."

 

Seriously? When did it become the end of the world to work? I have a Masters degree in Engineering. I am the primary wage earner in our home. If anyone were to stay home by the numbers, it would be hubby and sadly he's scared of that. And, yes, it is horribly hard to go back to work and leave your newborn with someone else. And yes, I'm going to cry about it and feel horrible, but can't we give our working moms a little more support than, "Sucks to be you!"

 

Grumble over. 

 

For now.

post #48 of 65
Quote:
Originally Posted by Melany View Post

I got the dreaded Working Mom question yesterday. The one where someone asks you, "So, are you going to quit and finally stay home with the kids." It wouldn't have bothered me as much had her response to my "No," not been, "Awww... That's too bad..."

 

Seriously? When did it become the end of the world to work? I have a Masters degree in Engineering. I am the primary wage earner in our home. If anyone were to stay home by the numbers, it would be hubby and sadly he's scared of that. And, yes, it is horribly hard to go back to work and leave your newborn with someone else. And yes, I'm going to cry about it and feel horrible, but can't we give our working moms a little more support than, "Sucks to be you!"

 

Grumble over. 

 

For now.

That just annoys me. This is my first time staying home, I have to admit that I miss the mental stimuli that working provides me. Which is probably why I continue to overwhelm myself with new opportunities (doula work, teaching nutrition & fitness classes, etc). I think some people just do a better job at managing their families while they are working. I haven't made a decision about next year, but I will have to find something more to do - regardless if it's returning to teaching or expanding my interest as a childbirth/pregnancy professional. 

My sister has 4 kids. She took a year off from teaching last year after the birth of her 4th child, but happily returned to working this year. And it's working really well for their family. We worked hard for our degrees, and it sucks to sit around, knowing how hard you worked (and how much you paid) to not be using that. So, I feel for you. hug2.gif

post #49 of 65

Melany-- I am totally with you!

 

I usually don't comment much to things people post on Facebook, but a few months ago, a SAHM posted a quote that said something like this--  'I decided to stay home with my kids so that I could focus solely on them and my reward is simple: total mothering and not "mothering tucked in around the edges." ' My friend then added that "it seems like a lot to give up shopping, eating out, and going to movies, but it is worth to get to stay home with our kids!"

 

As a working mom, I was really offended by this quote.  She had like 50 "likes" to her status and I was the only one who piped up on behalf of working moms.  It made me livid when some of her friends agreed with her by saying that working moms were selfish (!!!).  I tried to be as non-offensive as possible, because I know that SAHMs do sacrifice a lot to get to stay home.  I said that sometimes working moms don't have the choice and that it is a sacrifice FOR our families that we do go to work.  I said that my mothering is not "tucked in around the edges" because I am ALWAYS thinking of my kids and I make the choices I make (to have a career) with them in mind.  And... I personally think I am a better person to have a job that I can use my mind and I feel very useful and appreciated at my job (I'm a neonatal RN/IBCLC).  

 

That said, I am very happy for my friends who can make it work financially for them to stay home.  Not everyone has well paying jobs like we do where it is actually worth their time to be away from their kids.  I wouldn't go as far to say that I'm jealous of them... I love my job.  I also love being home with my kids. It's a tough call.  

 

Anyway... I think it is awesome that you have your masters in engineering (smarty pants!  orngtongue.gif)  Let's just keep on doing what WE KNOW in our hearts is best for ourselves and our families, even if it looks differently from what other moms do.  :)  

post #50 of 65

Being a SAHM is hard. Being a WOHM is hard. Both for different reasons. I wish we could all just support one another with whatever choices we make regarding our families, and stop the judgmental BS. I'm sorry you WOHM's are having to deal with that sort of nonsense. :(

 
spughy, I'm sorry about your uncle. Cancer is a very ugly disease. :(
 
Regarding rib pain, this is less a baby being all up in my ribs and more the weight of baby pulling down on... I'm assuming it's my obliques. She is definitely low-seated more often than not. I totally feel you on the needing to pee only to have a little trickle come out, chocolatechip! I was walking every day for about four miles, but I've been so busy this week that I haven't been able to. Even so, Monday night, having walked, I was sore, and Tuesday only got worse. After resting all day yesterday, I didn't have to deal with too much pain, which was nice.
 
The weight from my last pregnancy was so evenly distributed that, while I dealt with a head being shoved into my ribs (not fun!), I didn't have any of this pulling weight. I was able to bend over to tie my shoes without issue the day I went in for my c-section!! And now, I just feel so... I want to say HUGE, but I know that's not right. Ungainly? Awkward? I don't know. I love the big belly, but I'm realizing that it definitely comes with a downside. I don't know how I'm going to make it through another 14 weeks of growth!! XD 
post #51 of 65

Cabbitdancer, I had my first "OMG I'm a beached whale" moment last night - I was lying on the couch so DH and DD could watch the baby flail around (quite dramatic now!) and then when I tried to get up I was all "aauuugghhhh" and it was hard and I felt like a walrus or something.  I totally know what you mean.  When I'm standing up my belly looks super-cute and awesome, but I too can't see how 3 more months of growth is going to work!

 

If y'all are having trouble peeing - try squatting rather than sitting.  I have MUCH more satisfying pees when I'm out in the woods walking the dog and I have to go behind a tree rather than in a toilet.  Yes, I understand the logistics of that might be challenging for those of you without woods, dogs, and the excuses provided by them. lol.gif But there's always the bathtub.

 

Jodie, congrats on the toddler pee!!! With any luck you won't have 2 in diapers!

 

On the WOHM/SAHM thing... I have friends who are SAHMs and friends who are WOHMs.  There are upsides and downsides to both lives and while I think that there ARE cases where I feel okay gettin' judgy (where one parent only works so they can keep the big house and 2 SUVs kinda thing) I don't know anyone like that personally.  All the WOHMs I know do it for essentially the same reason as you, Melany - their careers are a big part of who they are and they wouldn't feel like they were "them" if they didn't do it, and it's a huge part of the family income, and in many cases domestic life simply doesn't appeal - in much the same way that office life and technical writing doesn't much appeal to me any more.  Why should someone stay home with their kids if they're going to feel unfulfilled, unhappy and be in poor financial straits?  That doesn't make any sense.  DH and I did make a lot of sacrifices to pull this off with me staying home, but we're under no illusions that the sacrifices we made would be worth it for anyone else.  My sister is a WOHM with a SAHP and that works fine too.  And one thing I do notice is that children with SAHPs don't get nearly the amount of non-parent caregiver time that I think is normal and natural for humans.  Kids in traditional agricultural or hunter-gatherer type societies spend a LOT of time with aunts, grandmas, extended family, friends... but in our society, if you're a SAHM, there's the attitude that YOU ought to be responsible for your kids 24/7.  And when I started being a SAHM, despite vaguely knowing that that's not really a natural set-up for social primates, I fully expected to do it.  Fortunately, I have grabby in-laws who WANTED to have DD over a day or two a week and actively encouraged me to drop her off if I wanted to go grocery shopping or whatever.  WOHMs don't have to be convinced on that score - their kids get plenty of experience with non-parental caregivers and while the sheer amount of time they spend with them is possibly as non-optimal as being with a parent 24/7, I have yet to see any convincing evidence that's doing any real harm - and most WOHMs see some benefits for their kids.   I do wish, though, for my American friends, that you could have the same mat leaves that we have here.  That first year with DD was precious and I'm very grateful for it.

post #52 of 65

Scruffy - don't worry about venting, sometimes you just need to get it all out, and then you can once again appreciate all your partner's good qualities. At least, that's how it works for me. smile.gif

 

maydaymom- have fun building up all your building blocks for teaching a childbirth class! It seems like folks involved in childbirth (classes, doulas, midwives...) all seem to absolutely love their work.

 

jodie - that is crazy about your mom! Sometimes people really do just "know" right away, though. Have you met the person? Do they seem like a reasonable, caring person who will be good for your mom? And on another note - congrats to your daughter on initiating potty training! smile.gif

 

cabbitdancer - I totally have the same thoughts sometimes - how is my belly going to keep growing for the next several weeks?!? I mean, I know how, I've sure been eating enough wink1.gif, but sometimes I wonder how I'm going to be able to function...

 

I have never been a mom, so haven't been either a SAHM or a WOHM. But one of the things that came up in conversation the other day between my husband and I, was that we both feel ready to have kids, but it would have been nice if I'd had time to get some work experience before starting a family. It was just the way the timing worked out that by the time I finished grad school, he was 39, I was 33, and we just didn't want to keep putting it off. So for right now, I don't have a job to go *back* to. I am trying to do a little bit of contract (archaeological fish bone analysis) work, which makes me happy because it uses my education, but otherwise right now I am a stay-at-home-wife! And *that* is weird enough in itself, I guess, when people ask what I do. In some ways, I'll feel like it's easier to say I stay home with my kids, later, than it is to just say I stay at home now. smile.gif

post #53 of 65

I hope I didn't open up a bag of worms... :)

 

I wish that as a society we could better support both sides of the discussion. I lectured a co-worker who had a SAH wife. He made the comment that since he worked she should be expected to do everything around the house. I reminded him how nice it was to leave the office after a bad day and asked him if he gave any thought to giving his wife the option to "leave the office" when she's had a hard day at work. It really put it into perspective for him (It had been a HORRIBLE couple weeks at work for all of us) and a few weeks later I heard he had sent his wife to the spa for a Saturday and he cleaned the house. NOW, I just need to get him to talk to my husband... HAHA.

post #54 of 65
Quote:
Originally Posted by Melany View Post

I hope I didn't open up a bag of worms... :)

 

I wish that as a society we could better support both sides of the discussion. I lectured a co-worker who had a SAH wife. He made the comment that since he worked she should be expected to do everything around the house. I reminded him how nice it was to leave the office after a bad day and asked him if he gave any thought to giving his wife the option to "leave the office" when she's had a hard day at work. It really put it into perspective for him (It had been a HORRIBLE couple weeks at work for all of us) and a few weeks later I heard he had sent his wife to the spa for a Saturday and he cleaned the house. NOW, I just need to get him to talk to my husband... HAHA.

 

Melany can you go talk to my husband too please? winky.gif  Only, mine kind of makes out that he never really gets to leave the office because he THINKS about his work stuff all the time and it weighs on him even though he's not there, whereas we have a small house, I don't exactly keep it spotless, and our child is more nice company than a burden or actual work except for the hour in the morning I spend making breakfast & lunches & driving, all faster than I want to.  In other words, I'm not arguing I've got the better part of this deal. 

post #55 of 65
Chapsie, thanks for sharing your beautiful birth film, very inspiring smile.gif

Melany, Scruffy and Jodie among others, sounds like its been a tough week! That pesky full moon last week really stirred things up. I've been there recently myself but remember pregnancy has swings and roundabouts and hopefully things will level out soon.
I'm 27 weeks now so perhaps the transition into the third trimester will bring me the peace and balance I've been desperate for during the last two trimesters. I've been actively trying to improve my physical-being, maybe every little thing is adding up to positive momentum. Here's hoping, anyhow.

Cabbit, my ribs have not only extended but they've stretched the ligaments between my transverse abdominal muscles so that I have a weird ridge running down my abdomen when I curl my torso forward. I believe this can be aesthetically problematic afterwards, why oh why didn't I appreciate the toned tummy of my younger self when I could? Anyone else here experience diastasis recti?

And otherwise, baby is kicking up a storm, usually into my diaphraghm but right down into my pelvic floor today, making me feel ungainly and waddle a bit. I have to groan every time I raise myself up.....what will I be like in 12 weeks time?
My DH isn't doing any 'homework' for this birth, excuse is that I have it all covered. True, I read a lot to inform myself, to prepare the troops!, just wish he'd take some initiative and enlighten me with something he'd researched. There is a big difference between being motivated and being prodded into action!

Melany, that analogy is perfect.....SAHM have fewer breaks from the house and you need adult conversation to keep your mind stimulated. And that's important for your mental health. For me, part-time work is ideal but hard to secure.........I will be taking at least 6 months full-time with baba before I consider going back to work, my pay minus child care costs makes that choice pretty clear cut and I'm happy enough for that.

Have a good weekend March Mums smile.gif
post #56 of 65

I am the best and worst of both worlds as a mostly WAHM. I get no break 6 days a week from kids (I go in the office one day) - but I am THERE with them you know? and that means alot to me.

DH is a part time massage therapist, who schedules clients around my work schedule. We live with my parents, who help with child care when they can, but they both work, and dad is also in school, so, it's not as much as most people would think.

 

I would love to take a full year off for baby, but I'll make do with 8 weeks.

 

This baby is so far riding low. loves to tickle my cervix and sit on my bladder. Once ina  while he'll kick high in the ribs, but most of his movements are lower. I hope he will engage actually at some point. DS never did (he ended up being a c-section) and DD didn't engage until I was about to push.

 

I need to get to the chiropractor - my hips hurt. I think it is partly this baby riding low, and partly I am babywearing alot still, which is better than carrying in arms, but still hard on the joints at some point. I wear either my one or three year old at least once a day for short period. (sometimes a longer period).

 

Potty training! whoo! I am really hoping to not have 3 in diapers. DS is going well in the potty chair at home, but not poop, and I need to get him sitting on the big toilet at some point.  *sigh* this potty training is so much more work than I expected.

post #57 of 65

Congrats, Jodieann, on potty training!

 

Melany- Boo, that someone dissed your choice to go back to work! Who thinks it's okay to tell any woman how she should feel regarding something so personal? Chapsie, your words on the matter really ring true with me. And on a personal level, I think my job (teaching) has helped me be a better parent. I don't make tons more money than our childcare costs, but I do know that my son sees me as something more three dimensional than just a caregiver. He knows what my job is and that I have other talents (performing) that aren't a part of our daily lives at home. I think seeing me in this way is going to help him understand that there are more to people than just what meets the eye.

 

On a different note, the couple’s massage class was canceled due to lack of registrations! Boo. We took a class four years ago about massage during labor and I have some handouts from that. Maybe we should just review the handouts. Although… that doesn’t sound very appealing. “Hey, baby. I thought after the kid goes to bed we could break out the massage oil and review some handouts. Whaddya say?” Maybe I will need to pick up a six pack of beer…orngtongue.gif

post #58 of 65

I watched "Business of Being Born" with DP last night.  He didn't seem to into it in the beginning: lots of yawning, couldn't get comfortable on the couch, eyes looking at walls a lot - lol!  Then the first baby was born in water and he was like, "That was fake, right?"  LMAO!!  "No dear, that was real."  Then he says, "But she didn't even look like it hurt much." 

 

It dawned on me that he's never watched a vaginal delivery before (I guess, why would he? His son was c-section.  I just figured him and his ex would have done all the things I'm doing to prepare, but I guess not!!)  So with that new knowledge, I'm willing to forgive his earlier lack of excitement.  How could I expect him to get excited about something he literally had NO frame of reference for?  But with his new knowledge, I'm also expecting him to step it up a bit and learn quick.  This may lead to disappointment on my part...  I think I'll just be happy he's watching the movies with me and thinking they're cool and not gross. 

 

Anyway, it was nice to see the movie again, it had been years.  I ended up crying each time a baby was born.  It was just so sweet!!!!!!!

post #59 of 65

scruffy too - So happy you were able to see it again.  I LOVE watching birth videos and a movie that contains more than one is even better! :D  I hope your DP steps up his excitement! :D

post #60 of 65

Thx Jodie - I think he will: each time a baby was born, he said "Holy Sh&t that's cool!"  I'm like, <sob> "yup!!!"

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