Big, big hugs from me. This is a very bitter subject for me honestly. My oldest (DD1) has always had something going on, she was so intense from birth, she ended up with dxs of anxiety disorder, SPD, and dyslexia. Everything is still such a struggle with her. DD2 has had life long health issues, from birth literally. She is 6 years old and her only dx is asthma when it is so much more then that. She was actually tested (yet again) for cystic fibrous today. I don't know, No one knows with her. We just bounce from hospital to specialist, to more testing. Obviously we never knew this was how it going to be with her. It was always next winter will be better, or which we start these 4 new medications, she will be better, and continue saying that for 6 years.
So when DS1 came along, he was my normal child. I said that for years, like he didn't have a choice. He is ASD. I have to laugh or else, you know, you cry instead. We did end up with a "bonus baby". DS2. I expect nothing these days, I know better.
I know I didn't cause my kids issues. I know that deep instead and rationally, but irrationally, there are those many days when I curse DH and I's genetic gifts to our children (he has issues himself). I know I am a good parent logically, I mean look at how hard I have fought for everything for them, but I also created this 6 person family that has very intensive needs and issues. There is only so much I can do in a day and it isn't ever enough. It couldn't be enough in other children, and it certainly isn't enough with mine.
Thinking positive? I don't know. I've been down about this for years so I'm not sure how much help I can be with that one. The one thing that I can come up with is that despite DD1 battling her own daily demons, she is very sensitive to other SN kids, she is almost 10 now and excellent with other kids. I do not doubt that ultimately she will probably end up with working with children in some capacity. And the ones that just need more? They seem to flock to her because she does often understand them. I do enjoy seeing that, the awareness that she has that daily life isn't always so easy for others when i remember never having any awareness of children who were different when I was her age.