Hiding it! « Back to Group Discussions

[quantumleap]

So, we don't want to tell our families any time soon about this pregnancy. Some people are either not going to be excited, or will be very judgemental about it, and WE are excited, so we're not sharing with people who aren't going to share that with us. But, um, this is me:

{never mind. I cannot get the file to transfer. But, I have a belly. It's big, considering.}

Christmas isn't for 3 weeks, and I don't think things are going to get any smaller between now and then. I can think of one outfit that will make me just look a bit fatter than usual, but that's all I can come up with. We will be seeing family, and for more than one day. We're also insanely poor right now (that would be a large part of the judgement!). I can probably swing one or two new shirts, with a little luck and creativity, but I need some help! What am I looking for in clothing to hide this belly?! Any tips or tricks? 

I'm a little floored. This was me at 6 weeks last time, and I felt huge then! http://averity.wordpress.com/2010/05/01/marens-birthday-present/ (just realized the link I had in there didn't work, maybe this one will, but you have to scroll waaaaay down to see the photo of the tiny belly) I started that pregnancy with a six pack, and no discernable belly. I will admit that my six pack days are very much gone, and I was carrying a little belly chub prior to this pregnancy, but not *that* much.  The first time around, no one could even tell I was pregnant until 18+weeks! I know my abs are shot, and even more now than then, but really?!

Edited by quantumleap - 12/4/12 at 7:33am

[Stormikris]

If you have any empire waist type tops they often make people look pregnant so they might just think it's the top.  Sometimes having flashy jewelery can bring their eyes away from your belly.  Also if you have anything with loose flowing or ruffles add a belt and that can hide some belly. 

[FarmerCathy]

I feel ya.  I'm so bloated this time I can't hide it at all and last time I realized I was pregnant I was in the middle of P90X, so you can imagine.    I have no clothes whatsoever to wear.  We thought we were done and I got rid of everything last summer.  Ooops!!  I have two pairs of yoga pants and a couple big shirts.  Fun times!!  Luckily we aren't visiting family, but most of the key family that are supportive know already.  I am of no help sorry.  If you can swing some maternity yoga pants and a big sweater or two you might be able to get through it.
 

[akmeg]

I hear ya mama!  I don't want to tell my family until Christmas, but my belly is really getting big!  Is it seriously all bloat at this time?  I'm gluten intolerant so I'm used to uncomfortable digestive bloat, but at least that is usually gone in the morning, this is here when I wake up and all day long! 

So what are you gals all wearing for pants at the moment?  I have some jeans that were already too big for me that now fit just perfectly around my big belly, but they fall down alllllllll day!  They're not stretchy at all, and I don't want anything tight on my tummy right now.  So when I get home I change into sweats, but I don't know what to wear to go out.  Anyone wearing maternity jeans yet?  (I know, I know.....it's so early, but that big stretchy belly band sounds sooooooo comfy right now!)  The problem is I got rid of all my maternity clothes, and to borrow any, I'd have to tell people.  :)  And once people notice I'm wearing maternity, the secret's out!  :)  What to do, what to do?

[quantumleap]

My regular clothes still fit, but I've definitely gotten some maternity stuff. We were in a real city two weeks ago (we can't get mat clothes within less than 2 hours of our house), so I bought a 15$ jean skirt. It's very comfortable. I have no shame. I know you're not supposed to break out the mat clothes yet, but I so, so have. Still no idea what to do about Christmas. I have a tunic that hides things pretty well, but only the one, and I think people might get suspicious if I wear the same thing everyday for 4-5 days! 

[incorrigible]

I had been losing weight until I became preg. I haven't gained any actual weight back, but the pants I was wearing are painfully tight if I try to wear them. Luckily, I hadn't gotten rid of the next size up yet. So, I'm wearing those. They push uncomfortably on my belly sometimes, but since I'm on bedrest I just lay around with them unzipped - and my shirt pulled down so no one knows. =D 

My wedding ring is too tight already though! That drives me nuts! 

[LeighPF]

I am so looking forward to after my inlaws leave after Xmas and I can break out the maternity jeans. Best part of being pregnant is the soft, stretcy waistbands.

Luckly I am always wiped when they come so my needing a nap will not make a difference.

[incorrigible]

It was enough for me to spend Thanksgiving with relatives. I'm so glad no one wanted to spend Christmas with us this year! =D I don't have to deal with family again until Easter. I can't imagine having my inlaws with us from now until after Christmas! There's no way I'd be able to keep it a secret. 

I always loved overalls when pregnant. The only thing better than stretchy waistbands are NO waistbands! I look like such a stereotype in them though. I have a severe babyface (often mistaken for my children's sibling still), and my wedding ring won't fit now. Put me in a pair of overalls while obviously preg, and strangers on the street literally start whispering whenever I walk by! *eyeroll*

[LeighPF]

Mine don't come until after xmas and I love them, but they don't leave much personal space.

[mrsrobertson]

The last time we were pregnant, my FIL basically told us we were poor and how would we be able to afford this.. and how irresponsible we are.

uhhhh we own our home. My DH is military and we have health insurance. We own our car... we're juuuust fine. Not sure what stick got shoved up his butt but I am NOT looking forward to telling him we're preggo with #4. My MIL on the other hand is absolutely awesome. We're close enough that I told her back in Oct "We're trying for #4." She giggled and said "Just don't tell (FIL) until you're already pregnant." lol 

They're visiting in Jan... I'm hoping they won't notice anything yet. I pop pretty early too. Especially with #4 I'm sure!

[MyKidKissTrees]

I was like 6 months pregnant at 10 weeks with #2.  After #2 I lost the weight fast... AND THEN STARTED EATING COOKIES EVERYNIGHT.  And literally I gained 20 lbs from cookies.  I am not kidding.  So sad.  I was using food to fix my PPD.  Which didn't work and only make me feel worse about myself.  

SO, this time I already looked 6 months pregnant.  But I have definitely noticed a bulge that I just cant get rid of.  I have really bad diastasis though.

We are up in the air.  My parents will be JUST like your FIL Mrs.R.  "You don't make a million dollar a year!  How can you afford as many kids as we had?"  SO irritating.  Especially since we dont spend money willy nilly on our kids like they did.  They wasted money if you ask me.  And they know it.  But somehow they think you should be able to waste money if you want kids!

Im not going to pretend like we are in a good place financially.  We aren't.  We probably never will be.  But that isn't going to stop me from living my life.  Last time, my husband got a new job the DAY before we found out we were pregnant.  It was perfect.  We'll see if money magically shows up this time.  Pregnancy definitely helps motivate my husband.  So thats good.  

SO... we will tell them on Christmas.  Make a shirt for DS that says Big Brother August 2013.  And let him open that open at the end of the day.

But my MIL will be visiting us for a few months (timing couldnt be better because I just cracked/damaged something in my rib cage and cannot FUNCTION).  So, since she will ACTUALLY be happy, we will tell her first.  That way her excitement isnt ruined by my parents non-excitement.  My dad was PISSED the last time.  SO bizarre.  But he LOVES babies.  No clue what his deal is.  Just wants to control everything?

Family.  So Fun! 

[quantumleap]

More than one random stranger commented on my pregnancy today. I will be 6 weeks tomorrow. I am so screwed! I'm also a little embarrassed when they ask when I'm due, and I have to say, "Oh, not till early August!". Ahem. I think the diastasis is the biggest culprit. I did find another shirt that, as long as I don't touch the top of my belly, just makes me look fat. So, two outfits... 

[MyKidKissTrees]

diastasis IS the problem.  I look so pregnant already.  even more than just my fat.  ANY bloating in my belly stick straight out.  SO depressing :(  i havent been ME in years.  hate it.

[kkloep]

Jumping in late, but I think it is so sad how many of us don't want to share with family because they won't be excited.  Joining that group!  I am excited to tell MIL/FIL because they will be THRILLED.  HOWEVER, I am NOT looking forward to telling my father and grandma (his mom).  They told me this summer that we have too many and it is time to let others enjoy having babies and let them have the spotlight....um, I don't need a spotlight.  Geesh.  And, it has nothing to do with money. We aren't rich or even well off, but we manage just fine and have never had to get help from family, so I don't see why it is any of their business how many children we have.  They don't deserve to know!  My Brother and SIL will likely make a rude comment too.  They did after I announced our third pregnancy.  My sister is thrilled (she has know since day 1, lol) and I told my mom a couple weeks ago.  My SIL will be weird. She made an odd comment at Thanksgiving.  I told DH I wanted a kitten for Christmas ( a joke, my DH hates cats) and she said to him "better than a kid!"  We had taken our first CLEAR as day test that morning.

[emily11megan]

My parents are a little weird too.  They are happy, they say, and they do REALLY love my two kids, but they are like "how many are you having"  This is #3, not #10!  I don't get it.   They have 3 kids, and miscarried 3, so they obviously wanted kids too.  Whatever.  My in-laws, crazy as they are will be thrilled.  We are telling them for Christmas.  I just couldn't imagine surprising my parents, who are visiting for the holidays, as a big reveal!!!, then them just sitting there......um.......  Congrats?

I feel like I am bloated already.  I am 5'2" and slender and have lordosis, so my belly sticks out in the front anyway.  I showed with my first by 4 months, and like by 7 or 8 weeks with my last.  It's crazy.  I want to hide it from the public, because I don't want to deal with people asking "how's the baby" if I miscarry.  After I hear the heartbeat, it's all good.
 
 

[FarmerCathy]

Isn't it weird how different family members react?  We just tell my dh's family and my siblings.  I haven't talked to my father in a few years.  The ball is in his court though if he wants to be a part of our family.  I made a move and its up to him.  He'll probably be happy, but until he gets over the fact he hadn't a clue about the last I doubt he will do anything at all to make a move. 
 

[NotYourBuddyGuy]

Count me in with hiding it!

I told my best friend today, and that's it.  I told her that we aren't telling any family yet, so I asked if she and her DH could keep it on the down low when they come to our Christmas party.

I don't know why, I just don't want me family to know yet.

[Jillgayle]

Hiding it here too.  Or at least i hope so, but this belly is bulging! Just stopped at Old Navy to buy another one of those really drapey sweater things.

 I did tell my best girlfriend, she is also the only one who knew we were TTC.  She has two herself and is pretty excited.   My family and in--laws are all pretty opinionated, so I just want to wait until at least 12 weeks when we know things are okay.   I think my MIL will be the easiest to tell.  She has 7 kids of her own, and loves children.  She's probably been wondering we have waited so long, actually.  My mother is another story altogether.  She is a very anxious, worried person who loves my DS (her first and only grandchild) immensely but who will have  a lot to say about us adding a new LO to the family, which I don't really understand since she had two herself (although she also had a loss and I know that it still weighs heavy on her mind).   

She will be going to florida mid January until March so that will give us some time to get ready to tell her.  We are going down for a visit in February and if all is well, maybe we will do it then. 

[askew]

Hiding it here too- hoping to go until 14 weeks, but I've been pretty obvious by that point in my other two pregnancies. Not telling anyone until after my OB appt/ scan at 10 weeks. I never waited even a second with the last two- and I am terrible at keeping secrets- but this pregnancy is a big surprise so I need time myself to get used to the idea. 

[quantumleap]

I've woken up to the reality that we will not have the luxury of keeping this a secret. I guess not telling was just delaying the inevitable though. I mailed christmas gifts to my parents today, and there's no way they'll get them in time, but I just took a deep breath and signed them from everybody plus "the lentil". Technically the babe is probably a chick pea or something now, and heaven only knows what she's going to be in three weeks from now when they finally get the package, but, whatever. My hang up is because dh and I went through a really rough patch a little over a year ago. My parents are pretty anti-my husband, understandably, and they will definitely be anti-another child in the "instability". We're actually doing quite well though, for most of a year now, and another child was going to happen even if we had  separated. I'm not "done" having babies, and our donor was totally on board with more, even if I was going to be doing it as a single parent. It would have taken me a little longer to get my financial self sorted out, but it would have happened. WE feel good about the decision, despite being poor, but my parents, and dh's sister are going to be mucho unimpressed. If it could be passed off as unplanned, it would go over a lot better, but because they know we use a donor, they also know it was planned.

Edited by quantumleap - 12/28/12 at 2:51pm