Hiding it! - Page 3 « Back to Group Discussions

[Banana731]

I hear you BK. I'm happy for you!

I expect a lukewarm reaction from my in-laws and mom. My in-laws just can't fathom having so many kids. DH is an only and his SD has no bio-kids at all. I think my mil worries about how she will be able to put money in a college acct for another grand kid, she said as much when we had dd3 (it's really nice that she does that, but it's certainly not a requirement, and not a reason for us to seriously consider not having more, I think!) and I think she worries about being overextended as a Gma. Which I can appreciate, but that's really not our problem! She's a pretty great Gma and MIL, besides her tendancy to think the world revolves around her just a tad I don't think she has much to worry about.

My mom is catholic, so it's not as if she's against big families. She just kind of plays her cards close to the vest. I'm like that too. I'm just empathetic about this type of thing, so when people tell me "I'm having a baby"- I always say congrats and awesome first, and then I may say something like, "is your family excited?" or "how do you feel about having another little one?" because I KNOW how others can make you make you feel, and that when people are like that it's hard to have a safe non-judgemental space to talk about your feelings- whether it's absolute unmitigated joy, or if they come with apprehensions. You get to have that. You get to want a ton of kids, or not AND be unapologetically happy, or ambivalent about it. And you should still get support from the people you are close to. *steps off soap box*

My sister will be happy for me

[BKGreen]

Thanks Banana! And I totally agree with your soap box

[shesaidboom]

I really hate that there are so many negative reactions going on. Even if people don't agree or aren't excited, they should support us all! I am lucky in that both my parents and in-laws are excited, but I am dreading telling our extended family. They were all very against DH and I doing fertility treatments so I'm sure they won't be jumping for joy that they worked. I told one of my cousins because she is having a destination wedding when I'll be 9 months pregnant (we were never able to go due to the cost...well over $1000 each for DH and I to go and we just can't swing that with our other expenses...and she even said her reason for having a destination wedding was so not many people would come, and they are having a local party in the Spring), and her response was "well, great, I guess your parents won't be coming either. Thanks a lot." They may still go, who knows, but I didn't expect her to be so upset. Now I'm worried that part of the family will accuse me of stealing the spotlight of their wedding. I guess I'm much luckier in not having to hide it because I am a bigger girl so even when I'm showing most people will probably just think I'm heavy. I've only had one person comment so far and it was because I was bloated and wearing an empire waist dress. She thought I was about 6 months along. I guess it wasn't the best outfit choice! That said, empire waists are a good way to go since people probably won't be able to tell if it's the top or your belly.

[my kidlets and me]

Wow, Nikki - your cousin's response was really rude!  Don't let the naysayers put you off - we're glad you're here...  :)

[CrunchyMama19]

I wouldn't have minded hiding it a little longer but DH and I are terrible at keeping it from family for very long. Good thing as the nausea and fatigue would have been hard to hide. I am so sorry for all the negative responses people are getting! Luckily we have only gotten one negative response and it was from my sister (who I actually thought would be the most excited!). She is upset that the baby is due so close to a vacation she wants us to go on with her. I am afraid my ovaries don't function based on her vacation plans.

Shesaidboom, I am sorry our cousin is so rude.We are happy for you!

[MyKidKissTrees]

hahaha. asking a ss couple if it was an accident.  cracking me up.  my dd is no biologically related to her dad, but people tell me all the time she looks more like him than me :) funny stuff.  i know he likes that! 

[HeatherB]

This baby was NOT planned - not by us, anyway. I loathe the inevitable questions. But thus far I've avoided telling anyone in the general public. Actually, I told a clerk at Origins when I was doing Christmas shopping and picking out a perfume. She was delighted but shocked that I'm old enough to have 5 (I turned 32 Sunday, but she claimed I look 25). She was really sweet and one of 5, herself, so that was nice.

My 2yo dd is pointing to various parts of me when I ask where baby is. She's the only of my 4 that I've told. But she says she won't share her milk.

[CraftyMcGluestick]

Our family doctor just had her 5th baby and when she told me, in order to plan appointments, I could tell she was bracing herself for any manner of judgy comments she had already received! How awful! I could see she was visibly relieved when I told her I was #5 and I wished her congratulations. I *really* just don't understand people responding like their opinion should have been weighed prior to baby creation, intentional or not. Seriously?!

[southernmommie]

I was a week into starting the p90x and was wondering why I was getting so lightheaded and dizzy so easily. I was already 2-3 weeks pregnant! That's why!! Duh! Anyway, we were going to wait until our first ultrasound to tell people, but our daughter outed us to our neighbors.

[my kidlets and me]

I agree:  why do people get so rude and judgy when it comes to the size of other people's families?  We hadn't told anyone because I had repeatedly told people how 4 kids was the limit of my abilities (and, realistically, our finances), and I was a bit embarrassed to be eating my words.  I had managed to hide it all through Christmas and New Year's (a few questions from my family at Christmas, but deftly averted) - now, it looks like I'm miscarrying and I'm in the situation where I have nobody (except my dh) to tell.  We didn't even tell the kids (I was only 6.5 weeks along), as they are terrible at keeping secrets.

[Banana731]

I'm sorry, kidlets!

We don't tell until after the first tri is over. I had an unplanned pregnancy that ended in M/C a few years ago, just a couple weeks before Christmas. I actually do not want to deal with having to talk about miscarriage with everyone, which is why I don't share until after the biggest chance of it has passed. I had some pretty ambivalent feelings about it, I wasn't ready to have another baby, but I had come to accept it, and I was more upset about the loss than I had expected. The worst part was that on Christmas, we were all sick and it was still kind of raw and my in-laws were acting super annoyed because we didn't Skype with them so they could see the kids open presents (we were overseas). Dh and I were both really ticked off, but they were just being themselves, they didnt know. So it can kind of bite you in the end either way!

Do you have a good friend you might share this with, so you have someone to talk to?

[CraftyMcGluestick]

Mykidlets, I am so sorry for your loss. Hugs, mama.

Maybe you can now just tell a few select people who can help you grieve and who will nurture you. I am so sorry.

[shesaidboom]

I'm so sorry for your loss mykidlets. I hope that you are able to get the support you need through this very hard time.

[carmen358]

Originally Posted by my kidlets and me 

I agree:  why do people get so rude and judgy when it comes to the size of other people's families?  We hadn't told anyone because I had repeatedly told people how 4 kids was the limit of my abilities (and, realistically, our finances), and I was a bit embarrassed to be eating my words.  I had managed to hide it all through Christmas and New Year's (a few questions from my family at Christmas, but deftly averted) - now, it looks like I'm miscarrying and I'm in the situation where I have nobody (except my dh) to tell.  We didn't even tell the kids (I was only 6.5 weeks along), as they are terrible at keeping secrets.

I'm very sorry for your loss 

[somegirl99]

I am so sorry, kidlets.
 

[my kidlets and me]

Thanks.  It's strange to put your plans on hold, only to be able to put them back into motion a couple of weeks later.  I'm a little sad, it's true.  We didn't plan for a 5th baby (and we won't specifically try for one now), but I feel a little empty now.  I wish you all healthy pregnancies with beautiful babies in August!

[thecoffeebean]

Mykidlets, I'm so sorry. I hope you can find some friends who can support you right now.