I was asked out
it sounds like you are sure that you don't want to date for the next year or so. And it's perfectly cool to tell a guy that. If you're open to friendship, then you can be friends with him at church or at places where you might run into him with the kids, but there's no reason to go out with him to have a friendship. At some point, you might feel comfortable enough with him to expand on your thoughts and share some of what you shared here, but I don't think an explanation is necessary other than you don't want to date until you are divorced and ready to move on.
I wholeheartedly believe in taking time to realize who you are as a newly single person. I did; probably should have taken more time, even.
I'm in this place myself -- too much transition to feel ready to begin a new relationship. I may take things too seriously. but I think it's unfair to date when I have no intention of following through with anything.
You're smart to take this time for yourself! You need it and deserve time to process how you're thinking and feeling, before you devote time and energy to someone else. Having a chance to know myself (and to know that I am totally fine on my own -- something I maybe never fully realized before) has been really important.
I agree with this. You sound like you're doing so well and that you're ready and willing to listen to what you want and need. You've come a long way already. Good for you. :)
Still angry with ex and talking about it on a first date is a deal-breaker for me. As is bitching about paying child support.
True there are some situations in which anger is not unreasonable. And those are not situations in which I wish to become enmeshed.
It sounds like you are seeing a lot of red flags.
I met up with this man and told him I was only interested in friendship. That's it. I just have too many fears. He seems pretty angry over his own divorce. He has four kids aged 2-6. I already raised someone else's kid and was the evil step mother. I'd rather not go there again. Though his kids seem nicer than that child. She is 19 now and still hates me. He seems rather angry about the idea of paying child support and though from what he says his x sounds like a flake, I already fell for that sob story with STBXH. In th end I felt bad for his x wife before me. As he talked I had to wonder if he was a tad bit controlling. Just exescaping from a manipulative relationship I am extremely fearful of that. And he has debt from supposedly his x. I fell for that one before with STBXH. He blamed it all on her. And he is 51. I am only 36. I don't know that just seams a pretty big gap but I know as we get older it doesn't matter as much. I just like being in control of my life. STBXH has been nice lately. Still not paying child support, but he did restart paying my car payment and insurance. I would not have a car payment if he hadn't talked me into getting a new car last spring. Thankfully we traded cars and I have the older car with a smaller loan. STBXH asked if I would go bowling with him and the kids. Not happening. I got out once. I don't know that I have the stength to get out again.
Honestly, this guy sounds like he wants someone to marry to help with his kids. I would stay far away.
And from your ex, too.
Hugs, mama <3