Completely different nighttime infant methods this time: How will it work?

[Adaline'sMama]

So, as many of you know (and have been so, so supportive of me this year) DH and I lost our son to SIDS this past April. We started ttc immediately, and got pregnant with twins on  the very first try. In hindsight, we were a bit hasty, but we still think this pregnancy was literally a life saving event for us. Im not sure that we could have managed this year without the excitement of these new arrivals. 

That being said, DS passed while we were cosleeping, and even though I dont believe co sleeping had anything to do with his death our twins will never sleep in our bed or anywhere besides their cribs or the pack n play. We also don't intend to allow them to sleep in the same crib while we are sleeping. We've also decided that we dont plan to swaddle them while we are sleeping. DS was such a sound sleeper when he was swaddled- he'd sleep for 5-6 hours at a time. These babies will also be coming home on apnea monitors which we will at least try to use at first. (Ive heard some horror stories about the hospital monitors, so we bought some Sunza monitors which seem to me to be a lot more user friendly). 

So, basically, we are going from being used to having an infant in the bed with us, nursing through the night, swaddled, to sleeping babies in their cribs, in sleep sacks but not swaddled, and getting up to nurse in a rocking chair. And since I will actually have to get my butt out of bed to feed these babies, I plan to do some pumping so that DH (or whomever) can help with nighttime feedings if need be. Lots of differences this time. 

These are methods that tons of parents use, and I know their kids turn out just fine, but its not anything we've ever done before. I'm a little afraid of how hard it's going to be, aside from how hard it's going to be just to have two babies to worry about not waking up. I know it's going to be harder for me to bond with these babies than it was in the past (at least until they are a little older) and I fear that this distance at nighttime is just going to exacerbate that problem. 

I'm interested in hearing from moms who didn't cosleep, did some bottle feeding at night, maybe didnt swaddle, and especially from any moms who have used apnea monitors with their infants. We have already made our decision about the sleeping arrangements, and we aren't really open to the idea of changing the plan- at least not before they are born. I've read a lot of things about how other parents do this on other forums, but Im particularly interested in finding out how moms who AP get through the night without cosleeping (or nursing, possibly).

I do plan on doing lots of babywearing in the daytime, and loads of skin to skin to be able to be close to them, but it just feels so weird to me to be planning not to have them near us at nighttime. 

Was it hard to get up and nurse? Were you afraid you'd fall asleep holding them in a chair? How do you go about taking the apnea monitors on and off at night to nurse the babies without completely making them scream and cry? Did you put them back in their beds awake, or did you nurse them until they went back to sleep and then lay them back down?

[SweetSilver]

Even though I eventually coslept with my daughter, I can answer for the first 3 1/2 months.  We had her in a cosleeper, and we did swaddle, thinking that was what should be done at the time.  We couldn't swaddle up her legs, though because she would kick out of the swaddling, even at 2 weeks.

Since she lost weight at birth, we were told to feed her around the clock every 2-3 hours.  Well, nobody told me when to stop timing it, so I wound up setting the alarm clock every 3 hours to nurse.  I really loved the 11:00 (?) nursing because I got to catch the first 1/2 hour of Letterman.  I do think it was easier to roust myself and stay alert when nursing times were on my clock, instead of waiting for her.  The 2-3:00 nursing was the hardest for falling asleep, but I never found nursing relaxing enough to drop off, fortunately.  If she didn't settle down right away, dh would take her and walk until she was sleepy enough to set down.  

(I'm glad I did nurse around the clock, because much of my supply problems started once I didn't nurse as much at night--but others might have no trouble with this at all.)

Our sleep troubles began when she outgrew the cosleeper.  Changing to a new crib was *not* OK with her!  

[skycheattraffic]

We've crossed paths here and there on different threads and I never got around to offering my condolences for your loss. I'm so sorry that you had to go through that and just wanted to offer you my deepest sympathies.

I have not had any experience with the monitors and only have a singleton but I can speak of my experience with nursing while not cosleeping. We have DD in a crib in her own room and a very comfortable rocking recliner to nurse/feed in. I actually spent the first couple of weeks sleeping on the recliner because we were so paranoid. DD had a lot of mucus and stopped breathing twice in the hospital so I just wanted to be right there just in case until I felt more confident. I EPd for weeks because of latch issues/breast refusal so I've bottlefed at night too. The great thing is that freshly pumped breastmilk is fine at room temperature for 12 hours or so so your DH doesn't need to be running to the fridge, then warming the milk. I would pump little here and there (I didn't respond that well to the pump) and put together 3 oz bottles, keeping in mind the time of the oldest milk in there. In the early days when DD wasn't nursing, I took a cooler with 3 or 4 bottles upstairs for the night and that usually lasted me until morning. We did also introduce the paci so some of the comfort needs were met with paci and holding/rocking back to sleep. I basically gave paci and comfort if it's been less than two hours - maybe with a little milk if she really needed it. It worked well for my DD after the first few newborn weeks; it might work well for your DH. Once DD was nursing, I just picked her up and nursed her in the recliner. Yes, I fell asleep nursing many times. The chair has nice arms and that helped me hold on. I must confess I did drop her once. She was about 8 or 9 months old and did a sharp, fast turn on me and slipped off before I could react. I scooped her right up and she didnt even wake up. it helped that it's a fairly low chair and she went feet first. Most of her sleeping is done in the crib but I fall asleep a lot under her.
We stopped swaddling at a couple of weeks old because she would always break out. In fact she broke the tight swaddle the experienced nurse had her in at one day old. She loved to sleep with her arms up over her head in the "Superbaby" pose lol. Yes she startled herself awake and yes she started rolling and crawling and pulling up in her sleep. I just remember thinking: "this kid does NOT want to be restricted". Sleep sacks are wonderful and in fact I'm lamenting the fact that I can't find a nice lightweight one in toddles sizes (I don't like the halo ones).
I always nursed or rocked her to sleep but may try putting my next LO down when awake to see what happens. To this day at 20 months DD needs to be asleep to be moved.
I think with twins you may want to consider a paci if you haven't already. It could be the best tool dad has and on nights when you need to manage alone for whatever reason it may buy you time with baby A while you change baby B for instance.

I'll try to fill any gaps in later replies but for now lil miss needs to nap. Congratulations on your upcoming new additions! I'm expecting my second in July and can empathize with the toddler + newborn challenges on the horizon. I'm sure twins will present additional challenges and logistics issues but they will bring twice the joy and love too

Just out of curiosity, are you finding out genders or will you wait for the surprise? We are going to wait, just like we did with DD

[MichelleZB]

We didn't swaddle because my son wasn't really into it. Yes, the flailing limbs did wake him up a bit at first. But he got used to it very quickly.

[Honey693]

My only suggestion is flannel sheets.  My kids always woke up when I put them on cotton sheets b/c they were cold.

[colsxjack]

We did co-sleep with our DD in a co-sleeper beside the bed. And my wife nursed throughout the night.

But we never swaddled her past the first two nights. She hated it so much.

With our twins, we have them co-sleeping together in a crib side carred to our bed. At feeding time, my wife sits up in bed and i hand her the babies one at a time and she tandem nurses while sitting up. I snooze while she is feeding. When she is done feeding them, I take them and change them and swaddle them and put them done settled but not asleep. They are then falling to sleep by themselves, sometimes with a little shushing sound and patting them.

We are trying to not rock them or nurse them to sleep, because my DD NEEDED that until after 2 yrs old. And that was hard enough with her but would be too hard with two kids at once.

I am not sure if we will keep swaddling. It makes us nervous. And SIDS makes us nervous enough. And it is hard for me to imagine them breathing well while swaddled.

I do think that we as parents need to do what ever we need to do that is best for our families. Whatever you need to do to keep yourself and your partner sane enough to give your all to your family is what should be done. It will make you better parents. I think you need to know yourself enough to know that you are attached and attunded to your children, whether or not they are with you in your bed or in another room all together.

[Adaline'sMama]

Originally Posted by skycheattraffic 

Just out of curiosity, are you finding out genders or will you wait for the surprise? We are going to wait, just like we did with DD

We're expecting two more girls :) We decided to find out to avoid at birth gender disappointment, and Im really glad we did. We have both dealt with some pretty severe gender disappointment, and it has taken several months to get used to the idea of two more girls, but we'll be alright. 

We do intend to use paci's. We've used them before, and they are pretty awesome. 

We have a couple of sleep sacks, and I do plan to use those. I'll have to try out different brands. I have a sleep sack for DD, and she has hated it from the time she could walk. She cant stand waking up and not being able to walk. 

Originally Posted by Honey693 

My only suggestion is flannel sheets.  My kids always woke up when I put them on cotton sheets b/c they were cold.

Oh, good idea! We heat with wood, and sometimes our sheets do get cold. I hadnt thought of flannel crib sheets even existing. 

Originally Posted by colsxjack 

I am not sure if we will keep swaddling. It makes us nervous. And SIDS makes us nervous enough. And it is hard for me to imagine them breathing well while swaddled.

For me, the major concern is falling into such a deep sleep that they "forget to breathe" (whatever that means, it's what doctors have told me happens, but there is a much more scientific way to explain it). I don't that that the actual swaddling makes it harder for them to breathe, but I could be wrong.