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Friend just had baby with birth defects

post #1 of 5
Thread Starter 

Looking for advice on how to help, support, and generally "be there" for my friend.

She just had her second child, a girl. It was an unplanned pregnancy and with their first (boy), her husband was the most enthusiastic about it. She was pretty depressed throughout the second pregnancy.

The little girl has some birth defects- both her hands are missing ring fingers and one is pretty mangled. The suspect there might be some cognitive issues too, but they're still testing.

For some reason, the baby was given formula at the hospital for the first few days and now that my friend's milk came in, the baby prefers the bottle.

My friend is really struggling. What can I do to help her? I don't want to be too pushy during the babymoon phase, but at the same time I don't want to leave her alone.

I'm going to call her today and ask if she wants me to bring frozen meals or fresh meals. I'll ask if she wants me to babysit a bit.

ok, my own toddler is taking over my keyboard right now...

post #2 of 5

Congratulate her on her baby, treat her like any new mom, and listen if she wants to talk.


 If she is spending a lot of time and the hospital, she might need other types of help (such as babysitting).  I was in the hospital for 10 days with my youngest (she had a birth defect ) and it can be a pretty boring place.  Magazines, some snacks, etc…are good.  Some one gave me a basket of mother-goodies when I was in the hospital with the baby and I was so appreciative!  Do not feel bad if she cannot see you much or converse much - it is a very overwhelming time.  

post #3 of 5
Thread Starter 

She's home from the hospital, but I'm not sure what her situation is yet. I'm meeting her this afternoon...

post #4 of 5

A year ago I had a baby with surprising and very significant birth defects. It's a shock. But it gets easier.


My son has limb differences and a heart defect. If it would be helpful to your friend to read our story, I write a little about my son (and other stuff) at bannerday.wordpress.com

post #5 of 5
Thread Starter 

Thanks- I'll pass on the link. We spent some time yesterday just hugging and crying. Emotions are such a roller coaster after birth anyway and this certainly doesn't make it easier. The little girl is such a sweetheart with amazing hair. I really hope she figures out how to latch on properly soon. I think that would make it easier for both Mom and Baby.

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