Potty Training Disaster

[Shannon Austin]

My son is four, we have been trying to potty train him since he was 21/2 years old.  For the first week he really enjoyed it, but then seemed to get bored and now refuses to use the bathroom.  I literally have to take him in there and stand over him in order to prevents accidents.  He refuses to pee in the toilet. He throws tantrums over it.  He was going poo on the toilet just fine, there were no issues but in the last few months, he has refused to do that as well and hides to poo on himself.  He will then continue to hide from me or he will run to the bathroom to "clean" himself up which in turn covers the bathroom in poop.  I took him to the doctor, but he said they don't do any testing until the child is six years of age!  I can't handle this for much longer, I have tried EVERYthing, treats, special time with just mommy, monitors, timed pottying, lately I have even done timeouts, and making him clean up his mess.  We did have a baby in March of this year and my husband deployed so I have thought that maybe it was an attention getting behavior, but he has never wanted to pee on the toilet, and I just don't know what to do anymore.  I've explained that it is yucky and it all goes in the toilet, he knows this too.  He starts school next year and I am terrified that he will be made fun of because he pees and poops on himself!  I just don't know what to do anymore!

[~Adorkable~]

first off hugs from another military mom.  i invite you to come over to our military family life section and say hi

and welcome to mothering.com in general!

as for the potting training, it sound like you have been at this for a very long time, probably need to step back and wipe the slate clean and start fresh. it clearly has become a power struggle, its one of hte very few things a toddler has nearly total control over and he knows it.

i was super impressed when i had the book Oh Crap Potting Training recomended to me and have now read it cover to cover in preperation for potty training my twins this winter,  i think you could use a brand new aproach and some good straight talk as to why some other things you have tried might not have worked for you and your son.

 i really urge to you take a step back, let things calm down and read it. then make an plan and only then start up again, meenwhile i would do whatever it took to take the fight away from your interactions with him, including diapers let it get forgotten so that you two can move forward with a clean slate and a hopeful outcome.

hugs, this must be frustrating, we'll do our best to help you figure it all out. and at the very least listen understandingly while you vent about it!

[One_Girl]

I would back off completely for a few months, put him in.diapers, and change him without saying a word (not as punishment but because sometimes during frustrating situations we say the worst things if we do speak at all). In a few months I would try again. In my job i have seen going cold turkey from diapers to underwear work very well when parents are able to give a neutral response to accidents and not make an issue if it at all but I have also seen it go very badly when accidents aren't accepted as a normal non-issue.
Edited by One_Girl - 12/5/12 at 6:09am

[Shannon Austin]

Thank you ladies I was thinking about doing that, but yesterday he started going all on his own again.  I am trying not to nag about peeing, I think you are both right about it being a power struggle.  I stopped making him go and just check him every once and awhile to see if he is dry.  So far he seems to be much happier this way.  We have another grueling week ahead of us as I have surgery and his dad will be home for only a week.  I'm worried how he will take to him leaving again, he really misses him. :(. At least the grandma is here for the Holidays to help out. :)