So I posted a while back about incompetent cervix issues that started arising around 19 weeks. I went in for an US back then and everything looked fine so I breathed a big sigh of relief and did my best to lighten my load and stress. Well, I checked myself the other day to confirm baby is head down (which he/she is, so that's one good thing) and could feel easily though the cervix to the little head (which I was not trying to do). My midwife confirmed I am 2-3 cm dilated.
I have been having lots of intense BH but nothing that feels like a real contraction so I was pretty surprised by this outcome. My midwife wants me to reduce my stress load again- which is a challenge since I am in medical school. I have 8 exams next week but have talked to administration and am taking incompletes in many classes for the time being. I was also in our school clinic on a shift when the midwife called me back after I let her know what I had felt, after I got off the phone with her I walked back into our discussion room and said "I have to go" and barely made it out the door before the tears started (not the most professional interaction but I just knew I wasn't going to be able to hold it together much longer).
I am so grateful that we are to the point of survivability now but I still dont want to end up with a baby who needs to stay in the NICU for a long time. I am hoping I can hold out for another 6 weeks so I can have my baby at home. But that means I have to stay nice and stress-free through the holidays. I am feeling like a time bomb again- scared to get up to pee in case my water breaks or it somehow triggers labor. I am also wondering if I should prepare a just-in-case hospital bag and have a small stash of premie clothes. Sorry for the long saga, just feeling so emotional and need to get it out there.